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Do you think this guy is really hung up on my age?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

So I had a first date with an OLD guy 3 days ago. I was actually happy that it went fairly well (i.e. wasn't terrible) and I wouldn't mind seeing him again. He didn't contact me again despite kissing me at the end of the date and asking me if I would like to go out again (but without setting up any concrete plans).

 

I am not upset about this guy in particular, I am still weirdly happy that there are at least some "datable" guys left.

 

He is in his late 30s (a year older than me), decent job, average to cute looking (a little chubby and starting to bald though so nothing special), never been married and no kids (huge bonus for me, HUGE). I did get a bit of a "party boy" vibe though he said he is looking for a relationship. Not out of my league in any way.

 

Anyway, when I asked him about how long he has been doing OLD <cue to exchange funny OLD stories> he kept focusing on age. Like "all these women over 40 are contacting me", implying that they are too old for him. Then saying "I really think women in their late 20s have their head screwed on right, but not younger than that" (which to me implies that that's his preferable dating market).

 

I guess my question is, if he is really hang up on age, would he even meet someone that's his age? Or maybe he would but only for something casual and since I make it clear I am not into "casual", he doesn't contact me again? Or maybe he would if she turned out to be supermodel attractive but his standards of looks are way higher than for a woman 5-10 years younger?

 

I just don't know if I am being cynical or if this could be true. I don't think real life works like this but OLD is all about no connections and just pure "market value". It sort of feels like for these guys, early 30s is a cut off for anything serious. It's almost like guys in late 20s would have easier time dating me than guys my own age (since guys in their 20s are exposed to 20-something women all the time so they haven't become age-ist yet).

 

If that's the case, I think it's absurd that men wouldn't date someone their age and am not going to buy into it. I can't lower my standards anymore anyway.

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thefooloftheyear

He sounds like an idiot. frankly....

 

I mean, what type of guy (during a date, no less), tells a woman in her late 30's that he "prefers" younger?? Even if he felt that way, then keep it to yourself...It's obviously an insult to you...whether he intended to or not...

 

You describe him physically as a 5 at best....Are there desirable women in their late 20's lining up for this type of guy???...

 

I wouldn't think so, but perhaps I am mistaken..

 

TFY

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Cookiesandough

I agree completely with TFY. I would so nope out if some guy was talking about age like that. He actually sounds really unattractive but different strokes. I don't know if it was necessarily your age that did it, though. He knew your age going in. Maybe he just didn't like the "not looking for casual" part...

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Honestly does it matter? Everyone has a type but could end up falling in love with someone completely different! He may just be still trying to figure out how to handle this new type.

 

My current BF who I adore is 2 years older than me, I’m used to dating much older men, and I’ve told him that. I’m attracted to stability, success, reliability, which men my age don’t ever have, but I found that even though he’s young, he’s got all those things! Now I love our age difference. He even told me he’s never dated someone younger than him! It’s a first for the both of us.

 

Let him see that your head IS screwed on right!

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I think he plain wasn't interested, otherwise he wouldn't have talked that way. It doesn't matter what he looks like, only what he is looking for. Maybe he is the greatest charmer when interested or incredibly smart, who knows?

 

I would just write it off as an encounter of the odd kind.

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He sounds like a total jerk. I also think he mentioned the older women contacting him as a way of dissuading you from thinking that he was interested. I don't get why he went on a date with you to begin with, he obviously knew your age. If he was giving you party boy vibes that is a huge turn-off in your late 30's. He doesn't want to grow up which is why he is looking for women 10 years younger. I think it's better that he didn't contact you again.

 

I know it's disappointing, but at least you're trying! I had my fair share of disappointing/weird/crazy dates. For every 5 bad dates there would be 1 good one. Eventually one of the good ones became someone I was actually attracted to :love:.

Don't give up and just laugh at this fool who's chasing his 20's :)

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ChatroomHero

Yeah, if I was interested and not trying to chase someone away, I wouldn't say anything to indicate I was looking for something that my date didn't fit. I can't think of a more concrete way to tell someone it's going nowhere without actually saying "it's going nowhere".

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Cookiesandough

But OP is not over 40... He said he was turned off by women over 40 contacting him. So she makes the cut :rolleyes: He just sounds like a douche

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Now you know why he has never been married........never been married can be a red flag in certain circumstances.....like this one.

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But OP is not over 40... He said he was turned off by women over 40 contacting him. So she makes the cut :rolleyes: He just sounds like a douche

 

I know she isn't over 40, but she is in her late 30's and he said that women in their late 20's have their heads screwed on right. I think he was making a dig.. and I 100% agree that he was a dbag. He's chubby and balding and looking for younger women :rolleyes::lmao:

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ChatroomHero
But OP is not over 40... He said he was turned off by women over 40 contacting him. So she makes the cut :rolleyes: He just sounds like a douche

 

Yeah but it sounds like he was indicating his perfect match is a woman in her 20s to the OP, knowing she was in her 30s. So more like, "Hey, you're on the fringe but you might make the cut".

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No, not guys in general. I guess age matters a lot only if he is looking to have kids.

 

Otherwise a good looking woman gets attention at any age.

 

But do you want a near 40 balding fat party boy :sick:? I had that - it's not fun.

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Eternal Sunshine

Yeah, I get that he is not interested but at the end of the date he actually initiated a kiss. It was a hug and he turned into a full on kiss :confused: He also asked me if I am free later in the week as his schedule is looking free and he wants to do something again. I never initiate anything physical...and I haven't flirted at all.

