Where did this come from?

[Rationality]

Hi, its been a while since i wrote her. Sorry if its too long, i have to give you guys the full picture.

 

So, i will try to make this as short as possible.I work as a manager at this bar, and i recently met a girl(im 23, shes 20).Its been a while since i got back to the game in regards of women, Ever since my ex(been living together for a year and a half or so, ended quite bad)

 

She was everything i wanted.Sweet yet spicy, Beautiful in this special way.We hit it off pretty quickly, I got her number and we started talking on a daily basis.not just daily basis but really all day long.From the early morning to the second we go to sleep, We talked for hours and hours.Shes serving in the army so she gets home only for the weekends.

 

So bare with me here.we met a few times, she invited me to the beach and we went together with some of her friends.

Fast forward to the start of the week. She was supposed to come back on tuesday, and she told me how much she wants to see me.we both went on a real close talk about how much chimestry we have and how we cant wait.On this day i asked her to go out with me, officially. She agreed,and i said thursday would be best.

 

As she came back(tuesday), we sat in my car.We kissed for the first time, and were close as hell.it seemed to be going great.

The next day we had a party at the bar. She came and ended up leaving with me.We slept together and she stayed over.she started telling me how jealous she was hearing other girls at the bar calling my name, i explained her its part of the job and that i am for her only.

Needles to say i thought we were going too fast and asked her if shes sure, she seemed certain.

 

Next day.we has an awesome date, had dinner in this fancy resturant and afterwards she suggested we will go see a movie at my house. She came by and we slept together once again, she spent the night.

 

Friday and saturday nothing soecial, she went out with friends and i was working. We were still talking, on saturday i wanted to see her before she goes back to the army and eventually couldbt make it.

 

The last week was hell.she opened a course at the army and barley had time.i felt like she was dissapearing but when she had time she texted me. I was there for her and supported her through the harsh times over there, telling her im waiting to see her.

I tried asking her out on a second date, but she said she wouldnt make it because it shes leaving base really late on thursday. We agreed shell get back to me on this, with me aaying i dont mind if we go out or even just be together, no matter where. She agreed.

 

Thursday.im all fired up, waiting to see her.i missed her through this weekend and couldnt wait.

On about 7 pm i get a "i need to talk to you" from her.

She said shes too busy with the army, and that she "didnt miss me like she thought she would". She also said shes wanted to go serious and that she doesnt know whats the problem, she just didnt miss me as much as she thought.therfore she doesnt want to go on.

 

Of course i was shocked. It took me a while to respond and i told her it should of been done face to face. She ofcourse said she was afraid and couldnt handle it, and asked if we could still talk. I answered i cant, and that ill ghost her cause thats what i do best when people hurt me.

She said shes afraid she will regret it tomorrow and i told her i cant control it.she asked me to forgive her and i said im not mad, wished her well and it has ended.

 

Two days later she sent me a happy birthday, i said thanks and hat was that.

 

Its been a week since we talked. I dissapeared, deleted her number and all. I still cant really move on because i sont even know what happened here. Shes a regular at my bar, so i will probably see her at some point. How should i even behave, what the **** was that?

 

Thanks for reading. Would love to get some advice...

Edited May 27, 2016 by Rationality

[Dis]

Oh I'm sorry hun, I know you're hurt.

 

It sounds like she either changed her mind about you..... just got scared of the lack of healthy space between you two.....was scared of the idea of entering a relationship...or a combo of all three.

 

You did the right thing by shutting her down. Go NC now. She's shown you she's flightly...believe her and move on. Dont allow her to hurt you again.

 

She's young, she's got alot going on...she clearly wasnt at the right place to have a bf.

 

I do think she really liked you before she did a 180. Unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time...things change and end for unforseen reasons.

 

All you can do is accept that its over...accept that she doesnt have the maturity needed to have a relationship at this point.

 

If you see her at the bar be cordial but keep a healthy/professional distance...and be ready for your heart to sink into your stomach of course

 

After some time has passed things will get easier hun, time heals

 

In the future though...pls take things more slowly with girls though....relationships that start off fast and intense (the way yours did) end up burning out. Slow and steady wins the race.

