LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Husband uses me as one of his many excuses to his boss for not going to work!


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree76Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th July 2014, 9:58 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Husband uses me as one of his many excuses to his boss for not going to work!

And it really pisses me off! He takes off work (without pay) at LEAST once a week. Usually because he's tired or he had an argument with a co-worker or because he just wants to play his video game. This has been going on for years. I see his texts to his boss and it's usually he hurt his back somehow. He fell on the ice, he lifted something the wrong way, he pulled it while fixing the car, etc. Then not only can he not go in that day, but then there's usually the follow up the next day of "I will be a few hours late because I have a doctor's appt first thing." Of course then come 8AM he texts again "Oh the doctor got me in to see the chiropractor at 10AM so I won't be in today." I mean really his boss must think he is the clumsiest guy around with weekly doctor's appts. He is in a union and has FMLA which always seems to work for him even if he's not sick so as long as he has a fake excuse he isn't getting fired.

Well last week he got up at 4AM as usual to go to work, but then decided he didn't want to go and texted his boss something. I didn't know what he said but he reset his alarm for 6AM like he was going in a few hours late. Well I got up at 6 and left at 7 and he was still asleep. I got home that night and checked his texts. His first text that morning to his boss was 'My wife's car isn't running well and she needs me to give her a ride to work. Will be in at 8AM." Well then at about 7:30 he texted him "Bad car issues. I'm on the side of the road with a broke down car waiting on a tow truck. Thought wife was crazy. Won't be in today". Okay so my car wasn't running well so you gave me a ride in in MY car and then it breaks down at the side of the road? That makes no sense! Wouldn't you take YOUR car to give me a ride?? And then to tell his boss that "Thought my wife was crazy" really irked me! Thought I was crazy about what? The car having fake issues?

So H works 2 hours of OT on Tuesday because they NEED to get this project done. When I get home Tuesday night he tells me that he needs to get to bed by 7 because he needs to be in by 3AM tomorrow to work early overtime so I should set the coffee pot to no later than 2:15. He also has a root canal appt at 10:45 so he will need to leave work at 10AM (and not go back afterwards, of course). Well right there with him being so adamant about getting to bed early I know he won't and I am pretty sure he won't be going to work at all. Sure enough he starts having a few drinks and playing his video game. At 8:30 I hear "Just 10 more minutes and I'll be in to bed". Well he doesn't come in until almost 9:30 and then sits up reading for 30 minutes. The alarm goes off at 2:30 and he of course resets it for his usual 4AM. Guess no overtime huh? Then at 4AM he turns it off, sits up in bed thinking about what he's going to do and then out comes the phone and he texts his boss something. Who knows what the excuse was this time. No work today and I mean why WOULD you go to work when you have an appt at 10:45...more than 5 hours after you start work?!

Then last night as cleaning up after dinner he tells me "Yeah I just couldn't get myself up for work this morning thanks to you bringing home that Fireball whiskey on a Tuesday. You NEED to bring that stuff home on Friday's not during the week okay." So it's MY fault that you had too much and couldn't get yourself up??!! I should have known that you couldn't drink it during the week? Was I holding a gun to your head and feeding you shots? You drink 4 or 5 beers every night and get by fine! You drink whiskey and water all the time and get by fine. But you do a few shots of fireball and it's all my fault? I say to him "Oh really? it's ALL MY FAULT?" He immediately goes into exasperated mode and goes "I'm just asking you this one simple thing. Could you please do that from now on?" I said "I can just go ahead and hide it from you" and I barely could get those words out before he goes "No how is that going to do any good? You'll still be drinking it". Really? Says who? So you don't want me to hide it from you but if it's there you're going to drink it. And it all comes down to being my fault you couldn't go to work! Classic!

Same thing this morning. He gets up at 4AM, gets dressed, goes out into the kitchen then apparently feels like he should text his boss with yet another made up reason he couldn't come in and comes back to bed and is currently still there as I am about to leave for work. I wonder what the excuse is this time? The dentist botched the root canal and he is in extreme pain and didn't sleep at all and therefore can't go to work? The dentist wants him to come back in today to do more work on it? Possibilities are endless. Oh and when I asked him how it went yesterday he told me it was great. He was out in about an hour and he has no pain.
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 10:45 AM   #2
SJS
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 612
Dude, your life sucks.
SJS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 11:40 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 185
Sounds like your husband won't have a job for much longer. I'd be focused on squirreling back some cash. I do feel for you. It would be difficult to stay with someone that irresponsible. He needs to grow up.
imfine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 11:51 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Quote:
Originally Posted by imfine View Post
Sounds like your husband won't have a job for much longer. I'd be focused on squirreling back some cash. I do feel for you. It would be difficult to stay with someone that irresponsible. He needs to grow up.
No that is the thing! He WILL have this job because it's union and he has FMLA which he uses as his excuse every time and as long as he can back it up he's fine. The doctor signs off on it every 3 months and the managers I'm sure know it's a bunch of hooey but they can't do anything because of the union. He's been doing this for a good 4 years now. His yearly pay is going down not up even though he's making about $20 more an hour than when he started!
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 1:22 PM   #5
Established Member
 
