AD1980 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I just turned 32 and never been with a women except once a friend of a friend who made out with me while she was too drunk then the next day was mortified she made out with me and told me to tell nobody... I sometimes think how easier it would be if i was an attractive Man,for one im very shy with strangers and approaching random women so if i was good looking id probably at least see signs of interest from women to give me the in to approach instead of what i get now which is apathy and being invisible.. I also might get women to approach me and break the ice which then would make me at ease to take the convo to the next level...and lastly i wouldnt get the harsh reactions i get from the few women i do approach and that "oh god please make this ugly guy leave me alone look i get Im usually not a jealous person but when i see my good looking friends have women approach them all the time tell them how hot they are while i sit there ignored it gets me very jealous and i hate feeling that way but its just my natural reaction.. I think im better off not even thinking about a love life and approaching it as its not meant in the cards for me instead of analyzing how awful my life is in that area.. Not everyone is meant to find love so maybe i can just be happy the way iam instead of fantasizing about what if's and realize i cant attract women but it doesnt mena my life is a failure if women arent attracted to me.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Why the self-defeat attitude? Wouldn't you rather give yourself a fair chance rather than crawl in a hole and slowly fade away? Also, many of us wish we had the desirable traits that many others have. However, you still have control over yourself and can increase your success with women. That all depends on you. It's not easy, but that's fine; many things in life aren't. It might be easier to give up and say "good looking people have it easier, I'm not good looking so I have no chance", but that's lame and way too easy. Seriously. Challenge yourself more. So, get to it and stop worrying about the things you don't have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I feel the same way, only if I was average height. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Why the self-defeat attitude? Wouldn't you rather give yourself a fair chance rather than crawl in a hole and slowly fade away? Also, many of us wish we had the desirable traits that many others have. However, you still have control over yourself and can increase your success with women. That all depends on you. It's not easy, but that's fine; many things in life aren't. It might be easier to give up and say "good looking people have it easier, I'm not good looking so I have no chance", but that's lame and way too easy. Seriously. Challenge yourself more. So, get to it and stop worrying about the things you don't have. Motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AD1980 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Why the self-defeat attitude? Wouldn't you rather give yourself a fair chance rather than crawl in a hole and slowly fade away? Also, many of us wish we had the desirable traits that many others have. However, you still have control over yourself and can increase your success with women. That all depends on you. It's not easy, but that's fine; many things in life aren't. It might be easier to give up and say "good looking people have it easier, I'm not good looking so I have no chance", but that's lame and way too easy. Seriously. Challenge yourself more. So, get to it and stop worrying about the things you don't have. I know thats the logical way to look at it but im just very sensitive person when it comes to getitng rejected or people liking me i take it way too personal i know i shouldnt bit its easier said then done.. I dont think i have it in me to get rejected hundreds of times and shrug it off with the midnset that the 101th girl will find me attractive.. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 what is it that makes you unattractive? Is there anything you can do to fix some of the physical things? ex) weight hair style teeth clothes Link to post Share on other sites
Bristolius Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 The world is not as grim as you describe it. There are plenty of nice women that will be polite and even friendly no matter what you look like. Stop thinking about sex or your appearance and pay attention to what's happening in the moment. That increases your comfort and gives you something to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) A lot of us are weary of rejection, but let me tell you this: the idea is far more powerful than the actual reality of it. It's just...something you have to give yourself a fair chance. Your clouded thoughts are going to keep you from enjoying a nice, healthy life. It's obvious that you're not happy with the way your life is going, but it comes back to you. Are you willing to adapt a fighters mentality? Or are you okay staying in your comfort zone, watching life pass you by everyday? You really don't need to approach 100 women, but you do need to take at least a few mins out of your time to approach a woman and make her day. You have to be man enough to ask for what you want. A closed mouth doesn't get fed. Take risks. If she rejects you, who cares? You don't even know her...and while it may sting, it isn't the end of your world. She could also be into you. Of course, this would require you to make your presence known. Just stop being your own worst enemy. It's not helping at all. And stop avoiding women because of this fear of rejections. You don't have to be a prisoner of your fear when you decide to face it. Give yourself a chance. Create your love life and make it a reality instead of living in fantasy land. Edited June 11, 2012 by Cracker Jack Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It's easier to change the outside of a person than the inside. What would make you more physically attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AD1980 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 To answer tiger and fits question about my physical appereance im in halfway decent shape i walk 3 to 5 miles a day try to stay active..im not an adonis by any stretch but not in bad shape.. I guess my face is the problem which i cant change.. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I know thats the logical way to look at it but im just very sensitive person when it comes to getitng rejected or people liking me i take it way too personal i know i shouldnt bit its easier said then done.. I dont think i have it in me to get rejected hundreds of times and shrug it off with the midnset that the 101th girl will find me attractive.. A lot of us are weary of rejection, but let me tell you this: the idea is far more powerful than the actual reality of it. It's just...something you have to give yourself a fair chance. Your clouded thoughts are going to keep you from enjoying a nice, healthy life. It's obvious that you're not happy with the way your life is going, but it comes back to you. Are you willing to adapt a fighters mentality? Or are you okay staying in your comfort zone, watching life pass you by everyday? You really don't need to approach 100 women, but you do need to take at least a few mins out of your time to approach a woman and make her day. You have to be man enough to ask for what you want. A closed mouth doesn't get fed. Take risks. If she rejects you, who cares? You don't even know her...and while it may sting, it isn't the end of your world. She could also be into you. Of course, this would require you to make your presence known. Just stop being your own worst enemy. It's not helping at all. And stop avoiding women because of this fear of rejections. You don't have to be a prisoner of your fear when you decide to face it. Give yourself a chance. Create your love life and make it a reality instead of living in fantasy land. It might take over 100 at least for AD. I mean, I was talking to some women at an alumni event recently who were at my looks level and they were looking around like they totally wanted to talk to somebody else. Just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
trixy Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Are you sure you don't give off vibes which say 'stay away'? When I was younger I am told that men were scared to approach me for this reason. It may not be your looks at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It might take over 100 at least for AD. I mean, I was talking to some women at an alumni event recently who were at my looks level and they were looking around like they totally wanted to talk to somebody else. Just the way it is. Maybe, maybe not. But he's not approaching any women, so it doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 To answer tiger and fits question about my physical appereance im in halfway decent shape i walk 3 to 5 miles a day try to stay active..im not an adonis by any stretch but not in bad shape.. I guess my face is the problem which i cant change.. Thanks for answering the question. What is it about your face? - if your teeth could be whiter - get whitening strips. - if your hair style isn't flattering - try something new - if you're rocking the unibrow - fix the middle You say your body is in 1/2 way decent shape - so there is room for improvement.... I'm not trying to give you a complex - just trying to help. If you think you're unattractive, that's definitely more of an "inside" issue you have to work out. But there are always things to tweek and improve on a little bit on the outside. Rejection, I'm sure sucks and hurts a lot, but so many guys get rejected, and over time they learn to brush it off and keep trying. I'm sorry if there were girls that were obviously rude when you approached them - there really is no excuse for that. But most girls would try to politely let someone down. Keep at it, and figure out what you can do to enhance on the outside while you work on strengthening the inside Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 To answer tiger and fits question about my physical appereance im in halfway decent shape i walk 3 to 5 miles a day try to stay active..im not an adonis by any stretch but not in bad shape.. I guess my face is the problem which i cant change.. You can: hairstyle and facial hair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AD1980 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 You can: hairstyle and facial hair. I dont look good with facial hair..as far as my hair i cant do much with it in terms of styling its kind of coarse and when i put gel in it it gets even more unamangeable.. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannanDope Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Are you sure you don't give off vibes which say 'stay away'? When I was younger I am told that men were scared to approach me for this reason. It may not be your looks at all. This could be true. I had this problem around the same time I had an eating disorder. Obviously, I thought I was the nastiest looking creature to grace this planet. I really benefited from therapy, and am healthy now. I also have a completely different outlook on my own appearance. I have also met men (in fact, almost married one) who was extremely over weight, but his confidence, humor, and charisma made him beautiful. I still miss him to this day. As we grow, eventually we start to learn that the soul is what matters, and beauty fades. Don't hate yourself I you're all you've got right now. Being your own worst enemy is one of the most destructive things a person can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Necromancer Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It´s not just you my friend, I forgot my phone few weeks ago while i was at cinema. i had to approach 12-14 people (approached mostly girls) just so i could call. I try my best, to look as good as i can with my genes. From early age people are taught not to talk to strangers (at least where i live). Girls have often gave me the "who the **** are you?" look. and i am slightly above average (from my view). Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I feel the same way, people can say looks arent everyhting but without them you cant get your foot in the door to make an impression Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It's the energy you give off, it stinks. I started feeling depressed before I even got halfway through your post. If this guy can make it work with his face you have no excuse. BBC News - 'I hated seeing my face in the mirror' 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It's the energy you give off, it stinks. I started feeling depressed before I even got halfway through your post. If this guy can make it work with his face you have no excuse. BBC News - 'I hated seeing my face in the mirror' Yes, I've seen the documentary! Very heart-warming And he got himself a hot girlfriend . She was really sweet aswell, but he deserved that, he was a cool guy from what I watched. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I guess my face is the problem which i cant change.. If you could afford plastic surgery, what would you change about your face? Link to post Share on other sites
typicalcaliguy Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 That sucks. Op has no self esteem. I am a good looking guy and things are easier for me. I used to be fat obese when I was young. I started eating right worked out and lost 75lb. And since then life is great. If I act all charming I pretty much get anything I want. I have never been unemployed and whenever I want to go after a new job or position I have always gotten it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AD1980 Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 If you could afford plastic surgery, what would you change about your face? have a big italian nose Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 me too. Sometimes I dream about looking like megan fox and how fun that would be in this shallow world. Link to post Share on other sites
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