Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) Met with a guy for the first time on V-day (met online). He was charming, brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a really nice bottle of wine(first date!!). Took me out for dinner. Seemed very confident, if not a bit cocky. But we had a good conversation. Said he want to "do it again". I agreed. I sent him a picture of myself smelling the flowers today and commented how much I loved the scent. He wrote back: "did I sweat on the bottle? sorry about that!", and then, "I hate my life lol" Obviously, a joke (I didn't care for it) but doesn't it seem immature and a bit disrespectful? Ultimately, I want to be with someone who is capable of having emotional intimacy, and is not going to disregard my feelings... Is this a red flag? Edited February 16, 2019 by Navybluegal Link to post Share on other sites
mightybop Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Sweat on the bottle?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 He gave me flowers and a bottle of wine. I wrote that I love the scent (meaning flowers) and a selfie of myself smelling the flowers. That's what he responded to. Link to post Share on other sites
mightybop Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Oh got it! I feel dumb. Yeah immature joke. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Crass, mainly, imo. Guess it may be immature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 How should I respond to this? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I'd ignore the sweat on the bottle comment but would be concerned about the "hate my life" comment. I'd ask him, "Not sure what you mean about hating your life. Care to elaborate?" Or maybe, "You seem to me to have a great life! Is something bothering you about it?" Or just anything you can come up with to address the fact he said he hates his life. He may be trying to be funny but often there's more truth in joking than folks care to acknowledge. Because the part about the sweat was kind of gross and then he says he hates his life, it sounds to me as if his self esteem may be low. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 He was joking with you choice of vocabulary. Ie. the hound dogs are tracking his scent. The flowers had a pleasant fragarence. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Sweat on the bottle??? Ugh! Hate my life???? not funny, something wrong there. Took a romantic gesture and completely ruined it and by doing so, essentially took it back. Maybe it was deliberate. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Agree. I would ignore the first comment, it’s stupid but insignificant. I would be more concerned with the second comment. Why would he even say something like that in jest, I’m not sure what it means. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Yes, the first part was immature. The second comment was at best baffling, at worst concerning. Both would be a turnoff to me. I would ignore the entire thing. See if he redeems himself later with proper conversation or an invitation. And then you have to decide whether you are still interested. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) I would of said "How to ruin a perfectly good moment". That's some bad humor. Edited February 16, 2019 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 So I asked him what he meant by saying that he hates his life. His reply was to the effect of, “sarcasm, a novel concept”. That was the final straw, and I told him that we’re not right for each other and we should go our separate ways. Then he got all apologetic, saying that he wouldn’t say anything disrespectful to me. You just did, dude! Should I give him another chance or not even bother? He told me on our date that he doesn’t like to lose, and I am concerned that he might be trying to apologize so that he is the one who is doing the dumping later so that he doesn’t “lose”. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Honestly he kind of sounds like an a**. I'd move along. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 Oh, he also said that he doesn’t know what bothered me in his reply – he was just trying to “make a joke” Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Wow - what a harsh room. So he made a joke that you didn't like. It's not like he was offensive or anything. Honestly, if you are doubting if you should see him anymore because he made a pheromone joke, I'd go ahead and not see him because you will only accept perfection. And TBH, the bigger red flag is bringing flowers and wine to a first date, even on VD. But to each their own, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 And TBH, the bigger red flag is bringing flowers and wine to a first date, even on VD. But to each their own, I suppose. Why is it a red flag? Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Why is it a red flag? Flowers on a first date can be sweetly old fashioned but unless you like the idea of dating the Beaver, it should be treated as a potential warning sign. Why? Because most of the time it indicates a innate need to be liked, or what is sometimes called a people-pleaser. Wanting people to like you is not a bad thing - I am guilty of being a people pleaser many times - but most often it masks a low self-esteem. Do you know what other signs indicate a low self-esteem in men? Sarcastic wit (humor used as a defense mechanism) and cockiness. Now, the truth is that a people-pleaser can be a good person to date or marry. We tend to love you for loving us and can be quite attentive and sweet. But for people unable to provide assurance easily, it can be a pain. And if you have any jealousy in your system, it will be deadly because we like making people laugh, which can seem flirtatious. I've had to work on myself intensely to decrease my pleasing ways so as to not inadvertently send the wrong signal. So your inability to shrug off a mild joke would indicate that the two of you are incompatible and you should definitely move on. I do have some empathy for him though since I am sure he thought he did pretty well. Oh well...live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) That makes sense. He didn't seem insecure to me, a bit cocky if anything. But it may have been a mask. I guess I'm primed to be suspicious of him because during the date he made several comments which I didn't care for. He was on the "everyone gets offended these days" bandwagon, bashful of millennials (both he and are fall into the age group though), kept on reminding me that he is a "manly man", "bros before hos" guy code, and such... Yet, he seemed well read, educated, never interrupted me as I spoke. I decided to give him a chance, and that's when that joke of his came along... Edited February 16, 2019 by Navybluegal Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) I agree with the previous poster that a first date on VD, that he paid for as well as bring flowers and wine is way too much. I took the sweat joke as him fishing for an extra layer of gratitude for the nice bottle of wine because you only mentioned the flowers in your message. I personally would bail, based on what I perceive as a sign of neediness / entitlement. Edited February 16, 2019 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Stupid joke, that's all. He's joking he hoped the scent you loved was his sweat on the bottle. Not a big deal. Hate my life, just kicking himself for making a bad joke, I imagine. It's only a saying. Dating is to find out if you like someone. You don't get a guarantee going in that you will. Date him a little and see if you like his personality or not before you let yourself get emotionally attached. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Forget it! You are over thinking this. And over sensitive.. Let it go and don't mention this to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 He should have just let the moment be instead of making a joke out of it but it doesn't seem like he was being malicious or hurtful. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 This dude seems like a real prize! Run! His attempt at humour was very sad. He is trying too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Navybluegal Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 I have a current thread about my post V-day date joke guy, and some of my questions got lost in the conversation, so I decided to make this a separate post: First date after meeting online. The guy brought flowers and an expensive bottle of wine as a gift (first date). During the conversation, he made a few comments which made me feel a bit... uneasy. He was on the "everyone gets offended these days" bandwagon, bashful of millennials (even though both he and I fall into the age group), negative towards the "me too" movement, kept on reminding me that he is a "manly man", "bros before hos" guy code, "men are supposed to be men and these days they are pu**ies" kind of rhetoric. Said that a friend's teenage daughter accused him of slapping her butt, which he allegidly didn't do, implying she was craving attention like "all the snowflake kids these days" What would be your initial impression of this person? I don't have a lot of experience dating, so not sure if this is the mainstream opinion for most men, or something to be alarmed about. Link to post Share on other sites
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