I don’t like talking on the phone... (is that so wrong?)

[surferchic]

Hi love shack. Simply put, I don’t really care to talk on the phone at all.

 

Recently, it’s become more apparent as 2 men who I’ve been getting to know, plus an ex have been trying to reach me by calling. Sometimes they’ll text “call me”. I’ve made up an excuse or just not called. I hate it sometimes... I will end up texting them rather than calling. I don’t mind talking in person or to discuss details of something urgent, but over the phone and general talk to get to know someone or just to listen to someone go about the tasks of their day, just annoy me. I’d much rather text. One of my ex’s got mad and told me I should have called him rather than texting and that I should communicate w/him better. (I said to myself, “Aaaah, I don’t NEED to do much of anything since we’re not even together because of your bossy /controlling ways anyway”)...

 

I wonder sometimes if this has negatively affected my relationship status SINGLE or just in and out of relationships...?

 

Am I so wrong or antisocial for being this way? Or is this just me being an introvert?

[basil67]

I've got a few different thoughts First is that I'm seeing a change in society in regards to telephone vs message use. I'm Gen X and I can't figure out why people are weird about using the phone. But Gen Z are totally weird about it....it's like they get all anxious about using the phone. I suspect you're around Gen Y or Millenium, so you'd have a bit of a spread of those you age who text or talk on the phone. Because people in your age have a spread of preferences, those who can comfortably use all mediums for communication - along with knowing appropriate uses of each - would certainly have better outcomes. Strong communication skills are ALWAYS for the win.

 

I do find it odd that you find it annoying to get to know someone on the phone. Would it be fair to say that you've probably got little interest in them to start with?

 

Finally, I can't see how preferring to text would be connected to being introverted. Introverted simply means that a person needs a fair bit of downtime to recharge their batteries.

[PegNosePete]

I don't like the phone either. It's difficult for me to get the feeling and emotion behind the words if I can't see the face of the speaker. Also I mumble a bit; on the phone this is exacerbated. I'd much rather talk face to face, or text or email or whatsapp or whatever. Sometimes a call is required such as emergency or when you're waiting outside for somebody but getting to know someone over the phone... no thanks...

 

I never found that it impacted my relationships or relationship status. I just got to know people in person, and used text/email/whatsapp to ask a few preliminary questions and to arrange the meetings. Never had any issues.

[Frogwife]

I'm Generation X, too (49) and I'm not a phone talker with someone I don't know (i.e. someone I've met online but not yet face-to-face)... I much prefer face to face so if they want to chat on the phone, I say I can't at the moment and just suggest meeting for a drink or coffee...

 

Also, since English is my native language and I live in France, phone calls in French are a challenge (depending on accent, phone connection,etc)... (even though I've been here 11 years!)

 

Everyone has their own preference - there is no right or wrong.

[Gaeta]

You are entitled to not like speaking on the phone but it's a different game when you ignore phone calls or refuse to call people to solve a quick situation. To me it screams self-centered. Do you not pick up when your phone rings at work?

 

 

 

I also hate being on the phone, to me it's a waste of time becaue I have too much to do to just be sitting there with a phone on m ear so what I do is I put all my calls on speaker phone this way I can talk and continue doing what I need to do. Another habit I got is to make my calls while driving to work, there is nothing else to do in a car while driving anyway.

 

 

Phone calls are to solve matters or exchange information, it's not to 'get to know' someone.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Gaeta

[Gretchen12]

Just tell the truth. When someone wants to talk on the phone, just type you don't like to talk, you prefer to type. For a relationship, aren't there voice software so the incoming voice is translated into words so you can read it, and then your texts are spoken out by a machine at the other end. I think it's called teletext or something for the deaf. If two people want to work it out, they always can. You just have to be upfront with the issue.

[FMW]

I'm with you, I hate talking on the phone. It's not just a generational thing - I'm 53. I prefer face to face conversations and for just quick contact I prefer texting.

 

I just make it clear to everyone how I feel about it so it's not much of a problem for me. I DO keep in touch with my mother several times a week by phone since we live several hours apart and my father passed a few years ago. But she's the only exception.

[d0nnivain]

Your preference to get to know somebody through empty text rather than voice is misguided. You miss so much your way. Communication is something like 97% non-verbal: tone of voice is an important clue, which is lost through text.

 

You may never love voice calls but in the early stages of dating do give somebody 5-10 minutes of your time / voice even if it's just to set up a time to meet which you way you enjoy. You do not have to engage in hour long drawn out conversations.

