Boyfriend did MDMA with one of his good friends this weekend.

[acapelo_dp]

My boyfriend and I have been dating a total of a year and a half. We do not live together but we always have fun spending time together, rarely have arguments, and generally the relationship is going well. We recently went on our first vacation together and it was amazing. He treats me with respect and does nice things for me.

 

My boyfriend drinks socially and so do I (We are 24 years old). We don't go out too often due to financial stresses (living in an expensive city) and also I work on weekends. However, occasionally he does go out with some of his guy friends which is totally okay with me. He told me months ago that he occasionally has done drugs in the past (tried cocaine once, MDMA a couple times, mushrooms once) all within years/months not frequently. This kind of shocked me and bothered me, as I am quite turned off by guys who do hard drugs even recreational.

 

On Friday night I texted him saying that we should get together sometime this weekend after I'm finished work, and have some wine and watch a movie together. He responded "Yeah sure! I'm not looking to do too much this weekend." and I said "Cool maybe you could bring over the wine you have at your house already!" and he said "Yeah sound good, want to do this tomorrow night then?" I said "Sure!" and afterwards I texted him at 10:30pm asking him a question about the gym, and he didn't respond until 11am the next morning. Which is normal, we don't text all day everyday, however I felt something was off..

 

The next day (yesterday) he called me around 5:30pm when I was at work and asked what the plan was for the evening. I told him I thought he knew already, he could bring wine etc. I asked how his night was and he said "It was alright, went to a bar with friend "A" last night. Just woke up from a nap." Right then I knew he seemed suspicious because firstly he hardly randomly calls me, and he kept it short. Anyways I found out he did MDMA with friend "A" and was out all night.

 

We talked about it last night, he came over. I told him I felt like he was hiding something from me and I wish he would have communicated this to me. He said that he was sorry my feelings were hurt and yes he should have told me, however he said he isn't sorry for *doing* the drug as he enjoys it a couple times a year, he said he wants to do mushrooms sometime in the summer for the next use. I told him that I was NOT okay with this, I mean it's his choice however he should take into account how I feel about it. I work with drug users, grew up around them and it just bothers me. He knew this as I explained this to him when we were dating 4 months, when he first told me about the past use.

 

Do you think I am over reacting? I mean this isn't a deal breaker if he can take my feelings into account. I am perfectly okay with social drinking and even weed on occasion as I have smoked before, however hard drugs are on my list of no-no's....or should I lighten up?

 

Thoughts/advice?

[oberkeat]

Only you can decide for yourself what type of behavior you're willing to tolerate from your partner. Sounds like you laid it out for him pretty clearly. If he doesn't give up these types of drugs, after you've asked him not to (in which case, he'd essentially be choosing the drugs over you) you can either live with it, or dump him.

[Conners]

I can really relate to you, my boyfriend and I are early 20s and he has a habit of doing recreational drugs every so often. We have fought about it, cried over it, broken up over it - however this was mainly over his habit of smoking pot heavily. He's given that up for me and got his life sorted so I don't give him a hard time when he does recreational drugs, he knows I'm not a fan of it but he's young and he will grow out of it eventually. I don't touch drugs at all now but I was no saint in the past either.

 

Perhaps it's the same case with your boyfriend, he's just enjoying his time being young and will grow out of it. It's not like he's on the crack pipe or shooting up. If you really don't like his habit, you should leave him, don't give him an ultimatum because that just leads to more lies and fights.

[acapelo_dp]

I can really relate to you, my boyfriend and I are early 20s and he has a habit of doing recreational drugs every so often. We have fought about it, cried over it, broken up over it - however this was mainly over his habit of smoking pot heavily. He's given that up for me and got his life sorted so I don't give him a hard time when he does recreational drugs, he knows I'm not a fan of it but he's young and he will grow out of it eventually. I don't touch drugs at all now but I was no saint in the past either.

 

Perhaps it's the same case with your boyfriend, he's just enjoying his time being young and will grow out of it. It's not like he's on the crack pipe or shooting up. If you really don't like his habit, you should leave him, don't give him an ultimatum because that just leads to more lies and fights.

 

Thanks for the response. Yeah basically I just told him that even if I said "drugs or me" he would just do it behind my back and that's not healthy which he agreed. I did however, tell him how I felt about it and it is something that is on my list of preferences in a partner. It's up to him to take my feelings into consideration or not I guess.

