mtnbiker Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Ok, so I just recently(12 days ago) got dumped by what I originally thought was a real love. Now less than a week later, I have been informed I may be a babies daddy. I am beyond lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 This is from a girl I was with just once last summer. I am getting over the recent ex and then get this dropped on me...my head is spinning. DNA test this week. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Interesting situation to say the least. Apparent this young woman was not using a contraceptive? You were not using a condom? ONS I understand, seems like there's maybe more to your story? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Interesting situation to say the least. Apparent this young woman was not using a contraceptive? You were not using a condom? ONS I understand, seems like there's maybe more to your story? I was going to ask the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Yea, it was a one night stand last summer. No, I was beyond drunk and completely stupid.(no condom) Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 HaHa but not too drunk. If I get the fact scenario and timeline straight. The child is recently born and the girl had a tracker out to contact you? Not sure why you include the ending of your previous relationship, loss of one true love, maybe to set up your state of mind. First off, sorry you find yourself balls to the wall. As to the potential fatherhood, can we surmise that she's retaining custody of this child? We can surely listen to your vent, anguish, regret and panic. We can ask how many sperm donors are being tested? Are you the lone wolf? What your age is. How much family pressure you're under? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I guess I'd ask what the "drama" is? The most she can do is seek child support. That's not what you planned for obviously but the court cannot force you to parent any child you created. Maybe you have additional questions? Ask away here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Yes, my first night out after the end of my recent relationship I ran into her (one night stand girl from last summer). She said that she thinks she was wrong in her previous thinking that the one other guy was the father. He has paid child support for the kid who is now 4 months old. He gets him every other weekend. They are not together though. She said she sees me in her son's face. She doesn't want any relationship with me which is cool. I am 32, no children yet. I have wanted to have one for a while now though. I just had hoped it wasn't with someone like her and not with just a one night stand. She wants a DNA test, to which I agreed. So we send the kids, hers and my DNA in on Monday. I only threw in the fact that I just lost a good girl to emphasize "when it rains it pours". Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 My first question is, sperm donor #1, paying child support for 4 months but not questioning paternity. Hmmmm. Second Q is birth certificate lists whom? Or unknown? Sounds as if you have desired a child so in many respects that complicates things. For example, documented parentage opens the door to parental rights of decision making and visitation. Face it, you've got a relationship w this woman for life. It may not be romantic or sexual but if past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, she'll breed again. Is she near to your age? I hear you on the rains it pours. I cannot put much credence in her comments to you about the child's facial resemblance. I must say that your thoughts must be all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Curiosity about how she contacted you? It's gotta be approaching 15 months past the drunk splooge. How'd she even know who/where? Is she a professional, capable of supporting herself and this child? Not that it's a requirement but the pressure you may feel to provide for bith could be immense. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 She wants a DNA test, to which I agreed. So we send the kids, hers and my DNA in on Monday. So far, it's all speculation. Why not wait for the result - Then consider the plan..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Cuz being the back up man is anxiety provoking. Solid advice but now the legal advice is necessary and I hope you are seeking legal counsel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 My first question is, sperm donor #1, paying child support for 4 months but not questioning paternity. Hmmmm. Second Q is birth certificate lists whom? Or unknown? Sounds as if you have desired a child so in many respects that complicates things. For example, documented parentage opens the door to parental rights of decision making and visitation. Face it, you've got a relationship w this woman for life. It may not be romantic or sexual but if past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, she'll breed again. Is she near to your age? I hear you on the rains it pours. I cannot put much credence in her comments to you about the child's facial resemblance. I must say that your thoughts must be all over the place. He is on the B.C. as the father. I don't believe he has a single clue about me sleeping with her just days after him last summer or about her seeking this paternity test. They aren't together. She is three years younger than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Curiosity about how she contacted you? It's gotta be approaching 15 months past the drunk splooge. How'd she even know who/where? Is she a professional, capable of supporting herself and this child? Not that it's a requirement but the pressure you may feel to provide for bith could be immense. We have mutual friends. It was just by chance that we met. I went out for the first time after getting dumped with a female friend of mine. She was there for a bridal party. She approached me with this then. She is not formally educated. She does work a lot, but she also receives child support from the other guy. I don't know anymore about her finances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Cuz being the back up man is anxiety provoking. Solid advice but now the legal advice is necessary and I hope you are seeking legal counsel. I haven't yet, I was thinking of awaiting the results first. The test we are taking is an at home kit you mail into the lab from Identigene, so although apparently accurate, it is not admissible. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I suspected as much. While I understand your willingness to "man up" sperm donor #1 has secured his position as legal father. Do you understand the process gou'll engage in if this child is in fact of you? I'd think her decision making process and not sharing information might cause you to doubt much of her fact base? This is a mature woman, by age. How is it sperm dinir#1, legal father, is out of the communication loop? From your sharing here is sounds as if you volunteered to submit DNA. When do you anticipate test results? I hope you are seeking legal counsel. This is not a quick fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I know just how you feel. I hope it's not against the rules but there are boards which are better for this. Google single parents or single family message boards. Women do this sometimes*. They want your DNA...but perhaps your not the kind of man they think will be acceptable to their family/social circle. *Men can leave their children...but they can't pass them off as their new wive's child. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 The time parameters for each state are easily located online. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 You may want to start saving some money and stalking up on vacation days at work. I am only aware of the NY process with stuff like this but he is already the legal father and even with a test - the only way for that to change is with his consent in court. Any way if you do ending being the father and want to seek rights be ready for a long drawn out process since it will be a long one. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 My inclination was if this was some rare random 'bump into each other event', to say you should have just said you were late for an appointment and walk on out of the conversation. I see were you have mutual friends so it would not have helped to give a bogus phone number and get on with your life totally separate from this one night woman, as it was before. Well it was stupid to have a ONS with no condom, but lots do when they are drunk and nookie is there for the taking. If you are the father then you are responsible, the big thing I have against this is you had no say in the outcome after that night, which could well impact you for years to come. Just curious...for anyone here with legal background ...could he have refused her request for dna sample? I would have thought its not easy to get court to enforce forced dna testing on a guy or even a bunch of guys when someone else is already on the BC as the father and has assumed responsibility (assume this is in USA). Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 This all depends on the state. He could refuse to give her a DNA sample. Unless she had a court order. A potential father has the right to demand a DNA test in court. Furthermore he can register as a "Putative Father" in a state database. It is a step he should take ASAP if he think's there is a reasonable chance he is this child's father. Furthermore, and I wish I knew this years ago, a potential biological father can petition for a DNA test without any consent from anyone. It has been well established that the rights of a biological parent trump all concerns, except the best interest of the child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I suspected as much. While I understand your willingness to "man up" sperm donor #1 has secured his position as legal father. Do you understand the process gou'll engage in if this child is in fact of you? I'd think her decision making process and not sharing information might cause you to doubt much of her fact base? This is a mature woman, by age. How is it sperm dinir#1, legal father, is out of the communication loop? From your sharing here is sounds as if you volunteered to submit DNA. When do you anticipate test results? I hope you are seeking legal counsel. This is not a quick fix. Because she is low character, I knew this from minute one which is why I just saw her that one night. She speaks with that dude's mom more than him(her words). To add to this, the night she told me this she asked me over and I gave her my best. I didn't volunteer, she asked and I felt it would be flat out weak to not do my part. She paid for the kit and is paying the lab fee. If I have a son, I will be a good man and be his father...even if I think his mother is ****e. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I know just how you feel. I hope it's not against the rules but there are boards which are better for this. Google single parents or single family message boards. Women do this sometimes*. They want your DNA...but perhaps your not the kind of man they think will be acceptable to their family/social circle. *Men can leave their children...but they can't pass them off as their new wive's child. I'm twice the man of this dude. Not that I don't have a lot of improving to do as he is a loser in every way. Your last sentence has me confused? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 You may want to start saving some money and stalking up on vacation days at work. I am only aware of the NY process with stuff like this but he is already the legal father and even with a test - the only way for that to change is with his consent in court. Any way if you do ending being the father and want to seek rights be ready for a long drawn out process since it will be a long one. Tomorrow I have to write a paper for grad school, but when I finish I will look into the process. When we meet I want to be prepared with questions regarding what she will want and or expect from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 My inclination was if this was some rare random 'bump into each other event', to say you should have just said you were late for an appointment and walk on out of the conversation. I see were you have mutual friends so it would not have helped to give a bogus phone number and get on with your life totally separate from this one night woman, as it was before. Well it was stupid to have a ONS with no condom, but lots do when they are drunk and nookie is there for the taking. If you are the father then you are responsible, the big thing I have against this is you had no say in the outcome after that night, which could well impact you for years to come. Just curious...for anyone here with legal background ...could he have refused her request for dna sample? I would have thought its not easy to get court to enforce forced dna testing on a guy or even a bunch of guys when someone else is already on the BC as the father and has assumed responsibility (assume this is in USA). It would have been impossible to avoid her and even though it scares me sh**less, I will not run from what may be my son. I have not done the swabs yet and as I type this she texted me. "That guy(name omitted) took the son (name omitted) away for the weekend, so we will have to postpone this. What's your schedule Monday and Tuesday". I have yet to respond and I think I will not tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
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