purple_cloud Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 This is about a guy I had few dates with. He canceled our last date with a questionable excuse and did some other minor things that make me feel he is not that interested. To be fair, I messed up by canceling our second date a few times. I am not sure if he has lost interest because of this or if he wasn't that interested in me in the first place. I can't stop thinking about him. I just wish I knew if he just doesn't care or if he doesn't want to put an effort into someone flaky (which my behavior could have been perceived as). I want to send him a message, just to say that (I am not even sure what), that I like him and really want to keep seeing him and if could start over. At the same time I cringe to think if he has already moved on and reads this, it will look desperate and silly. I met him on Match, so losing my dignity like this will only be known to myself and him. Would you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 No. ("The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters") Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 To be fair, I messed up by canceling our second date a few times. Doing that may have screwed up his idea of who you are permanently in which case nothing you could say would make a lick of difference. However if that flakiness did not screw this up permanently then sending a message apologizing could be seen as a sign of good character. Weather you loose your dignity or not depends on how you say it and what you say. There is no loss of dignity in simply admitting to liking someone enough to see them again. Remember we regret the chances we did not take. Take a chance... and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 if you really do like him and want to see him again, u do not have to lose your dignity to express this to him. Simply say something along the tines of " sorry I kept cancelling, I want to still see you if your up for it" If you cancelled a lot and it came across badly, just briefly explain that you didn't mean anything by it, and do not like how u handled the situation because it does not reflect the fact you actually are interested in seeing him again. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I've read a few of your prior threads. If I recall correctly, you canceled the second date because he invited you over to his house to play cards, and you thought he was just after sex. News flash - most males are. But, your gut was obviously telling you something when he proposed that as a second date. From your other thread, you said you've been out on 4 dates total?. How did the dates following transpire (did you ask him out or did he ask you)? I think you should reevaluate things first (before reaching out to him), because it doesn't sound like you are very sure of yourself and you are also not very trusting towards him at this point. Even if he is interested in you beyond a sexual relationship, you will continue to come across as wishy washy towards him (given what I said above) and that will most likely put him off. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 No. This. ("The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters") Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple_cloud Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Yes, I am leaning towards no. When a man is truly interested, he will try as long as he gets some green light. And yes, most of his date ideas are house dates. I did have an open conversation with him when I canceled the second date at his house. I told him that one of my concerns is that he is after sex and I am not ready. He assured me that he didn't mean it in that way. He said that I should have suggested an alternative place to hang out if I was uncomfortable rather than just canceling last minute. But, his third and fourth date ideas were also house dates. He is not pushy with physical stuff, but I am still concerned why he doesn't make more effort into doing something outside. I come across as wishy washy because I really like him, yet I am distrustful of his motives with the house dates. So I keep getting conflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 you told him house dates make you uncomfortable, yet he keeps arranging those, ignoring your concerns. That tells you everything you need to know about his character. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purple_cloud Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 There was a bit of a turn of events. I was pretty ready to write him off and forget about sending him that message....but he called me a while ago. We had a good chat and both apologized for canceling and confusion. He asked me if I am free tomorrow but I am not. So we arranged to meet on Monday morning in the city. We are going to get breakfast together then he has to run some errands regarding the new car he bought...he asked if I want to come along with him...then we are driving to his place to hang out and drink wine...he wants to show me the stars with his telescope (his housemate will be there too). I told him: you have no idea how much I want to see you and he was all awwww ditto. We both pinky swore on no canceling I am pretty puzzled by all this. I didn't really think he liked me at all Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I told him: you have no idea how much I want to see you and he was all awwww ditto. We both pinky swore on no canceling I am pretty puzzled by all this. I didn't really think he liked me at all See that wasnt so bad. Let me just point out a couple of things. When a man is truly interested, he will try as long as he gets some green light. The problem with this in general is that many guys have been trained to think of this as something to not do. More or less by having girls who were not interested in them take that very kind of pursuit as being "creepy" and "stalkerish". Give clear signals to a man you are interested in. Many men just don't stand for being cancelled on and take it as a bright red light that negates any other signals. Don't be so quick to write people off. Like with the house dates....maybe he does not want to spend a ton of money yet wasts to show seriousness? Mature men don't invite a woman over just for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I had to check my calendar to make sure it wasn't Groundhog Day. I think we've all been here before ... over, and over, and over. http://games.gearlive.com/blogimages/head_asplode.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 You've already asked this question: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244367/ Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) I think Star_Gazer and Mme Chaucer have called it right. I said it on another thread. I am pretty sure you are right SG. This is a reincarnated previous poster who vowed to stop posting. Now she also changes identities, ages, ethnicity to throw people off. See some previous posts: [COLOR=#990000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265163/[/COLOR] (late 20s) [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266652/[/COLOR] (35) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267954/ The neurotic behavior (should I text, should I not text and the posting over trivial matters is also a big hint (e.g. does he just want quick sex, doe a man get aroused only if he is attracted)). Edited March 12, 2011 by Girlygirl1977 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 The neurotic behavior (should I text, should I not text and the posting over trivial matters is also a big hint). As is literally the way she writes. Even when she was her previous names, she changed ages and constantly contradicted herself. There is no truth in these threads. Link to post Share on other sites
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