[Conners]

Thanks for the response. Yeah basically I just told him that even if I said "drugs or me" he would just do it behind my back and that's not healthy which he agreed. I did however, tell him how I felt about it and it is something that is on my list of preferences in a partner. It's up to him to take my feelings into consideration or not I guess.

 

Yeah I understand how you feel. You feel like they are choosing drugs over you and it's actually such an awful thing because your'e questioning his love for you.

 

I said that many times to my boyfriend - how could you put drugs before me!? His perspective was that I was trying to tell him what to do and how to live his life and that he's young and wants to love me and have fun with his friends and do and enjoy the same things they do. As I have done recreational drugs in the past I know how much it sucks for your friends to be on them and not you. You could think about it this way, what if your boyfriend wasn't a drinker and he told you he didn't like you going out with your friends drinking? Would you feel like he was trying to control you a bit?

 

I am not defending your boyfriends actions by the way, it's a difficult situation on both sides. Can I ask are you worried about any dangerous side effects from him taking MDMA or that he might do something stupid such as cheat on you whilst on it?

Edited February 1, 2015 by Conners

[acapelo_dp]

Yeah I understand how you feel. You feel like they are choosing drugs over you and it's actually such an awful thing because your'e questioning his love for you.

 

I said that many times to my boyfriend - how could you put drugs before me!? His perspective was that I was trying to tell him what to do and how to live his life and that he's young and wants to love me and have fun with his friends and do and enjoy the same things they do. As I have done recreational drugs in the past I know how much it sucks for your friends to be on them and not you. You could think about it this way, what if your boyfriend wasn't a drinker and he told you he didn't like you going out with your friends drinking? Would you feel like he was trying to control you a bit?

 

I am not defending your boyfriends actions by the way, it's a difficult situation on both sides. Can I ask are you worried about any dangerous side effects from him taking MDMA or that he might do something stupid such as cheat on you whilst on it?

 

 

Yeah and I definitely don't want to tell him how to live his life, that is why I am not saying "drugs or me!" because I would not enjoy it if he told me he didn't want me drinking. Because I do like to go out on occasion..

 

Well, I am not worried about him cheating on me at all. I trust him in that regard completely. It's mostly the fact that he likes "drugs" in general, cocaine is the one that scared me the most. I don't know how he could do that just once... it's such a physically dependent drug. Mostly I just don't know much about MDMA, worried about the effects. For example he was irritable today, looked so tired, and couldn't get an erection when we tried to have sex..

[Conners]

Yeah and I definitely don't want to tell him how to live his life, that is why I am not saying "drugs or me!" because I would not enjoy it if he told me he didn't want me drinking. Because I do like to go out on occasion..

 

Well, I am not worried about him cheating on me at all. I trust him in that regard completely. It's mostly the fact that he likes "drugs" in general, cocaine is the one that scared me the most. I don't know how he could do that just once... it's such a physically dependent drug. Mostly I just don't know much about MDMA, worried about the effects. For example he was irritable today, looked so tired, and couldn't get an erection when we tried to have sex..

 

I don't think it's a dependent drug as such. From my understanding its just a more pure form of ecstasy. I guess his behavior today was just him coming down. Very annoying when you guys had planned something and he's irritable.

[labayer]

I have tried MDMA too and (maybe because of that) I don't think it's a big deal. IF he was doing this every weekend, it would be a big deal. But if he does this once in let's say six months, I really don't see the problem. He's not an addict.

I do understand that you're worried and that you don't like it, but I doubt he's not going to do it anymore because of you. So either you're ok with that or you have to dump him.

[amaysngrace]

That drug makes you horny as a mofo. It makes you just want to touch and be touched.

 

And makes you love everyone.

[Noproblem]

You work with them

you know they never leave their drugs

 

 

so, he won't change

 

Better leave him now than one day finding him dead of an overdose

or seeing him get into jail because the police had nothing better to do, they decided to catch the users instead of the drug dealers

 

or one of the dealer tried a new drug on him, and beat him up for not paying enough money!

 

He is not an addict now, but he will be!

 

 

Do you wanna live in fear and anxiety for the coming 10 years until you decide to leave him later when you missed out on too many great guys who don't do drugs!

