lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Well, yes I am a single parent with 2 kids from 2 different dads. I have only been single for 6 months and still having a very difficult time getting over my ex after a 6 year relationship. Raising my kids on my own full time with some weekends off is not easy and does not give me alot of time to go out and meet people (my main focus is my kids and school). I am definatly unaproachable if I have my kids with me which is most of the time, and when I do go out once a week if that, it is usually to meet up with some friends at local country night club. Yes I do have an online dating account but I really don't like using it. Any thoughts from anyone out there on how they would feel about dating someone in a situation like mine? I feel like the kind of guy that would want to be with someone like me only exists in the movies or books, most men would not be very accepting of this. I know it has not been very long being single and maybe in time I will feel differently, but it is not easy having to see the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with every weekend and we are not together anymore. I tried everything to work things out with him but he just did not want to put forth any effort. Maybe I am trying to hard to find someone so I can stop thinking of my ex? I don't know if I ever can though, because the guys I do meet I compare them to him or find something wrong with them but normally there is something wrong with them, for example one guy that showed interest I later found out that he had pulled a gun on his ex-wife.... that is scary! It is really scary just being single especially with kids involved, I feel like I should run a background check on every guy I meet. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I've done this before. Didn't bother me. The relationship didn't work out, but that had nothing to do with the fact that her kids had different fathers. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I would date a woman with kids from different fathers if I liked her. See I have kids too....so I would almost prefer to date a single mother because they would understand the amount of time and attention my kids would require. It is rare to find someone that can understand that if they are not a parent. Good luck. It is a hard to date after losing someone you really loved. Of course you will compare...but try not to. It's not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 this is sooo common these days.. It would really limit the men's dating pool... A successful TV author was on a french show last Sunday.. she has 4 kids from 4 different fathers.. and it's no big deal... I have 2 kids from 2 diff. fathers... my FBF's daughter has 4 kids (3 diff. fathers)... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Well its good to know that there are men out there that would not hold this against a woman. There has been a couple of times that the minute I mention my situation to someone that shows interest I literally send them running. I would also prefer to date someone that has kids too because I feel that he would be more understanding and accepting of my kids as I would be of his. I will try not to compare because I know this isn't fair at all, but I find myself doing it without even trying too. I do think I need more time, but it would be nice if someone decent would express some interest in me. Even if he doesent end up being the one I am tired of attracting the ones with psychological problems already in the last 6 months. They show interest I try a date or two and they end up calling me all hours of the night, saying I love you after 1 date, or like I mentioned one cant see his kids because he pulled a gun on his ex-wife and turned out he is bipolar. Link to post Share on other sites
danny75 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Simple answer is yes i would , so long as she ticks all the boxes that i look for in a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'm no guy - but I see so many different types of families (where it is obvious there's different fathers and situations) come into my store. The right guy will come along and have no problem with it. Like Lizzie said, it's so common these days, I don't think it's a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I know it has not been very long being single and maybe in time I will feel differently, but it is not easy having to see the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with every weekend and we are not together anymore. I tried everything to work things out with him but he just did not want to put forth any effort. Maybe I am trying to hard to find someone so I can stop thinking of my ex? I don't know if I ever can though, because the guys I do meet I compare them to him or find something wrong with them but normally there is something wrong with them, for example one guy that showed interest I later found out that he had pulled a gun on his ex-wife.... that is scary! It is really scary just being single especially with kids involved, I feel like I should run a background check on every guy I meet. No, I would not date a woman with 2 kids and 2 different dads. That sounds massively complicated... and a high % chance she just wants a child support check. There are plenty of other guys who can't be picky... However, I think your top problem... is that your not over your Ex yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Bleeve Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have done it. She also had a child with me and now has another child with a new guy. So 4 kids\ 4 dads and she doesn't seem to have any problems finding men to date So good luck, the right guy will come along Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 No, I would not date a woman with 2 kids and 2 different dads. That sounds massively complicated... and a high % chance she just wants a child support check. There are plenty of other guys who can't be picky... However, I think your top problem... is that your not over your Ex yet. That is what I was afraid of as being labeled as some woman who wants to collect child support checks. That is not me at all, my first husband became very abusive after we got married towards myself and my daughter so I had to leave. The father of my 2nd child decided after 6 years that he just didn't want to be with me anymore because we did not have sex enough. I thought he was the one and my situation now was my worst fear. I have decided that I am getting my tubes tied no more kids! and yes I do need to get over my ex, it would be easier if I didn't have to see him every week. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I probably wouldn't date a woman with 2 kids, no matter who daddy was. I shy away from women with 1 kid, actually, unless she brings a lot to the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 That is what I was afraid of as being labeled as some woman who wants to collect child support checks. That is not me at all, my first husband became very abusive after we got married towards myself and my daughter so I had to leave. The father of my 2nd child decided after 6 years that he just didn't want to be with me anymore because we did not have sex enough. I thought he was the one and my situation now was my worst fear. I have decided that I am getting my tubes tied no more kids! and yes I do need to get over my ex, it would be easier if I didn't have to see him every week. That's a big red flag. I would not tie the tubes just yet. There is the chance that when you do find someone who truely loves you... he may not have kids yet and want some. I know your not out to just collect child support checks... but seriously... that is the first thing most guys with any kind of money are conditioned to see the situation. Guys who don't have anything won't care. However, guys like me are very cautious about that stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 So you have two kids from two dads, you are completely hung up over your ex AND you cut back on sex after the "honeymoon" period... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 That is what I was afraid of as being labeled as some woman who wants to collect child support checks. That is not me at all, my first husband became very abusive after we got married towards myself and my daughter so I had to leave. The father of my 2nd child decided after 6 years that he just didn't want to be with me anymore because we did not have sex enough. Two red flags. You have a history of not putting out after a few years and although you deny it, you look like a professional mother by all external signs. Are you collecting child support from either or both fathers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 That's a big red flag. I would not tie the tubes just yet. There is the chance that when you do find someone who truely loves you... he may not have kids yet and want some. I know your not out to just collect child support checks... but seriously... that is the first thing most guys with any kind of money are conditioned to see the situation. Guys who don't have anything won't care. However, guys like me are very cautious about that stuff. Yes, I can understand being very cautious about that. If the roles were reversed I may worry about the same thing. I have been thinking of getting my tubes tied only because what if I do meet a great guy and he doesent have any kids and we do have a kid together whose to say that he wont leave too? my ex was a great guy and did not have any kids when we met, he stepped up and became very involved with my oldest kid and loved her as if she was his own. He said very often how much he loved me and he wanted to marry me, he always acted like everything was great between us. Then he purposed and 3 weeks later he left me, I never saw it comming. So who is to say that I wont be tricked or deceived like that again? but at the same time i know it isn't fair judge other people for what others have done to me in my past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 So you have two kids from two dads, you are completely hung up over your ex AND you cut back on sex after the "honeymoon" period... Good luck. Well, it's not really that I cut back on sex we had sex once or twice a week... Some weeks alot more than that. He never acted like it was a problem but I guess he wanted more than that, I didn't know. I think this is something he should have tried talking to me about so I knew it was a big problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Two red flags. You have a history of not putting out after a few years and although you deny it, you look like a professional mother by all external signs. Are you collecting child support from either or both fathers? Yes, I do collect child support from both of the fathers. The first I was married to him so it was ordered by the court.The 2nd, we have an agread amount that he can afford to pay me every month. I do help him when he needs it too, there have been a few times that he needs money for gas or diapers and if I have anything I give him what I can. The father of my 2nd child we get along very well and still do what we can to help each other when needed. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, I do collect child support from both of the fathers. Well I guess you have an income, that's a plus to some guys. If you're hot some guys will overlook a lot to date you. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 So who is to say that I wont be tricked or deceived like that again? but at the same time i know it isn't fair judge other people for what others have done to me in my past. There are no guarantees to life. I suggest you just be as cautious with men as I am with women. I would like to think that whatever the trials and tribulations you may suffer... those kids were worth having... and that another would be no different. Unless you are only able to love 2.... then tie the tubes for sure. Otherwise... why do something permanent based on fears of what may happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 There are no guarantees to life. I suggest you just be as cautious with men as I am with women. I would like to think that whatever the trials and tribulations you may suffer... those kids were worth having... and that another would be no different. Unless you are only able to love 2.... then tie the tubes for sure. Otherwise... why do something permanent based on fears of what may happen. What you say does make sense and trust me I have thought about it alot. I always wanted 3 kids but then 3 kids with 3 different dads, I don't know how well I could handle that. I do love kids and really did want more I always wanted a big family, but the way things are going........ I guess life does not always turn out as you planned. I don't think I couldn't love another kid, I know I could. My decision to not have any more kids may not be for the best reasons, I know it will require more thought. And yes my kids were definatly worth having, if it wasn't for them I would be a real mess over this break up... being a good mom does keep me going every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I'd be worried that you were a professional mother, who would just want to get pregnant again by me so you could collect another child support check. I'd also be concerned about how complicated the situation would be with two fathers being involved. Also I'd assume (and I realise this may not apply to you, it's just what I'd assume) that you're rather promiscuous if you already have children by two different men and are looking for yet another guy. In dating you're contending with a lot of negative assumptions like these, so it's all the more important to put yourself across as desirable, fun, interesting - if your situation isn't as complicated as people would assume then you should clarify that. There will be some guys who are interested in dating you, so don't lose hope - it might just be a little more difficult to find someone who's accepting of your situation. Oh, and don't mention why your last relationship ended - that's bound to put guys off if they assume the sex will stop after a while as it did with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Not a chance. But my loss eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 What you say does make sense and trust me I have thought about it alot. I always wanted 3 kids but then 3 kids with 3 different dads, I don't know how well I could handle that. I do love kids and really did want more I always wanted a big family, but the way things are going........ I guess life does not always turn out as you planned. I don't think I couldn't love another kid, I know I could. My decision to not have any more kids may not be for the best reasons, I know it will require more thought. And yes my kids were definatly worth having, if it wasn't for them I would be a real mess over this break up... being a good mom does keep me going every day. Here is my advice regarding this. The worst choices in life are most often made out of fear.... the best are made out of love. Do you want to fall in love with someone who judges you based on how your life has gone? Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I have 6 kids, by three different mothers, what does that make me? a leper?:laugh: OP , you would do better to look for a man, then try NOT to compare him to an ex or to some idealized blueprint, you have . If you want men to be accepting of you, be accepting of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy9216 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 Here is my advice regarding this. The worst choices in life are most often made out of fear.... the best are made out of love. Do you want to fall in love with someone who judges you based on how your life has gone? WOW!! that is really good advice and very well said, thank you I will definatley remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
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