 

Keep your chin up hun

[Rationality]

Oh I'm sorry hun, I know you're hurt.

 

It sounds like she either changed her mind about you..... just got scared of the lack of healthy space between you two.....was scared of the idea of entering a relationship...or a combo of all three.

 

You did the right thing by shutting her down. Go NC now. She's shown you she's flightly...believe her and move on. Dont allow her to hurt you again.

 

She's young, she's got alot going on...she clearly wasnt at the right place to have a bf.

 

I do think she really liked you before she did a 180. Unfortunately this type of thing happens all the time...things change and end for unforseen reasons.

 

All you can do is accept that its over...accept that she doesnt have the maturity needed to have a relationship at this point.

 

If you see her at the bar be cordial but keep a healthy/professional distance...and be ready for your heart to sink into your stomach of course

 

After some time has passed things will get easier hun, time heals

 

In the future though...pls take things more slowly with girls though....relationships that start off fast and intense (the way yours did) end up burning out. Slow and steady wins the race.

 

Keep your chin up hun

 

Hey. Thanks a lot for replying, First of all.

 

I do believe its a combination of all three from above. Also forgot to mention, She's had a two and half years boyfriend before me who left her and went for a trip overseas for about half a year. He is supposed to come back soon so I've heard, Maybe thats a reason too?Maybe wanting to get back together with him?

 

 

Anyways, I just felt real good with her. We didn't have too much time but in the time we had, It was magical. She knows a lot about me and i know tons about her, And i just can't seem to understand what was the actual reason to her ghosting on me like that. Especially after bringing up the jealous thing which really caught me off guard. One week you're jealous like hell and the other you're "not missing me?"

 

Geez.

 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what to do if she does come back. I don't know if i will be able to tell her no.

 

Thoughts?

Edited May 27, 2016 by Rationality

[Rationality]

Hey, Sorry for double posting.

 

She came to the bar today.At like 2 am, When we were already closing. I was just finishing my meal and leaving. Didn't pay attention to her whatsoever, No hello or anything. It was a real slap in the guts for me to see here like that after two frickin weeks. She was all giggly and laughing out loud. I know its all part of the act but boy, I just want this all to end.

 

Not getting any reply anyways lol, So I'm just venting. Cheers.

[Rationality]

Well, In addition to my earlier post which lacked comments(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/582616-where-did-come) I came to a thought that couldn't let me go.

 

Im 23. Ive loved and lost a few times, Been dumped more than i dumped to be honest, And i just can't seem to understand one thing. How can you unlove someone so fast?

 

Let me explain. Due to my experience with women, I just can't seem to be able to trust anyone anymore. My relationships and flings hit off real fast, Getting to the peak at an early time. It all seems to be going perfect, Im secretly even thinking "This could be the one"..And then boom. "we need to talk". Its killing me.

 

No one can really promise they won't wake up one day and just..Not feel it. Ive been dumped for three times in a row now, Basically had two flings, That ended as fast as it started. The other is my first serious relation ship that lasted a year and a half.

 

The one in the post above really hit me in the guts. One day we're all lovey-dovey with hearts above our heads, The other day we are absolute strangers. I see her and feel devastated.****ing devastated. How can you release feelings so fast?Jealousy?Routine?

 

Its scaring the **** out of me. Knowing that a person that i love to death today, Can become a villain tomorrow. Seeing my old lovers really hit me, Thinking "Meh, I used to think different of you. Really different"

 

 

Is there anyway, Psychologically to release those thoughts?How the hell am i supposed to trust someone, When all i experienced in love has got me thinking every potential love can be the most hated person in my book. How is that even possible?

 

Cheers.

Edited May 29, 2016 by Rationality

[sorano]

My mind can't grasp that thought either. My ex spoke to me about family, kids, wedding, showed me wedding rings, plans about our house, all that nonsense. You know what she told me? It was all a fantasy. she dumped me. Out of nowhere she wasn;t happy anymore. It was a huge fantasy she said. To me, it was all a lie. I don't know why nor do I care to find out because its just useless time. Id rather do something positive.

