When do you decide to give up dating?

[greatgirlfriend]

If the guy I like dumps me, I am completely done with dating. Screw it, I will not go through the heartache again. I will also make a vow never to go to church again because it's God's fault this happened. Sounds extreme, but I've been put through way too much heartache.

 

Just a few things I've been put through:

A guy dumped me on Sweetest Day because he wanted to ask another girl out. He also had a party that day and didn't invite me (but invited my enemies, whom he swore he didn't like).

Another guy dumped me on Valentines Day and I later found out was sleeping with another girl.

I gave money to this one guy I was dating to come visit me (he lived 4 hours away). Instead he used the money to buy another girl jewelry.

Countless guys who only wanted me for sex. When they got what they wanted (or didn't get) they dumped me.

Guys that insisted they'd never marry, yet ended up marrying the next girl.

Guys that I developed a crush on that had zero interest in me.

Guys that conned me into thinking they liked me but wanted my money.

 

And on and on. I am a good person, I DESERVE someone, but I'd rather be alone than hurt again. We all go through heartache but I've dealt with far too much. I did pray to God that this one works, so I have faith it will. If not, then it's over and no more dating ever.

[Bejita463]

I did pray to God that this one works, so I have faith it will.

 

Uh, you and your partner are responsible for the success of your relationship. Not whatever deity you choose to believe in. Washing yourself of responsibility of your own relationship is a pretty good way to screw it up.

 

If I misunderstand, I apologize. It has come across as "it is god's job to make this work, not mine" to me though.

[greatgirlfriend]

No, it's our responsibility to make it work, but God can help. Hard to explain but I believe to some extent God chooses what's going to happen. That's why if this relationship fizzles because my guy decided it, then yes I'll blame God. If it's both our faults then no, it's one of those things.

[Bejita463]

That attitude could destroy an opportunity for personal growth though. The relationship could, even if it fails, teach you valuable things about yourself and/or what you want out of a relationship. Things you might not learn if you just cast blame (on anything or anyone) rather than using that opportunity.

[You'reasian]

No, it's our responsibility to make it work, but God can help. Hard to explain but I believe to some extent God chooses what's going to happen. That's why if this relationship fizzles because my guy decided it, then yes I'll blame God. If it's both our faults then no, it's one of those things.

 

This guy may not be right for you. That rests squarely on your shoulders.

[Kamille]

I don't believe in God but I do believe in destiny.

 

But let's call destiny God for the sake of this argument:

 

Maybe God has bigger better plans for you than this guy. So if things do not work out with this guy you may choose to stop dating - but you would only be fulfilling your destiny.

 

And who knows what God truly has in store for you?

 

Maybe it's time you stop trying to make love happen.

[greatgirlfriend]

The thing is I feel he is. We share the same views, goals, interests, values, etc. It's like I was cloned. I've never had that before with any guy. That's what I mean. I am 39 and should have found someone years ago. I tried but nothing happened.

[greatgirlfriend]

I don't believe in God but I do believe in destiny.

 

But let's call destiny God for the sake of this argument:

 

Maybe God has bigger better plans for you than this guy. So if things do not work out with this guy you may choose to stop dating - but you would only be fulfilling your destiny.

 

And who knows what God truly has in store for you?

 

Maybe it's time you stop trying to make love happen.

 

I want love, but if this fails it means God doesn't feel I deserve it. I've been put through so much in my life and I didn't deserve everything I went through. I am a good person but I've seen evil people have good life.

[carhill]

People you *perceive* to be evil *appear* to have a good life. No human can live inside their mind or soul except them.

 

Love and care operate in mysterious ways. Being open to the possibilities increases your potentials for fulfilling human interactions.

 

I'm not religious, but I'll probably stop 'dating' when I choose to marry someone again and/or when 'god' calls me home. Hope you enjoy your journey

[greatgirlfriend]

People you *perceive* to be evil *appear* to have a good life. No human can live inside their mind or soul except them.

 

Love and care operate in mysterious ways. Being open to the possibilities increases your potentials for fulfilling human interactions.

 

I'm not religious, but I'll probably stop 'dating' when I choose to marry someone again and/or when 'god' calls me home. Hope you enjoy your journey

 

I know so many rotten people who've had great lives. I've lived a good life and have had so much thrown at me. This is it. I can't handle more than this. I can't go through more heartbreak again. Some people can, I can't. I can't open my possibilities anymore because I'll just get hurt again so why try? It's like gambling. If everytime one loses, why keep trying knowing it'll be a loss again.

[carhill]

I remember feeling much like you are writing here when I was your age and it gave me the psychological makings for a disastrous marriage. On the other side, I can now see such relations for what they are and enjoy them for what they are, as well as letting go of the 'evil' people and the hold I let them have on my life. Maybe, for some of us, the road is just meant to be rough and full of broken glass. Then again, it hasn't been so bad. I guess it's about perspective; as individual as each of us.

 

Are your parents still alive? If so, give them a call today

[greatgirlfriend]

My parents are still alive (very healthy) and they don't get why I've had so much problems in dating. My brother 4 years younger hasn't had this issue. He had a couple of girlfriends but then met his now wife in high school. None of their friends' kids have had the problems I've had dating. People don't understand how rough it is for some people. All of my high school classmates (at least the ones I know) are all married. I need this relationship to work to keep my sanity. Sounds odd, but I've had a rough life all around and dating was the worst of it. The funny thing I shouldn't have because I am technically beautiful (former model) and a nice person.