[OatsAndHall]

I want to meet face to face if I'm trying to get to know someone. Neither phone calls or texting is the best way to do that. I get frustrated when I meet someone and they want to call or text instead of meeting up. As far as relationships go, I don't like having "conversations" via text as it tends to be impersonal, there's no tone and statements can be misconstrued. I also have a dry sense of humor that doesn't come off well via text. So, I do prefer phone calls if neither of us is busy.

 

 

 

And, many people have yet to figure out that heavy topics or disagreements shouldn't be handled via text; it's just a bad form of communication for when it comes to that. It's easy for a text message to be taken the wrong way as, again, there's no tone.

[smackie9]

I think it's a little of everything. Some people have anxiety about talking on the phone because it can be very awkward.

 

 

I on the other hand would find it valuable to do so. For me the sound of their voice is part of what would attract me, or what would turn me off. It also helps to know if they have a good sense of humor, how positive they are....I think it's a great tool to use...even facetime would be useful....give you an idea how well they can interact. But that would be for people who don't want to waste their time going on a first date disaster. lol

 

 

I do agree, texting has it's issues, and messages can be misunderstood.

[Gaeta]

Some people have anxiety about talking on the phone because it can be very awkward.

How did these people survive before text? How would they have survived back when our only mean of communication was a phone attached to the wall in the kitchen with a 2 foot long cable.

 

 

 

This new generation is creating anxiety syndromes left and right for the simplest thing in life. I mean if you cannot do something as simple as pick up the phone when it rings you bet you'll be eaten by bigger fishes in no time.

[surferchic]

How did these people survive before text? How would they have survived back when our only mean of communication was a phone attached to the wall in the kitchen with a 2 foot long cable.

 

 

 

This new generation is creating anxiety syndromes left and right for the simplest thing in life. I mean if you cannot do something as simple as pick up the phone when it rings you bet you'll be eaten by bigger fishes in no time.

 

You’re making an assumption that there’s an ANXIETY about talking on the phone. I don’t have an anxiety about it. I just prefer not to. My job requires mostly pr sensations and live interaction 98% of the time. I think maybe it’s one reason my preference is to default to my private time /down time. Yes I DO indeed require lots of recharging and I’m a creative of that makes any difference. Back when I was in high school and college I LOVED it. Now, I just prefer not to unless it’s with people I communicate with in a regular basis like immediate family or very close friends. Even then, there are some people who act like they just like sitting on the phone letting people know each nuance of their day while they drive, eat, breathe, etc. That to me makes no sense.

 

So I prefer to text.

 

The Ex I spoke about, gets upset about almost everything he can’t control because he has trust issues. And so when he couldn’t talk to me or FaceTime (when we were still together) he felt I had something to hide. That’s a whole different story, but that’s an example of a few reasons why some people act like they NEED to talk live or FaceTime. FaceTime is even LESS desirable for me. It’s way too invasive IMO. I disable it most of the time. Yep!

Edited August 7, 2018 by surferchic

[Gaeta]

You’re making an assumption that there’s an ANXIETY about talking on the phone.

 

 

I was not assuming anything, I was replying to Smackie. Smackie brought up sometimes it's anxiety, she was not naming you either.

[OatsAndHall]

It really does just come down to the length of conversation for me. I would much rather have a half-hour long chat over the phone with someone I'm dating than text back and forth for three hours. I'm much happier when I can get home, talk with an SO over the phone for a bit, put my phone away and pull out a book or play my XBox. I was glued to my phone for a few years and I'm just happier when it's tucked away.

[smackie9]

Texting is ok for me if it's not a priority or I'm not looking for an instant response. Sometimes I don't look at my phone for a couple of days, so if anyone that needs to get a hold of me they better phone me.

[ShaneMcCaw]

I hate talking on the phone too and a lot of guys i run into thinks it’s “childish” because i don’t ... me personally i just hate my voice

[stillafool]

How did these people survive before text? How would they have survived back when our only mean of communication was a phone attached to the wall in the kitchen with a 2 foot long cable.

 

 

 

This new generation is creating anxiety syndromes left and right for the simplest thing in life. I mean if you cannot do something as simple as pick up the phone when it rings you bet you'll be eaten by bigger fishes in no time.

 

It's incredible isn't it? Where is all of this anxiety coming from or why are they so anxious?

[surferchic]

Not all telephone-talking averse folk are millennials. It’s just a matter of communication preference. Some people hate email, etc. I talk on the phone to my close circle of people, but as I mentioned before... a large part of my work is all about talking... it’s all I do . So for me, once I’m not technically working (the mind is always going though...) I really just prefer to recharge and not have to respond to everything and everyone immediately.

