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Improper grammar?


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Old 13th July 2018, 12:38 PM   #1
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Improper grammar?

I've been dating a great guy for for almost 6 months. I've noticed lately I'm getting more and more turned off by him using improper grammar. For instance, he'll say "We was on a conference call" instead of were or he'll say no more instead of anymore and nothing instead of anything. He's actually a smart guy but this makes my skin crawl. He knows it drives me crazy and is trying to change it but it's to the point where I'm embarrassed to bring him around people for fear he'll say these things. It's embarrassing. Is this a valid issue or am I being unreasonable?
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:44 PM   #2
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Is this both writing and speaking? Both casual and formal conversation?
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:47 PM   #3
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It's always. Bad habit I guess. The was/were is definitely in writing. Not sure about the others. Maybe not the others.
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:53 PM   #4
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I asked because my dad was a very formal speaker and writer (he worked for .gov decades ago) and I picked up some of his habits. He also never cussed, not even in private.

OTOH, some guys are very unstructured and casual, and that can be situational or global. As example, they may be formal and structured for their work if it requires it but more casual and free-flowing/incorrect away from the places it's required. Others are whatever all the time.

I view it the same way as a foul mouth. If it gets tedious over time and doesn't appear to be changing, make a decision on it. Most people won't change the way they communicate without substantial incentive. Can a life partner be that incentive? IDK. Depends.
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:54 PM   #5
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I thought all the grammar Nazis were gone. My opinion is biased as my grammar is often poor. I would get over it.
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:02 PM   #6
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I can't do it. I can't. That's in my top 5 deal breakers, right under "has committed murder".
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:07 PM   #7
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I can't do it. I can't. That's in my top 5 deal breakers, right under "has committed murder".
Yep. Same here.
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:37 PM   #8
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Where I live we have a hands free law on phones in the car, meaning you cannot even touch a phone if you are the driver so I voice text and voice email thru an App called Android Auto..

You don't want to read one of my text messages while in the car..
I also have calloused fingers that I have a tough time texting without making tons of errors.. and when it comes to grammar, if someone doesn't like my informal communication and would make their skin crawl then I'd be all for removing them from my life.. much too busy of a guy to deal with all the BS that would create.

Now in person I don't have any grammar issues unless it is for the occasional brain fart and I don't make a fool of myself often and can't ever remember embarrassing my wife.
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:46 PM   #9
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It would bother me too. I mean, it's a clear sign they weren't paying attention in school, so what would make you think they're going to pay attention at work or pay attention to you when they need to?
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:47 PM   #10
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If you're embarrassed to bring him around other people, then there is a problem.

It's easy to think of peer reaction as a petty standard. It can be petty if you don't accept the peers' standard. In this case, you have the standard yourself (good grammar) ... and you hold to the standard quite strongly (you're having a visceral negative reaction here).

So that's a sign that this may not be the guy for you.

And grammar is often a stand-in for other qualities: how educated someone is, how sophisticated they are, etc. Trust me: you don't want to spend energy in a relationship repressing your revulsion at this guy's grammar ...

And to go deeper, you really don't want this as an agenda/improvement item for him. That's unfair and cruel to him ... and completely unrealistic. I'm actually an English teacher, and I know that speaking grammar is quite hard to change once you're an adult. Either accept him as he is ... or let him go and find another person who isn't bothered by this trait. Do not assume his speech can or will change.

It's true that we're a much more informal society than before, and highly educated people will these days sprinkle their language with colloquialisms and slang--but highly educated people do this deliberately and intentionally. But your bf is not deliberately violating the standard for effect. This is how he speaks.

Not: I am not saying he is an unworthy person or that his speech makes him an unworthy partner. I'm simply saying that his speech unfortunately makes him an unworthy partner for you. And it's not necessarily snobbish to have this standard. It's reality to understand that you do have this standard, and it's unlikely you can drop it.

Last edited by Lotsgoingon; 13th July 2018 at 1:52 PM..
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Old 13th July 2018, 1:52 PM   #11
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It would bother me too. I mean, it's a clear sign they weren't paying attention in school, so what would make you think they're going to pay attention at work or pay attention to you when they need to?
That's quite a stretch to make . Maybe they have a learning disability. Maybe they had crappy teachers. Maybe it's a regional thing.

I am a grammar nerd and perfect grammar gets my engines revving, but I think making the stretch to "he won't pay attention to me because he has imperfect grammar" is downright silly.
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Old 13th July 2018, 2:05 PM   #12
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Tough call. He's trying to change and unlike personality or being a douche, grammar can change.

On the other hand, has he ever said seen when he should have said saw? As in...I seen Avengers last week. It was awesome.

Because if he has, drop him like a bad habit!!!
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Old 13th July 2018, 2:07 PM   #13
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First are you sure it's not the slang from where he was raise? I am sure he knows the proper grammar he just speaks like that out of habit. Have you spoken to his parents or siblings? Do they speak the same?


It would not embarrass me 1 bit. I am secure enough in who I am to love who I want without caring of what people will think.
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Old 13th July 2018, 2:46 PM   #14
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Tough call. He's trying to change and unlike personality or being a douche, grammar can change.

On the other hand, has he ever said seen when he should have said saw? As in...I seen Avengers last week. It was awesome.

Because if he has, drop him like a bad habit!!!
He has now that I think about it! He's more small town than I am but not a stupid guy. Not sure how he got through college actually!
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Old 13th July 2018, 2:47 PM   #15
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First are you sure it's not the slang from where he was raise? I am sure he knows the proper grammar he just speaks like that out of habit. Have you spoken to his parents or siblings? Do they speak the same?


It would not embarrass me 1 bit. I am secure enough in who I am to love who I want without caring of what people will think.
It's not so much what people think as what I think. It's just wrong. Who says was instead of were???
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