alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 ok dont judge me but by the ways things have been going for me in the so called "dating" situation, ive decided just to do the hookup thing with men-I have came to the conclusion that since every guy i have talked to in the past 3 years whether they were 20 30 or 40, white black or whatever other race that no men want a relationship! so since i am 39 i will just deal with the "hookups". so now my question is-how the hell you do this when you have kids(nosy)? also my apartment is so small you can hear the neighbors have sex, snore, talk and everything else! so i'm thinking its not possible~! if im in the living room(couch) what if my daughter walks in?! shes 12 btw- the guy im talking to lives with his parents so going to his place is out of the question so any ideas or suggestions???!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Just have him shove your head down into a pillow when he's getting you from behind. That usually muffles out some of the noise. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 You are not seriously thinking of subjecting your 12 year old daughter to a stranger, are you? Don't realize the potential emotional damages that that could cause her? And what if you bring home a psycho? Have you never seen Alfred Hitchcock's Marnie? My god, woman. If you need a hook-up that badly, get your daughter a responsible baby sitter and get yourself a hotel room. Have more respect for your daughter than to put her in a potential dangerous situation. Be a responsible mother! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 You are not seriously thinking of subjecting your 12 year old daughter to a stranger, are you? Don't realize the potential emotional damages that that could cause her? And what if you bring home a psycho? Have you never seen Alfred Hitchcock's Marnie? My god, woman. If you need a hook-up that badly, get your daughter a responsible baby sitter and get yourself a hotel room. Have more respect for your daughter than to put her in a potential dangerous situation. Be a responsible mother! I'll cosign on this too. I think if you were serious about only wanting to hook up with men the least you could do is get a babysitter. On another note, the reason all the men you're meeting only want hookups from you is because you're not doing sufficient weeding. There are guys out there that desire more than a hookup, guys of all ages. You may want to get more picky and be more patient for the good ones? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 oh no! its not a stranger! forgot to explain i guess! hes a co worker ive know him over a year! im also guessing its a hookup nto sure what will happen-but lately i dont get my hopes up-the last guy pursued me for 6 months and we were just friends for that period then 1 month ago i finally decided to have sex with him and last week we broke up-long story anyways its kinda hard to get a babysitter for a 12 1/2 yr old! a hotel is out of the question-who has money for one! and i cant leave her alone yet to go to the motel room! guess i will just have to try the pillow! lol! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 If you had to hookup you should have at least consider doing " it" with someone who has his own place. Even if it's not serious, you can still be picky with the guy you're actually having sex with. I understand you're upset with your dating situation but at least be responsible with your health ( condoms, stds, etc) and be responsible with your children. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 oh no! its not a stranger! forgot to explain i guess! hes a co worker ive know him over a year! im also guessing its a hookup nto sure what will happen-but lately i dont get my hopes up-the last guy pursued me for 6 months and we were just friends for that period then 1 month ago i finally decided to have sex with him and last week we broke up-long story anyways its kinda hard to get a babysitter for a 12 1/2 yr old! a hotel is out of the question-who has money for one! and i cant leave her alone yet to go to the motel room! guess i will just have to try the pillow! lol! For a 39 yr old, you're not very smart. Your child will come to resent you for bringing a stranger home, because you're trying to build up a bad habit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 in the 20 + years of dealing with guys, ive only had 1 that was actually a relationship(well until he cheated) he broke my heart and it took me way over a year to even look at a guy and 2 years to even do anything! now this situation sucks because ive talk to alot of guys from all kinds of places etc, and none want an actual relationship, which to me is to actually go out and do things together, like movies dinner, walks rides whatever, not just see each other 15-20 mins once or twice a week(sex usually!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 for a 39 yr old, you're not very smart. Your child will come to resent you for bringing a stranger home, because you're trying to build up a bad habit. not a stranger!!!! A guy ive worked with for over a year!!! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 not a stranger!!!! A guy ive worked with for over a year!!! But still a stranger with your child. A child at 12 is capable of understanding why a person they've never met before is doing inside their parents' room. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 Look i asked for ideas and suggestions not for ppl to tell me other stuff about being a bad parent etc.... i know im not the only single mother with kids dealing with this situation! i cant hide it from her forever! im sure she knows about it etc... they learn young- i just dont want her to see me or this dude naked ! lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 If you had to hookup you should have at least consider doing " it" with someone who has his own place. Even if it's not serious, you can still be picky with the guy you're actually having sex with. I understand you're upset with your dating situation but at least be responsible with your health ( condoms, stds, etc) and be responsible with your children. hmmm..... let me see, maybe its the area i live in but around here not too many men live alone. they are either married, live with their babys mom, parents or roomates, as a matter of fact i dont know ANY men that have their own place! maybe its the economy lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 OK.. what's wrong with having sex in YOUR bedroom? The living room is NOT a good idea when your kids are around. Doesn't the father gets the kids once in a while? Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Why not have him over for dinner formally. If you've been seeing him for a year you probably have a pretty good grasp of his character, unless the only thing you've been grasping in your time together is something else... It might not hurt to have him over for a full night and eat a meal with you and your daughter, introduce her and maybe everyone play a game or watch a movie together. Let your daughter pick what to eat, what to watch, what to play, whatever. Then you can get to the face-in-pillow business later on when she is asleep or on a different night of the week. He may not be a stranger to you but he is to her. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 hmmm..... let me see, maybe its the area i live in but around here not too many men live alone. they are either married, live with their babys mom, parents or roomates, as a matter of fact i dont know ANY men that have their own place! maybe its the economy lol I didn't suggest you're a bad parent, but if you had no choice but to bring the guy home, then choose a date where you can have your child go sleepover at a friend's place. You're right if you don't want your child to see you naked, but also remember that to a child, their home is a sanctuary. Don't make them accidentally develop a childhood trauma just because of an " accident". Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 no i havent been dating him or anything the past year-i just see him at work everyday say hi whatever-and texting him everynight- dont think hes into the dinner thing- and my bedroom is directly beside hers, so that means she would only be about 10 feet away from me! didnt think about it when i moved so quickly-before i was used to a bigger house! just thought since the LR is farther away it would be less for her to hear! guess i just have to wait til shes old enough no the father is not involved he hasnt seen her for 11 yrs doesnt pay child suuport and is a bum! no job 3 wives and 6 kids-we dont want nothing to do with him!@ also no family here i am only child, parents live far away so really no choices happening! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 OK..so if I were you.. I would first tell her that you are seeing someone at work.. and you have developing feelings for him... wait a while and introduce him to her one evening, have him for dinner or a drink. Take it slow... and once you're 'ready' for sex... make sure she's asleep.. and do everything very quietly. Or is it possible to leave her alone for a few hours.. then you could go to a motel or something.. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Alexa, you are making excuses. You only see him at work and you haven't actually had a formal date with him? You ask us for advice and when enough people here tell you that bringing him home with your child is a bad idea, you become defensive and start giving us reasons why you HAVE TO DO THIS in such a fashion. All we are telling you how WRONG it is for the sanctity and safety of your child. Honor her and her childhood by not adding something so sordid to her life as her mother having sex with a stranger (which he is to her!). It is wrong on so many levels... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Plus, a guy who is "not into the dinner thing" is not worth bringing into your bed. That IS just a hook-up and not worthy of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 If he still lives at home with his parents and has a job, then I think he makes enough to get a hotel room. If you're gonna get a f*ck buddy at least do it right. Link to post Share on other sites
JanetD Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 hmmm..... let me see, maybe its the area i live in but around here not too many men live alone. they are either married, live with their babys mom, parents or roomates, as a matter of fact i dont know ANY men that have their own place! maybe its the economy lol I am a bit confused. Some of the men that you would consider to "do the hookup thing" with live with a wife or a "babys mom"? Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 I think it's a great idea to invite him to your home to introduce him to your daughter. Why not play a boardgame or watch a movie before he goes home that evening. That will prepare her that you & your man might be intimate with each other in the case that she overhears you two. You have needs too and when your daughter becomes an independent adult she will realise this, if not before. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 First off, I'm not trying to be judgmental. You've got sexual needs and if you're love life is stalling then there's no reason that, as an adult, you still can't happen to have a sex life. I wish my own life would allow that. That said, I gotta wonder what kind of a guy is all ready for casual sex but still lives with his parents. Shacking with mom and pop isn't exactly what the average banchelor stud does. How old is this guy or is there some kind of special situation (like the parents are sick/dieing?). Either way, I agree with the poster who pointed out that if he has a job but lives with his parents, he probably has enough cash for a motel. That or make like teenagers and do it in the back seat. Link to post Share on other sites
justforfun Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 You sound as though you are settling for second best. I don't see you saying you want to do this just because you want to have sex. Just that you are resigned to it because guys don't want to date you. As for your daughter I think it's an awful idea to have her meet him. If he's only a 'hook up' then why expose your daughter to him unless it's a relationship with potential. Does your daughter ever stay over at a friends. If she doesn't then maybe it's time to start having a friend or two stay over and that way they start inviting her over too. That's what I did. Plus it will give you chance to go out on dates. Accept the fact that dating will be an occasional thing. You say that you don't have any way to do this without your daughter being in the house. So how have you managed to have dates before? Have you invited them over to your house all the time? If you want to do this then you have to be responsible enough to realize that it's not possible in your present situation. Slow yourself down make changes in your life that will allow this to happen. You shouldn't be doing it any other way than without your child knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted October 25, 2009 Author Share Posted October 25, 2009 I think it's a great idea to invite him to your home to introduce him to your daughter. Why not play a boardgame or watch a movie before he goes home that evening. That will prepare her that you & your man might be intimate with each other in the case that she overhears you two. You have needs too and when your daughter becomes an independent adult she will realise this, if not before. lol thats hilarious! men dont play board games! all they want is sex! Link to post Share on other sites
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