 

Yes. people change and say things they dont mean and just leave. Me, I am a man of my word. when I say something or do something, I mean it. I make sure its what I want and then I act. I am like that with everything. Not just a relationship.

 

Now I am not sure if this happened to you but I am going to turn it up a notch here. My ex made absolutely positively sure that she wanted to be with me and be a couple. I went through hell to break her walls down bc of her BAD PAST. She made SURE OVER AND OVER. Guess what? I STILL GOT DUMPED lmao!

 

Like I said, my mind can't grasp this how people say one thing than its another. Maybe I was raised different being old school italian? I have no idea.

[Satu]

OP:

 

All this comes from a misunderstand of what love is.

 

It isn't a gooey feeling in your chest, even though you might feel that.

 

It's not needing, or wanting, or craving, even though you might feel that.

 

It's not feeling that you can't live without someone, even though you might feel that.

 

Love is a verb.

 

Love is something something you do.

 

 

Take care.

[Rationality]

My mind can't grasp that thought either. My ex spoke to me about family, kids, wedding, showed me wedding rings, plans about our house, all that nonsense. You know what she told me? It was all a fantasy. she dumped me. Out of nowhere she wasn;t happy anymore. It was a huge fantasy she said. To me, it was all a lie. I don't know why nor do I care to find out because its just useless time. Id rather do something positive.

 

Yes. people change and say things they dont mean and just leave. Me, I am a man of my word. when I say something or do something, I mean it. I make sure its what I want and then I act. I am like that with everything. Not just a relationship.

 

Now I am not sure if this happened to you but I am going to turn it up a notch here. My ex made absolutely positively sure that she wanted to be with me and be a couple. I went through hell to break her walls down bc of her BAD PAST. She made SURE OVER AND OVER. Guess what? I STILL GOT DUMPED lmao!

 

Like I said, my mind can't grasp this how people say one thing than its another. Maybe I was raised different being old school italian? I have no idea.

 

That's exactly what I'm talking about. I used to be young and stupid. My first love was something i thought would be awesome, And it has ended. The second one who dumped me has really got me thinking "**** that. Never again".

 

Then the flings. For three weeks I'm all like "Ok.Dont forget what happened before.This time you need to be ****ing sure this girl is the one. no way I'm getting dumped again" and then i make sure. I check for signs, I see how things are going. First date, Check. First kiss?Check. Sex?Hell no. Love. We had love.

 

And then bang. It happens again. And in my mind, Im sure i checked all the boxes. what did i miss?

 

And it goes on, and on. I just can't trust no one anymore.

[sorano]

That's exactly what I'm talking about. I used to be young and stupid. My first love was something i thought would be awesome, And it has ended. The second one who dumped me has really got me thinking "**** that. Never again".

 

Then the flings. For three weeks I'm all like "Ok.Dont forget what happened before.This time you need to be ****ing sure this girl is the one. no way I'm getting dumped again" and then i make sure. I check for signs, I see how things are going. First date, Check. First kiss?Check. Sex?Hell no. Love. We had love.

 

And then bang. It happens again. And in my mind, Im sure i checked all the boxes. what did i miss?

 

And it goes on, and on. I just can't trust no one anymore.

 

spot on.

 

After what happened to me 5 months ago, I don't trust anyone anymore either. I honestly can't go on dates yet. Just can't. I don't even want to look at women or think about them at this time.

 

The messed up part is, she knew what my back round was. she knew how family was important to me, being honest, loyal, and my family values. she knew exactly who I was. so how can you lie in front of everybody, talk about family, talk about important things in life, make me fall for it, then throw me away like a old pair of shoes. You MUST realize and think before you get involved with someone and what there values are and where they come from.

 

Believe me I got stories lol. some people are never happy, dont know what they want, have no real strong morals, and will never be happy with any decision they make. Always regret.

 

Also, dont be upset if you see your ex with someone else or out and about. Our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortune.

