And THIS is really why online dating sucks

[ls32ssibm]

It sucks even beyond the fact that it's dominated by women with hyper-inflated egos.

 

 

 

I met this girl on OKC, and she seemed really cool. Pretty, intelligent, you get the picture.

 

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

 

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other.

 

I guess neither of us was really that interested, LOL. Was a typical case of the fake chemistry of meeting someone online. I imagine it's on to the next for her; I'm taking a break.

 

That could happen with someone you meet in real life, too, but I doubt it.

[CarrieT]

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

No - what happened is that you were both excited about the IDEA of who you were texting; not the REAL person that you had yet to meet.

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other.

Because you both saw the other person for who they really are - not who you were hoping or projecting you wanted that person to be.

 

I guess neither of us was really that interested, LOL. Was a typical case of the fake chemistry of meeting someone online. I imagine it's on to the next for her; I'm taking a break.

It wasn't fake chemistry. It was reality. You had your expectations and hopes set far too high.

 

That could happen with someone you meet in real life, too, but I doubt it.

It doesn't happen the same way because when you meet someone "in real life," you haven't already imagined all sorts of things about that person based on a few texts.

[Mascara]

Soooooo...... because she wasn't attracted to you, she has an over inflated ego?

 

Correction.... ALL women on OLD have over inflated egos if they meet you and do not want to be with you?

 

I'm not sure how you arrived at this conclusion..... one day, trust me, you are either going to have a first date or get a message from a woman you're not interested in.

[antonio1149]

It sucks even beyond the fact that it's dominated by women with hyper-inflated egos.

 

 

 

I met this girl on OKC, and she seemed really cool. Pretty, intelligent, you get the picture.

 

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

 

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other.

 

I guess neither of us was really that interested, LOL. Was a typical case of the fake chemistry of meeting someone online. I imagine it's on to the next for her; I'm taking a break.

 

That could happen with someone you meet in real life, too, but I doubt it.

 

Your mistake was four days of non-stop texting. I know it's hard not to get all wrapped up and prematurely invested when you meet someone you're excited about, especially since it's a rarity to get attention from *any* woman online, but you need to keep your time investment minimal until you actually meet the person. Odds are high that, for whatever reason, it's not going to be a long-term match, regardless of how good it looks in the early stage.

[antonio1149]

Soooooo...... because she wasn't attracted to you, she has an over inflated ego?

 

He didn't say that. He said that, in general, woman doing OLD have over-inflated egos. I don't know if that's the phrase I'd use, but I get his point. Women get spoiled by all the messages they receive, to the point where if you're just not exactly what they want (which is probably better than what they'd get in the real world), you get the boot, because there are 20 new messages waiting for them when they get home so they can continue to search endlessly.

[ponchsox]

It sucks even beyond the fact that it's dominated by women with hyper-inflated egos.

 

 

 

I met this girl on OKC, and she seemed really cool. Pretty, intelligent, you get the picture.

 

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

 

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other.

 

I guess neither of us was really that interested, LOL. Was a typical case of the fake chemistry of meeting someone online. I imagine it's on to the next for her; I'm taking a break.

 

That could happen with someone you meet in real life, too, but I doubt it.

 

Dating is a numbers game. The more you play, the more likely your are to find an ideal match. Have fun with your dates and stop setting expectations.

[d0nnivain]

I didn't really care for OL dating. I tried it. But I also didn't put much stock in anything I read OL. I need to meet the person to figure out of there was something there & usually there just wasn't for me. I tried to be clear & tell the guy there would be no second date but not all of them heard me.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

 

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other.

 

 

 

R O F L !!!

 

 

This example has nothing to do with "online dating"

[SincereOnlineGuy]

you need to keep your time investment minimal until you actually meet the person.

 

 

This is absolutely clueless thinking where it concerns true online dating.

 

Such an outlook should be reserved for when you're stumbling drunk and walking up to random girls in bars and clubs.

 

The reactions/results typical in such situations closely parallel those of meeting someone initially contacted online after just "four days" (and even then saying "we finally met").

 

Why not instead just cold-call numbers drawn randomly from the phone book? You should harvest resultant girlfriends at a parallel rate.

[ponchsox]

This is absolutely clueless thinking where it concerns true online dating.

