Eventually disgusted by something your partner does in bed?

[Die Hard]

I was just wondering if anyone, you can even be married, has grown to have been disgusted by something your partner does that used to turn you on in bed?

 

This girl I've been seeing does something that really turns me on but I'm having an issue with it too. Now, I don't love her yet, and maybe this is the problem, but I had to ask here anyway.

 

I'm worried, no, I guess, wondering, if any of you liked something your partner did but as time went by it started turning you off?

 

What she does doesn't turn me off right now, but I'm concerned that as we get older or more used to each other I'm not going to want her to do it anymore and that she'll KNOW it's not turning me on anymore.

 

Do you think if I loved her it wouldn't matter and that it would always turn me on? Or, if I do grow to love her that it won't matter and it will always turn me on?

 

This probably doesn't make any sense ...I'm having trouble verbalizing my feelings regarding this. If you made any sense out of it I'd appreciate any advice or experiences.

 

dh

[whichwayisup]

but I'm concerned that as we get older or more used to each other I'm not going to want her to do it anymore and that she'll KNOW it's not turning me on anymore.

If and when that point in life comes, then you just say that things change and that particular thing she does, doesn't do it for you anymore.

 

I am kind of curious to know what she's doing that is a turn on for you, yet will more than likely be a turn off in the future.

[Trialbyfire]

I hope you're not battling with the madonna/whore complex.

[Tomcat33]

It would help to know what she does....is it something she does to you or on herself? And if it's on to you is it something unconventional?

[EYECANDY000]

Well it seems like since the relationship is new, then you are pretty much tolerating it. And after the newness wears off then the same excuse that you say isn't an issue, really is. Now, I hope this message makes sense , because your entire message is in code

[Star Gazer]

I hope you're not battling with the madonna/whore complex.

 

BINGO. It screams of MWC.

[Die Hard]

If and when that point in life comes, then you just say that things change and that particular thing she does, doesn't do it for you anymore.

 

I am kind of curious to know what she's doing that is a turn on for you, yet will more than likely be a turn off in the future.

I knew I was going to be asked and this is hard to admit because I am honestly ashamed of it.

 

Okay, please don't think I'm a total perv, it's not like I require this in bed, it just happens to turn me on. Don't ask me why!

 

I've watched some porn in my time and I mentioned to my girlfriend while we were watching a porn together that I thought it would be hot, I can't believe I'm going to say this:confused: ...hot if she were to spit on my "member" while doing her thing. Well she went right for it and it turned me on in ways I didn't know it would.

 

Then I went further, and she could obviously see what it was doing to me, so she spit in my mouth and on me, etc.. I'll tell you it drives me nuts!

 

My issue is this though: what if I fall in love but as she gets older the idea of her spitting in my mouth and on me begins to disgust me?

 

See, it's easy being turned on by it now, she young, pretty why wouldn't her spit turn me on? But if it stops working she's going to KNOW and I'll be busted for being an ass that only gets turned on by her spit when she's young and pretty.

 

Note that I am aware some will find this disgusting. I do too on some level, but when I get in bed and worked up I don't care and just want more. That's cool until the day comes I don't want it anymore and she knows it's because her spit now turns me off. I can't even be sure this will ever happen but it worries me.

 

It's not like I can go back on this now, she KNOWS what it does to me. She has even started initiating sex by spitting on me and she knows by doing that I'll be all over her. I'm worried this is gonna stop working and she'll know I'm a shallow ass. I'm not one yet, but I'm worried. Also I said I don't require this(spitting) but I'm also worried that now I do and that it won't be that spitting turns me off but that HER spit will eventually turn me off.

 

I'm thinking I should have kept all this to myself and never mentioned spitting to her.

[johan]

If it starts to bother you, ask her to stop.

[anne1707]

So you are worried that she is doing something that you asked her to do?

 

Yes - that is shallow.

 

 

 

Then you are worried that you might not like it of she does that when she is older?

 

Again that is shallow. Do you think you will remain perfect whilst she ages in to some kind of old hag?

 

 

 

Sorry but your attitude is poor and shows a lack of respect and feelings for your girlfriend.

[whichwayisup]

Don't worry so much about the future. Enjoy things as they are now and if at some point it turns you off, you be honest and tell her. That's important in relationships and in bed, to be able to communicate your needs, desires, turn on's and turn off's.