pink_sugar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NorCal
Posts: 3,629
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper71 View Post
No that is the thing! He WILL have this job because it's union and he has FMLA which he uses as his excuse every time and as long as he can back it up he's fine. The doctor signs off on it every 3 months and the managers I'm sure know it's a bunch of hooey but they can't do anything because of the union. He's been doing this for a good 4 years now. His yearly pay is going down not up even though he's making about $20 more an hour than when he started!
I still do not see how if he keeps this up, that even the jobs with the most job security will keep him...especially if he continues doing this without a doctor's note. I mean, it's just so obvious to his employer that he's making up all kinds of excuses.
pink_sugar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 1:34 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Quote:
Originally Posted by pink_sugar View Post
I still do not see how if he keeps this up, that even the jobs with the most job security will keep him...especially if he continues doing this without a doctor's note. I mean, it's just so obvious to his employer that he's making up all kinds of excuses.
And then if I get angry about it he'll go "Well you should see other people at work! Some of them take a month off and come back no problem". Well whoop dee do and good for them! So you are doing absolutely nothing wrong?? He went to work one morning and came home an hour later saying NOBODY was there! A company of 10,000 people and NOBODY was there? He goes "Well my boss and his boss weren't there and my partner texted and said he wasn't coming". So that gives you a free pass not to be there?
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 1:49 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 29
Your history is flooded with posts like "I feel so much freer when my husband isn't around!", "Stepdaughter didn't get yelled at by my husband but I would have!" or "Husband's emotional cheating with ex".
In this one, you're complaining about his work habits. Looks like you're losing respect for him and also that everything he does is wrong, according to you.

It doesn't seem to me that this marriage is going well. Just my 2 cents.
Candice Luna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 1:50 PM   #8
Established Member
 
CarrieT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Napa - wine country
Posts: 11,711
OP, why do you want to continue in this marriage?

What do you get out of it?
CarrieT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 2:09 PM   #9
Established Member
 
pteromom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: West coast
Posts: 6,123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper71 View Post
And then if I get angry about it he'll go "Well you should see other people at work! Some of them take a month off and come back no problem". Well whoop dee do and good for them! So you are doing absolutely nothing wrong?? He went to work one morning and came home an hour later saying NOBODY was there! A company of 10,000 people and NOBODY was there? He goes "Well my boss and his boss weren't there and my partner texted and said he wasn't coming". So that gives you a free pass not to be there?
You need to let go of a need to control this. I get how it is very annoying and aggravating to see your husband being a lazy bum, but his actions are not your responsibility.

I would make sure you are squirreling away a rainy day fund for when he loses his job, and would let go of the rest of it.

And I wouldn't bring whiskey (or any other alcohol) home at all, since he has issues with it. If you want a drink, go out to a bar and have one, or get something single-serve for yourself.
__________________
Life is full of pain and horrors. And it is also full of beauty and joy. It is up to you what you wish this day to be for you... horrible or beautiful. Your thoughts and feelings in this moment will define this day for you.
pteromom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 2:16 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Quote:
Originally Posted by pteromom View Post
You need to let go of a need to control this. I get how it is very annoying and aggravating to see your husband being a lazy bum, but his actions are not your responsibility.

I would make sure you are squirreling away a rainy day fund for when he loses his job, and would let go of the rest of it.

And I wouldn't bring whiskey (or any other alcohol) home at all, since he has issues with it. If you want a drink, go out to a bar and have one, or get something single-serve for yourself.
Trust me, money is not an issue with me and I had a lot more before I met him but I still would not have a problem if I was on my own. He can't save a nickel and spends it as fast as he makes it...well what little he makes of it! The vehicles are in my name, I have paid for or brought with me all our furniture. The only thing that is truly his is his computer and computer desk! If I wasn't in his life he would be homeless with nothing!
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2014, 7:15 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 58,074
Try this. Don't pay attention to what your H does or doesn't do. Work, step daughter, stuff around the house. Just focus on you and try to make peace with how things are. Your H has issues, he's not going to change. Just about everything he does, says, behaves, acts etc., bugs the crap out of you. So, just stop. Take a deep breath...let it go. Your H is a man child. You can't do or say anything to him to make things change right? Try your best not to let it all get to you. You might actually start to feel better.

Laugh it off when he blames you for everything. Make a joke of it and walk away and never show him IF it bugs you.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th July 2014, 10:59 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Husband on day 7 of not going to work!