 

Such an outlook should be reserved for when you're stumbling drunk and walking up to random girls in bars and clubs.

 

The reactions/results typical in such situations closely parallel those of meeting someone initially contacted online after just "four days" (and even then saying "we finally met").

 

Why not instead just cold-call numbers drawn randomly from the phone book? You should harvest resultant girlfriends at a parallel rate.

 

I agree to an extent. You should talk at least once on the phone to see if you have things in common and can hold a conversation. The next step would be to meet for coffee to see if there is more of a connection. Spending too much time talking before meeting can set yourself up for a big dissapointent. A lot of people tend to post old or deceiving pictures and they look nothing like that when you meet them.

[Purepony]

Haha hilarious!

[irc333]

Yeah...just go to a Meetup event or some organized recreational group to meet someone single, online dating, though it's an option, these ladies inboxes are PACKED to the rim with dating prospects that she'll never even bother looking at yours.

 

Face to face, you'll get much better results at these organized events because you do have an opportunity for a woman to get to know you face to face....there's no "delete" button or "Block" button if you approach at the next Halloween party or any holiday party in the next couple of months....she'll be engaging with you in conversation...well, again no "block" button. lol

 

You'll have a better opportunity to display your mannerisms, voice tones, body language, etc.

 

She'll be a captured audience and will have no choice but to stand there with a drink in hand and listen toyou. lol

 

 

 

You people and Online Dating. How most of you screw that up is beyond me.

 

You are on a site full of people who are looking for a date (desperate people even). These people go through a lot of effort to get dates (pay money, fill out profiles, pics, message, read profiles, respond, etc).

 

In Real Life, a guy walks up to a girl from across the room, introduces himself, talks for a few minutes at most and gets her phone number / sets up a date. She knows 1,000 times less about that guy than the 3 page essay and 10 pics she saw from a guy she met online.

 

Why guys spend weeks and weeks selling themselves to some desperate chick who probably didnt post her "real" / "more up to date" pictures yet is crazy. You guys want to be "pen pals" with someone more than a prison inmate does.

 

If she sends you a message or responds to yours. Get her phone number, call her up, ask her to join you for a cup of coffee (or whatever). Stop the "pen pal" crap and ask them out.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

She'll be a captured audience and will have no choice but to stand there with a drink in hand and listen toyou. lol

 

 

Yeah, right, that worked for Ted Bundy {for a while}

[irc333]

Yeah, right, that worked for Ted Bundy {for a while}

 

Um....lol...okay? Not sure where you're going with that, but what I was trying to demonstrate is, she won't just turn around and walk away from you as soon as you introduce yourself. She'll already be hooked into an introduction at least, but if you were the same man doing the same thing when you contact her through her profile online....she'd completely ignore you.

[antonio1149]

" Originally Posted by antonio1149

you need to keep your time investment minimal until you actually meet the person."

 

This is absolutely clueless thinking where it concerns true online dating.

 

On the contrary, it's the only practical approach if you value your time and your sanity.

 

The goal of interacting with your prospect after the initial connection but pre-meeting is not to "develop the relationship," it's to get to the meeting as soon as possible so you can verify the person looks similar to their photos and confirm that there's some in-person chemistry. After that, assuming all goes well, let the real dating and courtship begin. If a woman wants to spend a lot of time in the "getting to know you" phase via email or phone, that sends up a red flag indicating that she is not confident about her in-person presentation, perhaps because her photo was five years and 50 pounds ago.

 

Such an outlook should be reserved for when you're stumbling drunk and walking up to random girls in bars and clubs.

If you meet girls in bars and clubs, you get the benefits of the in-person presentation and can move right into dating and courtship if you're so motivated. Apples and oranges vis a vis OLD.

 

The reactions/results typical in such situations closely parallel those of meeting someone initially contacted online after just "four days" (and even then saying "we finally met").

 

Why not instead just cold-call numbers drawn randomly from the phone book? You should harvest resultant girlfriends at a parallel rate.

I don't know about the phone book, but there are guys who do something similar--i.e., messaging a friend-of-a-friend through Facebook. However, the same principle still holds true. No matter how interesting and attractive you think someone might be online or on the phone, there's no telling for sure until you meet them. I've met women who looked adorable online who turned out to be duds in-person. Thankfully, I do not do what the OP did, spend four days non-stop texting, so I don't have to kick myself for all the wasted time and frustrated psychic energy when these meet-and-greets don't work out.