[miafarrow]

Man, next time pick women who like you for being you.

 

Not someone who is in love with love.

 

Sometimes i test good people i date and start to care for. E.g. i am brutally honest and bring them and tell them bad parts of me eventually.... if they stick around and stay around it means they care if not... they cared about my boobs or feeling they got around me when i was all perfect... which mens they dont or never liked me for being me but that feeling of being in love amd lust....

i love to disappoint people at some point and observe because im not perfect. no one is amd i dont want to give them wrong picture of me they created in their head i want them to meet tje real me and like me for being me and accept me for who i am..'

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Just to clarify, you meet a girl recently who doesn't live locally due to her job, so you only have only spent limited one on one time in person while you have been dating, right?

 

If that is the case then I have to be honest, it sounds like you may have become emotionally invested too quickly. Not judging you.. we have all been guilty of it.

 

It sounds like she realized that things were going too fast when she told you that she didn't miss you like she thought she would. It is so easy to get caught up in the romance and going overboard on the texting every day. It can be very exciting at first, but when you rush things it can also fizzle out quickly. Better to make it a slow burn if you know what I mean.

 

You also mentioned her ex is returning soon which might mean there is some unfinished business for her. Perhaps without even realizing it she was trying to replace him with you, which seldom ever works.

 

My advice is to take things a bit slower next time. Don't let feelings of love or lust cloud your judgement until you have had more time to get to know the person you are seeing.

 

Although this was a disappointing and hurtful experience, I urge you not to give up on dating. With patience and a bit of luck, you will find someone right for you.

[joseb]

 

Im 23. Ive loved and lost a few times, Been dumped more than i dumped to be honest, And i just can't seem to understand one thing. How can you unlove someone so fast?

 

Cheers.

 

You don't "unlove" someone that fast.

What you had was a fling, where you got way way way too much emotionally invested (even before you met by the sounds of it)

Love, real love, takes time. Not a few days or weeks.

 

You need to separate the excitement phase of meeting someone new to the true feeling of love.

The excitement can wear off pretty quickly - overnight perhaps, when one person sees something they don't really like, or maybe someone else they like better.

 

Next time, try to keep your emotions in check. It will make your life a lot easier.

And you may also be scaring off partners if you seem to keen (and especially if you are dropping the L word inside of a few weeks)

 

p.s.

I'd always been kinda jealous of barmen, but it sucks in situations like this.

[Rationality]

You don't "unlove" someone that fast.

What you had was a fling, where you got way way way too much emotionally invested (even before you met by the sounds of it)

Love, real love, takes time. Not a few days or weeks.

 

You need to separate the excitement phase of meeting someone new to the true feeling of love.

The excitement can wear off pretty quickly - overnight perhaps, when one person sees something they don't really like, or maybe someone else they like better.

 

Next time, try to keep your emotions in check. It will make your life a lot easier.

And you may also be scaring off partners if you seem to keen (and especially if you are dropping the L word inside of a few weeks)

 

p.s.

I'd always been kinda jealous of barmen, but it sucks in situations like this.

Yeah well, It did start off as a fling. All the signs i mentioned earlier just made me really look away and start thinking "Hey, This could be going to a relationship"

 

Due to that, Getting a message of We need to talk all of a sudden was like a punch in the stomach. As she said, She wanted to get in a relationship with me. "She doesn't know what the problem".

 

I am guilty of getting attached too fast tho. The L word was never thrown between us, But we have been talking on and on about jealousy and relationship stuff. She started stating she is jealous when she sees women talk to me in the bar, And it made me tell her I'm all hers. How the hell can you all of a sudden not care anymore?Id never understand that.

 

I was ALL IN in regards of this woman. I remembered everything she said, I made sure she's ok when she was in the army. We were talking all day long, And the signs were about right. Even her friends loved me. Been telling me to "Take care of her" and stuff like that. This is no "I saw this coming" case. This is a pure "What the **** just happened?" case right there. Seeing her telling me she's just not there, And that "She doesn't miss me as much as she should" was like getting hit by a truck. Seeing her at my bar all giggly a week later was just the icing on the cake to my pain.

