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Baby 2 months old,husband asks Y I havent lost the weight


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 11th March 2019, 4:08 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by CantGetEnuff View Post
Can I just slow everyone's roll for a moment?

The people saying "Dump your husband!" over THIS, and when they JUST had a baby together, are really really really overreacting an an emotional way.

Seriously? You want her to get a divorce with a new baby because her husband is disappointed she didn't slim down fast enough?

Now all of this being said, he is being impatient. We all recognize that.

.
He's not just impatient. He's out there trolling for new women! And my guess is he's not doing it for no reason. He's doing it to cheat right when he should be focused on supporting his wife and baby and worried about that instead of his penis. He's a worthless uncaring selfish pig.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:09 PM   #17
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OP, I'm so sorry that your child's father is more concerned about your weight than his child's and his wife's health and well-being. I like what Garcon recommended saying.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:11 PM   #18
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@Wallys, I agree he is being a jerk. I just don't know that this is divorce-worthy, especially in light of having a brand new baby. I mean, if nothing else, I think this situation deserves some marriage counseling to try to get things turned around.
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:00 PM   #19
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No one needs to live with someone that shallow who is degrading them and criticizing. Get out and get your child support mandated by the court and after the child is old enough, make him take joint custody so you can work AND have social life, and not just him living it up.
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:00 PM   #20
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He's not wrong in wanting his old wife back, but he needs to encourage your exercise and nutrition plans in a healthy way, NOT the way he is doing it.
He is wrong. First, she has not engaged him as her personal trainer. Second, as a new mom, she doesn't remotely have the bandwidth to think about this. He's just being extraordinarily selfish.

At this stage, his job is supporting her to support this little bundle of unceasing neediness that they've brought into the world.
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:53 PM   #21
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Don't you dare apologize for looking at his phone! That is so manipulative to turn this back on you. Your husband is an abusively self centered jerk.

Get some individual counseling to help you assert your own boundaries and self pride. This will help you to put a stop to your husband objectifying you and to stand up for yourself.

This is a problem with him - not your weight. Believe in you and let him own his own sh*t. You are not the cause of his other inappropriate behavior either. As someone else has said on this board "privacy" is having a curtain on your shower, hiding/locking your phone is called "secrecy." He doesn't get to do that with his wife.

Next, you have to set some firm boundaries regarding what you won't tolerate from your husband including his abusive attacks about your body an his conduct with other women. You can probably best do this with the support of a couples counselor.

If your husband cannot change his behavior then I think you should look to put him behind you. You don't deserve to be treated like this and you're posting here because you already know it's not right. Long term exposure to such an abusive person will damage you and your child. See what can be done - but, know that you are on the right side of this issue.
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:03 PM   #22
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It took 10 months to put it on and you can realistically expect it to take 10 months to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. Give yourself the time youíll need since it doesnít seem like youíll get that kindness from him.

What heís done and said is wrong in so many ways I canít even begin to describe it other than itís some abusive mind games heís got going on.

Getting thin to prove love??? Honey you just gave that man the biggest act of love, you gave him a son. If he doesnít understand that then he sounds pretty pathetic as a human can be.

Donít let him shift his guilt and shortcomings onto you. Please donít allow that to happen. You have to be extra kind to yourself since it doesnít seem as though heís going to be.
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:19 PM   #23
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I'd tell your husband to take a hike. I had a baby in December, and I haven't even begun to lose pregnancy weight. It bothers me, but if my husband were to tell me to lose weight, I'd unleash hell on him. But he's not an *******.
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Old 12th March 2019, 2:11 PM   #24
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I just want to say that I am so sorry. The things he said to you were cruel and uncalled for. Also, do not be sorry for looking at his phone. I think you would be wise to look at it more often. He seems extremely upset about that. Why?
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Old 13th March 2019, 4:37 PM   #25
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I think you should lose some very significant weight. About 12 stone of useless, selfish, shallow man!!! Grrrrrr
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:22 PM   #26
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All I can say about this is that if men were the ones who got pregnant, it would be seen as a badge of honour to carry a few extra pounds.


op, I hate to say it, but I'm worried your husband is cheating on you ( or has found someone who caught his eye)and trying to salve his guilt. While I am NOT saying he is definitely having an affair, it is possible. Be vigilant.
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Old 14th March 2019, 12:26 PM   #27
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When I read about men like this, I can't help but marvel at just ow shallow it is. It would be one thing if he said "honey, you have just done something really amazing, and I know it can be hard to rebound. Is there anything I can do to support you and make it easier for you to get to the shape you want to be in".
It may just be semantics, but it can make all the difference in the world.
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Old 15th March 2019, 9:20 PM   #28
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I think that there is a real disconnect between men and women when it comes to the work of childbearing. Men don't go through pregnancy and childbirth so they lack understanding of how much a woman's body changes. I have also noticed that men tend to focus on their own neglected sexual and emotional needs when a baby arrives, while women end up bearing the brunt of childcare all while healing from childbirth.

OP, your husband is being very selfish and immature. He's also appallingly disrespectful. I don't know if you are interested in divorcing him since you just had a child. However, there is a strong possibility that he is having an affair based on his behavior. Find out if your husband is being unfaithful.

Last edited by BettyDraper; 15th March 2019 at 9:23 PM..
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Old 27th March 2019, 3:41 PM   #29
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If my husband said this, I'd pack my bags and go to my parents house.

He wouldn't be welcome there either unless he seriously apologised and made amends.

No man will ever know what a woman goes through with childbirth and asking why you haven't lost the weight after 2 months is cruel.

You know he's flirting with other women.... I wouldn't be impressed with that kind of behaviour from my husband, especially a couple of months after I'd had a baby.
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Old 27th March 2019, 5:19 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantGetEnuff View Post
Can I just slow everyone's roll for a moment?

The people saying "Dump your husband!" over THIS, and when they JUST had a baby together, are really really really overreacting an an emotional way.

Seriously? You want her to get a divorce with a new baby because her husband is disappointed she didn't slim down fast enough?
I am usually not one to yell "divorce now" but I see this situation very differently than you do.

This isn't about weight at all.

This is about the dynamic between an abuser and a victim. This is about a lack of compassion nor empathy. This is about being selfish and purposely hurting someone you supposedly "love".

Those are things abusers do, and once they start, they rarely stop, until their victim is totally broken. Till their victim hates them self. Till their victim feel like they do not even deserve to live.

And honestly it doesn't sound like the OP is too far from that.

And unfortunately the OP choose this man, and given the small bit of history she has shared - I am not surprised she did.

As she has already been the victim of this type of abuse before. Her self confidence was already broken. Her idea of what love is, how it acts, how it treats you was already skewed.

I could be totally wrong, but I am willing to bet these patterns started in childhood.

You see, when people are raised by a dysfunctional type of love, they sub consciously seek it out. The meet people who give these hints, show these patterns of behavior (ie looking at other girls, negging comments) that someone with a healthy sense of self and love would never tolerate - and they instead excuse them. They think its normal. They blame themselves rather than the abuser. They hate themselves rather than the abuser. They think that they are the broken one... rather than the abuser.

I think unless the OP's husband enrolls in some SERIOUS therapy, and tries to get to the root of WHY he became an abuser (most likely again, learned form up bringing, maybe his dad was an abuser).. and recognizes that he is an abuser, and has the amazing ability to change his behavior patterns....

This will only escalate and continue. The OP will fall further into self hate and misery.

I see no happy ending here with the OP losing weight. That isn't what any of this is really about.
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Last edited by RecentChange; 27th March 2019 at 5:22 PM..
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