RoosterFrame Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) I'm dealing with the difficulties of dating around the holidays. Here's the background on my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/562494-great-first-official-date-no-kiss-she-interested Cliffs notes version. Went on a date on on Dec. 18 w/ my supervisor at work. Date lasted 7 hours. She extended the date. She stayed in my car for 45 minutes after the date but her body language suggested she didn't want to be kissed and she didn't invite me up. She left 2 days after our date for a week with family, got back yesterday and left again today for another road trip with her girlfriends for the New Year. On the 23rd, I sent her a direct text asking her out for a fun daytime date including food and tree climbing (something she mentioned she loves) if she had a window between trips. Given its time commitment (2-3 hours) and that it requires daylight, date is best done on a weekend or day off. She responded within an hour with the following: "That sounds super fun but I'm getting back on the 26the and leaving early the 27th. Gonna need to run around and get also minute supplies and pack. Maybe another day?" I was pretty busy that day (I went on a date and then went to a Christmas party with a bunch of friends) and couldn't send a thoughtful response until 7 hours later which was about 1am her time. My text read: "For sure. I get back from my climbing trip on the 3rd -- let’s shoot for sometime after that! Let me know if you still want the water jug or any other camping supplies and we’ll connect -- I also have a big stack of wood you’re welcome to if y’all want firewood. Hung out with a crew tonight who just got back from [where you're going] and they were glowing. Enjoy! : )" I didn't get a response back. Honestly, I don't feel too bad about that. I didn't ask a question, took 7 hours to respond, sent it at 1am, and the next day was Christmas Eve. My primary objective was to communicate that we'll reconnect for sure after the 3rd - since it was 11 days away at the time I sent that text, it's a bit too far out for me (and probably her) to make plans. Did her text response to my date request seem like she's interested and just busy or just blowing me off? Why? Personally, I took it as a sign of interest but not a priority which is understandable. She flew back into town after being gone for a week. Then, in the same day, had to buy camping supplies and pack for a weeklong road trip to the desert the next morning. I also know she's not making that up because she had told me her tentative travel plans during our first date and her best friend and her boyfriend invited me to hang out later and brought it up as well. Edited December 27, 2015 by RoosterFrame Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 If I was her it would be a sign of interest, but for some people it wouldn't. Time will tell just forget about it for now. Send her a happy new year text and then see what happens when she's back Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I would read it as "interested but busy" until you have signs otherwise. She had a very valid excuse for not being able to get together that day. If she was completely uninterested she probably would have just said "Sorry, I can't" or not responded at all. Hang back during the holidays (I don't even think you should text), and then give her a couple of days to relax/settle down once she's back from her trip. After that try initiating plans again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoosterFrame Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Hang back during the holidays (I don't even think you should text), and then give her a couple of days to relax/settle down once she's back from her trip. After that try initiating plans again. That's what I plan to do. Can you or anyone give any literal + practical advice on how you would initiate again? Some things to help provide context... 1. She asked me to hang out twice this summer and I blew her off because I was seeing another girl (she didn't know that). 2. A few months ago, I was out with her and a group of friends before and a couple of hot, young Australian girls began flirting with me and I pretty much immersed myself in that and ignored her. 3. I've said things before in passing at the office (not thinking) like "Oh, we should do this or that sometime" and not followed through. 4. Some of the guys in our office have asked me about my "all my Tinder pickup lines" in front of her. 5. Other than this date, every other time I've asked her to hang out has been less than 24hrs notice and she's come. She had 48hrs notice for our actual date and cancelled other plans to go with me. I could be creating excuses for her, but based on her memory, I think she may have reason to be skeptical and cautious with me. I get that she may have some confusion. That said, I am interested in her for something more than a casual hookup and would like to show that without seeming to eager. Edited December 28, 2015 by RoosterFrame Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 How about this...just leave it. Just keep it simple and ask her out again when she is done with her holiday crap. It will not make any difference how you ask her out or initiate contact...not a hill of beans will it matter. It will not alter her level of interest. Just forget about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sin miedo Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 How about this...just leave it. Just keep it simple and ask her out again when she is done with her holiday crap. It will not make any difference how you ask her out or initiate contact...not a hill of beans will it matter. It will not alter her level of interest. Just forget about. This. You're totally overthinking and overanalyzing the situation. Just sit back and chill for a couple days, and then touch base later. Honestly, some of the analysis in your posts reeks of desperation, and women can smell that from a mile away. Don't over-invest too quickly! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoosterFrame Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Honestly, some of the analysis in your posts reeks of desperation, and women can smell that from a mile away. @sin miedo of course I'm desperate. I'm on an internet forum seeking love advice! I get your point. And that's honestly why I come to these forums is to be made aware of this. I'm going to ask you a real question and would prefer an honest answer -- not a condescending cut down -- has my communication up to this point with her given off that vibe in your opinion? That's a genuine question with the goal of learning. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 @sin miedo of course I'm desperate. I'm on an internet forum seeking love advice! I get your point. And that's honestly why I come to these forums is to be made aware of this. I'm going to ask you a real question and would prefer an honest answer -- not a condescending cut down -- has my communication up to this point with her given off that vibe in your opinion? That's a genuine question with the goal of learning. I know you are asking Sin Miedo, but HELL YES!! Your last text was cringeworthy at most!! A super lengthy uneccessary blob of text. You should have just responded like a gentleman - "Sure, let me know when you're next free. Happy holidays!" That's it. Plain and simple. Without the whole load of drama about who buy what, water jug and what not. You are totally overthinking this and any confident, sane girl would feel suffocated. Relax and let it flow naturally!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoosterFrame Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Ok. Clearly overthinking it. Agreed. Apparently f*cked up the last text. Thanks for your honesty too. Did I blow it with that last text? I know the obvious answer is, "only she knows". I'm asking if it was that bad. As in unrecoverable bad in your opinions. I'm seriously asking. Because that text seemed a little over the top to me, but honestly not that bad (to me) all things considered. Cringeworthy at most? What does that mean? Cringeworthy at best? Seriously -- it was that bad? I had told her I'd give her some things for the trip if she wanted them. This girl's demonstrated a lot of insecurity in her interactions with me and I've demonstrated some flakiness. I was trying to show a lack of flakiness and make her feel secure in reaching out. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Ok. Clearly overthinking it. Agreed. Apparently f*cked up the last text. Thanks for your honesty too. Did I blow it with that last text? I know the obvious answer is, "only she knows". I'm asking if it was that bad. As in unrecoverable bad in your opinions. I'm seriously asking. Because that text seemed a little over the top to me, but honestly not that bad (to me) all things considered. Cringeworthy at most? What does that mean? Cringeworthy at best? Seriously -- it was that bad? I had told her I'd give her some things for the trip if she wanted them. This girl's demonstrated a lot of insecurity in her interactions with me and I've demonstrated some flakiness. I was trying to show a lack of flakiness and make her feel secure in reaching out. Don't worry. Just don't send anymore of those kind of texts. For now, R-E-L-A-X. Let her do her holiday thing and let her get back to you. Do not send anymore needy-sounding texts. Chill, hang out with the guys, watch a movie, live your life. When she texts you again, you'll have your answer. If she doesn't, it's not the end of the world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoosterFrame Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Got it. So your advice is to not contact her again period? (she's my supervisor so I have to work with her) Link to post Share on other sites
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