 

 

 

To your statement, It does suck sometimes to be involved in the bar industry in regards of women. As i stated, I have no problem of getting women, The problem is keeping them around. I need to learn that kisses are no contracts, And that sleep overs happen with one night stands as well.

 

Im just not the guy to invite the cab for the lady to take home. Im the one who TAKES them home actually.

 

Blah.

 

 

Just to clarify, you meet a girl recently who doesn't live locally due to her job, so you only have only spent limited one on one time in person while you have been dating, right?

 

If that is the case then I have to be honest, it sounds like you may have become emotionally invested too quickly. Not judging you.. we have all been guilty of it.

 

It sounds like she realized that things were going too fast when she told you that she didn't miss you like she thought she would. It is so easy to get caught up in the romance and going overboard on the texting every day. It can be very exciting at first, but when you rush things it can also fizzle out quickly. Better to make it a slow burn if you know what I mean.

 

You also mentioned her ex is returning soon which might mean there is some unfinished business for her. Perhaps without even realizing it she was trying to replace him with you, which seldom ever works.

 

My advice is to take things a bit slower next time. Don't let feelings of love or lust cloud your judgement until you have had more time to get to know the person you are seeing.

 

Although this was a disappointing and hurtful experience, I urge you not to give up on dating. With patience and a bit of luck, you will find someone right for you.

 

The problem is i have no idea how to take things slower. My relationships and flings are starting fast as hell. My first real relationship that lasted a year and a half started when we kissed, The next day we were together. The few months fair i had started when we slept together. This one started because we simply couldn't stop talking to each other, After seeing her once.

 

When i try to stop it, And this time i actually did-Telling her i think its too fast, And that we should slow things down just for the sake of keeping the interest-She wouldn't listen. After our first kiss it got closer to second base, Etc and i told her i can wait months before we have sex, And that i don't care about that at all. I told her she can take her time, And that i am not looking for sex nowadays. She insisted we'll have sex the third time we met. And the day after that. And that was it.

 

I just can't seem to understand. I feel like I've been led on, Used and then dumped. The only actual reason i can think of is the ex returning. Maybe wanting him back made her change her mind. Other than that?I don't think its human to lose interest that fast. One day she's jumping my balls and the other she's just not there. The ****?

 

Geez.

 

 

I would like to get your guys opinion on the way i handled this situation as well. She basically said she wants us to keep on talking. Due to past experience, This never works. I told her ill disappear on her completely. I even said I'm not sure ill be able to tell her hi if she comes by. She was really bummed out by the fact that i can't keep in touch. I told her thats the way i handle things that hurt me. She said "Well, I hope i will not regret this".

 

When she came by, I just ignored the whole thing.She did look at me a few times, And i could hear her point me out to her friends. I was in a dilemma if i should go by and act like everything is ok, Or just finish off and go home like i should. Eventually i just left the bar with no hello or good bye and that was it. Is that childish of me?I have no Fricking clue. Id feel like a hypocrite if id tell her hello and act like its all good. Im mad. Mad as hell.

Edited May 29, 2016 by Rationality

[Emilia]

She is 20, being an idiot goes with the territory, OP.

[Rationality]

She is 20, being an idiot goes with the territory, OP.

 

So is that what it is? An age thing?

 

I just cant seem to understand. When do they devlop emptions, plain and simple? No confusion, no bs. Is that too much to ask?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

So is that what it is? An age thing?

 

I just cant seem to understand. When do they devlop emptions, plain and simple? No confusion, no bs. Is that too much to ask?

 

Yes, age can be a factor. Think about it, last year she was a teenager. Girls that age can be fickle, but not every two will think and act the same.

 

The only way you can improve your chances of getting the type of girl you want is to take things slower, like I said. Texting all day everyday (or seeing them everyday) can build up a false sense of knowing someone.

 

Really getting to know someone takes time, which is a good thing because you can see whether they are genuinely interested in you, rather than looking for an instant boyfriend, rebound, or some other reason.

