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She kissed someone else


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 11th February 2018, 9:04 PM   #1
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She kissed someone else

I'm 32 and she is 30, we've been together nearly a year. She played it off like it was nothing. She says she was drunk and it was an old friend she had not seen in years.

A day later she was more apologetic. She's never done anything like this before, I've never had any reason to suspect her of anything, but I can't let it go.

There were tears...after she saw how much it bothered me. I can't tell if she genuinely thought it meant nothing and then realized she went too far or if I just can't trust her.

Then I wonder, did it go further than kissing? I don't know. She has, for a long time now, acted like she wants to be with me "forever". I have never had to deal with this and I worry if I forgive her she will see it as me saying this behavior is okay. I do love her though...very much. This shocked me, I wouldn't have thought this would happen.
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Old 11th February 2018, 10:11 PM   #2
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Are you married, engaged, girlfriend? How did you find out? << If she did not tell you but someone else... major red flag... there is always more. Even she confessed it, that is a better sign but does not guarantee the truth.

Just a kiss is a huge issue, people tend to say, "it was just a kiss, lighten up" or "it was just emotions"... so on ... cheating essentially is the thought to action to "betray" boundaries known.. in other words walking into it with eyes wide open.

Being drunk is not an excuse, i have been there... there are major red flags around, boundaries crossed, the ease to see old flames... << that is a no go personally.. major deal breaker in my book.

You don't need to forgive her at this point but keep her on notice because she should show real remorse which is not about being kind and going through the motions. Have her get some counseling if this is a serious relationship, if only a girlfriend... i would move on... either way the best advise for her is to get some counseling to find out why she was able to betray you and cross the line... she may find out more about herself and be more honest with herself in what she wants... don't allow "drinking" to cloud the issue, it does not. Many drunk people don't go kissing old flames.

sending strength.
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Last edited by atreides; 11th February 2018 at 10:13 PM..
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Old 11th February 2018, 10:20 PM   #3
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How and what did you find out?

What would be her reaction if you'd done the same?
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Old 11th February 2018, 11:35 PM   #4
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Up to you if you stay or not.

How did you find out?

Where did it happen?

Was youbwith her at the time?

There are many threads that started out like yours and the wife/gf actually went all the way.

There are threads were the wife /gf just kissed for so reasons unknown.

The problem I see is that she really doesnít see a problem kissing/ making out with someone thatís not you. You have to decide if you can get past this with no change in your relationship with your gf and trust in her.

If not, then it might be time to call it quits.
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Old 12th February 2018, 5:56 PM   #5
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We're not married, she is my gf. As for how I found out, she told me. She was acting kind of weird and then said she did something I might not like, but like I said she originally tried to play it off as nothing. She claims she was drunk and wasn't thinking. I do not buy this excuse.

I don't think she'd be pleased if I did the same. I don't know what to do this came out of nowhere. I do love her, she does seem remorseful, but now I'm suspicious of everything she does. She claims the kissing is something she used to do in her circle of friends, like kissing as like, I dunno, she went back and forth...like it was an inside joke among friends.
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Old 12th February 2018, 6:13 PM   #6
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Only one thing I can say: Dump her!
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Old 12th February 2018, 6:17 PM   #7
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Dump...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RonJames21 View Post
We're not married, she is my gf. As for how I found out, she told me. She was acting kind of weird and then said she did something I might not like, but like I said she originally tried to play it off as nothing. She claims she was drunk and wasn't thinking. I do not buy this excuse.

I don't think she'd be pleased if I did the same. I don't know what to do this came out of nowhere. I do love her, she does seem remorseful, but now I'm suspicious of everything she does. She claims the kissing is something she used to do in her circle of friends, like kissing as like, I dunno, she went back and forth...like it was an inside joke among friends.
Dump...

Kissing mean they had sex. And, if you just take her back you look weak and that is the end of the relationship anyway.

They always say they kissed someone, and 99% of the time it means that they screwed.

Further, if she did just kiss him, who cares, it is out of bounds.

Just dump her no questions asked, dump and ghost.

If you let this stuff into your relationship it just gets worse.

Never ever be weak with a woman, always be the dumper.
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Old 12th February 2018, 6:57 PM   #8
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At 30 she should know better.


