Destini Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now, seven months. He has done a lot. I got a ring, card with pictures in it and we’re in Memphis right now living with his real mother for the time being until we decide to go back to Chicago where my mother is and where his step mom and real father is. His ex was hurt when she found out he was messing with me while with her and she broke up with him because of it and he never even put up a fight for her to stay. It may be hard for her to see, but she just wasn’t the girl for him. He never did anything of those things for her. The only reason he has hit her up a few times, though he hasn’t done it in like two weeks, was for sex. She never gave in though, one time she told him that she knows me and him are still together and to go and be faithful to me. He never really admitted to her that we are still together after she said that he just quit messaging her. He never said he missed her or anything. He missed her sexually. It’s not like he actually wants her back. If she was the one he truly wanted to be with he wouldn’t have cheated right? Isn’t it impossible for me to be a rebound when he’s giving me treatment in seven months that she probably never got in the year they were together? He may have not wanted to be with her and I think with time he’ll change for me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 With all due respect, you are not the rebound... You are the other woman. He hasn't hit her up for sex in two weeks... Are you kidding yourself? This guy couldn't be faithful to anyone if he tried. It may be hard for you to see, but you ain't the girl for him... He's not going to change. If you think he will change for you, I've got a bridge to sell you... Stay with him at your own risk. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 No he absolutely will not change. He doesn't even care enough about you to leave that other woman alone, so he cheated on, and now he's cheating on you. He's a dog. He's got no reason to change for anyone I will put up with him the way he is which is what you're doing. Set up a woman was smart enough to know this and cut him off. He probably halfway respect her for it. If you let someone treat you bad they have no respect for you going in and they certainly don't have any after you allowed it. Love does not fix a person. And people are at their very best in the first few weeks or months of a relationship because if they weren't they'd never get sex . and then it goes downhill from there. If you continue to put up with the havior you don't like, you will never get someone who treats you right. You have to have ethics and boundaries and use those and cut people off who don't treat you well. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 No, he has not and will not change. You're not even the rebound. You're his side-piece. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 The biggest mistake someone can make starting a new relationship is expecting that the other person will change for them. No. What you see is what you get. They might be on their best behavior for a while (and frankly, your guy isn't even that), but then they'll be back to their old ways. Besides, the way he treats his ex, if she even is an ex, should be an example to you, because sooner or later, he'll treat you the same. You should be turned off by seeing how he's dragging that woman along, not proud that he does more for you than he ever did for her. That's just messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I must say that his ex has got a fair view of him. She has recognised him as a sleaze and isn't giving up sex for him. Good for her. As for him changing for you.....what changes are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Men don't change. Grown ups don't move their SO into their parents' house. If you two can't afford to live on your own you need to not be sponging off his mom. He's not a good guy. He's a player. He's never going to change for you because you have already proved that he doesn't have to. You let him "hit her up for sex" during your entire 7 month relationship. He thinks you have little value. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I have no idea how you could possibly think this guy is reliable or trustworthy. And unfortunately, it's only logical for him to worry about how reliable and trustworthy you are ... since you got involved with him ... without insisting first that he break up with this other person. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Wait, he cheated on her with you, and now you're aware that his "hitting her up" for sex while he's with you? This man doesn't care about either of you in my opinion, but his ex is the smartest one in this trio for sure. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destini Posted May 26, 2018 Author Share Posted May 26, 2018 Wait, he cheated on her with you, and now you're aware that his "hitting her up" for sex while he's with you? This man doesn't care about either of you in my opinion, but his ex is the smartest one in this trio for sure. Well I don’t think he knew how to tell her. I’m guessing he tried to spare her feelings when she found out about me from my national boyfriend day post that I tagged him in, because in my eyes he was still my boyfriend it was only a matter of time before she found out anyway. He spared her feelings by telling her I was just a friend and nothing more when she confronted him about the picture. She messaged me for the truth, I told her and that’s when he told her to never call or text him again and to stop texting his girl(me) he claimed me when she did that and pretty much dismissed her from his life which is why I don’t know why he still was hitting her up flirting, commenting on Instagram post and trying to have sex until I caught him. I mean from the looks of it he was done with her to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 Anything he does is for himself, not to spare anyone's feelings. You're reaching to see anything positive in this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 Well I don’t think he knew how to tell her. I’m guessing he tried to spare her feelings when she found out about me from my national boyfriend day post that I tagged him in, because in my eyes he was still my boyfriend it was only a matter of time before she found out anyway. He spared her feelings by telling her I was just a friend and nothing more when she confronted him about the picture. She messaged me for the truth, I told her and that’s when he told her to never call or text him again and to stop texting his girl(me) he claimed me when she did that and pretty much dismissed her from his life which is why I don’t know why he still was hitting her up flirting, commenting on Instagram post and trying to have sex until I caught him. I mean from the looks of it he was done with her to be with me. But, he's still sleeping with her - is he not? So, he's not really "with" you if he is still having sex with her. Why would you ever want to be with a man who was hitting another woman up for sex and lying to you about his behavior. That is a recipe for disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destini Posted May 27, 2018 Author Share Posted May 27, 2018 But, he's still sleeping with her - is he not? So, he's not really "with" you if he is still having sex with her. Why would you ever want to be with a man who was hitting another woman up for sex and lying to you about his behavior. That is a recipe for disaster. No he’s not still sleeping with her, from the messages I saw, she turned him down every time. One time she told him that she knows me and him are still together and to go and be faithful to me. We got into a little fight after I seen those messgaes. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 No he’s not still sleeping with her, from the messages I saw, she turned him down every time. One time she told him that she knows me and him are still together and to go and be faithful to me. We got into a little fight after I seen those messgaes. But he still tried to sleep with her.....who cares what SHE said. HE tried to cheat on you, are you getting this? How old are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 No he’s not still sleeping with her, from the messages I saw, she turned him down every time. One time she told him that she knows me and him are still together and to go and be faithful to me. We got into a little fight after I seen those messgaes. She turned him down? Which means, she had more respect for you than he did... Because, he tried to sleep with her and he would have slept with her if she agreed... My friend... HUGE RED FLAG! This guy is not faithful. Be smart about this... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 No he’s not still sleeping with her, from the messages I saw, she turned him down every time. One time she told him that she knows me and him are still together and to go and be faithful to me. We got into a little fight after I seen those messgaes. See when it comes to situations like this you have to wonder what's in for you? So you are his safety blanket and she's his woman he wants to sleep with and make love too. Are you seriously telling us here you are okay with this crap? Sounds like he wants to cheat on you with her but she won't allow it knowing he's with you. But that's not going to stop a man (more of jerk) from going after his ex to be with. First you should throw him out and go fine someone who's not doing these sneaky text messages behind your back. Once you see that message a bell should have sounded in your brain. Duh wait up and see read and learn he not really into as you had thought, you're just going to get hurt and yet you don't see it until it's too late... Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 You're a rebound. He wanted to show the ex (who isn't so ex) that he could attract and find a woman ASAP before she did. And, he did. I would get out now before it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destini Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 (edited) Since I’m only eighteen and my boyfriend is twenty three all my friends believe he doesn’t truly love me and that he only pretends to love me to continue having consistent vagina/sex in his life. I don’t believe it’s true though. They also mentioned how he tried to cheat on me once with the ex he was with when we first started talking. I found out and told them, but I’m sure he only did it those few times out of boredom, he wasn’t gonna really do it. I’m not a horrible person for messing with a guy in a relationship, it wasn’t my fault that she’s older than me and inexperienced and it took him having to find someone as young as me to satisfy him in that aspect. If he was only with me for sex he would have been left and he never would have cheated with me to begin with. I wouldn’t have travelled out of town with him, I wouldn’t have a promise ring and he wouldn’t have proclaimed his love for me as many times as he did on Facebook whenever we are into it. Usually when he does we’re in the same house or same room with each other but maybe he just doesn’t know how to say it. Edited June 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 The first question here is: How long have you two been together? The rest of it goes so far as: He's 23, he's tried to cheat on you with his ex according to your friends. That's already a huge red flag in my opinion - if at this point you're letting him get away with cheating, you're selling yourself short in a really major way. if he was truly into you, his ex wouldn't even be considered as a factor. What sort of contact does he have with his ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 it wasn’t my fault that she’s older than me and inexperienced and it took him having to find someone as young as me to satisfy him in that aspect. You are really lying to yourself here. If he was not sexually satisfied with her then why would he try to have sex with her again while seeing you? When he's bored why does he want sex with her and not you? That being said, your friends think he's only with you for sex because you tell them too much of your personal relationship with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 OP, the reason your friends all think this boyfriend of yours is bad news is clearly outlined in your previous thread. Please go back and re-read your own description of your relationship in that thread. Stick around if you want, but do so with the knowledge that you're being used, manipulated and lied to. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 When one person in your life doesn't like your SO, it's a personality conflict. When ALL your friends think your SO is bad news, listen. They are seeing something you are missing. The 5 years isn't the problem. Your life stages are too different. He's an adult. You are barely out of high school. It's not a good match Think about it. You said it yourself. He left his older EX who has less sexual experience for you -- a younger woman with more sexual experience. That makes it pretty clear that he wants sex more than companionship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 Looking back at your last post, the advice is the same. This guy is bad news and your friends are trying to warn you. Ignore their, and our, advice at your own risk. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/656998-will-he-change-me-because-i-m-who-he-truly-wants Link to post Share on other sites
Author Destini Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 When one person in your life doesn't like your SO, it's a personality conflict. When ALL your friends think your SO is bad news, listen. They are seeing something you are missing. The 5 years isn't the problem. Your life stages are too different. He's an adult. You are barely out of high school. It's not a good match Think about it. You said it yourself. He left his older EX who has less sexual experience for you -- a younger woman with more sexual experience. That makes it pretty clear that he wants sex more than companionship. She isn’t that much older from what I know she’s twenty one, but at twenty one most guys may expect you to know something. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2018 Share Posted June 2, 2018 She isn’t that much older from what I know she’s twenty one, but at twenty one most guys may expect you to know something. Destini: If she is THAT inexperienced and sex is THAT bad with her why did your boyfriend try to have sex with her several times while dating you? He wants sex with her because it's good. If it wasn't he wouldn't. He tried to have sex with her out of boredom? boredom of what or who? boredom of you? If he wanted sex why not have it with you after all he said you were better, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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