 

Sometimes people just connect and there is no slowing it down, but if you are the type of person who falls quickly then you have to learn a way of controlling it until you really know and trust the person with your heart.

 

 

I would like to get your guys opinion on the way i handled this situation as well. She basically said she wants us to keep on talking. Due to past experience, This never works. I told her ill disappear on her completely. I even said I'm not sure ill be able to tell her hi if she comes by. She was really bummed out by the fact that i can't keep in touch. I told her thats the way i handle things that hurt me. She said "Well, I hope i will not regret this".

 

When she came by, I just ignored the whole thing.She did look at me a few times, And i could hear her point me out to her friends. I was in a dilemma if i should go by and act like everything is ok, Or just finish off and go home like i should. Eventually i just left the bar with no hello or good bye and that was it. Is that childish of me?I have no Fricking clue. Id feel like a hypocrite if id tell her hello and act like its all good. Im mad. Mad as hell.

 

She sounds immature and a bit full of herself to be honest. Coming to the bar you work out to stare and giggle with her friends to rub it in your face and boast to her friends is rather pathetic.

 

I think you were right to ignore her and not reward her with any attention. You have every right to be annoyed by the situation, but feel proud of yourself by being mature enough not to play along with these silly games.

 

Had you taken longer to get to know her, you might have seen more signs of her immaturity which may have given you pause to reconsider your feelings for her.

 

If you want a great girlfriend you have to be smart about filtering out the duds.

[Satu]

If you think you can have a deep and meaningful long term relationship with any 20 year old girl, all I can say is good luck.

 

Lots and lots of very good luck.

Edited May 29, 2016 by Satu

[joseb]

OP. Nothing wrong with sleeping with her on the third date, IMHO.

Personally I like to make sure we are sexually compatible early.

However, I don't think "that's it" just because I sleep with her.

I also don't message anyone constantly, especially someone I just met. Dont do that. And it takes two to tango. You say she "refused" to stop/slow down. Well. Why didn't you.

 

To me, it sounds like she was horny, wanted someone to have sex with, enjoyed it for a bit, and decided that she got what she needed for now and is looking for the next fling. She's 20. It's not unusual.

[Rationality]

OP. Nothing wrong with sleeping with her on the third

date, IMHO.

Personally I like to make sure we are sexually compatible early.

However, I don't think "that's it" just because I sleep with her.

I also don't message anyone constantly, especially someone I just met. Dont do that. And it takes two to tango. You say she "refused" to stop/slow down. Well. Why didn't you.

 

To me, it sounds like she was horny, wanted someone to have sex with, enjoyed it for a bit, and decided that she got what she needed for now and is looking for the next fling. She's 20. It's not unusual.

No no. Thats the thing, There was no Third date. It was the second time we were ALONE together, The first time we had sex. The day before that was our first kiss in the car, And second base..and The day after that was our FIRST DATE, In which i took her to dinner and then she suggested we go "See a movie in your place"

 

I know it comes off as she was horny or any thing like that. But man, The other signs were there too. We were heading down the relationship road. All the "Im jealous when other girls talk to you", Even after we had sex and she slept here, She messaged me it was "The happiest she's ever been, Sleeping on your chest like that". It was pure chemistry. Thats why it drives me crazy, This **** could not disappear this fast.

 

During our three weeks all day talking we got to know each other by the bone. I know her favorite food, her best friends and her preferences in life. I know what she's planning on doing and when she's going to finish it, Etc. And she likewise.

 

 

That smells like a relationship right there. No connection whatsoever to being horny. The sex wasn't sex. It sounds corny but man, It was pure love. I know flings, Ive done em and I've had pretty much enough of em.Thats not the case..

 

Sigh, Im really bummed out by that. It took a me almost a year to get back out there after I've been brutally dumped by text. And here it goes again.

 

Maybe i should just go **** the brains out of any girl possible. I should shut down my feelings for a while i guess. Its doing nothing but bad to me.