 

Glad you shared, so don't feel embarressed. I've read worse on LS!

[Die Hard]

If it starts to bother you, ask her to stop.

You don't think she's goijng to wonder why though? I mean, when she does this it's obvious to her what it does to me ...you cannot fake that. Simply asking her to stop I don't see how is going to work. She's going to want to know why. What am I supposed to say, you mouth is older and dirtier and I don't want your spit on me anymore?

 

I don't think that would go over well.

 

I think this is going back to my psychotic thing I have where I always seem to look for something wrong with a relationship when I start getting close. But I can't help it because I can't tell when I'm being afraid of committing or when I'm having a legit issue.

[Tomcat33]

Die hard thanks for sharing that, I am sure it was hard to come out and explain it took guts.

 

Having said that, look consider yourself lucky you found a girl who is just as kinky as you are and who is willing to experiment with you in bed. You guys sound like a fun couple!! Being able to share and experiment sexually is important, it's awful when one person is more creative than the other and you have to supress who you are to not offend the other. In the case of what you described it is a simple as talking about it. You are getting WAY too ahead of yourself and you are thinking too much about what ifs. If you enjoy it for now then just kick back and enjoy, if you feel like it's not as enjoyable anymore talk to her let her know along the lines of "let's try something else instead or simply tell her it was fun to do every once in a while but all the time gets to be a little much"

 

You have an open talk about what you enjoyed so clearly you can talk about it again. Don't accept something that makes you feel uncomfortable because it will be worse for her, imagine how humiliating for her to think she is doing something that really turns you on when deep down you are growing to hate it. Let her know that it isn't working.

 

It think maybe your deep worry is, what if I can never have normal sex again, what if I will always need this or a variation of this to get turned on?

[johan]

You don't think she's goijng to wonder why though? I mean, when she does this it's obvious to her what it does to me ...you cannot fake that. Simply asking her to stop I don't see how is going to work. She's going to want to know why. What am I supposed to say, you mouth is older and dirtier and I don't want your spit on me anymore?

 

Why does it need to be a big discussion? Tell her it's not as much of a thrill for you anymore. And as far as her mouth being older and dirtier, I don't think your relationship will last long enough for you to have to worry about that.

[EYECANDY000]

You shouldn't apologize for what you like. It seems like you have a partner who is willing to do whatever her partner wants to get him turned on.. so if that's the case then I'm sure she will stop when you tell her it no longer turns you on.

[whichwayisup]

I think this is going back to my psychotic thing I have where I always seem to look for something wrong with a relationship when I start getting close. But I can't help it because I can't tell when I'm being afraid of committing or when I'm having a legit issue.

 

As long as you're aware of this..And, if you are really starting to fall for her, even think and feel the L word for her, then talk to her about your committment fears and concerns.

[Geishawhelk]

I love the way he's having sex with someone he doesn't love yet....

[Die Hard]

As long as you're aware of this..And, if you are really starting to fall for her, even think and feel the L word for her, then talk to her about your committment fears and concerns.

Thanks WWIU, I like you and others' advice that at least I'm not a perv.

 

I guess I'll just go with it and see what happens.

 

I don't think I can get into the whole commitment thing with her though. I can't even get my head around it myself and surely couldn't verbalize it correctly to her.

 

I do agree to an extent with the poster who said I'm being a shallow ass. I feel this in my gut. I would never admit it outside LS, but I feel it. And I don't think I'm not so much of a looker that I can afford to be a shallow ass either. I don't know why I'm this way. I truly do not.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know why I'm this way. I truly do not.

 

Aren't you kind of curious to find out why you're like this? I know I would be if I were in your shoes.

 

You're welcome. And trust me, ALOT worse has beene posted about, maybe not in this section, but in the sex section.

[johan]

What appears to be shallowness looks more to me as just a symptom of being immature. The spitting thing won't be the biggest issue you run into with this girl.

[Die Hard]

Aren't you kind of curious to find out why you're like this? I know I would be if I were in your shoes.

Totally honest? No. I keep hoping it will go away with the next girl, or when the love of my life walks into my life.

 

I guess I'm putting my head in the sand. I've talked with a therapist but I won't be truthful with them. I go in planning to, but it doesn't happen.

[Die Hard]

What appears to be shallowness looks more to me as just a symptom of being immature. The spitting thing won't be the biggest issue you run into with this girl.

