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boyfriend jealous about bisexual past?


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My boyfriend has accused me of kissing girls twice in the last week for no reason. We casually dated for a yr n half and during that time I shared w him that I had sex w another woman and felt guily, he told me at that time that I should never feel guilty about that, he stated hewasturned on by it.

 

Six months ago we decided to be less casual and more involved. He was out of town and during a nite of drinking w a girlfriend,we ended up having sex. When she began kissing me I hesitated and then recalled our previous conversation. I immediately called him and told him what had happened, he was very upset rather than turned on. He said he was upset that I would do that without him.... If I was going mess around... He should at least be there to watch.

 

About a month after that, we both engaged in sex w another woman, however he did not enjoy it like he thought he would, he was jealous of someone else pleasing me. We spoke about it and moved on. Now he is stating hedoesnt believeI am willing to giveup other women and his jealous of other girls around us.

 

How do I get him to stop being negativeand believe that I am with him because I want to be.... I made it very clear jealousy is unacceptable behavior. I hav never wanted a relationship w a woman... If I did, that is where I would be.

 

I truely love him and do not understand why after two n half years this is suddenly an issue

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"My boyfriend has accused me of kissing girls twice in the last week for no reason."

 

 

For no reason?

 

"We casually dated for a yr n half and during that time I shared w him that I had sex w another woman"

 

 

You cheated on him. Then you wonder why he's jealous.

 

 

"and felt guily, he told me at that time that I should never feel guilty about that, he stated hewasturned on by it."

 

 

Doesn't matter what you felt or what he said. What did is what he felt. That you slept around on him and he tried to act ok.

 

 

"Six months ago we decided to be less casual and more involved. He was out of town and during a nite of drinking w a girlfriend,we ended up having sex."

 

 

You are committed and think it's ok to go out and get drunk then go bang another girl.

 

 

"If I was going mess around... He should at least be there to watch."

 

 

Scene in American Pie where to hot girls start kissing. One thing to watch a movie with two strangers going at it. Another when your girl friend is one of the two girls.

 

 

"About a month after that, we both engaged in sex w another woman, however he did not enjoy it like he thought he would, he was jealous of someone else pleasing me."

 

 

As is said above real life is different from fantasy.

 

 

"We spoke about it and moved on. Now he is stating hedoesnt believeI am willing to giveup other women and his jealous of other girls around us."

 

 

I don't know what was "spoke about" meant. You walked away ok no more threesomes you don't need them. You only see that he learned that three somes are not him, an can not see that he only see's a girl that has cheated on him twice.

 

And can not see why he is jealous.

 

How young are you?

 

How do I get him to stop being negativeand believe that I am with him because I want to be.... I made it very clear jealousy is unacceptable behavior. I hav never wanted a relationship w a woman... If I did, that is where I would be.

 

"I truely love him and do not understand why after two n half years this is suddenly an issue"

 

Ah ignorance.

Edited by road
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This is the first relationship I hav been in since my divorce seven years ago. I do appreciate ur comments because I am trying to understand his pt of view. I can see that I have made mistakes and own them. I immediately told him of my indiscretion and we chose to continue w the relationship.

 

The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I hav said many times if he ever wants to end it I ill respect his decision. Since then he has involved his children as well as my son in family activities and we even did an island vacation.

 

I suppose I am confused as why it wasnt addressed sooner, in a mature manner, why is it only women he is jealous of..... And a magical way to put him at peace if he wants to continue

 

I dont expect to get everything rite, nor do I expect him to. We both grew up w drug addicts for parents...I think each of us have a tendency to sabotage ourself before someone else can.... He has three ex wives now

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...Six months ago we decided to be less casual and more involved. He was out of town and during a nite of drinking w a girlfriend,we ended up having sex...

 

Guy, girl, or goat, you cheated. He's just not sure of the lines crossed because he thought he wanted "the fantasy". Problem is, now he's screwed up.

 

Cheating is pretty selfish behavior. It does cause harm. Fix that root damage and maybe he can get over it.