 

 

Yes, age can be a factor. Think about it, last year she was a teenager. Girls that age can be fickle, but not every two will think and act the same.

 

The only way you can improve your chances of getting the type of girl you want is to take things slower, like I said. Texting all day everyday (or seeing them everyday) can build up a false sense of knowing someone.

 

Really getting to know someone takes time, which is a good thing because you can see whether they are genuinely interested in you, rather than looking for an instant boyfriend, rebound, or some other reason.

 

Sometimes people just connect and there is no slowing it down, but if you are the type of person who falls quickly then you have to learn a way of controlling it until you really know and trust the person with your heart.

 

 

 

 

She sounds immature and a bit full of herself to be honest. Coming to the bar you work out to stare and giggle with her friends to rub it in your face and boast to her friends is rather pathetic.

 

I think you were right to ignore her and not reward her with any attention. You have every right to be annoyed by the situation, but feel proud of yourself by being mature enough not to play along with these silly games.

 

Had you taken longer to get to know her, you might have seen more signs of her immaturity which may have given you pause to reconsider your feelings for her.

 

If you want a great girlfriend you have to be smart about filtering out the duds.

 

Sure, I do know it takes time to know the person. The thing is, I feel like i know her a lot more than i should at this point. And so does she. We told each other things we don't tell anyone. From my side at least, She knows things only my closest friends know.

 

She did come off as immature when she came by the bar. As we finished talking she stated she will "See me at the bar,And hopefully i will be able to say hello to her by then". She told me in advance she WILL come to the bar and see me there. No idea whats the point of that.

 

She didn't seem immature when i talked to her. Guess theres a lot more reveal. Cheers.

Edited May 29, 2016 by Rationality

[Rationality]

If you think you can have a deep and meaningful long term relationship with any 20 year old girl, all I can say is good luck.

 

Lots and lots of very good luck.

 

Cheers mate. I guess there is something in what you are saying. My relationships are based on girls that are younger than me. I don't know why, It drives me crazy.

 

I guess age does have something to do with that. I wished she'd be more mature and burst the myth. Guess not.

[katiegrl]

OP, I am sure she was very into you, wanted a relationship and meant everything she said, when she said it.

 

But if you learn anything from this experience, learn this.

 

Women in their 20s are FICKLE.

 

Their feelings can change on a dime!

 

Not proud of this but when I was 20 I was SUPER into this guy one day, wantrd a RL, all of it, and the next day I lost interest cuz I didn't like his shoes!

 

Do not ever ever trust what a woman in her early 20s says to you for a long time!

 

Let her earn your trust!

 

In fact that is a good rule of thumb no matter what age she is.

 

And this advice is for women too.... re men.

 

Trust should be earned and that takes time... for everyone.

[PinkElephants]

For three weeks I'm all like "Ok.Dont forget what happened before.This time you need to be ****ing sure this girl is the one. no way I'm getting dumped again"

 

what did i miss?

What you missed is that you can't ensure that you don't get dumped. Relationships end after days, months and decades.

 

What you also missed is that you can't determine that a person is the one after three weeks. It might feel good but that doesn't mean it has lasting potential or that she's into you the same way.

 

No confusion, no bs. Is that too much to ask?

Unfortunately, it is. People get confused sometimes and it's not realistic to demand that they 100% certain and hopelessly into you after a couple dates.

 

We were heading down the relationship road. All the "Im jealous when other girls talk to you", Even after we had sex and she slept here, She messaged me it was "The happiest she's ever been, Sleeping on your chest like that". It was pure chemistry. Thats why it drives me crazy, This **** could not disappear this fast.

 

During our three weeks all day talking we got to know each other by the bone. I know her favorite food, her best friends and her preferences in life. I know what she's planning on doing and when she's going to finish it, Etc. And she likewise.

 

That smells like a relationship right there. No connection whatsoever to being horny. The sex wasn't sex. It sounds corny but man, It was pure love. I know flings, Ive done em and I've had pretty much enough of em.Thats not the case..

Knowing her favorite color doesn't make her your soulmate. You went out twice, you boned, she decided she didn't want you. Such is life.