[tkgirl]

I want love, but if this fails it means God doesn't feel I deserve it. I've been put through so much in my life and I didn't deserve everything I went through. I am a good person but I've seen evil people have good life.

 

I agree that you've been through some S*** but it is self defeating to blame "God" if things go wrong again. The God that I believe in (because we all have different perceptions) is LOVE.. just pure and honest love... it's as simple as that.

There are no guarantees in life but if you can keep God's love in your heart always then life is awesome... regardless of the sucky people! And when those people do you wrong that's when you turn that love to yourself and walk away from them for good...

Don't give up on dating... or you may end up alone for the rest of your life and that's just sad. Take a break if you need to.. but don't give up...

[lordWilhelm]

Maybe there's something you're doing wrong. It seems these guys are attracted enough to start dating you but they don't want to stay with you. Do you have any idea why that might be?

[greatgirlfriend]

Because most wanted sex. Many of these guys only wanted to use me for other reasons as well. In most cases it wasn't me, it was them or both of us. I'd literally have a guy dump me and no idea why. I just can't go through the rejections again.

[Kamille]

I had something completely different written but my conclusion was this:

 

Greatgirlfriend, you are lovable. It isn't something you deserve or that God will bestow upon you. You already are lovable.

 

You are the first person who needs to love yourself, as you are. There's no need to strive to be perfect or to hope that some guy will prove you worthy of love by choosing you.

 

You already have love. It starts with you. If someone makes you doubt that you are lovable, then perhaps you shouldn't let him into your life.

[txsilkysmoothe]

This seems like an odd post for someone who believes they are with the right "one" and it is a good and healthy relationship...........................

[greatgirlfriend]

I hope he's the right one, but I am insecure about the relationship. I have so many fears from previous relationships that I am fearful of this one failing.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I have those same types of insecurities and I agree with another poster that it can lead to one sabotaging the relationship. I know I've made that mistake, do you think you have in the past or have allowed your insecurity to damage the current relationship?

[carhill]

When you come to die and he's 'still around', you'll know he was the 'right one'. Everything else is nebulous.

 

BTW, how fortunate that your parents are alive and healthy. What a gift

[alphamale]

If not, then it's over and no more dating ever.

ahh, you're just saying that....

[greatgirlfriend]

I was never insecure until all the trash happened to me. So much has happened that I'll be insecure until this becomes serious and if it doesn't then it'll throw me through another trauma.

[Tony T]

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing something the same way repeatedly but expecting a different result. It's obvious that you are doing something very wrong. I want this current boyfriend to work for you but you're going to have to make some changes for that to happen. You need to get some tips from women who seem to get and keep guys. Find out how they do it. One thing you can bet, they are unpredictable and they aren't nice to the extreme. Men are human and humans don't like boredom. If you can keep a relationship interesting, you've got it made.

 

First thing, stop caring so much. People who care too much about another person tend to overdo it...do too much for that other person. It's important to care, but not so much that if that person gets upset it's the end of your life. You've GOT to keep pizzaz in a relationship and you'll never do that by being the same old sweet, lovely, predictable, cookie cutter gal day in and day out. Others may disagree with me...but, I'm telling you, this is the key to your problem. I want you to be successful.

 

Again, talk to ladies who are successful and getting and keeping men around. Ask them what their secret is. But, by all means, stop doing whatever it is you're doing that makes men leave each time. There's something you're doing that's turning them away.

[tkgirl]

I had something completely different written but my conclusion was this:

 

Greatgirlfriend, you are lovable. It isn't something you deserve or that God will bestow upon you. You already are lovable.

 

You are the first person who needs to love yourself, as you are. There's no need to strive to be perfect or to hope that some guy will prove you worthy of love by choosing you.

 

You already have love. It starts with you. If someone makes you doubt that you are lovable, then perhaps you shouldn't let him into your life.

 

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing something the same way repeatedly but expecting a different result. It's obvious that you are doing something very wrong. I want this current boyfriend to work for you but you're going to have to make some changes for that to happen. You need to get some tips from women who seem to get and keep guys. Find out how they do it. One thing you can bet, they are unpredictable and they aren't nice to the extreme. Men are human and humans don't like boredom. If you can keep a relationship interesting, you've got it made.

 

First thing, stop caring so much. People who care too much about another person tend to overdo it...do too much for that other person. It's important to care, but not so much that if that person gets upset it's the end of your life. You've GOT to keep pizzaz in a relationship and you'll never do that by being the same old sweet, lovely, predictable, cookie cutter gal day in and day out. Others may disagree with me...but, I'm telling you, this is the key to your problem. I want you to be successful.

 

Again, talk to ladies who are successful and getting and keeping men around. Ask them what their secret is. But, by all means, stop doing whatever it is you're doing that makes men leave each time. There's something you're doing that's turning them away.

 

what Kamille and Tony said... love and care about yourself first and ALWAYS!!!

[Disillusioned]

Some people never learn.

 

On a different dating board (one which is not known for its posters being particularly bright), there was a 96-yo woman who still thought of romance as a game not to be taken seriously.