Sara1989 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 From the start his texting skills have been lax, I actually was not expecting much from our date as his texts could be blunt, it take him 30 min to 2 hours to reply. Anyway we went on a date and I was very surprised, we had a good time. He complimented me throughout, tried prolonging the date and made it clear he wanted to see me again. He texted me an hour after the date and all good but contact still an problem... He is taking hours to reply to my texts majority of the time, setting up a second date with him is an nightmare as even though hes the one initiating asking me what date/where we will go it takes him 1-3 hours get back to me. After a back forth on the day we go out, I agreed to one day and it took him 8 hours to reply even though I knew he read my message and been online. As its only been one date should I just go with the flow or take this as an warning sign? Link to post Share on other sites
purrrfectlyflawed Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 IMO he is not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Go with the flow while still keeping your options OPEN. Keep dating others and don't get attached or invested at this point. It's only been one date. Don't chase him or pursue. Just stay receptive and see what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 meh....it's weak on his part. Stop texting him. If he gets back to you concerning a date then just reply: Call me. Do everything by phone. Stop texting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 There's really not enough information for us to tell you what he's thinking, so I'll speak from my personal experience. A LOT of guys have been burned by overtexting a girl at the beginning. Eventually it makes the guy look needy, they screw up, and correct or over-correct their mistakes. Some people are just not big texters at all. I used to constantly text but as I got older and have more work responsibilities, I run out of social energy to stay on iMessage. I have 2 iPhones, one for work, one for pleasure. My pleasure iPhone has every notification turned off except the badge letting me know how many unread messages I have. It's not uncommon for me to go a full day without unlocking it and checking to see who has tried to contact me. My immediate family members know that if there's an emergency, they should reach me through my work communication lines because I HAVE to check them. The problem is that you have no baseline for this guys behavior. You don't know if he's naturally this way or just this way with you. Wish I had a better answer for you. If he continues to pursue dates and you have a good time, I think you should work with that. Texting can truly be a relationship killer if you aren't careful. It can make people feel smothered and you don't want that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Some people aren't "text back immediately to every text" people. But he should be making some effort to connect and move forward or I would say he isn't interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 My BF is not a texter. If I look on my phone last time he text me was July 27th. BUT when we met he made super-human efforts to reply to me promptly. Most of the time he would not reply by a text but he would call. After our 3rd date he practically called me daily for a few minutes. That is a man that's interested ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 A LOT of guys have been burned by overtexting a girl at the beginning. Nope don't do that... I will say when I first got on this site and there was a thread on “quality texting” and at the time I thought that the notion or concept was dumb. How can you have a “bad texter” and how can you gauge interest from text? This is where I completely changed how I view this. He is taking hours to reply to my texts majority of the time, setting up a second date with him is an nightmare as even though hes the one initiating asking me what date/where we will go it takes him 1-3 hours get back to me. After a back forth on the day we go out, I agreed to one day and it took him 8 hours to reply even though I knew he read my message and been online. IMO he is not interested. Bingo, Purr is correct, because people who are genuinely interested will make a sincere effort to communicate effectively. Using my current situation with a lady I met on a dating site. We exchanged some nice emails on the site first. I reached out with my number and she replied quickly. Keep in mind we have not met OR spoken on the phone yet. She works for a big company where this time of years is very busy, she is preparing for a major family Christmas gathering too. I have been on a vacation for the last week, but while I have been gone I sent some nice texts letting her know some cool things I did on my trip and a major party I helped put on for a good friend. She has mirrored my outreach. Our first phone call will be tomorrow night, her son is in town so can’t do tonight. My point is I seriously like this lady and even though I could have just blew her off until I get back and she could have with me when available we have reached out to each other. I want her to absolutely know I am interested, yes I am chatting with others who I met before her but I was not contacting them while on vacation. This get tossed around all the time here, but ladies if we dudes are seriously interested we damn sure will let you know. I’m not text bombing her, I would not suggest that but I sure as hell would not be taking “hours” to respond to you. Hell I don’t do that to people I am only marginally interested in. Will still try to be respectful. Ladies don’t let guys diss you and think to yourselves “is this ok?” because it is NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly84 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 If he is not interested though why would he be initiating anything like asking her where should they go or what day? If i am not interested I may reply to a text but i wouldn't include another question in the response or something that would keep the conversation going to try and show i wasn't interested. I think what confuses me is when the reply may take hours but it is a reply that shows interest vs. a reply that doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 If he is NOT interested though why would he be initiating anything like asking her where should they go or what day? Ok while NOT being interested could be incorrect, you might be WAY down the priority list. So if it is ok to be someone’s back-up to back-up to back-up ect option then cool, I guess ok if you don’t think much of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Ok while NOT being interested could be incorrect, you might be WAY down the priority list. So if it is ok to be someone’s back-up to back-up to back-up ect option then cool, I guess ok if you don’t think much of yourself. My boyfriend isn't great at texting me. Sure, he replies when necessary, but it's sometimes several hours later, and he doesn't often reach out unless we're planning our next date. We both work full-time, and I have a difficult schedule to work around, but we still see each other about three times per week (though sometimes it's only two). Should I assume that he's not interested because of his texting habits? Point is, just because someone is bad at texting doesn't mean they're uninterested. Big picture, guys. Big picture with lots of details that may be being overlooked. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 My boyfriend isn't great at texting me. Sure, he replies when necessary, but it's sometimes several hours later, and he doesn't often reach out unless we're planning our next date. We both work full-time, and I have a difficult schedule to work around, but we still see each other about three times per week (though sometimes it's only two). Should I assume that he's not interested because of his texting habits? Point is, just because someone is bad at texting doesn't mean they're uninterested. Big picture, guys. Big picture with lots of details that may be being overlooked. The difference is you and your BF are in an established relationship, it's not the same thing. You are passed the 'is he interested' phase. I am sure your boyfriend made some type of effort to show his interest at first right? When you start seeing someone and you're excited and looking forward to see them you don't let your phone un-attended. You are actually looking forward to hear from them. Once all that pressure of 'does he like me' is over and the relationship is official than it's normal to relax on text. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Taking 1-3 hours to reply seems normal to me, that's what I do, unless it's something important. I don't like texting back and forth througout an entire day, or having really long text conversations. So I wouldn't take it as a sign that he's not interested... unless he's actually online all the time talking to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 A similar thing just happened to me The guy was a good texter when he did text....but he started to act aloof when it came to planning the first date...I wasnt about to chase him (or any man) so I let him go Some people might say texting styles dont mean anything...and to a certain extend I agree but when it gets to the point where even making simple plans (such as a date) gets difficult...its a big problem I'd move on 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) Your guy hasn't been a big texter from day one, even tho his online presence is obvious. He may be initiating, but I suggest not getting your hopes up. Why not place a call to set up a date? Edited December 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reply to deleted post ~T Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Texting is a passive form of communication. People do it because it's quick and easy, and passive. I'd had a few internet dates in the past where I would meet the person and then await the 48 Hour Rule - if I had not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the get together, it's done. However, I have also had a few situations where the man will send a text right afterwards saying "I had a good time". This, however, is not a good sign. Because he won't ask to see me again afterward. Eventually we drift. He is being passive with you and not very serious. If he was serious or he was interested enough he would CALL you. Has he? I'm guessing not based on this information. If that's the case, it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara1989 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Share Posted December 20, 2016 Hey, thanks guys for the range of opinions. The only reason I am giving him currently the benefit of the doubt is that he has been like this from the start and he told me on the date, he doesnt like texting dates as he doesnt know what to say. He also been the one past few days to ask me out again, ask what day, what are we going to do?-he book a table. Its just reply times which drive me crazy. If we get to that second date friday Im going mention it and suggests he phones me instead. If not then bye as you need communication Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara1989 Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 UPDATE. Thought give an update, after finally confirming plans for tonight yesterday, I booked a babysitter and the guy has cancelled on me this morning:( I dont get what I am doing wrong, I know I did nothing wrong on the date. He seemed really into me, complimenting me, trying prolong the date, talking about future dates. He was the one to ask me out again. I am guessing why took so long to confirm was because he was waiting for an better offer from someone else? Seriously I have NO LUCK, some of it is my fault but I dont get what I am doing so wrong. I am in my 20s, dont think I am hideous but maybe I am. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedkla Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I wouldn't move on just yet. A lot of people play coy in the dating stage, and if it took him 8 hours it might be for scheduling reasons, shifting things on his calendar or waiting to see about something else he had going on. That said, that something else could be a date with another girl. Proceed, but slowly... Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 UPDATE. Thought give an update, after finally confirming plans for tonight yesterday, I booked a babysitter and the guy has cancelled on me this morning:( I dont get what I am doing wrong, I know I did nothing wrong on the date. He seemed really into me, complimenting me, trying prolong the date, talking about future dates. He was the one to ask me out again. I am guessing why took so long to confirm was because he was waiting for an better offer from someone else? Seriously I have NO LUCK, some of it is my fault but I dont get what I am doing so wrong. I am in my 20s, dont think I am hideous but maybe I am. How did he cancel? Was it for a good reason? The context is relevant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 How did he cancel? Was it for a good reason? The context is relevant. Exactly. You are assuming it was a fake cancel I'm guessing? What was the reason? was he apologetic? Did he know you had organised a babysitter? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Well, are we going to get an answer? Also, did he mention rescheduling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara1989 Posted December 24, 2016 Author Share Posted December 24, 2016 Exactly. You are assuming it was a fake cancel I'm guessing? What was the reason? was he apologetic? Did he know you had organised a babysitter? Yep! I was annoyed and actually told him I was not happy as I booked a sitter, I didnt believe him and that if he was not interested in me he should not have asked me out again and led me on for a week. Even IF the excuse was real the guy did not even bother pick up the phone to cancel nor did he when he got that text back from me, just an short text reply from him. Tennis elbow was the excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Tennis elbow was the excuse. Tenis elbow? Are you serious??? Oh girl, I'm sorry What a douche If he was really a stand up guy he wouldve called, been apologetic and rescheduled Next this one...you deserve better! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whitewitch Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 He's definitely just a bad texter!!! Nothing more. I'm a girl, and it sometimes takes me 2-5 hours to get back to a guy I like. I do it to everyone. It's mostly just a matter of not liking back and forth conversations very often online, and I also get annoyed when the person replies back immediately if it took me an hour to reply to them. In that circumstance, I feel obligated to reply back immediately even though I don't want to. There are many guys who are bad texters, get used to it Link to post Share on other sites
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