I can't argue with you. I'm surely immature, no doubt.

 

Everyone knows me as the guy who doesn't want to ever grow up.

[anne1707]

Totally honest? No. I keep hoping it will go away with the next girl, or when the love of my life walks into my life.

 

I guess I'm putting my head in the sand. I've talked with a therapist but I won't be truthful with them. I go in planning to, but it doesn't happen.

 

 

So why are you so worried when you obviously are not planning to stay with this girl?

 

I should add that I have no problem with what you are doing in bed. My problem is the attitude towards your girlfriend.

[LostNLonely]

I'

I knew I was going to be asked and this is hard to admit because I am honestly ashamed of it.

 

Okay, please don't think I'm a total perv, it's not like I require this in bed, it just happens to turn me on. Don't ask me why!

 

I've watched some porn in my time and I mentioned to my girlfriend while we were watching a porn together that I thought it would be hot, I can't believe I'm going to say this:confused: ...hot if she were to spit on my "member" while doing her thing. Well she went right for it and it turned me on in ways I didn't know it would.

 

Then I went further, and she could obviously see what it was doing to me, so she spit in my mouth and on me, etc.. I'll tell you it drives me nuts!

 

My issue is this though: what if I fall in love but as she gets older the idea of her spitting in my mouth and on me begins to disgust me?

 

See, it's easy being turned on by it now, she young, pretty why wouldn't her spit turn me on? But if it stops working she's going to KNOW and I'll be busted for being an ass that only gets turned on by her spit when she's young and pretty.

 

Note that I am aware some will find this disgusting. I do too on some level, but when I get in bed and worked up I don't care and just want more. That's cool until the day comes I don't want it anymore and she knows it's because her spit now turns me off. I can't even be sure this will ever happen but it worries me.

 

It's not like I can go back on this now, she KNOWS what it does to me. She has even started initiating sex by spitting on me and she knows by doing that I'll be all over her. I'm worried this is gonna stop working and she'll know I'm a shallow ass. I'm not one yet, but I'm worried. Also I said I don't require this(spitting) but I'm also worried that now I do and that it won't be that spitting turns me off but that HER spit will eventually turn me off.

 

I'm thinking I should have kept all this to myself and never mentioned spitting to her.

 

I'm probably much older than you, but about twenty years ago I met this fine, fine piece of hot chocolate (Yes, I dig the black girls) and we used to get together and pitch and catch quite a lot, we lived down south and used to work together. Long story, but her family wasn't into white folk, the neighborhood she lived in was tragic, and if I were ever caught there with here...well...let's say I would likely vanish off the planet.

 

Anyhow, when the time came that the bloom came off the rose and I needed a little assistance down there, she put together a wad of spit and blew it out of her mouth in the most unappealing manner. I actually got p*ssed and told her to refrain from spitting on me, it stayed in my head for a long time afterwards, didn't like it at all.

 

It looks hot on screen, when watching porn, eh sometimes, depends on the chick, but in real-life, coming from a girl your sweet on, yeah, I can see why you don't dig it. I would tell her about it and be upfront, don't let it fester. I think you'll find that she just did it that one time, probably because she saw it in some porn, or saw that it turned you on and just kept doing it to please you.

 

It's kind of funny, but don't mention how you could get turned off "down the road" cuz' down the road, you might find it harder and harder to get her to do that for you....unless of course, you treat her right, or she's naturally into it (as some women are...aren't women great ~sigh~).

 

Good luck pal, don't be afraid to talk openly about sex with your partner, you may find she's not too thrilled with something your doing and has been waiting for an opportunity to tell you about it as well, communication works...for me, it's stay away from my man nipples eww!!

[whichwayisup]

Are you the youngest in your family? Don't like any responsibility put on you?

 

Problem is, when the love of your life walks in, you STILL may have committment fears, so dealing with this now could be better than ignoring it..

[BubblyPopcorn]

Totally honest? No. I keep hoping it will go away with the next girl, or when the love of my life walks into my life.

 

I guess I'm putting my head in the sand. I've talked with a therapist but I won't be truthful with them. I go in planning to, but it doesn't happen.

 

Nope, doesn't work that way.

 

Committment is a choice, love is a choice. That choice, is made by YOU.

 

Denial is easy, the other stuff not so much.

 

OK, that was my motivation speech for the day.