 

I mean people start with easy drugs and then they will develop addiction!

 

Some of you might see this as an Ok

but you don't know what type of guy he is, he might become addicted!

Edited February 2, 2015 by Noproblem

[BeatsByDirk]

1. MDMA, mushrooms, acid... NOT HARD DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not drugs, psychedelics!

 

People who don't do psychedelics want to throw them into the category of drugs but most the time it's not the case.

 

Coke, 1 time. Like doing MDMA couple of times a year mushrooms this summer!!!

Can I have his number he sounds like a homie!

You should marry this dude, he's going to be an open minded guy, interested in respect and not an overbearing GF, probably a great dad. Introspective, calls himself on his own BS.

I think you are way off here.

MDMA, psilocybin, edible marijuana, ibogaine, iahuasca, are changing the world. They are showing huge benefits in treating anxiety, PTSD, fear of death/dying, life crippling trauma, as wells as treating addictions to coccaine, opiates, and alchohol!

Edited February 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed off topic parts of post

[beach]

You made it clear you didn't want to date someone who does drugs.

 

He's told you he did it when you weren't with him.

 

So you have to decide - if/since you're not ok with that what do you plan to do to change it?

 

You can't change him. This is your decision.

[acapelo_dp]

1. MDMA, mushrooms, acid... NOT HARD DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not drugs, psychedelics!

 

People who don't do psychedelics want to throw them into the category of drugs but most the time it's not the case.

 

Coke, 1 time. Like doing MDMA couple of times a year mushrooms this summer!!!

Can I have his number he sounds like a homie!

You should marry this dude, he's going to be an open minded guy, interested in respect and not an overbearing GF, probably a great dad. Introspective, calls himself on his own BS.

I think you are way off here.

MDMA, psilocybin, edible marijuana, ibogaine, iahuasca, are changing the world. They are showing huge benefits in treating anxiety, PTSD, fear of death/dying, life crippling trauma, as wells as treating addictions to coccaine, opiates, and alchohol!

 

Sorry, I don't see your logic in the least. I highly doubt by him doing psychedelic drugs, that would make him a better husband and father. Actually I know it won't. That doesn't make any sense.

[acapelo_dp]

I have tried MDMA too and (maybe because of that) I don't think it's a big deal. IF he was doing this every weekend, it would be a big deal. But if he does this once in let's say six months, I really don't see the problem. He's not an addict.

I do understand that you're worried and that you don't like it, but I doubt he's not going to do it anymore because of you. So either you're ok with that or you have to dump him.

 

I have friends who have done drugs recreationally, which is okay with me. Its not my choice to do those drugs however I really don't like dating someone who is so care free about drug use. He isn't an addict right now, but this could mean he potentially could be. It's his choice to do them but I have to admit it's a big turn off to be dating someone who says drugs are "fun" and has no worries about them. Especially since I work in the social services field and see "recreational" users turned addicts daily.

 

I'm doing some more thinking about this.

[acapelo_dp]

You work with them

you know they never leave their drugs

 

 

so, he won't change

 

Better leave him now than one day finding him dead of an overdose

or seeing him get into jail because the police had nothing better to do, they decided to catch the users instead of the drug dealers

 

or one of the dealer tried a new drug on him, and beat him up for not paying enough money!

 

He is not an addict now, but he will be!

 

 

Do you wanna live in fear and anxiety for the coming 10 years until you decide to leave him later when you missed out on too many great guys who don't do drugs!

 

I mean people start with easy drugs and then they will develop addiction!

 

Some of you might see this as an Ok

but you don't know what type of guy he is, he might become addicted!

 

Thanks for the response, you share many of the same views I do about drugs. I definitely have a decision to make here.

[d0nnivain]

Drugs are a deal breaker for me. I am inflexible on this point. While I certainly can't stop someone from doing drugs I'm not about to stick around. If they chose to do drugs I chose to date someone else.

 

 

Certain boundaries are inviolate. Not everybody has to agree with me or where those lines are drawn but everybody has to be true to themselves.

[katinlc]

The question is not whether internet strangers think doing drugs (recreationally or not) is right - the real question is are you ok with it?

 

 

Do NOT rationalize to yourself that he will grow out of it - there is not evidence that this is true. I have a good friend who's husband was a huge pothead when they met. He gave it up for her but still struggles with the desire and if not for her would probably do it daily. His whole family does and there is not "growing out of it" when his 50+ year old Uncles do it.

