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Old 24th February 2017, 3:02 AM   #1
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Living with parents

I've got a weird question. My xgf lives with her parents with her child and the new girl I've gone out with a few times lives with her parents.
Is this a new thing?
I'm 42, xgf was 33 new girl I've gone out with is 36. We live in Southern California and I understand things are expensive. I have been on my own since I turned 18, own my own home, which is 7 years from being paid off.
I guess I just find it odd that so many people still live with their parents. Do you think it is because they don't want to deal with responsibility? Or is it just convineant to live at home.
I always worry that these women are going to want to move into my house too quickly.
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Old 24th February 2017, 3:17 AM   #2
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I think it's because of the times we live in. Most of the woman I've dated don't even know how to cook. I've also been on my own since I was 18.
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Old 24th February 2017, 4:08 AM   #3
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Most of the men I dated over the past year lived with a parent. I think it's a combination of many factors including divorce, job loss or financial stress. And, there is just plain laziness and lack of motivation. I think alot is laziness. I mean you have a babysitter, food preparer and someone to do your laundry and housework.

I met with a 48 year old male who lived with his mom. He said it was due to a divorce and job loss. However he was pissed that he had to cut his mom's grass because the man she paid to cut her grass had died. I told him that she should have never had to pay anyone to cut her grass as he was living with her.
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Old 24th February 2017, 7:49 AM   #4
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I live at home because I am doing a bloody podiatry degree.

How many med students can get distinctions in their full time studies and fit in 30 hrs waiting tables?

I am 30.

I don't live at home because I am lazy. Not wanting juggle 50 hours of study with 30 to 40 hours of work doesn't make me lazy.

No guy I've dated has batted an eyelid. My current bf who recently back together with happily supported me....... he isn't into lazy girls. He just doesn't assume that all adults living with folks are lazy.
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:36 AM   #5
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If they were caring for their ill/disabled parents, that's fine. In all other situations, I would be wary of dating them, yes.

That being said, if you are 42 and want to date someone 9 years younger, you shouldn't really be expecting the person to be your financial equal. Perhaps a 42-yo woman would be more likely to own her own house as well?
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:42 AM   #6
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For the first time in modern times more people living with parents(18-35) than any other living arrangement.

Society is regressing. It used to be that the goal of any decent parent is that their kids surpassed them in lifestyle and earnings. No motivation, no responsibility. Parents themselves are to blame.

No guy I've dated has batted an eyelid.
Yup I believe that, proves my point.
"If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you, either."
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:46 AM   #7
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I had a OLD meet up that went like this...

Me: "What do you do for work?"

Him: "I don't have a job right now."

Me: "Do you have an apartment? what kind of job are you looking for?"

Him: "I'm not looking too hard right now, I just stay with my mom and help her out."

Me: "Help her out? Is she ill?"

Him: "No, she works full time, I help her take care of her house."

Me: "Oh, what kind of work have you done before?"

Him: "Odd jobs here and there. I'm going to go smoke."

He left to go outside to smoke.. went out with him and found out he was smoking weed in the parking lot.

My synopsis... Mooching off mom, not looking to work, and a pothead.... deal breaker. He is 36 btw.

Now if his mom had been disabled or very elderly and he was taking care of her would have been a different story. Well, until I found out about the drugs anyway....

At my age, (40) I don't find it acceptable to be living with parents unless they are elderly and need care, or the person is going through school or something. Even going through a divorce you should eventually have your own place. I mean, if you are so recently through a divorce that you don't even have a place of your own yet, you obviously don't have your stuff together and aren't ready for a relationship, In my eyes.
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:51 AM   #8
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Lily: I’ve been stunned at how many women tell me (I’m talking dudes 40 plus) the number of now unemployed, underemployed, dated dudes who asked for money or to “borrow” money.

So many dudes now are complete deadbeats and child support averters is stunning and it will get worse because less dudes are now going to college.
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:56 AM   #9
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It's generational.

