lookingforyou Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Got to know this guy through OLD. Not yet met. It felt quite heavy and he seemed to want a relationship a lot. I was more collected about it since there was nothing to fall in love with ATM and our exchanges weren't anything to write home about. He would say things as if we were already in a relationship, making sure I knew of his whereabouts, be in contact almost everyday, and if he couldn't he made sure I knew. Sometimes it's almost like he was living in a relationship he wanted instead of sharing it with me. He's generally quite nice but I don't feel he always listened to what I said. It's almost like he just likes the idea of being in a relationship that he created, that he had someone "to report to." He ended a relationship about a year ago, I think. I can't tell if he was still in a rebound situation or he was just a nice guy eager to be in a relationship. I know I would get a better sense after meeting him. But how should I read into this meanwhile?
FitChick Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Wait until you meet him and see how it goes. He may have had a string of bad dates and is elated that he found someone normal. You could mention something about how you have always been a bit slower than most people to jump into a relationship. As a result you have lost a couple of great guys in the past who were impatient. Ask him how you should handle a situation like that in the future. Just that conversation alone might be enough to slow him down. If you find him attractive,though, you will have to be very open about it so it's a clear message you like him. If indeed you do. I'd rather have a man overeager for a relationship than indifferent or wishy washy. I like to know where I stand so I don't waste time trying to please someone who doesn't really care.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Wait until you meet him and see how it goes. He may have had a string of bad dates and is elated that he found someone normal. You could mention something about how you have always been a bit slower than most people to jump into a relationship. As a result you have lost a couple of great guys in the past who were impatient. Ask him how you should handle a situation like that in the future. Just that conversation alone might be enough to slow him down. If you find him attractive,though, you will have to be very open about it so it's a clear message you like him. If indeed you do. I'd rather have a man overeager for a relationship than indifferent or wishy washy. I like to know where I stand so I don't waste time trying to please someone who doesn't really care. This sounds fair. Some of my friends think he's a weirdo from his communication. And I'm starting to feel breathless and trapped. Is this even normal?
Author lookingforyou Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Anyone else has other views or experiences to share?
GI_Joy Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I've had bad and good experiences with a guy who wanted a relationship right then and there. My last ex asked to be my boyfriend right after the first date, he really laid it thick with the relationship stuff, saying I was "future wife material", wanted me to live with him after 2 weeks of knowing him...things got old real quick and when I finally developed real feelings for him he started pulling away. After we broke up I found out he just used me so he wouldn't be alone while his actual girlfriend (now fiancee) was in a different country. My current boyfriend knew from the start that he wanted something serious with me. At first I was clear with him that I didn't want to rush into anything and he respected that. But as weeks went on he wanted to be honest about his feelings with me, and told me he was hoping I'd be open to a relationship. After a month of dating he finally asked to be exclusive, and I agreed. He even told me he loved me. But I was honest with him and told him that I'd be lying to him if I told him I loved him back...it takes a lot longer for me to be able to declare my love for someone. But it's heading in that direction. In these situations, it's imperative to trust your instincts and pace the relationship or dating situation or whatever you call it. It is also important to be clear with your intentions and feelings and the moment you feel uncomfortable or pressured, you have a right to let him know. If he truly wants you he'll respect your feelings because he wouldn't want to push you away.
mammasita Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I would be a bit put off by communication like you describe OP....especially if you are only messaging on the site.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Why haven't you met him yet? Different schedules. We've been travelling and missing each other. I've had bad and good experiences with a guy who wanted a relationship right then and there. My last ex asked to be my boyfriend right after the first date, he really laid it thick with the relationship stuff, saying I was "future wife material", wanted me to live with him after 2 weeks of knowing him...things got old real quick and when I finally developed real feelings for him he started pulling away. After we broke up I found out he just used me so he wouldn't be alone while his actual girlfriend (now fiancee) was in a different country. My current boyfriend knew from the start that he wanted something serious with me. At first I was clear with him that I didn't want to rush into anything and he respected that. But as weeks went on he wanted to be honest about his feelings with me, and told me he was hoping I'd be open to a relationship. After a month of dating he finally asked to be exclusive, and I agreed. He even told me he loved me. But I was honest with him and told him that I'd be lying to him if I told him I loved him back...it takes a lot longer for me to be able to declare my love for someone. But it's heading in that direction. In these situations, it's imperative to trust your instincts and pace the relationship or dating situation or whatever you call it. It is also important to be clear with your intentions and feelings and the moment you feel uncomfortable or pressured, you have a right to let him know. If he truly wants you he'll respect your feelings because he wouldn't want to push you away. Sounds like a plan. Though I'm already starting to feel turned off before I even meet him. It's probably the personalities. I'm not a clingy or romantic person to begin with. Or maybe I haven't met the person to make me be clingy or romantic. I would be a bit put off by communication like you describe OP....especially if you are only messaging on the site. We've moved past the site messaging. But I would have preferred if he only got hot and heavy after having met or gone on a few dates to know we feel the same way.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I'm already scared I'll be at the brunt of it. That what sizzles, fizzles.