 

It just doesn't make sense that someone would think things through enough to make the age comment as to not lead me on but then to kiss me at the end (in a broad daylight at the train station)...

 

He just sounds like a general douche to me.

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People sometimes kiss to just see what kissing is like - or so that they can tell their equally juvenile buddies that you kissed them.

 

Hi diatribe would have been enough for me never to want to see him again.

 

I suspect he is one of the plethora of 'eternal' 39 year olds you find on OLD. :laugh:

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Eternal Sunshine
People sometimes kiss to just see what kissing is like - or so that they can tell their equally juvenile buddies that you kissed them.

 

Hi diatribe would have been enough for me never to want to see him again.

 

I suspect he is one of the plethora of 'eternal' 39 year olds you find on OLD. :laugh:

 

Like this one guy who said he was 36 in his profile. When I met him, he confessed that he 43 and wanted to be honest with me because I seem like a relationship material. When I asked why is he lying about being 36 he said "it's easier to hook up with younger chicks" :lmao:

 

He is still "36" over a year later :rolleyes:

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Eternal Sunshine
People sometimes kiss to just see what kissing is like - or so that they can tell their equally juvenile buddies that you kissed them.

 

Hi diatribe would have been enough for me never to want to see him again.

 

I suspect he is one of the plethora of 'eternal' 39 year olds you find on OLD. :laugh:

 

I have never really experienced going through kissing as a thing to do after a daylight first meet with barely few messages exchanged beforehand. Nor insulting someone in a way to somehow "signal" that you are not interested when they showed you no signs of interest.

 

The standard script is to be polite, make small talk, finish your drink and make your excuses after 30mins-1hour.

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He probably preys on women with low self esteem and was maybe hoping your age was something you'd be insecure about when being compared to women in their 20's.

 

He sounds like a real charmer :laugh:

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Perhaps I missed something here, but I didn't get the impression that he was taking a shot at the OP's age.

Like "all these women over 40 are contacting me", implying that they are too old for him.
I agree with this part. He's stating his upper limit here.
Then saying "I really think women in their late 20s have their head screwed on right, but not younger than that" (which to me implies that that's his preferable dating market).
Here, he's saying that women in their late twenties have their act together while women younger than them don't. This, to me, is him stating his minimal dating age. I don't read "women in their late 20s have their head screwed on right" as "I prefer women in their twenties". I read it more like: "Women don't have their heads screwed on right until their late twenties."

 

OP, did he have a preferred dating range stated on his OLD profile? If so, was his range late twenties to late thirties?

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Cookiesandough

I agree it's not a dig at OP's age. He's just not the most tactful or eloquent person ever. Who knows why he lost interest or focus, but doesn't seem like much loss.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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I have never really experienced going through kissing as a thing to do after a daylight first meet with barely few messages exchanged beforehand. Nor insulting someone in a way to somehow "signal" that you are not interested when they showed you no signs of interest.

 

The standard script is to be polite, make small talk, finish your drink and make your excuses after 30mins-1hour.

 

You gone out with a guy who was in late 30s or really was in in 40s. But he really wants a women in their 20's. So kissed you at the end to see how you were a good, a fair or poor kisser. Then now you don't hear from him. Because he told you he wanted a woman in her 20's because he felt they have their head on straight. He doesn't want one in their 30's or 40's or higher. That's him you had found a guy who wasn't married or had kids. Huge plus for you right, well the only thing was he wasn't into you because of your age. I don't know how you look like in 30's but he might have felt otherwise. That's him, you can't change what he wants. Well now you know to move on and find another man. This one isn't going to contact you again even if he had kissed you at the end.

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Cookiesandough

Well what I gathered from it was that he dissed all women a couple years or more older than him and all those younger than late 20s. That suggests his preference is somewhere inbetween(OP's age). It just seems unlikely someone goes on a date with someone they meet online and their foremost reason of nixing them is their age. It says it right there.

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Well what I gathered from it was that he dissed all women a couple years or more older than him and all those younger than late 20s. That suggests his preference is somewhere inbetween(OP's age). It just seems unlikely someone goes on a date with someone they meet online and their foremost reason of nixing them is their age. It says it right there.

 

Yes I agree with you 100% on that point! I still feel he was just seeing who she was and it might of been excuse to go out on a date if he had nothing else plan to do, mean not dating anyone else that night. She wasn't what he had wanted but he was there for the time spent only. Kiss was something he wanted to do?

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At the low end, he was just talking out of his a$$. We all say dumb things sometimes. At the high end, he is a real jerk that is hung up on age. Only you will be able to tell from any possible future conversations where he falls on that line. If he keeps bringing age up, then that is your red flag.

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Like this one guy who said he was 36 in his profile. When I met him, he confessed that he 43 and wanted to be honest with me because I seem like a relationship material. When I asked why is he lying about being 36 he said "it's easier to hook up with younger chicks" :lmao:

 

He is still "36" over a year later :rolleyes:

 

That's precisely why I don't ever go on a date without running a background check on the guy :D If only it was that easy to check the other points on which guys lie, like height (everyone adds two to three inches I figured...) and employment status (like so many unemployed guys claim they are 'consultants' or 'directors' in their daddy or mommy's company... that's harder to track)

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....average to cute looking (a little chubby and starting to bald though so nothing special)...Not out of my league in any way.

 

 

 

Everything you described sounds very luke warm. You don't seem that interested and said you wouldn't mind seeing him again (doesn't sound enthusiastic). I think you expected him to have lower standards due to how you saw him so the question is, why do you care?

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