 

 

If you are ok with him occasionally doing this for the rest of your lives (even with kids) then lighten up and don't worry about it. If you are not ok with this, then you probably do need to move on - but only you can decide what is ok for you.

 

 

Personally, I would never date someone that did any type of drugs at my age, but as other people have posted it's no big deal to them. Neither is right or wrong - it's personal preference. It is a personal choice for everyone.

[acapelo_dp]

Drugs are a deal breaker for me. I am inflexible on this point. While I certainly can't stop someone from doing drugs I'm not about to stick around. If they chose to do drugs I chose to date someone else.

 

 

Certain boundaries are inviolate. Not everybody has to agree with me or where those lines are drawn but everybody has to be true to themselves.

 

Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. Most people I have asked about this have said what most other users have said, that it isn't a big deal as long as he is doing it a couple times a year. However, ever since I was a child it's been embedded in my head that drugs are just disgusting. I guess I am a hypocrite because I have smoked weed before, but I will never ever touch a drug beyond that. I just can't..and I feel really sad today about this entire situation. Especially since last night he said "I wouldn't be bothered at all if you wanted to drugs, depending on what drug. I think drugs are fun and I like the experience." I wanted to just cry.

[acapelo_dp]

Oh, also had to mention that as well as doing MDMA he smoked pot AND drank beer all night in addition. Isn't mixing all of that really dangerous?

[katinlc]

Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. Most people I have asked about this have said what most other users have said, that it isn't a big deal as long as he is doing it a couple times a year. However, ever since I was a child it's been embedded in my head that drugs are just disgusting. I guess I am a hypocrite because I have smoked weed before, but I will never ever touch a drug beyond that. I just can't..and I feel really sad today about this entire situation. Especially since last night he said "I wouldn't be bothered at all if you wanted to drugs, depending on what drug. I think drugs are fun and I like the experience." I wanted to just cry.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a struggle - sucks when your heart and your mind can't be on the same page. From what you've said, it sounds like you are not ok with this, but your heart doesn't want to let him go. It's so easy to compromise, but in the end if this does bother you, you will regret the compromise.

[Standard-Fare]

I would argue for keeping more of an open mind.

 

OP I'm sorry you've had what sounds like only negative experiences with drug users through both your work and your personal life. But I think if you started talking with more people, including grown adults you respect, you'd find that a lot of them experimented with drugs (including stuff like shrooms and MMDA) at some point in the past, and many of them even saw some value to that experience.

 

It may sound cheesy or unrealistic to you, but for many people psychedelic drugs can offer a pathway to opening up new parts of their brain or understanding themselves/life better. Experimentation with these drugs can be the sign of a curious and intelligent person who wants to gain new insights and experiences.

 

Of course, yes, there is that point where the youthful idealistic explorations can just turn into addiction and abuse. At 24, your boyfriend is probably at that cusp if he's already been there/done that with these drugs.

 

I think it's important for you to determine whether his drug use is truly a "once in a blue moon" thing that doesn't have any negative impact, or whether it's a defining element of his life he has no interest in cutting out. If it's the latter, the two of you probably just aren't compatible. If it's the former, though -- and you truly care about him -- I question whether that should be a reason to end things.

[acapelo_dp]

I would argue for keeping more of an open mind.

 

OP I'm sorry you've had what sounds like only negative experiences with drug users through both your work and your personal life. But I think if you started talking with more people, including grown adults you respect, you'd find that a lot of them experimented with drugs (including stuff like shrooms and MMDA) at some point in the past, and many of them even saw some value to that experience.

 

It may sound cheesy or unrealistic to you, but for many people psychedelic drugs can offer a pathway to opening up new parts of their brain or understanding themselves/life better. Experimentation with these drugs can be the sign of a curious and intelligent person who wants to gain new insights and experiences.

 

Of course, yes, there is that point where the youthful idealistic explorations can just turn into addiction and abuse. At 24, your boyfriend is probably at that cusp if he's already been there/done that with these drugs.

 

I think it's important for you to determine whether his drug use is truly a "once in a blue moon" thing that doesn't have any negative impact, or whether it's a defining element of his life he has no interest in cutting out. If it's the latter, the two of you probably just aren't compatible. If it's the former, though -- and you truly care about him -- I question whether that should be a reason to end things.