[Keenly]

There is not denying OLD is stacked.

 

Just use the threads here as an example

 

Girl : full inbox within 1 hour of making a profile.

 

Guy : zero responses in 6 months of 3 messages sent out a day.

[antonio1149]

I agree to an extent. You should talk at least once on the phone to see if you have things in common and can hold a conversation.

 

Nothing wrong with a phone call or two to get to know the person somewhat. I did say minimal contact, not zero contact. If you just enjoy talking to a new person for its own sake and are sure you'll have no regrets if it goes no further, than talk as long as you want. Me, I try to keep it fairly brief because I know if I spend hours every day communicating with this person and then it goes nowhere, I'll regret the wasted time and deflated expectations. Of course, things might go well, and then I'll have considered it time well-spent. But considering the low odds involved in the dating game, especially for men, I'd rather not take the chance.

 

 

The next step would be to meet for coffee to see if there is more of a connection. Spending too much time talking before meeting can set yourself up for a big dissapointent. A lot of people tend to post old or deceiving pictures and they look nothing like that when you meet them.

Exactly.

[antonio1149]

In Real Life, a guy walks up to a girl from across the room, introduces himself, talks for a few minutes at most and gets her phone number / sets up a date. She knows 1,000 times less about that guy than the 3 page essay and 10 pics she saw from a guy she met online.

 

What kinds of rooms have you been in where there have been a ready supply of attractive, available, receptive women? I have a hard time finding those rooms. If this kind of thing were common, there wouldn't be millions of people doing OLD--everyone would just be easily meeting in real life.

 

Why guys spend weeks and weeks selling themselves to some desperate chick who probably didnt post her "real" / "more up to date" pictures yet is crazy. You guys want to be "pen pals" with someone more than a prison inmate does.

I've used OLD regularly for years and it has overall been a good thing, though not without frustration. Yes, there are lots of "crazy" people who don't post accurate photos. Yes, you get more misses than hits. But I've met some interesting people, had some memorable experiences, made some new friends and even had a few girlfriends from it. None of his would've happened if I simply relied on "real life." I'm a good-looking and personable guy but I just don't run into that many good prospects in everyday life or through the usual "singles events."

 

If she sends you a message or responds to yours. Get her phone number, call her up, ask her to join you for a cup of coffee (or whatever). Stop the "pen pal" crap and ask them out.

Agreed.

[antonio1149]

"

Originally Posted by ls32ssibm

 

We texted for about 4 days almost non-stop, really hit it off so to speak.

 

 

We finally meet, have coffee for an hour or two, and what followed was three semi-awkward days of no one texting each other."

 

 

R O F L !!!

 

 

This example has nothing to do with "online dating"

 

Why not? He said they met on OK Cupid. Sounds relevant to me.

[antonio1149]

Any bar, club, dog park, church, mall, sports league, charity event, etc. I have ever been too.

 

Most women who go "clubbing" are too young for me so that's out. I'm not a dog-owner or churchgoer. I don't shop much. Not in any sports league, and besides they're usually male-dominated. Used to do volunteer work, didn't meet anyone who was the right age/personable/physically attractive/available.

 

Usually when people make recommendations like these, they're based on theory only and have never been actually been put to the test. You know: "There are single women everywhere--just meet them!" I'd like to know how many women you've hooked up with or dated after approaching them at a dog park or mall.

 

For the last 5,000+ years billions of people didn't date / marry / have kids before OLD?

For most of the last 5,000 years people lived in tribes or small communities and married within their group. It's a little harder in modern times.

 

Due to the whole pussification of men thing that has been going on for the last 10+ years... Most men are TERRIFIED / AFRAID to approach a woman and ask her out.

I've been dating for a lot longer than 10 years and it's always been tough. I will readily admit I'm fairly choosey and since I'm looking more for LTR than hook-ups my standards might be a little higher than yours.

 

How is that even possible? Are these same women you meeting / dating online chained up in their parents basement?

A lot of them are in the same boat as me: they work, have a finite social circle, don't like meeting men in bars, don't find many promising men at meetups or singles events. Also, they often have some attribute (physical or psychological) that prevent them from having success in the "real world." I met my last girlfriend online--she was smart and sweet but had a weight issue which limited the attention she got IRL.

