Butterflying Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I was recently hooked up by a well respected elderly male friend that I've known for a few years. He knew I was looking for "the right guy." so he asked if it was okay to give his nephew my number. He texted me a photo. I think the guy is cute. So they newphew (Billy) called me. We had a great conversation that concluded with plans for us to meet in person for pizza after work. There's just one problem. I have to pick him up from his house because he doesn't have a drivers license. Since I have a car it's not a big deal. But for me it is because I'm afraid of being taken advantage of financially, socially, ect. In addition he also lives with roommates. He relies on them to take him to work and church because one of them works at the same place and the other attends the same church. His lifestyle is fine for him. Billy and I are the same age. But I don't have roommates. I own my home. I own a few expensive cars. These are just "things." I like this guy. But I'm afraid if he sees my "things" before he truly gets to know me, he will be intimidated or seduced into taking advantage of me. What should I do? Not date him. Or risk letting him see things before he gets to know me. Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I was recently hooked up by a well respected elderly male friend that I've known for a few years. He knew I was looking for "the right guy." so he asked if it was okay to give his nephew my number. He texted me a photo. I think the guy is cute. So they newphew (Billy) called me. We had a great conversation that concluded with plans for us to meet in person for pizza after work. There's just one problem. I have to pick him up from his house because he doesn't have a drivers license. Since I have a car it's not a big deal. But for me it is because I'm afraid of being taken advantage of financially, socially, ect. In addition he also lives with roommates. He relies on them to take him to work and church because one of them works at the same place and the other attends the same church. His lifestyle is fine for him. Billy and I are the same age. But I don't have roommates. I own my home. I own a few expensive cars. These are just "things." I like this guy. But I'm afraid if he sees my "things" before he truly gets to know me, he will be intimidated or seduced into taking advantage of me. What should I do? Not date him. Or risk letting him see things before he gets to know me. What about me??? I dont gotta drivers license 'cause I cant drive right & I get scared when trying 'cause people always honk the horn at me then I do a wrong turn & really get in trouble & I live at home with family & I'm 24 but I do work a pretty good job. Does this make me a loser? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Neith Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I understand your concerns but I think you're worrying about this sort of stuff WAY too early. If you think he's cute, don't go looking for problems before you get to know him. Don't worry about being taken advantage of in this sort of way until he gives you reason to be concerned. Until then, just relax and have fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisybuchanan55 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, LOSER ALERT! Sure, they're just "things," but what kind of guy doesn't have a drivers license? I wouldn't even consider dating a guy without a drivers license. 32 is too old to live with roommates. Get it together bud. You can definitely find a man who is a little more "together." Don't waste your time. Just imagine driving yourself to the hospital when you're in labor. LOL. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Does he have a job? That impresses me more than expensive cars. If he doesn't have a job, though, I would probably not be interested in him. If he has a job and you like him, go for it. I have a roommate. Honestly, if we had "common law" marriages in my state, he'd just be my husband, Anyway, let him decide if he's intimidated or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Neith Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, LOSER ALERT! Sure, they're just "things," but what kind of guy doesn't have a drivers license? I wouldn't even consider dating a guy without a drivers license. 32 is too old to live with roommates. Get it together bud. You can definitely find a man who is a little more "together." Don't waste your time. Just imagine driving yourself to the hospital when you're in labor. LOL. I'm sure this says more about you than them.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, LOSER ALERT! Sure, they're just "things," but what kind of guy doesn't have a drivers license? I wouldn't even consider dating a guy without a drivers license. 32 is too old to live with roommates. Get it together bud. You can definitely find a man who is a little more "together." Don't waste your time. Just imagine driving yourself to the hospital when you're in labor. LOL. 32 and having roommates isn't all that unusual depending on where you live. In an urban area, it is quite common. Same with not having a car or drivers license. Not having a drivers license/car/own apartment is very different than not being able to have those things. I'd get to know the guy. Give him a few dates and see how things go. For all you know, he could have a substantial amount of money in savings and living a frugal life because it fits him at this point in time. Just don't pay for everything. