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Failing New Marriage

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 21st July 2018, 10:15 AM   #46
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 182
Don't argu..listen...we hv experience

She has been cheating on you for a while now, at least, planning it for for a while (yes, get STI test) I knew it from the first paragraph. Have a DNA test on your daughter too, I don't care what you think and how you feel, just do it...The way and time you got married, definitely get a DNA test '..we have experience...'. This isn't the first affair, this is the first one you caught her..or she wanted you to catch her..

This marriage is over, no matter what happens afterwards, even if she begs you, apologizes, it's over...taking her back will hurt you twice later..

The woman you got married to is not the one you divorce...she already doesn't like you, doesn't respect you, you now mean nothing, the past you had means nothing, she hates you in a way..she is just concerned abt her future...she wanted this longer than you did.....don't be surprised with heartless and greedy behavior...
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Old 24th July 2018, 6:42 PM   #47
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Saving a new marriage

I was in a similar situation straight out of college, getting into a serious relationship, a little rushed. What worked for me was to work on myself. You want her back, but clearly she may not want you. So take a step back. Work on your own needs. What do you need from yourself..make a list. Work on that. What do you need from your partner ( absolutely need). Once you are clear about what you need and if she really can give you what you need from a partner then I suggest a heart to heart conversation just so you can figure out if there is anything to save. But if your list shows you that she can't give you what you need long-term from a partner, then you need to figure out if remaining in the current situation is the best solution. Just don't be impulsive. Give it some thought.
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Old 8th August 2018, 2:22 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Ronin3993 View Post
A lot of things I have read are to give her space, focus on improving myself, and let her work through her thoughts/feelings.

Which makes complete sense, but Iím worried that since problems began from a lack of time together that doing that would make things worse.
She wants you to be her man! In full force. A true masculine, stepping up in his full love for her.

She is scared and insecure, and all she wants is to feel your powerful masculine love.

That's not meant to be in any sexual way. I mean your true essence of a masculine. Holding her firmly, being present with her, not shaking when she is giving you her tests. Telling you that she didn't love you is a test of your love.

She doesn't feel loved in the relationship, that's why she is trying to make you "try harder". She knows that you love her because otherwise you'd be gone already. When you now withdraw even more, she will lose the feeling of being connected to you.

It is now time to understand her needs and how you can meet them. Think of needs, such as stability, surprises/variety, importance, love/connection, growth, contribution.

How much do you think she feels that your love is certain, that you make her feel important, that you give her the feeling of love and connection with you?
(these are neutral questions, without any judgement)

Find out how you can meet her needs. If you fulfil all of her basic human needs 100%, there is no way that she will ever leave you or say "I don't love you".

People who don't feel their needs fulfilled from their partner are looking for it somewhere else, or from someone else. Before you judge, remember that there are two sides to every story. And both of you are 100% responsible for your relationship.
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Old 14th August 2018, 7:11 AM   #49
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Location: India
Posts: 2,084
Hi Josef, I think you are a bit behind the curve with regard to the situation involving Ronin and his stbx wife. You may have missed the fact of Ronin's 3 am visit to his wife's Om's house and how that involved a physical assault on him and his being saddled with charges of disorderly behaviour etc. All the while his wife was hiding out of sight and refused to intervene on her husband's behalf. Guess Ronin got the answers he was looking for and now the only course of action for him to take is to divorce his cheating wife.

Ronin, I am very sorry that you have been placed in such an unenviable position. However, now that you know where your wife's loyalties lie it is best that you take swift, proactive action to divorce your cheating wife and move on without her. There is nothing else that you can do without laying yourself open to being called and treated like a doormat. You have shown your self to be a man with strong character and good values. You deserve a woman who equals you in that department. Will be rooting for you. Best wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 14th August 2018 at 7:13 AM..
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