 

I just don't know how to have a more open mind about it when I feel so upset about it. And I am definitely not down with trying drugs myself to get the experience..

 

Last night he said ideally he would like to wait at least 2-4 months between uses. I thought that was way too close together. I just don't see how this is going to work out long term. He already knows I am doing some thinking, he is adamant that he does not want to break up at all. He said he is doing some thinking about it as well, and trying to understand my viewpoint.

[Standard-Fare]

I just don't know how to have a more open mind about it when I feel so upset about it. And I am definitely not down with trying drugs myself to get the experience..

 

Last night he said ideally he would like to wait at least 2-4 months between uses. I thought that was way too close together. I just don't see how this is going to work out long term. He already knows I am doing some thinking, he is adamant that he does not want to break up at all. He said he is doing some thinking about it as well, and trying to understand my viewpoint.

 

It does sound like you have two people here coming at the same issue with completely different viewpoints, and you'll have to work to understand each other and find some common ground. You two might never see completely eye to eye on drugs but it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker if you're both willing to compromise.

 

I think there could be value in this experience for both of you. OP, you could learn to approach this topic with more of an open mind and not immediately condemn/judge drug users. Meanwhile your boyfriend could learn that a relationship is more valuable than hanging onto his college-age indulgences.

But if you both stubbornly cling to your old stances, there will be no progress.

[rester]

I would argue for keeping more of an open mind.

 

OP I'm sorry you've had what sounds like only negative experiences with drug users through both your work and your personal life. But I think if you started talking with more people, including grown adults you respect, you'd find that a lot of them experimented with drugs (including stuff like shrooms and MMDA) at some point in the past, and many of them even saw some value to that experience.

 

It may sound cheesy or unrealistic to you, but for many people psychedelic drugs can offer a pathway to opening up new parts of their brain or understanding themselves/life better. Experimentation with these drugs can be the sign of a curious and intelligent person who wants to gain new insights and experiences.

 

Of course, yes, there is that point where the youthful idealistic explorations can just turn into addiction and abuse. At 24, your boyfriend is probably at that cusp if he's already been there/done that with these drugs.

 

I think it's important for you to determine whether his drug use is truly a "once in a blue moon" thing that doesn't have any negative impact, or whether it's a defining element of his life he has no interest in cutting out. If it's the latter, the two of you probably just aren't compatible. If it's the former, though -- and you truly care about him -- I question whether that should be a reason to end things.

 

It does sound like you have two people here coming at the same issue with completely different viewpoints, and you'll have to work to understand each other and find some common ground. You two might never see completely eye to eye on drugs but it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker if you're both willing to compromise.

 

I think there could be value in this experience for both of you. OP, you could learn to approach this topic with more of an open mind and not immediately condemn/judge drug users. Meanwhile your boyfriend could learn that a relationship is more valuable than hanging onto his college-age indulgences.

But if you both stubbornly cling to your old stances, there will be no progress.

 

I agree with Standard-Fare's posts and to keeping an open mind with occasional use of MDMA and mushrooms. These are much different than cocaine, heroin, meth, prescription pills, etc.

 

I'll add that I've known quite a few couples that have had similar conflicts in their relationships. The ones that make it work typically trust each other completely and are confident that the recreational "user" will be safe and would never cheat. The partner that is against it will typically turn a blinds eye to the activity, as long as it doesn't affect their relationship in other ways. It's similar to the way some women don't like their partners to go to a bachelor party strip club.

 

I think if you speak to him more about it you may be able to understand where he's coming from more clearly. If he's just out to get f'd up, I'd personally view it differently than someone that is out to enlighten themselves in other ways. Mushrooms, especially, can be a positive life-changing experience with the right mindset and safety precautions.

 

Keep talking to him, and maybe do some more research on the subject. erowid.com is a good resource.

[blackcat777]

First, you have to know what your boundaries are, what you will and will not accept. Period. Saying one thing to please someone when you really feel another way will only make you miserable, and eventually fold a relationship.

 

Secondly, you can never expect to change a person. People have to choose to change themselves.