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) I was recently hooked up by a well respected elderly male friend that I've known for a few years. He knew I was looking for "the right guy." so he asked if it was okay to give his nephew my number. He texted me a photo. I think the guy is cute. So they newphew (Billy) called me. We had a great conversation that concluded with plans for us to meet in person for pizza after work. There's just one problem. I have to pick him up from his house because he doesn't have a drivers license. Since I have a car it's not a big deal. But for me it is because I'm afraid of being taken advantage of financially, socially, ect. In addition he also lives with roommates. He relies on them to take him to work and church because one of them works at the same place and the other attends the same church. His lifestyle is fine for him. Billy and I are the same age. But I don't have roommates. I own my home. I own a few expensive cars. These are just "things." I like this guy. But I'm afraid if he sees my "things" before he truly gets to know me, he will be intimidated or seduced into taking advantage of me. What should I do? Not date him. Or risk letting him see things before he gets to know me. What is important to you in a relationship? For me, I want a partner who is independent. I believe that a successful relationship is two people who are better together than they are separately and not just one person better off than the other. I wouldn't say not go on one date with him, but know what you want and don't settle. The problem for me isn't that he doesn't own a car - there are a lot of people who don't. But perhaps the idea of someone who's in their 30's and rely's on others to take him to and from work etc is more of the issue. Edited May 31, 2013 by CherryT 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 32 and lives with roommates and doesn't have a driver's license? Why doesn't he have a driver's license? Taken away from DUIs? Never learned to drive? Either way, such a guy would be a non-option for me, as I'm only interested in stable men who are independent. This wouldn't be such a guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm sure this says more about you than them.... It says that she wants to date a man who's independent and doesn't want to be with a man who relies on others for transportation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, LOSER ALERT! Sure, they're just "things," but what kind of guy doesn't have a drivers license? I wouldn't even consider dating a guy without a drivers license. Why are u trying to make me feel bad ? Not every guy needs to drive to be a good person u know. I do have a job & lots of people dont. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 What about me??? I dont gotta drivers license 'cause I cant drive right & I get scared when trying 'cause people always honk the horn at me then I do a wrong turn & really get in trouble & I live at home with family & I'm 24 but I do work a pretty good job. Does this make me a loser? I would not use the word "loser," but independence is a critical quality of the men I date. I would not be able to be in a relationship with someone who lives with his parents and "can't drive right" and is "scared" of driving. I'm not interested in being a grown man's momma. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I do want to defend the roommate aspect, at least. Granted, it's not ideal if you want a serious relationship unless they're willing to move out, but I have a roommate. We're both financially independent and could live without each other, but it made more fiscal sense to combine households, and it makes chores easier, too. Plus, I had open rooms in my house. I don't take up much space. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Why are u trying to make me feel bad ? Not every guy needs to drive to be a good person u know. I do have a job & lots of people dont. Compatibility is painted with a broad brush. There are men and female's out there that are afraid to drive... you may not be compatible with someone who isn't afraid to do that. Because, chances are, they won't want to drive you around 100% of the time. However, if you're not comfortable driving and you don't rely on others to get you to and from the places you need to be... you are independent in that sense. If you're living with your parents because you're taking care of them or saving to buy your own place, then that's OK too. Not everyone will have this as a requirement. My SO is in a very volatile career - the majority of his networth is in his assets and right now the markets aren't doing too well. He owns his own place but because of the real estate market, it has dropped in value and is not the right time to sell. Instead, he has rented it out and moved back home. Do I think he's a loser? Absolutely not! In 10 months he will be able to buy a house in a down market and be able to profit when the market goes back up. He is looking for a house because we will be closing the distance and will want to start trying for kids in the next few years. Sure, it sucks that he has to go back home but his condo is being paid for (cash flow positive) by his tenant and this is just a temporary circumstance. I on the other hand, own my own home and business. I'm not in a position where I have to move back home... but if I had to, I'd probably do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Neith Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 It says that she wants to date a man who's independent and doesn't want to be with a man who relies on others for transportation. Independent = car? LOL. You can't be serious. I think anyone who writes a guy off because he can't drive is incredibly shallow.. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I understand your concerns but I think you're worrying about this sort of stuff WAY too early. If you think he's cute, don't go looking for problems before you get to know him. Don't worry about being taken advantage of in this sort of way until he gives you reason to be concerned. Until then, just relax and have fun! How can I relax and have fun when I'm the one "responsible" for everything? I can't drink with him because I'll always have to drive. We can get a cab, but I'll have to pay because he's saving money for his car and drivers license in the near future. If we want to be alone, I'll have to bring him to my house AND take him home or to work the next morning. I know this is too soon to worry. But this is the reality of what will happen with this guy. I'm hoping there's a better solution where he takes some responsibility for himself and is more independent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Independence equates to maturity. It depends on what you find attractive in a man. Do you like men who act "mature"? If so, you need a guy who is on track with his life, and that includes being independent, and having his own mode of transportation. I am the extreme opposite... Owned my 1st car at 16, married at 23, owned my 1st home at 26, and I live in Los Angeles (not a cheap place to live). So it depends on what you find important... Compatibility or Maturity or Both. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I say pass on this one. Don't settle just because he's cute because it seems independence and material things are somewhat important to you. Other than his looks what else makes you want to date him. Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Independent = car? LOL. You can't be serious. I think anyone who writes a guy off because he can't drive is incredibly shallow.. No, but for someone who relies on others to get him to and from work because he is either too cheap or not independent enough to take a bus or cab then... Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 How can I relax and have fun when I'm the one "responsible" for everything? I can't drink with him because I'll always have to drive. We can get a cab, but I'll have to pay because he's saving money for his car and drivers license in the near future. If we want to be alone, I'll have to bring him to my house AND take him home or to work the next morning. I know this is too soon to worry. But this is the reality of what will happen with this guy. I'm hoping there's a better solution where he takes some responsibility for himself and is more independent. Girl... you both live in the same city. How hard did you have to work to get to where you are? It's important to be with someone with similar priorities. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Independent = car? LOL. You can't be serious. I didn't say car. I said driver's license. But yes, I'm serious. In a place where driving is required to get around (and it sounds like it is with the OP since she has to go pick him up), not having a driver's license is tantamount to being dependent on others. I'm not attracted to men who are dependent on others for getting around. That's not shallow at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I didn't say car. I said driver's license. But yes, I'm serious. In a place where driving is required to get around (and it sounds like it is with the OP since she has to go pick him up), not having a driver's license is tantamount to being dependent on others. I'm not attracted to men who are dependent on others for getting around. That's not shallow at all. I don't think it's shallow either. How is it shallow for a woman who works hard to buy her own home and car in the same city to not want to date a man who's priorities isn't the same; but it's entirely OK for a man who is lazy and relies on others expects a hardworking woman to want to date him and if she doesn't she's "shallow". 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't think it's shallow either. How is it shallow for a woman who works hard to buy her own home and car in the same city to not want to date a man who's priorities isn't the same; but it's entirely OK for a man who is lazy and relies on others expects a hardworking woman to want to date him and if she doesn't she's "shallow". Apparently, it's shallow to expect that one's partner actually be a partner and share the same priorities and qualities. :shrug: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I say pass on this one. Don't settle just because he's cute because it seems independence and material things are somewhat important to you. Other than his looks what else makes you want to date him. He was highly recommended by his uncle. Since his uncle knows what I am looking for, I never guessed he would introduce me to a man who is the opposite of me. Perhaps there is a chance he knew his nephew wouldn't meet my level of maturity. But he's hoping I can somehow influence his nephew to grow up. I don't know for sure. Right now I'm just so confused. I don't want to reject Billy because of my respect for his uncle. That would be mean. And I don't want to waste my time with a guy I have to take care of on basic levels like housing and transportation. He's kind and respectful. Those are huge benefits for me. I'm afraid of why he thinks we're compatible when he already knows I'm more "independent" than he is. Why would a guy want to date someone beyond their league, if not to take advantage of her in some way? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 He was highly recommended by his uncle. Since his uncle knows what I am looking for, I never guessed he would introduce me to a man who is the opposite of me. Perhaps there is a chance he knew his nephew wouldn't meet my level of maturity. But he's hoping I can somehow influence his nephew to grow up. I don't know for sure. Right now I'm just so confused. I don't want to reject Billy because of my respect for his uncle. That would be mean. And I don't want to waste my time with a guy I have to take care of on basic levels like housing and transportation. He's kind and respectful. Those are huge benefits for me. I'm afraid of why he thinks we're compatible when he already knows I'm more "independent" than he is. Why would a guy want to date someone beyond their league, if not to take advantage of her in some way? Why would he try to set his nephew up with you? Because he wants what's best for his nephew. His interests are aligned with what's best for his kin, not what's best for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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