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Why does it take me so long to get over guys I just dated?


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Old 31st October 2015, 10:35 PM   #1
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Why does it take me so long to get over guys I just dated?

I dated the last guy not even for 3 months and we ended it about 2 months ago. I still think about him!! It shouldn't be that serious. He gave me the classic version of its not you, its me. Its just so hard to meet a decent guy. It seems like when one relationship doesn't progress I can go 6 months to a year before I meet anyone of quality again.

I started to Online date and after I talk to some of these guys it just makes me think about how calm, cool and how much of a sweetheart the last guy was. People are so strange these days lol People say "move on". Well, I'm trying and it just seems to backfire. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice? I'm 32.
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Old 31st October 2015, 11:42 PM   #2
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It's definitely hard to meet someone you connect with on a emotional, physical and intellectual level. Since it's hard, maybe you're reminiscing about your ex or haven't completely gotten over him.

Just give it time, you can't force yourself or dictate the pace on how fast you get over someone. Some people just take longer to get over than others.
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Old 31st October 2015, 11:59 PM   #3
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You invest too quickly because you like the idea of a future and love with someone...Anyone who isn't strange will do...you don't actually even know the guys in that period of time. Determine why you need love and commitment to feel whole, then work on loving yourself and creating stronger self esteem.
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Old 1st November 2015, 12:43 AM   #4
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I'm sure your feelings for this guy took a little time to develop, so it may take some time for the feelings to go away. They probably won't go away instantly overnight. Most women aren't like that. We heat up like ovens, and cool off like ovens (in other words....gradually).

Just give yourself time, focus on something else, focus on yourself, get into a hobby, try to get back into the dating game again, but don't compare every guy to your ex. It wouldn't be fair if a guy did that to you would it? So try to give new guys a fair chance.

I know it can be hard, because like someone mentioned, you're sort of mourning the loss of a relationship that could have been, and that isn't always an easy thing to get over. It can be especially difficult if you know that it takes you a long time to find someone else that you are interested in and in the beginning there can be so much hope and promise of a real serious relationship, so when that hope is dashed, it can feel really hopeless.

But just hang in there. I'm actually getting over a guy myself, and while it hasn't been easy, every single day I think I think about him less and less. It WILL get easier!
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Old 1st November 2015, 1:16 AM   #5
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This is why I love this forum. These 3 posts were a big help. Thank you all for taking time to reply. And I will take all the advice in and try to apply it. I am at my friend's house now for Halloween movies and drinks. It's definitely helps to get out. Sometimes though when couples are around it makes me feel worse lol
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Old 1st November 2015, 1:38 PM   #6
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I'm the same way. I find it real hard to get over people. I find myself thinking about them all the time and comparing every other girl to her. It makes moving on very hard. It doesn't even take me three months to get this way.

The only thing that works for me is removing the incentive to reminisce. Delete texts and whatsapp conversations. Don't check their Facebook or other social media and get on with life. See friends like you have. I agree though. Running in to other couples is annoying to say the least. I went to a friends for dinner last night and she announced her new guy who she's been dating was joining us. oh is he! excellent, that'll definitely get my mind of things.
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Old 1st November 2015, 2:24 PM   #7
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I went to a friends for dinner last night and she announced her new guy who she's been dating was joining us. oh is he! excellent, that'll definitely get my mind of things.
Oh no!! Is this the girl you dated? She brought her new guy to dinner? If that's the case I think I would just rather stay home lol
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Old 1st November 2015, 5:05 PM   #8
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Oh no!! Is this the girl you dated? She brought her new guy to dinner? If that's the case I think I would just rather stay home lol
God no! That would be awkward. Just a friend. Going to dinner with her would definitely be breaking my try not to think about her by distracting myself plan.
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Old 1st November 2015, 7:21 PM   #9
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I dated the last guy not even for 3 months and we ended it about 2 months ago. I still think about him!! It shouldn't be that serious. He gave me the classic version of its not you, its me. Its just so hard to meet a decent guy. It seems like when one relationship doesn't progress I can go 6 months to a year before I meet anyone of quality again.

