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I'm cheating, and it feels great!


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 10th March 2019, 8:30 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by yololin View Post
The definition of love is different to everyone.
Sure, but at the very least you should make sure your definition matches theirs. Otherwise, it's very unloving to the other person. You can't love someone and not respect their wishes for a relationship. Maybe they don't want to share their man with another woman. Have you asked? Or do you just not care about their opinion?
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:32 AM   #17
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Well, you know that doesn't make you immune, right?
Yes I know. STDs aren't as scary as they used to be. Mostly all are curable, and the rest are manageable. Everyone gets STDs at some point. If I catch an STD, or they have, then I'll know that they've been sleeping around, but that goes the same with all relationships really.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:34 AM   #18
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This is just wishing for bad karma.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:40 AM   #19
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Yeah, I am always careful about being exposed. I don't seem to mind if one catches me. I've tried my best to be loving to both. Maybe I'm cold to love now, after being in a few bad relationships. Being hurt is part of being in a relationship. As we all do, I safe guard myself. We are all free spirits. The definition of love is different to everyone.
How do you even know that yet if you haven't been caught?

I have a feeling if one them figured it out and wanted nothing to do with you, you wouldn't be as nonchalant about it as you hope. You position yourself as being free and cold towards relationships, but I have a different take: I think you are probably very fragile (emotionally) and don't want these women getting any closer to you because that would necessitate a level of emotional vulnerability that you're afraid of. If you have two of them, you don't have the time and space to deeply nurture just one of those relationships; keeping some distance with both, and feeling like you're in the driver seat with everyone, keeps you in an ostensibly "stronger" position.

My guess is also that the real thrill from this comes from two women wanting you and occupying your time. If that were taken away, I wager you wouldn't be so high up on that horse there.

In other words, you're obviously getting some personal benefit from this dishonest arrangement. But it's a Band-Aid to deeper issues that you're not comfortable addressing.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:51 AM   #20
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Both are not into open relationships. I am not into open relationships either. I just know that if I'm in a monogamous relationship, I'd suffocate it. Having someone else, gives me freedom to be a better bf to both.

For example, yesterday, accidentally, I saw on the chinese girl's phone messages that some guy called Adrian's last message asked "Do you want to go ice skating sometime next week?" it bugged me that a guy was trying to ask her out. More that, she put herself in a position where a guy isn't aware that she's taken.

I wanted to open the chat box but I didn't. As per usual, it put me on edge, wondering what the eff?! I wanted to confront her about it. But I felt foolish, as usual.

I slept on it, and decided to believe that hopefully she's mature enough to handle attention from guys however she wants, but even if she doesn't, it's not in my remit to control. Also, knowing that I have someone on the side made me feel infinitely better.
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:54 AM   #21
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So youíre insecure and jealous but if youíre cheating on both of them you can be more functional.

Not really something to brag about is it?
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:47 AM   #22
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For example, yesterday, accidentally, I saw on the chinese girl's phone messages that some guy called Adrian's last message asked "Do you want to go ice skating sometime next week?" it bugged me that a guy was trying to ask her out. More that, she put herself in a position where a guy isn't aware that she's taken.

I wanted to open the chat box but I didn't. As per usual, it put me on edge, wondering what the eff?! I wanted to confront her about it. But I felt foolish, as usual.
She is probably keeping options open as with your fingers in another pie she probably knows that you are not "all in" with her, her gut will be telling her that.
The other girl probably feels the same. ie that there is something missing.
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:58 AM   #23
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Both are not into open relationships. I am not into open relationships either. I just know that if I'm in a monogamous relationship, I'd suffocate it. Having someone else, gives me freedom to be a better bf to both.

For example, yesterday, accidentally, I saw on the chinese girl's phone messages that some guy called Adrian's last message asked "Do you want to go ice skating sometime next week?" it bugged me that a guy was trying to ask her out. More that, she put herself in a position where a guy isn't aware that she's taken.

Also, knowing that I have someone on the side made me feel infinitely better.
Thatís a whole lot of mental gymnastics to justify your lack of honesty to these girls. Dude, you are in an open relationship - the only thing is, not all the parties are aware of this because you havenít been honest. Youíre not even willing to admit the truth to yourself.

