tiff1234 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I've been "officially" dating my boyfriend for about 2 or so months, but we've been friends for about 8 months, and only the first 3 months were we really just friends and then we transitioned into dating. During the time of being just friends we talked everyday and all day (to the point we currently have over 100,000 messages on facebook alone) and would hang out once a week, sometimes twice or sometimes once every two weeks. Then around the beginning of November we started actually acting like a couple and it was great. We'd hango out twice or more a week (and by hanging out, I mean I'd stay over a night or two) and we were always having fun together and we were always super sweet to each other and talked on the phone a lot. Now things seem to the be slightly different. We still hang out a lot. Infact we spent a week together and I just got home about 4 days or so ago? Sex is still good but not as much as usual. Where it would normally be 4 times a day, it's 1 or 2. When we're together there are moment when he'll be on his computer and I'll do whatever for a few. Little slight arguments have arose, usually just something really small and neither of us get mad, we just get annoyed for a few seconds and then if he's the one who "started" it, he'll apologize or I will if I did it and it's forgotten. (Stuff like if we're together at my mom's and he'll sometimes spend time with my brothers guy friend instead of me and I'll get a little mad). About 3 weeks ago, I had an bout of anxiety in which I was sure he was talking to his ex when I had no evidence besides if he wasn't messaging me. I should probably also include that she's not even around here and she's engaged. (In reality, his best friend had just gotten a new computer and they could game together for the the first time in years) I didn't accuse him or anything. I was a little short for a few days and in reaction he was a little weird cause I was being weird and then I finally told him that my anxiety was bothering me and why I was being the way I was, and he was very understanding. He was willing to let me go through any social networking site and give me the password so I can check if I felt supicious but I declined cause he hadn't given me any real reason and I've gotten over that fear. My problem is when we're not together, he doesn't talk to me as much as usual. We switched to using yahoo and at times it'll say he's available but he won't be messaging. He'll talk to me for a few hours and then just disappear for a few hours and come back. He's not as affectionate all the time and while we still talk on the phone for hours, it's not everyday. It's more like every other day. He still tells me he loves me before we get off the phone. My anxiety is in the fact that his family is about to move in a month and he's agreed to stay here for me and just live with my mom until he can get up money for us to move somewhere together (I don't live with her) and I'm worried he's pulling away or losing interest. When we talk, he never expresses any hesitation and he even keeps me updated on any changes his parents make about when he needs to be out and he talks about when we move somewhere together and everything. My only real concern is that this isn't just the end of the honeymoon, that it's him pulling away and changing his mind? Any opinions? I know I can be neurotic with my worrying and I don't wanna act really clingy or needy. I've been pretty normal with him but whenever we're not talking and I see he's available I get worried cause I'm not used to this.
Chocolat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 100,000 messages? What's left to say? I am surprised he didn't back off sooner. What is your actual R like with this guy? How often do you see each other and what do you do together? Do you ever go on dates or is it all hanging out? 1
soccerrprp Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 100,000 messages? What's left to say? I am surprised he didn't back off sooner. What is your actual R like with this guy? How often do you see each other and what do you do together? Do you ever go on dates or is it all hanging out? Good question. Do you go on dates? 1
Author tiff1234 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Mostly hanging out because sadly neither of us have a car and we live an hour away from each other, though we do make it a point to go on walks together often and any chance to go somewhere, we do. I'll estimate that we do something besides just hanging out at least once every 3-4 hang outs? We plan on doing lots of date like things, but never have the means to go through with it but as soon as one of us has money or something, we go out and do things. I probably see him every three to five days or so, in which, I usually stay the night or we go to the beach (where my mom lives) and stay at her house for 5 days.
Chocolat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hmmm. Well, my take is that you should judge the R based on your time together, not whether you are in constant contact when apart. There is nothing wrong with him (or you) being online and not interacting, especially when you say you still talk on the phone "for hours" each day. That is a LOT of contact. Frankly, it would overwhelm me. Why don't you brainstorm activities you can do together, like a picnic in the park or a long bike ride or a museum you can get to on public transit. Just because you don't have a car doesn't mean you have to spend all your time in the house. See if you can find ways to deepen your interactions so you have more together than sex and messaging. 1
Author tiff1234 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah, I mean we do talk a lot. I guess I'm just expecting it to be exactly like in the beginning all the time and worrying myself when it's not. Especially since we do see each other as much as usual. I feel like the crazy girlfriend for thinking "why is online and not talking to me he must not like me anymore" but I can't stop lol. I've refrained from showing it though. And that's a good idea, we always think of things to do but once we hang out, often times, it's just too complicated, like no transportation or money but it should change soon since if he moves in with my mom over the next few weeks, he'll have a job. So I guess I'll see how things go then.
Author tiff1234 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 We talk a lot when we're together and we talk on the phone for long periods. Not as much lately, but we've also been seeing each other for longer periods of time than usual.
Author tiff1234 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 What did you experience with it and how did you know? Did you feel less of a need to stay in constant contact? Less affectionate?
Chocolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 You might be better off continuing that thread since your starting point for the honeymoon is quite different from most people's. There's no set time for when the honeymoon phase ends. When it does the couple either moves into a deeper R or they split because the initial passion dies out and leaves nothing in its wake. Surviving the End of the Honeymoon Period.
William Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Since the topic is similar, moderation merged a couple of threads into one discussion. Please continue! 1
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