Argued with my girlfriend about splitting rent

[quigon]

Hi ladies and gents. This is my first time posting a thread on this website, so bear with me if I'm not following any protocols. My girlfriend of 3 months and I got into an argument after we discussed how we would split the rent if we moved in together.

 

On the phone, she was the first to propose that she pay just 1/3 of the total rent, while I, the guy, pay 2/3 of the total rent. Considering that we both earn the same income, I was just taken by surprise that she didn't propose a 50-50 split. But after she said she would pay just 1/3 of the rent, I told her I was worried that she might be taking advantage of me. I didn't care about the money. After I said that, she told me she was upset and hurt that I wasn't invested enough in the relationship to overlook that difference. Then, I apologized to her and told her I'd pay whatever amount she proposed. But now, she is still struggling to get over the fact that I would even argue with her about paying more rent, since I am the man and she is the lady.

 

Can you guys please give me your honest unbiased opinion? Am I wrong for questioning why she should pay just 1/3 of the rent even though we earn the same income? Or is she being a little unreasonable, especially since I was willing to apologize and give in to what she proposed?

 

:/

[Keenly]

You want my honest opinion? She is emotionally manipulating you, and doing a really damn good job of it. Like a pro.

 

 

She is making you feel like its YOUR fault that she is acting irrationally.

 

 

Do not move in with this woman. DO NOT LET HER CONVINCE YOU TO. Seriously, if you listen to one piece of advice in your entire life, listen to what I am telling you now. I was you 2 years ago.

[D-Lish]

Does she have more expenses than you at the moment? Ie: is she paying back student loans or something that prevent her from being able to afford to contribute more?

 

I couldn't imagine not splitting things 50/50.

[Poppyolive]

Absolutely agree with Mr above. Shes manipulating you and its worked. It should be 50:50 and after three months is probably too soon. I think its hilarious she has no reason for requesting this uneven split. When my ex and I moved to Alberta. He had a great job me not so.much. we had planned to go for 4 months he paid rent and I paid for groceries, did all the house work and cooked. As my way of thanks. We agreed that we were OK with this and that I'd save little stashes for a weekend getaway. That was 2 years into dating.

 

Your one 3 months in a she's purposing you pay 2/3rds her 1/3...even though you both earn the same.

 

You have every right to question it. Put your foot down. I'm interests to know where she hit this idea.

[Smilecharmer]

50-50. What reasoning does she try to throw at you for why she should pay less? Makes no sense...where is her pride?

My man could take care of me in spades but my career and me contributing gives me happiness that I'm his his equal! That I'm a force to be reckoned with in my own right. My accomplishments and contributions are my own and I'm fierce. He loves that I want to be his partner, not his dependent.

[quigon]

@D-Lish: She doesn't have any more expenses than me that I'm aware of. Her parents paid for college. Although, she did spend $1,450 to a build a wall in her apartment for her bedroom. But she spent that money before we even agreed to move in together. She currently shares the apartment with another roommate, and her bedroom originally didn't have wall, so whenever I came over, there was little privacy. That's why she built it.

 

@Poppyolive: Her argument is that instituting a 50-50 policy in a relationship is backwards and odd. For example, should the man pay just 50% of the bills in every situation, even when paying for the taxi or starting a family? The man should be more than willing to invest himself 100% towards the relationship if he really cares about his girlfriend and wants to be with her. Worrying about getting the lower end of the stick shows the man is selfish and uncommitted.

Edited May 15, 2014 by quigon

[MissionPossible]

 

@Poppyolive: Her argument is that instituting a 50-50 policy in a relationship is backwards and odd. For example, should the man pay just 50% of the bills in every situation, even when paying for the taxi or starting a family? The man should be more than willing to invest himself 100% towards the relationship if he really cares about his girlfriend and wants to be with her. Worrying about getting the lower end of the stick shows the man is selfish and uncommitted.

 

All due respect, that the most inane thing I've ever heard. It's 2014. Us ladies can't demand equal treatment in the workplace/equality of income and then spout out this completely contradictory, antiquated bull**** in our personal lives. i.e., she can't have her cake and eat it too. Tell her to grow the hell up and pay for her own expenses like an adult. (Just say it in a nicer way than that.)

[Smilecharmer]

@D-Lish: She doesn't have any more expenses than me that I'm aware of. Her parents paid for college. Although, she did spend $1,450 to a build a wall in her apartment for her bedroom. But she spent that money before we even agreed to move in together. She currently shares the apartment with another roommate, and her bedroom originally didn't have wall, so whenever I came over, there was little privacy. That's why she built it.

