I went to meet the guy I initially thought I wouldn't - now what?

[red shoes]

I met the guy whose photo I wasn't attracted to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=297847

 

I'm still not attracted though I can tell he's a fine person. I don't know where this will lead but I'm going to know more about him.

 

But am I settling? And am I being unfair to him by not knowing whether I like him since I'm not attracted?

[red shoes]

Anyone?

 

Some comments?

[Cee]

I think it's okay to date someone for a short period of time even if you have doubts about attraction. Some people spark after the first date.

 

You aren't leading him on unless you are making promises you can't keep. Or you are telling him you are physically attracted. I am certain that you aren't doing that. You are going on dates to get to know him and that's what dating is about.

 

I think you are doing fine.

[Dorie]

I think it's okay to date someone for a short period of time even if you have doubts about attraction. Some people spark after the first date.

 

You aren't leading him on unless you are making promises you can't keep. Or you are telling him you are physically attracted. I am certain that you aren't doing that. You are going on dates to get to know him and that's what dating is about.

 

I think you are doing fine.

 

I agree short periods of time--3 weeks or less--are fine. Most of us know, after a certain point, if the attraction isn't there, it never will be. In that case, it's kindest to let him go before bonds are formed.

[oaks]

Anyone?

 

Some comments?

 

Sorry for not replying sooner. Some of us have dates to go on.

 

If you're definitely not attracted then it sounds like a waste of time, but if you're just unsure then a couple of dates should clear things up for you and that's fine.

[Imajerk17]

You're fine. As a guy, I have no problem with giving things a few dates.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You're not "settling." A date, or a meeting, for that matter, are just to see about things.

 

"Settling" is if you get into a relationship with him when you don't feel "that way" about him. So, don't do that.

 

Have fun, I hope you enjoy meeting him.

[joeyanna]

I met the guy whose photo I wasn't attracted to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=297847

 

I'm still not attracted though I can tell he's a fine person. I don't know where this will lead but I'm going to know more about him.

 

But am I settling? And am I being unfair to him by not knowing whether I like him since I'm not attracted?

I think one of two things will happen here, either the more you spend time with him the more attractive he will become to you, or no matter what happens, you will never feel attracted to him. Both have happened to me.

 

I met a previous bf online and initially didn't find him attractive in the slightest but he really made me laugh and the more time I spent with him, the more attractive he became and we ended up being together for two years, it turned out to be a very toxic relationship where he verbally abused me but that's another story.

 

I have been dating another guy I met online for 6 months now, the first person I've dated since splitting up with my husband two years ago and although I'm very fond of him, I am not attracted to him in the slightest and I've realised that after all this time, I never will be, there are also personality issues other than the attractiveness thing that have made me realise that it isn't going to work, we're just too different, we have very little in common and I'm now at the point where I'm going to have to tell him which I'm not looking forward too as I don't want to hurt him but neither do I want to string him along further. Initially I thought it was because I didn't want to become emotionally involved with anyone as I'd been terribly hurt by the breakdown of my marriage but I have been attracted to other people so I know it's not that and I have seriously considered having a future with this guy but I know I would be settling which isn't fair on either of us.

 

So my advice would be, stick it out a little longer to see what develops but if after a few weeks you realise it's just not going to work then let him down gently and move on, you will definitely meet someone you are attracted to.

 

Good luck!