As to the fact that this guy isnít aware that she is taken... you have no right to expect something from someone that you are not willing to give yourself.

This is all kinds of messed up.
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Old 10th March 2019, 9:59 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Well, you know that doesn't make you immune, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
How do you even know that yet if you haven't been caught?

I have a feeling if one them figured it out and wanted nothing to do with you, you wouldn't be as nonchalant about it as you hope. You position yourself as being free and cold towards relationships, but I have a different take: I think you are probably very fragile (emotionally) and don't want these women getting any closer to you because that would necessitate a level of emotional vulnerability that you're afraid of. If you have two of them, you don't have the time and space to deeply nurture just one of those relationships; keeping some distance with both, and feeling like you're in the driver seat with everyone, keeps you in an ostensibly "stronger" position.

My guess is also that the real thrill from this comes from two women wanting you and occupying your time. If that were taken away, I wager you wouldn't be so high up on that horse there.

In other words, you're obviously getting some personal benefit from this dishonest arrangement. But it's a Band-Aid to deeper issues that you're not comfortable addressing.
This is a great post. I think you are totally right! I'll think about what you've said.

I went through the worst breakup ever last year and I thought I would never recover. I have issues, as do we all. I think we are all healing in our own ways. Although I appear to let people in very close, there is still a gap between myself and others, even my beloved. I'm nurturing both, but I can keep a certain emotional distance too. I need to be in a position of safety, because from my past relationships, it seemed like we all got hurt way too much by just loving blindly. I can't expect other people to take care of me. I have to take care of myself, using my head, and in the meantime, I try to care for others as much as possible.

Isn't what I'm doing normal in American dating culture? Dating multiple people simultaneously? I just want to make it clear that I didn't orchestrate this as some grand plan. It just fell in my lap. I didn't expect to commit into 2 relationships. Each girl is an individual and the relationships are separate.

I'm definitely in a beneficial situation, otherwise I wouldn't be maintaining it. I can't believe 2 hot and amazing girls are into me at the same time. I can't be a total ass if they still like me 7 months in.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:00 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Wallysbears View Post
So youíre insecure and jealous but if youíre cheating on both of them you can be more functional.

Not really something to brag about is it?
Most definitely not.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:05 AM   #26
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She is probably keeping options open as with your fingers in another pie she probably knows that you are not "all in" with her, her gut will be telling her that.
The other girl probably feels the same. ie that there is something missing.
You may be right. We've talked around this subject many times together. She seems to think it's okay to make guys chase as it makes her feel good about herself. Whilst she is staunchly against cheating, multiple partners etc, there's certainly side of herself that she keeps hidden from me. Discrepancy. Something unexplained. I've written about it in my journal before. We really like each other, but whilst she isn't totally open with me, I continue to have reservations about her, and it causes a rift between us.
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Old 10th March 2019, 10:31 AM   #27
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Thatís a whole lot of mental gymnastics to justify your lack of honesty to these girls. Dude, you are in an open relationship - the only thing is, not all the parties are aware of this because you havenít been honest. Youíre not even willing to admit the truth to yourself.

As to the fact that this guy isnít aware that she is taken... you have no right to expect something from someone that you are not willing to give yourself.

This is all kinds of messed up.
I've learned that I can't expect anything of anyone. I can't push, demand or make any kind of request that isn't already given of their own volition. If she chooses to persue this ice skating guy, I'll simply break up with her. If both leave, then so be it. Gotta let birds fly.
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Old 10th March 2019, 11:25 AM   #28
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What you're doing to these girls is really pretty crummy. I hope for their sake you are using protection. God forbid you end up fathering their children.
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Old 10th March 2019, 11:31 AM   #29
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My feelings have mostly been expressed by the other posters, but two things -

(1) Your nonchalance about STDs is really frightening. It's not just about you - if these girls think you are being sexually monogamous you are putting them at risk as well, without their knowledge.

(2) Enjoy it while it lasts. The clock is ticking.
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Old 10th March 2019, 1:02 PM   #30
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Your nonchalance about STDs is really frightening. It's not just about you - if these girls think you are being sexually monogamous you are putting them at risk as well, without their knowledge..
I completely agree.

In fact, you nonchalance about the whole situation is pretty frightening. It shows a total lack of consideration for anyone but yourself and a total lack of respect for these women.
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