 

@Poppyolive: Her argument is that instituting a 50-50 policy in a relationship is backwards and odd. For example, should the man pay just 50% of the bills in every situation, even when paying for the taxi or starting a family? The man should be more than willing to invest himself 100% towards the relationship if he really cares about his girlfriend and wants to be with her. Worrying about getting the lower end of the stick shows the man is selfish and uncommitted.

 

 

 

Nooooooooooooooooo, nooooooooooooooo. Women are very happy to be equal and pay half of expenses. Most of us love to be treated to dinner but we believe in halfsies for life. We contribute and you don't think we are maids.

[AutumnMoon]

@Poppyolive: Her argument is that instituting a 50-50 policy in a relationship is backwards and odd. For example, should the man pay just 50% of the bills in every situation, even when paying for the taxi or starting a family? The man should be more than willing to invest himself 100% towards the relationship if he really cares about his girlfriend and wants to be with her. Worrying about getting the lower end of the stick shows the man is selfish and uncommitted.

 

 

It's not the lower end of the stick if it's 50/50..

 

It's equal..

 

I would say this kind of thing would be better left decided on a case by case basis but sounds like this girl has control issues and is just a little greedy? Wtf. With all do respect.. 3 months in. If she's expecting you to be fully 100 percent in, she should show the same commitment?

[AutumnMoon]

Maybe as 'the woman' she sees her role as doing more housework than he does.. So he pays more? In that case I can understand it but somehow I get the feeling she will propose 50/50 there...

I'm not even just making fun. My husband pays different expenses than me and I contribute in other ways, taking care of the home and kids but I still contribute financially.. If you broke it down to the penny he probably pays more money in the end but I put in more time day to day.. If that makes sense.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You are a word that starts with a P and ends with a Y.

[Smilecharmer]

You are a word that starts with a P and ends with a Y.

 

I don't understand..can you spell it out for me?

[ExpatInItaly]

She is manipulative and a baby. I would not tolerate that. Sorry, OP, but I would seriously re-consider a move! Ugh, how self-entitled is she?!

[halfcrazed_i]

I bet she even felt generous by offering to pay 1/3 of the rent. In her head where it's all unicorns and mermaids, she probably thinks that you should be paying for the entire thing...

[Ruby Slippers]

That's very poor form on her part to ask you to pay more. It would be one thing if you offered and she accepted, but to ask to pay less rent and pout when she doesn't get what she wants is presumptuous and childish.

 

I have learned, though, that people have a whole range of ideas about money and how it should be handled in relationships. For whatever reason, I almost always attract the old-school provider types. The first boyfriend I moved in with offered to pay the rent and bills 100% - but I insisted on a 50/50 split, since I wasn't sure about him for the long haul yet and didn't want any sense of obligation looming.

 

If you feel taken advantage of, this isn't right for you. It's good she's showing you her true colors before you move in together.

[TigerLilly78]

She's a user who feels its justified cause of a "prince charming" mindset a lot of women seam to tend to have when it coms to dating these days its no different then when they say "a man should pay for dinner" just on a larger more grandeo scale ide kick her to the curb quickly..

[UnderAttack2014]

I split 50/50 even though my partner earns 4 times as much as me, we are a couple and I wouldn't have it any other way but I am quite independent! She may be a little more old fashioned where she expects the man to pay, but really it is quite dated! But it's how she feels and it's her choice, question more is that what you want? Can you live with it, I suspect not as it's playing on your mind.

 

Being devils advocate for a moment, give in and next she will be giving up work to be a stay at home house wife, and heaven forbid should you ever split suddenly she will want 50/50!

 

Besides what does she need the money for, unless she has debt that needs to be paid, children to look after or something else.. (In which case perhaps the advice would be different) As long as I have enough to treat my partner and children to the odd surprise the rest is in the pot! And if money is an issue for a month it's all in the pot!

[mummyjonno]

Hi ladies and gents. This is my first time posting a thread on this website, so bear with me if I'm not following any protocols. My girlfriend of 3 months and I got into an argument after we discussed how we would split the rent if we moved in together.

 

On the phone, she was the first to propose that she pay just 1/3 of the total rent, while I, the guy, pay 2/3 of the total rent. Considering that we both earn the same income, I was just taken by surprise that she didn't propose a 50-50 split. But after she said she would pay just 1/3 of the rent, I told her I was worried that she might be taking advantage of me. I didn't care about the money. After I said that, she told me she was upset and hurt that I wasn't invested enough in the relationship to overlook that difference. Then, I apologized to her and told her I'd pay whatever amount she proposed. But now, she is still struggling to get over the fact that I would even argue with her about paying more rent, since I am the man and she is the lady.