clia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I asked why you hadn't met because some people like to have a virtual relationship because it is easier, and will put off meeting in real life. But, it sounds like there are legitimate reasons why you haven't met him yet. I have to admit that I would be put off by someone acting "relationshippy" before we had even met in person. That just seems so weird to me. But, there is always the chance that he is just overexcited and thinks you are really awesome compared to all the weird chicks he's met online. I think you should really try to meet him in person ASAP to determine whether he is a normal guy who is acting a little loopy because he really likes you, or whether he actually has issues.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I asked why you hadn't met because some people like to have a virtual relationship because it is easier, and will put off meeting in real life. But, it sounds like there are legitimate reasons why you haven't met him yet. I have to admit that I would be put off by someone acting "relationshippy" before we had even met in person. That just seems so weird to me. But, there is always the chance that he is just overexcited and thinks you are really awesome compared to all the weird chicks he's met online. I think you should really try to meet him in person ASAP to determine whether he is a normal guy who is acting a little loopy because he really likes you, or whether he actually has issues. He sounds like he really wants to meet but our conflicting schedules just didn't fit. I did tell him how I felt about him acting this way though I suspect it fell on deaf ears, which is another red flag.
Emilia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 He sounds like he really wants to meet but our conflicting schedules just didn't fit. I did tell him how I felt about him acting this way though I suspect it fell on deaf ears, which is another red flag. I thought perhaps he was trying to build trust and didn't want you to think he was talking to other women. If he didn't pay attention however then maybe it was something else. Not being able to meet is usually a give away. When there is a will there is a way in my experience.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Back story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/402517-rebound-just-nice-guy-eager-relationship. Should have listened to my inner instinct. Said guy just texted me about how upset he was that I didn't care or respond to every of his texts and emails. It wasn't pretty. He called me names and said some nasty things. And all this before we even met. On top of that, he sounded unstable. I haven't responded. I didn't know whether to be amused or shocked by this. On hindsight, he painted a happy-ever-after relationship of us in his mind, probably trying to replace his most recent girlfriend with someone. And when I didn't react the way he expected me to, he lost the last screws that were thinly holding his head together. What did you learn from this? Trust your instincts because there are many psychos out there. You've been warned.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 See back story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/402515-signs-someone-going-into-rebound-relationship See latest. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/403431-update-thread-about-whether-guy-rebound-just-looking-r-ship From this experience, I learned that you can't use time to gauge whether someone has fully recovered from his/her last breakup. Of course there are exceptions. But after this psychotic experience, I'll steer clear of people showing unstable signs early on.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Being quite honest, I don't form 'relationships' via text and email, so I wouldn't put ANY stock into something like that to begin with. Good for you seeing that the guy is a psycho. Thanks. That was what I thought. How could anyone think it was a relationship from texts and emails? And he already started making demands on me?!
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 also because you have yet to have a relationship Duh. I think the guy was too eager to have a relationship to replace his previous one that he got all crazy about this. After this, I think I'll be immune to any bad date/relationship. He takes the cake. I don't think I care to date again.
white Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Yeah just pack it up and buy 50 cats. Go full Havisham. 1
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I'm still a bit amused. I wonder if crazy realizes how silly he sounded.
white Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Probably in a week, and he'll cringe at the thought. I've never known why people act like that yet so many do. It's like no-one taught them restraint, growing up. They don't stop and look at what they're doing. A real lack of self awareness and a red flag.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Probably in a week, and he'll cringe at the thought. I've never known why people act like that yet so many do. It's like no-one taught them restraint, growing up. They don't stop and look at what they're doing. A real lack of self awareness and a red flag. I had a similar thought. Wondered what his parents did to him. Or in this case his ex-girlfriend. The things he said on texts are out of the world. You never thought people would say such things. Especially when they've never met the people they said them to. I won't spend more energy than needed on this but this is really both hilarious and insane.
Bozena Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 To me it doesn't sound a rebound relationship or something. I think that this guy has used to a specific way of being in a relationship and you were totally different. Other girls (that I personally know) would be happy by it. I don't really believe that you were a rebound relationship and that he was trying to replace his ex. But of course I don't know details of what really had happened between him you and his ex. But it doesn't like a rebound relationship to me. Just a clingy guy
Author lookingforyou Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 To me it doesn't sound a rebound relationship or something. I think that this guy has used to a specific way of being in a relationship and you were totally different. Other girls (that I personally know) would be happy by it. I don't really believe that you were a rebound relationship and that he was trying to replace his ex. But of course I don't know details of what really had happened between him you and his ex. But it doesn't like a rebound relationship to me. Just a clingy guy You may be right. But I can't stand anyone clingy or needy. That's a turnoff and suffocates me. I guess I may have a little more patience for someone I love but in this case where we haven't met, it's a NO. I can't imagine anyone else being turned on by such behavior of someone they haven't met.
Bozena Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I still cannot understand why you believe that the other hadn't been over with his ex. I think the guy you mentioned was just clingy. And he would have been like that with his ex too. Not to mention that I know a lot of girls that they want guys like that.
William Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Merged three threads on a similar topic. Please confine updates on any particular topic to the thread running on that topic. Thanks.
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