People my age (51) would move out of their parents early. I was 17 in my case and we never moved back and would never dream of moving back. We were raised to make it on our own and moving back to our parents was shameful.

The new generation under 35 can't move out of their parents. They almost have to be kicked out. My youngest brother is 35 and even though he has 2 University degree he moved in and out of our parent's house like it's his secondary domicile.

The 35 and under are a very indecisive generation. Probably because they have too much choice. When I was 17 we had to pick a career that would pay the bills and there was no chichi about finding a work that would 'fulfilled' us. We would get the fulfillment in our hobbies. My brother of 35 as an example has gone back to Uni 3 times. My daughter who's 30 has 3 different degrees as well. Can't make up her mind.
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Old 24th February 2017, 9:57 AM   #10
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I've been on my own since I was 18 too, but from what I've observed, If you are a renter in a high rent area, it's real attractive when you have your little old mom who lives month to month and barely makes ends meet, but has a house that she's had for 30, 40, 50 years with several empty rooms and/or an empty granny unit, and boy could she use an extra $500 to 1000 a month (which is cheaper than outside rents). Next thing you know you're "helping" your mom out and she's "helping" you out too.
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Old 24th February 2017, 10:24 AM   #11
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It is a bit of a function of the times & the high cost of living in certain areas. If mom & dad's house is nicer then anything they can afford on their own, there's an incentive to stay.

I moved out for college. Moved back in for grad school; was on my own by 23. But I moved back in for 6 months when I was 33 because I took a new job 15 minutes from my parents' house & 2 hours with traffic from the apartment I shared with my then BF. I had bought a house near to my new job but there were complications & the closing kept getting delayed. I stayed with parents during the week M - Thurs but went to my apartment on the weekends.
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Old 24th February 2017, 10:38 AM   #12
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OP if you are that worried, either you refuse to date people living in this type of situation, or investigate why, and make a decision from there.

You have complete control...if your new GF wants to move in quickly simply dump her.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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Old 24th February 2017, 10:45 AM   #13
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It would seem that the living arrangements themselves are not necessarily a problem, unless they are symptoms of some larger issue...

My wife and I, although close in age, grew up in different worlds. My stepfather made it very clear to me when I was 16 that my 18th birthday was the last day I was welcome in their house. I moved out the next month. My wife and her brothers/sisters OTOH lived with their parents well into their 20s. The difference I guess was that they were working and saving, so that when they did move out it was for good, barring health crises or the like.

So for our kids, they are always welcome in our home as long as they pitch in around the house, are working, and the money they earn is being saved for eventual independence. Interestingly, the periods when they've been at home have not negatively impacted their ability to get dates, have girlfriends, etc.
"It ain't what you don't know that's so harmful, it's what you know that just ain't so." -- Mark Twain
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Old 24th February 2017, 10:57 AM   #14
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I have made it clear to my kids that when they turn 18, they must go to college or work full-time and move out. While they are in college they work 10 hours a week and contribute 100% of that to their necessary expenses and the rest is covered by us their parents. Anything more they want they must work for. If they are not in college, they live on their own and receive no financial help from us, period. If they are working full time and trying to save to buy a house then we can negatioate.
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Old 24th February 2017, 11:06 AM   #15
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Almost 40 percent of young adults lived with their parents, step-parents, grandparents and other relatives last year, or the highest point in 75 years.
I have had many conversation over the years in my workplace (lots of student interns where I work) and when we get into conversations about lifestyles a significant majority of them tell me things like:

*They have never had to do chores
*They never had to wash their own clothes
*Never had to clean their own rooms
*Never had a job as a teen
*Parents make their car payments and insurance payments
Heck a lady recently sued her parents to make them pay for her college said it was their “responsibility” to pay for her college.

This is a much greater societal issue and absolutely affects the dating world.

Younger generations of dudes living off of and mooching off parents… proudly and looking for women who will provide for them.

In my realm, dating women in their 50’s still having young adults living off them and living with them (freaking 30 plus year olds) and SIGNIFICANTLY still invested in these “kids” lives. That is freaking insane.
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