 

:confused:My greatest concern though, is at what point should I have to explain this quirk of mine with regard to dating...especially if the guy doesn’t come right out and ask about it. Instead I’ve encountered a few instances where the guy would act upset about something else, then revisit the communication issue later.

 

Everything really isn’t urgent. I check my text messages regularly and things of urgency typically do play out with voice calls.

 

Some people stop taking a bite of food, pick up in the movie theater just to say “I’m in a movie”(they refuse to ignore a call)..all because the phone rings. Aside from texting, perhaps the telephone is too invasive as a whole.

[stillafool]

I hate talking on the phone too and a lot of guys i run into thinks it’s “childish” because i don’t ... me personally i just hate my voice

 

Don't they hear your voice when you talk to them in person?

[surferchic]

I've got a few different thoughts First is that I'm seeing a change in society in regards to telephone vs message use. I'm Gen X and I can't figure out why people are weird about using the phone. But Gen Z are totally weird about it....it's like they get all anxious about using the phone. I suspect you're around Gen Y or Millenium, so you'd have a bit of a spread of those you age who text or talk on the phone. Because people in your age have a spread of preferences, those who can comfortably use all mediums for communication - along with knowing appropriate uses of each - would certainly have better outcomes. Strong communication skills are ALWAYS for the win.

 

I do find it odd that you find it annoying to get to know someone on the phone. Would it be fair to say that you've probably got little interest in them to start with?

 

Finally, I can't see how preferring to text would be connected to being introverted. Introverted simply means that a person needs a fair bit of downtime to recharge their batteries.

 

Thanks for your insight! I intended to respond to this a really long time ago . My apologies.

 

Yes indeed I need a fair amount of alone time to recharge. I’m sensitive to people’s energy and things around me so I definitely find having telephone conversation draining sometimes. If it’s “small talk” it’s even worse for me. I’ll find reasons to get off the phone.

 

I don’t know if it reflects how little interest I have in a guy though. I really like and care about my boyfriend. We talk about specific things but when there are lulls, I’ve started telling him to go ahead and finish his work, rest or whatever he was doing because I don’t want to waste his time and I don’t mine wasted either once we’ve both exhausted all conversation for that particular time in the day.

 

I’m still learning myself.

[crispytoast]

I can get not wanting to have long drawn out conversations on the phone. I'm not trying to get to know someone over a call or over text messages, either. However, my method of speech is flirtatious and personable in person or over a phone call but so much is lost in translation when the same words are put into text. It feels like every woman my age (around 30) and under just wants to text, and if I don't at least put some effort into small talk before trying to hang out or set up a date, that I come off as pushy. Its like texting games and I hate it. Texting has no emotion, has no personality, and takes forever to get anything communicated. If the only way a woman will talk with me is via text, I get disinterested very quickly. I'm going to call to hang out or set up a date, and we can have some flirty banter that would take an hour or two over text message in about 5 minutes on the phone and then set up a date feeling good about each other.

[mortensorchid]

I am a GenXer (age 44) and I am, like a lot of others, in that elusive between place when technology took certain things over. I would prefer to talk on the phone rather than text, but I will not resist it either. I communicate with some through texts and others through phone calls, and others through Facebook. In terms of dating, I am happy to say (sarcastically) that I have been dumped via email and text. I was even fired from a job via text last year! Cowardly, but they were all cowards at heart. In dating life, I would like to be talked to face to face in every situation possible.

 

I think we are losing this ability to relate to one another on a human level and are relying too much on technology and screen time. Psychiatrists are calling the very little kids now Swiper Wipers - they know how to swipe on a tablet before they are toilet trained. Know what that will do to brain development? We'll see.

[frus69]

I dont like talking over the phone either. I prefer texting. I dont think calling shows more interest than texting. It's really just a preference.

[surferchic]

I dont like talking over the phone either. I prefer texting. I dont think calling shows more interest than texting. It's really just a preference.

 

Thank you!

 

I feel like I’m on an island with my communication preference sometimes.

[LauraXX]

You're definitely not alone! I've always hated talking on the phone. Most of my friends know and accept that and don't even try to call me anymore. When my phone rings I usually don't answer but just text the person back a little later.

 

 

 

Funny thing is: I'm not even an introvert and I don't mind small talk. I actually work in a job where I have to do a lot of networking and socialising with people at events. And that's fine - I'm not a shy person. I just don't want to be on the phone with them