I started to Online date and after I talk to some of these guys it just makes me think about how calm, cool and how much of a sweetheart the last guy was. People are so strange these days lol People say "move on". Well, I'm trying and it just seems to backfire. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice? I'm 32.
Welcome to the club. People can feel disappointed and glum over a failed connection, whether it lasted three weeks or three years. Still, others can wipe their hands clean and bounce right back even after a failed long-term relationship. A lot of it has to do with attachment styles and personality. There's nothing 'wrong' with you for it. It happens to me all the time. I'm a 31 year old male, and yes, good connections come along for me about as often they do for you.
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Old 1st November 2015, 7:31 PM   #10
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Its just so hard to meet a decent guy. It seems like when one relationship doesn't progress I can go 6 months to a year before I meet anyone of quality again.
You already responded. I feel the same. Ugh.

Also agree that a lot people are really weird these days.
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Old 1st November 2015, 9:56 PM   #11
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I know you feel. I find it hard, not because I think the guy's the bee's knees but because I've let some of my wall down and allowed myself to be vulnerable around the guy. Sometimes it's hard even if you haven't been together long because the feelings can be quite intense.
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Old 1st November 2015, 11:30 PM   #12
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Thank you guys for not making me feel like more of a loser lol I'm kind of taken aback because the guy I have been talking about sent me a "Hey how was your Halloween? What did you dress up as?" text earlier. I answered just as I normally would. I contacted him last week after almost 2 months about an inside joke (my other post was about him) and since we have had some text exchanges 4 out of the 7 days. When I try to end the conversation he tries to keep it going but I don't want to force anything so when there's nothing left to say I just stop responding. I'm not going to get excited over texts but if he asks me on a date I would probably go to see how it would turn out.

I started a new exercise routine (even though I'm thin I heard it helps with your mood) and as I mentioned earlier started Online dating, which has often times made me feel worse lol. I have a date lined up for next weekend so I'm in the process of just not caring about how things turn out with anyone and just go with the flow.

One thing I have learned from this forum from most of the questions posted by men is that it seems like the less the girl is invested the more the guy cares lol I guess my attitude right now is the perfect attitude for dating
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Old 2nd November 2015, 1:06 AM   #13
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I'm in the process of just not caring about how things turn out with anyone and just go with the flow [...] One thing I have learned from this forum from most of the questions posted by men is that it seems like the less the girl is invested the more the guy cares lol I guess my attitude right now is the perfect attitude for dating
Good for you for being able to be flexible and 'go with the flow', if nothing else then for your own sanity. BUT...be careful with the whole being less invested angle. Guys can and do play this angle as well. What winds up happening is it turns into a power struggle over who can care the least, but both people can wind up hurting quietly and pining for each other and it's not so obvious. This really has the potential to vitiate a budding relationship. I would encourage you to be flexible, so even if you have to appear less invested on the front line, know it's okay from time to time to show your cards a little and hint for more. When done right, this can be powerful if the other person wants the same thing. I don't like to think of it as playing games as much as 'respecting tension'
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Old 2nd November 2015, 1:17 AM   #14
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Good for you for being able to be flexible and 'go with the flow', if nothing else then for your own sanity. BUT...be careful with the whole being less invested angle. Guys can and do play this angle as well. What winds up happening is it turns into a power struggle over who can care the least, but both people can wind up hurting quietly and pining for each other and it's not so obvious. This really has the potential to vitiate a budding relationship. I would encourage you to be flexible, so even if you have to appear less invested on the front line, know it's okay from time to time to show your cards a little and hint for more. When done right, this can be powerful if the other person wants the same thing. I don't like to think of it as playing games as much as 'respecting tension'
You are absolutely right and I agree with you 100%. I just said that because I actually feel like I can stay with having no expectations (right now) Its still early in the "game" lol but I do have a whatever happens, happens attitude. He is actually still texting me between innings of the world series game lol I'm actually pretty exhausted so I'm probably not going to reply any more tonight because I'll probably end up falling asleep.

Thanks you for helping I do not post a lot but I read this forum daily. There are lots of good people on here with good things to say whether people want to hear it or not lol
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Old 2nd November 2015, 4:02 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by ShyLove View Post
I dated the last guy not even for 3 months and we ended it about 2 months ago. I still think about him!! It shouldn't be that serious. He gave me the classic version of its not you, its me. Its just so hard to meet a decent guy. It seems like when one relationship doesn't progress I can go 6 months to a year before I meet anyone of quality again.

I started to Online date and after I talk to some of these guys it just makes me think about how calm, cool and how much of a sweetheart the last guy was. People are so strange these days lol People say "move on". Well, I'm trying and it just seems to backfire. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice? I'm 32.
I am sorry you have not been able to forget about me...
What can I say..im just that great
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