 

Nothing disappeared so fast because, at least to her, there was nothing there. She changed her mind which she's entitled to do and you need to cope with the reality that this wasn't some star crossed love affair; it was three weeks of talking and a bit of bodily fluid exchanged.

 

You seem to think her decision to leave you was immature. So you think the mature thing is to fall head over heels in love with you in three weeks? You think not wanting you equals immaturity?

 

I think the immature one with unrealistic expectations is you.

[Rationality]

What you missed is that you can't ensure that you don't get dumped. Relationships end after days, months and decades.

 

What you also missed is that you can't determine that a person is the one after three weeks. It might feel good but that doesn't mean it has lasting potential or that she's into you the same way.

 

 

Unfortunately, it is. People get confused sometimes and it's not realistic to demand that they 100% certain and hopelessly into you after a couple dates.

 

 

Knowing her favorite color doesn't make her your soulmate. You went out twice, you boned, she decided she didn't want you. Such is life.

 

Nothing disappeared so fast because, at least to her, there was nothing there. She changed her mind which she's entitled to do and you need to cope with the reality that this wasn't some star crossed love affair; it was three weeks of talking and a bit of bodily fluid exchanged.

 

You seem to think her decision to leave you was immature. So you think the mature thing is to fall head over heels in love with you in three weeks? You think not wanting you equals immaturity?

 

I think the immature one with unrealistic expectations is you.

You got it pretty wrong. I didn't say she's immature for leaving. I did agree with one of the posts above, Saying it was quite immature to come to the bar i work in with friends and give me glances.

 

Don't take this the wrong way. I was yet to see her as my soulmate, Nor the one. She was a relationship material to me, Thats all. And needless to say she was the one starting all the relation ship talk. Im mad because i feel like I've been led on for three weeks. It was much deeper than "Knowing her favorite color" , And i would like you to trust me on that.

 

As i said, It was like being in a roller coaster for three weeks and then just crashing down, Without any heads up. It was like having fun riding a horse without the polite take down when the ride is finished.

 

I agree people can change thoughts, And change mind about the person they go out with. I can't agree with this happening within days. Thats all.

 

Secondly, I did mention i had flings. Im not new to any dating scene at all, Im just fed up with it. When someone is into me i know it, And when someone is not, Well i know it too. If theres something i can say about myself is that I'm realistic.

 

This one was a thing that started real fast, And ended as quick as it started. Im just bummed out by the whole situation, As i fail to understand how a thing like that can change within days.

 

Cheers

[Jiggs]

I can definitely empathize with your situation. However, I do think you moved a little too fast and didn't set clear expectations for the relationship from the beginning. This might be the reason why her feelings toward you changed so abruptly. Going forward, you should control the pace even if she wants to move fast. This will make her more invested in a long-term relationship with you because you're more of a challenge to her.

[Rationality]

I can definitely empathize with your situation. However, I do think you moved a little too fast and didn't set clear expectations for the relationship from the beginning. This might be the reason why her feelings toward you changed so abruptly. Going forward, you should control the pace even if she wants to move fast. This will make her more invested in a long-term relationship with you because you're more of a challenge to her.

 

You know, I understand why you're saying. I truly agree with this, And to be honest?I agreed with this before i even went in to this thing in the first place.

 

The FIRST thing i had in mind when we started talking was "This is happening way too fast"

 

Needless to say that after we kissed, I stated that we're moving too fast. I even backed up a little, And asked her to slow down because I'm not in this for sex. Hell, I even told her that i can wait months. I don't need any of it. Seriously.

 

She gave me a glance, Thanked me for being so "Nice" and the day after that we slept together. Again, Me saying its too fast, Her denying it. As i was doing it i knew it was way too fast, But man. I wouldn't feel good if i made her stop.

 

I just don't know how to slow things down. I say it, I mean it. I know its hurting my future chances. Somehow, A little voice in my head is saying "It will be ok" and thats it. Im all there.

 

 

Geez. I feel ****ed up.