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My boyfriend has accused me of kissing girls twice in the last week for no reason. We casually dated for a yr n half and during that time I shared w him that I had sex w another woman and felt guily, he told me at that time that I should never feel guilty about that, he stated hewasturned on by it.

 

Six months ago we decided to be less casual and more involved. He was out of town and during a nite of drinking w a girlfriend,we ended up having sex. When she began kissing me I hesitated and then recalled our previous conversation. I immediately called him and told him what had happened, he was very upset rather than turned on. He said he was upset that I would do that without him.... If I was going mess around... He should at least be there to watch.

 

About a month after that, we both engaged in sex w another woman, however he did not enjoy it like he thought he would, he was jealous of someone else pleasing me. We spoke about it and moved on. Now he is stating hedoesnt believeI am willing to giveup other women and his jealous of other girls around us.

 

How do I get him to stop being negativeand believe that I am with him because I want to be.... I made it very clear jealousy is unacceptable behavior. I hav never wanted a relationship w a woman... If I did, that is where I would be.

 

I truely love him and do not understand why after two n half years this is suddenly an issue

 

 

First time---acknowledge that you cheated on him. The first time when you shared that info with him you two werent serious.

 

Now things are more serious.....

 

As most guys do he had a fantasy of being with two women at once or wanting to watch...you satisfied that fantasy...but he realized afterwards the fantasy wasnt reality because in the process he saw him he was jealous.

 

Now his feelings are different.

 

Then you had gotten approached from another woman so he feels bothered and insecure about it.

 

Some guys joke about stuff when they are worried or concerned about the situation. One thing a guy does not want to have happen is he loses you to a girl.

 

Now he is having trust issues with you that when he isnt around you are cheating on him.

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First off....you cheated.

 

Second, fantasies are okay to have. They're healthy and normal. Hell, if he had a fantasy of having sex with you while you were wearing a Princess Leia Golden Bikini, you might live out that fantasy for him. BUT, when a fantasy involves a third person. That's when problems rise up. You were with a woman. He will always realize that he can never give you what a woman can. He'll never have a woman's touch, or whatever it is that makes having sex with a woman attractive to you. And now he's wondering about the next time you need to have that itched scratched. Now, you can come back on and say " No, he's more than enough for me and all that I want." Then, I want you to refer to the first line of my post.

 

You posted that jealousy is an unacceptable behavior. Actually, in this situation, it's a normal human behavior. You just have to understand that some fantasies should remain just that. Fantasies. Because once those fantasies become reality, you risk losing the one you love.

 

I suggest that you two seek out couples counseling.

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I suppose I am confused as why it wasnt addressed sooner, in a mature manner, why is it only women he is jealous of.

 

Its not confusing at all. Its real simple. It was a woman you cheated on him with.

 

I don't get how this is not simple enough for you to understand.

 

And you get to cheat on him and expect him to address this in a mature manner? You don't get to be immature and expect maturity from others.

 

How do I get him to stop being negativeand believe that I am with him because I want to be.... I made it very clear jealousy is unacceptable behavior. I hav never wanted a relationship w a woman... If I did, that is where I would be.

 

Really? Jealousy is an unacceptable behavior when there is no basis for the jealousy. He has plenty of basis. YOU CHEATED ON HIM.

 

You say you have never wanted a relationship with this woman? Well what difference does that make with the fact you cheated on him with this woman? Because you don't want a R with her, that makes what you did ok? Or does it make what you did something you think you should get to skate by easily with?

Edited by nofool4u
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Theglexpa9000

I think you are using the fact that he gets turned on by two girls as an excuse to cheat. He is is not jealous he is hurt, why are you hooking up with other girls when you know you have a bf? Seems like you even thought that giving him a threesome would somehow make up for the fact you cheated. And from your question I do not get the expression that the relationship is as open as you think. I think you guys need to set some ground rules because he obviously cannot manage the thought of you with anyone else (male or female).

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