However, since she confessed & appears to be sorry, because she was drunk (not an excuse but it does lower inhibitions) I can envision a situation where "it just happened" and as it was going on she stopped thinking OMG what am I doing?


I would require a great deal of transparency around her interactions with this guy if there is any hope of maintaining the relationship


If it happened again or you have other snaking suspicions / uneasy feelings / doubts about trusting her apart from this, just be done.
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Old 12th February 2018, 7:21 PM   #9
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If she was a teenage or 20, maybe it was her first time drunk making foolish things... But I find it hard to blieve that a 30 YO woman looses judgement the first time in her life, because of a drinking problem. At this age she should know herself better, and "being drunk and crossing the line" probably happened in the past much more than once.

So in this age a woman who loves her bf is expected to be able to prevent situations like these. If she can't it means either she isn't responsible enough, or her love to you is not so strong, while allowing herself to drink with no limits.

Sorry man, I've been drunk more than once, but I never did stuff like that. I never had fully lost control. So I allow myself to drink from time to time. If I had a drinking problem, I wouldn't be drinking without limitations.
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Old 12th February 2018, 7:32 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RonJames21 View Post
We're not married, she is my gf. As for how I found out, she told me. She was acting kind of weird and then said she did something I might not like, but like I said she originally tried to play it off as nothing. She claims she was drunk and wasn't thinking. I do not buy this excuse.

I don't think she'd be pleased if I did the same. I don't know what to do this came out of nowhere. I do love her, she does seem remorseful, but now I'm suspicious of everything she does. She claims the kissing is something she used to do in her circle of friends, like kissing as like, I dunno, she went back and forth...like it was an inside joke among friends.
She's minimizing. At her age?

You're dating only. Maybe ok for a gf but better think long term.

Sometimes we don't look close enough or don't notice certain behaviors, etc.

Now you should be fully awake.
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Old 12th February 2018, 10:08 PM   #11
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The reason she told you is because they had sex. She started to worry about possible STDs after the fact: how would she explain to you how she contracted herpes or something else, and then gave it to you. Now, she has an out: "I got the herp through the kiss. Sorry hun, but now that you have it as well, we don't have a problem... Boy, I swear I'll never do that again!" If you forgive her on this, or look the other way, don't be too surprised if your kids do no look anything like you...Dump her. She cheated. End of story.
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Old 13th February 2018, 12:20 AM   #12
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you said: >> She claims the kissing is something she used to do in her circle of friends, like kissing as like, I dunno, she went back and forth...like it was an inside joke among friends.

As much as it may hurt, take the pain you have now vs much worse later... i have never read such BS in my life... as others have said, the likelyhood she did more is most likely..

GF in this situation = dump, actually just go dark... not worth your time to fight over it... don't spend the energy on it.
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Old 13th February 2018, 10:00 AM   #13
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Many who have responded to this post seem to think that "I kissed a guy" translates into "I had sex with the guy." What happens to the poor girl who did just kiss a guy at a party and feels the need to confess? If you trust your girlfriend, and have no evidence to the contrary, then you should take her at her word.
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Old 13th February 2018, 10:07 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guildford View Post
What happens to the poor girl who did just kiss a guy at a party and feels the need to confess?
I honestly don't know! But in the vast majority of threads like this, there is more. You would be surprised how often we see "yeah you guys were right all along". Maybe the honesty of the ones who genuinely do kiss and tell shines through, so there's no need to post on here. Maybe the posters know in their gut that there's more, that's why they post. I don't know. But just by experience, when people post on here that their partner confessed to something small, there is almost always more to the story. Especially when there's common traits: drunk, old "friend", played it off like it was nothing and then tears later, etc. All traits which strongly correlate to this being the tip of the iceberg.
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Old 13th February 2018, 10:14 AM   #15
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That girl gets dumped...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guildford View Post
Many who have responded to this post seem to think that "I kissed a guy" translates into "I had sex with the guy." What happens to the poor girl who did just kiss a guy at a party and feels the need to confess? If you trust your girlfriend, and have no evidence to the contrary, then you should take her at her word.
That girl gets dumped... for, at the very least, being stupid.

However, when someone says that, they are almost always lying.

And think about it like this, everyone, but possibly women even more, want THEIR partner to be faithful. I get that.

But if you want me to be faithful, you had better be beyond reproach in every way.

If my GF caught me kissing another woman, she would cut my nuts off. I expect the same from her.
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