 

Can you guys please give me your honest unbiased opinion? Am I wrong for questioning why she should pay just 1/3 of the rent even though we earn the same income? Or is she being a little unreasonable, especially since I was willing to apologize and give in to what she proposed?

 

:/

 

 

 

Are you bonkers? You shouldn't be living together after 3 months, hell you shouldn't even be talking about it!!!!

 

But to answer your question she should be paying 50%

 

If she earnt less than you, I would say come to some agreement but she doesn't.

 

Equality - it's half her place she pays half it's reasonable and anything less is taking advantage of you.

 

Never apologise when you know you are right - in this case you are definitely right.

[Medium.Lumo]

I'm not sure about this. Yes it isn't fair but think about how difficult it would be for you to find a new girlfriend versus her finding a new boyfriend.

 

I pay for almost everything in our relationship, but that's partly because my girlfriend doesn't have an income. I think I'd still be inclined to pay for most of our expenses even if she did though. 2/3 doesn't sound like a bad deal to me but I don't know your relationship dynamics or income levels.

[mummyjonno]

I'm not sure about this. Yes it isn't fair but think about how difficult it would be for you to find a new girlfriend versus her finding a new boyfriend.

 

I pay for almost everything in our relationship, but that's partly because my girlfriend doesn't have an income. I think I'd still be inclined to pay for most of our expenses even if she did though. 2/3 doesn't sound like a bad deal to me but I don't know your relationship dynamics or income levels.

 

But you do anything your girlfriend asks and say thank you for the privilege.

 

Your relationship isn't fair or equal just like this guys isn't

 

As for (think how difficult it would be for you to find a new gf verses her a new bf) DO NOT project your low self worth onto someone else. Very few people think that way.

[guest572]

I dont think its anything to do with gender, its greed. She hasn't given a reason for paying less? Strange

[Eivuwan]

I'm not sure about this. Yes it isn't fair but think about how difficult it would be for you to find a new girlfriend versus her finding a new boyfriend.

 

I pay for almost everything in our relationship, but that's partly because my girlfriend doesn't have an income. I think I'd still be inclined to pay for most of our expenses even if she did though. 2/3 doesn't sound like a bad deal to me but I don't know your relationship dynamics or income levels.

 

Not everyone cares about holding on to a person who isn't good for them for the fear of not being able to find another.

[Andy_K]

It's fair if she does all the housework, cooks all the meals, and services you sexually on demand.

 

Otherwise, you're a mug. If you were earning more, or she was at home raising a kid, then fine pay whatever. But while she's pocketing the difference and probably spending it on shoes and clothes? I think not.

[BikerAccnt]

If she's earning the same income as you, she should pay half. The only way I see paying different amounts is if there are disparate incomes. In that case, a proportional payment would be more appropriate.

 

However, as others have said, even thinking about moving in after 3 months is silly, and, I'd have serious concerns about suggesting what she did based on what you've said of her income.

 

Seriously reconsider the move-in thing.

[soccerrprp]

Hi ladies and gents. This is my first time posting a thread on this website, so bear with me if I'm not following any protocols. My girlfriend of 3 months and I got into an argument after we discussed how we would split the rent if we moved in together.

 

On the phone, she was the first to propose that she pay just 1/3 of the total rent, while I, the guy, pay 2/3 of the total rent. Considering that we both earn the same income, I was just taken by surprise that she didn't propose a 50-50 split. But after she said she would pay just 1/3 of the rent, I told her I was worried that she might be taking advantage of me. I didn't care about the money. After I said that, she told me she was upset and hurt that I wasn't invested enough in the relationship to overlook that difference. Then, I apologized to her and told her I'd pay whatever amount she proposed. But now, she is still struggling to get over the fact that I would even argue with her about paying more rent, since I am the man and she is the lady.

 

Can you guys please give me your honest unbiased opinion? Am I wrong for questioning why she should pay just 1/3 of the rent even though we earn the same income? Or is she being a little unreasonable, especially since I was willing to apologize and give in to what she proposed?

 

:/

 

No, you are not being unreasonable. She should have offered a 50/50 split. Although it is a serious commitment to make to move in together, your income being about the same, it should be a 50/50 split of the rent.

 

I am soon moving in with my gf. I will be asking her to marry me, so our commitment is considerably more significant AND she makes a lot more money than I do. In this situation, doing 50/50 on every expense is not, imho, fair/reasonable. We still have some things to talk about, but with incomes about the same, it should be 50/50 for rent. Other things, there should be a discussion as to how to divvy-up the expense responsibilities.