I am at my wit's end! My husband is in a union and really hates his job. He doesn't really hate the job he just can't seem to get along with anyone he works with and I am sure he is the problem not them. When he has a blowout with someone at work or someone rubs him the wrong way or accuses him of not doing his job, he'll take days off without pay. Ever since he started getting FMLA about 3 years ago he takes time off for anything from a headache, to not getting enough sleep, to wanting to stay home and play video games to simply not wanting to go to work. He "only" gets 4 days off a month for FMLA and he never needs to have a doctor's note or anything just needs to have it re certified every 6 months or so. Yet he takes way more time off than that and doesn't get fired.

He is currently on day 7 of not going to work. These spurts happen every few months. Sometimes it's just a day and other times it's weeks off. One time last year he didn't go in for a full month! He has given multiple excuses from stomach aches to no sleep to whatever but it comes down to he's sick of his job. He has worked in multiple areas of the factory and never staying long because he has issues with at least one person. He asked me last night if there were any openings where I work. I told him about 3 months ago that a job opened up that his MIGHT be able to do (unlikely though) and asked if he wanted to see the job posting. He was all excited and said definitely. I printed it out and handed it to him and he promptly told me to put it on the coffee table and he'd look at it shortly. 3 days went by and the paper never moved. I asked him if he looked at it. He took about a 5 second glance at it and said "Well I'm so ingrained at my job now that I'll just stick it out there". I don't think he's motivated to even update his resume.

He now has been asking a friend about a job on the ferries but there's no jobs available and you have to pay $4000 just to get into the union. He JUST maxed out in pay too at his current job. Made a $12/hr jump in May to $36 an hour. Said how we'd be on easy street from here on out. He has yet to work a full paycheck to see just what that would be. He couldn't pay his share of bills or mortgage at $24/hr and even with what he is making now is only coming home with $800 a paycheck after child support and his loan payments are taken out. His next paycheck will only have 3 days on it rather than 10!

He will never find a job that pays as much as his one does now. Of course I should have known when he maxed out that he would immediately want to find another job where he'll probably have to start at $15/hr. If I bring up how I hate he's doing this he'll immediately get defensive and tell me I have a great job and don't know what it's like to work with idiots and how he needs to find a job where he's happy. I agree, but not if it means moving to the bottom of the ladder again at 46 years old to most likely start a job that you'll hate in 2 months anyways.

What can I do to convince him to stay at his job and go to work?
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th July 2014, 11:56 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 13,685
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper71 View Post
What can I do to convince him to stay at his job and go to work?
Nothing .

He sounds as though he might be experiencing anxiety or depression. Do they offer counseling through his job? Unless he deals with his issues, nothing will change.

And if he turns out to be only suffering from laziness and lack of ambition, change will have to come from you. You'll have to choose between lowering your expectations or finding a new mailing address...

Mr. Lucky
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th July 2014, 12:00 PM   #14
Established Member
 
hotgurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: ski country
Posts: 5,041
you can't do anything.

He is lazy and irresponsible. You can't make him change. And why would he want to. He has a pretty sweet deal.

He can go in as he wants, miss day, not get fired, ad not worry about money because you pick up the pieces.

So you need to figure out if you can continue to live like this.

As a side not what he is doing makes me really angry. He is screwing FMLA up for everyone who is actually sick or disable by working the system.
__________________
Music is my hot hot sex.
hotgurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th July 2014, 12:02 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 875
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
Nothing .

He sounds as though he might be experiencing anxiety or depression. Do they offer counseling through his job? Unless he deals with his issues, nothing will change.

And if he turns out to be only suffering from laziness and lack of ambition, change will have to come from you. You'll have to choose between lowering your expectations or finding a new mailing address...

Mr. Lucky
Yes they offer counseling and so many times he has said he needs to go and talk to someone but never does. One time he finally did and came home and said "They didn't tell me anything I didn't already know" and that was the end of that. And if I get upset that he's taking this time off he will turn it into a pity party for himself that he just can't work with idiots and how I don't understand what he has to go through because I work with cool people. Well there's one coworker who I have to sit next to who I really can't stand and she drives me nuts because she never shuts up. You don't see me taking weeks off at a time because I can't deal with her! You are an adult! Do you think you are the only person in the world who hates their job?? Other people can't take weeks off without pay or they'd be fired!
Mapper71 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Excuses to leave work early cutecatch Business and Professional Relationships 4 6th January 2011 10:54 AM
Work situation with former boss cherrysoda Business and Professional Relationships 2 16th April 2009 7:06 PM
New Job..Boss gives me no work Rewind Business and Professional Relationships 13 2nd May 2007 9:15 AM
MM also boss at work leela_s The Other Man / Woman 10 1st March 2007 6:13 PM
What excuses work to avoid driving without offending boyfriend? FoolishDriver Long-Distance Relationships 16 26th January 2006 9:30 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:06 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.