 

*That being said, you can inspire them to change.*

 

What are your fears about your boyfriend using drugs, ultimately? His health? The fact that he may become an addict? Legal repercussions? All of these are legit fears. If you really want to connect with your boyfriend about the subject, think about how his actions make you feel and why. It sounds obvious, but tune into the FEEL: how does it feel in your body? Why does it scare you? What thoughts do you have that scare you so much they'd make you cry?

 

Lecturing someone about facts never works--but sincerely sharing your feelings (in a non-accusatory way) will give you the greatest chance of inspiring him to be more careful.

 

Does your boyfriend take any measures for harm reduction? Does he kit test his MDMA and make sure it's pure, or does he buy any crystals from any person that could be something awful, like meth? Does he supplement before and after to prevent side effects (jaw tension, neurochemical depletion)? Many who conscientiously enjoy MDMA advise no more than using once per season. The ways in which one can use MDMA are like alcohol: you can have a fine glass with dinner, or you can drink a 24 pack to your face. I'm not judging the use; I'm simply saying not all use and intent to use is the same.

 

From what I have seen and experienced, human drug usage is vast, complex, and not black and white. There are many shades of grey between. I have a friend who truly, occasionally uses cocaine to no detriment of his health or personal life. I had a friend die in high school from shooting heroin. I have another friend who runs an Ibogaine (psychedelic) clinic in a country where it's legal, to treat people for heroin addictions. There are harmful drugs, helpful drugs, drugs that do no ill in small amounts, benign drugs that can become absolute life-wreckers in the hands of a self-destructive person.

 

Case in point: another friend of mine works at a mental hospital, and they did away with all the alcohol-based hand sanitizer, because patients were using the hand sanitizer to try and get drunk on "sani-shots."

 

My boyfriend parties sometimes. He cut way back (after an intense phase that ended somewhat badly... I think a lot of younger people learn their boundaries by smacking face-first into them)... but there were still a few things that he did occasionally that really bothered me, because I don't ever, ever, ever want him to die a premature drug-related death. I'd be heartbroken. Logically, I know he's smart to never endanger himself; but emotionally, the thought of him getting hurt makes me a freaking wreck.

 

I wrote him an email one night and told him how when he does certain things, it makes me scared. I think about my friend who died. I described what the fear felt like in my body. I also told him that I appreciated he was honest around me and didn't try to hide who he was. I also told him that if we were in a social situation where he ended up doing said substance while I was around, it could be an intimate thing because he's not hiding any part of himself from me... yet he knows my feelings, and how much I'd be trusting him (the implied part: not to hurt himself).

 

Not days later does he declare to me (unprompted) that he's never taking adderall to study again, and he's switching to an extract from green tea, instead, because it's healthy (L-theanine).

 

We went out the other night to a rave and he proudly told me (unprompted, again) he was staying sober to drive all his friends home. He also made sure beforehand that what his friends had on them was pure, for the sake of harm reduction.

 

If you're in a relationship with a person who is interested in an exploration of consciousness with substances, you first and foremost have to know your boundaries. If your partner isn't violating your boundaries but still makes you nervous, AND you both have mutual respect, sincerely voice your fears from a place of feeling (not nagging), and positively encourage ALL the good. Any steps toward harm reduction need to be positively encouraged at all times, by expressing your happiness.

 

Someone else explained it to me using the analogy of a guy who dangerously rides a motorcycle. You can't ever tell him to stop, and he wouldn't be a man if he just bent over and did what you said... BUT, if he's willing to consider your feelings, he'll ride more safely on his own, or maybe take you along.

 

If he's not willing to consider your feelings, it won't be a healthy relationship.

 

Same thing, though. You have to consider his freedom to choose.

 

As soon as I respected my boyfriend's freedom to choose, and just explained how much I loved him and I'd be shattered if anything bad ever happened to him with drugs, he pulled a total 180. I'm shocked by how much he was willing to step up his approach to his own needs in a way to make me feel safe and happy. I think that's what any relationship-oriented man wants, to make his woman feel safe and happy.

 

Now, for me, something like shooting heroin would be an instant dealbreaker. If he goes off with his friends and does pure MDMA in a safe setting in a manner that poses minimal risks to his health three or four times a year... well... not my thing, but if he comes home to me safe and healthy, who am I to judge? He could have "raged" with the guys the other weekend, but, he didn't. We had the most amazing time dancing together instead.