 

My guess you do not have the confidence and stones to approach them and prefer doing it online.

I have plenty of confidence if I meet someone attractive and we seem to have a connection. But again, unless you're extremely social and constantly doing some sort of activity where there's a regular influx of new people, those opportunities are rare.

[CptSaveAho]

no offense but you dont get it like most guys here on ls

 

instead of seeing the simple truth that LOSERS with 0 social skills online date (because that might have to make you look in a mirror at the stone cold reality of it might actually being true) you deflect a list of great options on getting a date.

 

the fact that you are looking for "more then a LTR" means you have no concept of what dating entails and the steps/processes of it. Most people learn to turn over, stand up, walk, and run in that order. Yet people that online date are people that want to get up and run instantly.

 

people that say "i have confidence" etc are typically the people that are very very good at lying to themselves and have to come to an anonymous website to cry and complain that OLD sucks. anybody that has the ability to see outside the box can see how lame OLD is. "CLICK TO FIND RELATIONSHIP" if only real life actually worked that way where i could log into a website and it would pay me money for putting forth no effort, pay my bills, do my grocery shopping, exercise for me, watch tv for me and even sleep for me. how lazy can you be.

 

If you ask me, its disgusting. Lazy unmotivated and people afraid to take risks both on the male and female side of the equation. Not to mention the users/crazies/and undesirables that flood the OLD realm.

[ponchsox]

I think I'm done with OLD. After countless bad first dates with either unattractive or socially awkward women, I finally met someone attractive who I really clicked with and we date. She was a single mom and I was ok with that. Of course, it was too good to be true. Turns out she had herpes and an ex husband turned felon after her marriage. I also learned she was emotionally unavailable.

 

I keep myself in good shape, great job, no kids, never been married. I come with faults, but I deserve much better than damaged goods. Those Eharmony and Match commercials are 1 in a million.

[irc333]

It's kind of funny, most of my online dating occurs with responsive women an hour away from me in a large city. I have pretty much emailed every relatively attractive woman (in my eyes) in my area (that at least have all their teeth and don't weigh the size of a dump truck).

 

All of which have been non-responsive, of course they are still active on POF and chronically single of course.

 

One was kind of lamenting how "this is a small town and mostly old people live here, so it's hard to meet single men in my age bracket".

 

In this small town, if you've been on this site long enough, you really can't afford to be picky in a more rural area. Better make due with average joes and not "joe Hunk".

 

Either that or just move.

[irc333]

don't find many promising men at Meetups

 

I have to take exception to Meetups, I think they are the best out of all the options out there...probably lesser of the two evils , but a whole lot better than ONLINE dating.

 

THough, I know this rather superficial 50 year old that eventually stopped going to Meetups because the men there simply weren't attractive ...at least to her...she had issues with friend zoning men in the group, and the men would then agree...and they would 'Hang out" together only to later on try to make some kind of innuenodish comment or when out at a group event, coming up near her , in her space, putting his hand on the small of her back and calling her "honey" or "sweetie".

 

After about 3 or 4 guys doing this within' the Meetup , she stopped going altogether.

 

I think one of the men realized she left the group and called her at home, nagging to "get out the house and stop being a hermit" that only made her stay at home more. LOL

 

Cutting her nose off to spite her face , but she isn't no prize herself physically....but yet she claims she's not attracted to any guys in the Meetup that has asked her out.

 

She says she's trying to stop being so shallow, but it's a challenge.

 

Guess she'd rather stay home than to deal with unattractive men be-friending her.

[newmoon]

I've been online dating for about 3 months now and have only met 4 people offline. tons of responses, but most guys just want a pen pal relationship and never actually ask for or give a number. and, just like irl, when you give a number, many don't call. it's actually very easy to see why some of the men are single on the site just by reading the profiles - i'm amazed at the laundry lists of qualities they want (while not even being educated or decently employed), and I've yet to go out with a guy who was actually nice enough to buy me a cup of coffee. one guy made me pay for the 50 cent doughnut. I mean, really? and another wanted to split an appetizer to save money on the 'date' and then still wanted a kiss goodbye. it's nice (in theory) to want to meet someone this way, but I've come to the conclusion that i'd much rather meet someone random in my everyday life.