IWalkAlone Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Credit goes to Kamille for writing this in another thread, which I am using to start this one: I totally thought i had added my two cents in the debate! But I don't see my post. I've noticed on this forum that a lot of men seem to think that women pay a lot of attention to physical appearance and I wonder if it's not the result of the fact that it is men who pay a lot of attention to women's physical appearance. Since it matters for you guys, you naturally assume it is as important for 'most' of us girls. Fact is, I know for me and, let's see, all my girlfriends, personnality weighs in way ahead of physical appearance. Granted, none of my friends are clubers but we do hang out in bars quite a lot. For me, it's attitude that makes a man attractive: that he looks comfortable in his skin, happy, that he smiles a lot, that he has a good sense of humour and can maintain a decent conversation. All that trumps physical attraction... or rather informs who I will find attractive. Right now, I'm wondering if we are talking about the same thing. I don't do the one-night thing or easy-score thing, so obviously I'm paying attention to a lot more then physical attributes. If I were looking to score, perhaps a hot bod would be more important. This might also explain why it is men who seem to think it's so important because perhaps men are more prone to looking to score. It all depends what you're looking for. I have to disgree. Years of people watching convinces me that a man's looks are just as important to women as a woman's looks are to men. Here's my reasons: 1) Many, many, times I have heard women discuss which guys they think are hot. Almost always they are guys with athletic physiques and/or faces that are eaither ruggedly handsone (George Clooney) or have the large-eyed babyiss look to them (like Brad Pitt). 2) In going to parties, bars and other social situations, it is common for guys like the one described above to have women who don't know them start flirting with them. This happens much less often with guys who are overweight, skinny, or have a "dorky" appearance, even when other factors (sense of humor, socialability, money) are equal, and even when the good looking guy has LESS of the other qualities. 3) If the good looking guy is a "player," he's score easily and often. Sometime they chaeat ontheir girlfriends, and when the girlffriend finds out, she'll often stay with him. If he prefers serial monogamy, when a relationship ends, he'll be dating within weeks and have a new girlfriend in a month or two. Other guys often go months without dating and sometimes a year or more without sex. 4) When dating, the good looking guys have a low rejection ratio - less than 50 percent. Less good looking guys have to endure rejection from several women ("Let's just stay friends" - "I'm seeing someone" (when they're not in an exclusive relationship) - "I'm busy") for each woman who does date them. Now for long term relationship success, looks are less of a factor than other personality factors. That's why many women who date good looking guys later have LTRs with less-good looking guys who are better personalty matches. (This is also why women who don't look like Victoria Secret models also find realationships & husbands.) But to say that women don't pay a lot of attention to a man's appearance is like saying that men don't care to watch football on TV. There are exceptions to everything, but it's not the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 It depends... Its not exactly their LOOKs per se, because I think that men can become more or less attractive when you get to know their personalities.. But APPEARANCE is slightly different... my BF takes care of his appearance. He washes (!!!lucky me) and makes an effort to dress well and smell nice. I like that... I do the same. We both exercise regularly for the health benefits as well as the outward physical appearance, but neither of us have "perfect" physique.. If someone takes pride in their appearance i think thats a good thing... Looks are subjective... Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Agreed on the looks being subjective part...Of course, my friends and I might drool over Brad Pitt or someone like that because yes, they are highly physically attractive. But at the same time, a guy you think is just "okay looking" can turn into a very attractive man once you get a good relationship going with him, as friends or more. My friend never liked hairy guys before, but the guy she's totally in love with now has a furry chest and tummy. What she in general thought was a turn off, she now finds endearing in this guy because of who he is. I think that's the biggest difference I notice between my female friends and male friends....a guy will date a girl JUST because she is hot, my girl friends need more than that. Of course there's exceptions to every rule. maturity plays a big factor in it as well. It depends... Its not exactly their LOOKs per se, because I think that men can become more or less attractive when you get to know their personalities.. But APPEARANCE is slightly different... my BF takes care of his appearance. He washes (!!!lucky me) and makes an effort to dress well and smell nice. I like that... I do the same. We both exercise regularly for the health benefits as well as the outward physical appearance, but neither of us have "perfect" physique.. If someone takes pride in their appearance i think thats a good thing... Looks are subjective... Link to post Share on other sites
Arianna72 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Not all women are looking for the same thing in a man obviously and I think to an extent how attractive a woman perceives herself to be will also play into what type she is attracted to. Physical attractiveness is definitely important to me. I find several different “types” attractive but I will admit that the chances are good I won’t think of a guy as anything more than a friend unless I find him attractive. With that said I have recently discovered that indeed a guy I thought was just "okay looking" and a friend turned into a very attractive man upon getting to know him better. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 i used to have a buddy who was quite heavy, like 50 or 60 lbs overweight and he used to have hard time getting any action from attractive women. he has now lost most of theat weight and chicks can't keep their hands off him. every month he's got some new hottie. so looks do matter very much for both sexes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IWalkAlone Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 The "Boyfriends live in unbearable filth" reminded me about something. A last year, a woman I know who looks a lot like the model in the True dating site banner ad above the reply box I am now typing in met a guy who lived with another guy in a house much like the one described in the other thread. Both if the guys were lumberjacks and had the bodies to show for it. Within a month or two, she had had sex with both of them (not at the same time), although it was at her place, not there's, because it grossed her out too much. What does that say about the importance of a guy's looks over other factors? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 he used to have hard time getting any action from attractive women. he has now lost most of theat weight and chicks can't keep their hands off him. every month he's got some new hottie. When did you lose 50 lbs ? Of course looks matter.. Girls want to be around a nice looking guy that they don't have to worry about him having a heart attack.. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Don't we all agree that looks are important in immediate attraction? They just can't sustain a relationship. Initial attraction is very different than long term attraction which involves like interests, personalities, and values. Men and women are equally guilty of going only for hot bodies, but they may have a harder time finding a good match for themselves if they cannot see beyond looks alone. Many people with extremely attractive faces and bodies are often vain, but not always. There as many attractive people with serious personality disorders as there are less attractive people with the same or different issues. And physical attraction changes over time. Personally I don't find the lanky, thin body type as attractive as I did when I was a teenager. I like some meat on the bones, even if that meat isn't necessarily well toned. I also have more meat on my own bones and that could be affecting my views. It's the older I get that the physical stuff has less importance, so maturity does play into it. I don't like "bad boys" anymore, but I used to be very attracted to that type of man. I want to treated with love and respect, loyalty and honesty. I don't want drama, but I think I used to feel that drama equaled passion in some way. Now it equals bullsh*t and nonsense. About the only thing that hasn't changed over the years is that I still find myself attracted to men of my own age in general. Sure I find some actors/musicians/athletes attractive that are at least a decade or more younger, but that is simply physical beauty and I don't believe I would entertain a relationship with a big age difference. I would, however, entertain a hot steamy night of sexual fantasy:D Link to post Share on other sites
Asafan Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Women are hypocritical when it comes to looks. It has been my experience that looks are PARAMOUNT for both sexes, and probably even more so for women than men. Women just lie about it because they want to appear "nice" Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 i used to have a buddy who was quite heavy, like 50 or 60 lbs overweight and he used to have hard time getting any action from attractive women. he has now lost most of theat weight and chicks can't keep their hands off him. every month he's got some new hottie. so looks do matter very much for both sexes. So he is forging meaningful, lasting relationships with all of them huh? Don't we all agree that looks are important in immediate attraction? They just can't sustain a relationship. Initial attraction is very different than long term attraction which involves like interests, personalities, and values. Men and women are equally guilty of going only for hot bodies, but they may have a harder time finding a good match for themselves if they cannot see beyond looks alone. Many people with extremely attractive faces and bodies are often vain, but not always. There as many attractive people with serious personality disorders as there are less attractive people with the same or different issues. And physical attraction changes over time. Personally I don't find the lanky, thin body type as attractive as I did when I was a teenager. I like some meat on the bones, even if that meat isn't necessarily well toned. I also have more meat on my own bones and that could be affecting my views. It's the older I get that the physical stuff has less importance, so maturity does play into it. I don't like "bad boys" anymore, but I used to be very attracted to that type of man. I want to treated with love and respect, loyalty and honesty. I don't want drama, but I think I used to feel that drama equaled passion in some way. Now it equals bullsh*t and nonsense. About the only thing that hasn't changed over the years is that I still find myself attracted to men of my own age in general. Sure I find some actors/musicians/athletes attractive that are at least a decade or more younger, but that is simply physical beauty and I don't believe I would entertain a relationship with a big age difference. I would, however, entertain a hot steamy night of sexual fantasy:D Totally agree DDL. I used to think that emaciated, pale, boys who played guitar were hot. i have thankfully broadened my horizons since I was a teenager. Women are hypocritical when it comes to looks. It has been my experience that looks are PARAMOUNT for both sexes, and probably even more so for women than men. Women just lie about it because they want to appear "nice" Asafan, I AM nice... There is no point trying to "appear" nice on LS- its all anonymous... Just ask BurningForRevenge and Magichands... where are they anyway? this thread needs them Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I'm only one woman, but here's my experience: - in high school, I was attracted to and giggly about the hot looking guys but only really hung around the ones who were funny and smart and maybe average looking - in college, my friends and I had all kinds of fun picking out the hot guys and drooling over them, but I mostly dated the guys who were fun to be with and made me feel special (they were all smart as I went to a geek college) whether they were hot or not - my twenties, I dated 2 decent looking guys for many years - not hot, but to me they were, primarily because of their other qualities. One of them was a chick-magnet, but not because he was George Clooney or Brad Pitt. He was sexy, but not necessarily a poster boy. SEXY is different from attractive features. - my thirties, looks barely matter - a guy needs to capture my intellectual imagination for me to date him. Without the mental stimulation, he's not SEXY to me, no matter what he looks like Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 . SEXY is different from attractive features. - my thirties, looks barely matter - a guy needs to capture my intellectual imagination for me to date him. Without the mental stimulation, he's not SEXY to me, no matter what he looks like Absolutely. The most physically perfect Adonis on the planet wouldn't get a look-in from me if he opened his mouth and couldn't conduct a halfway intelligent conversation. Has anyone seen California Man? Case in point. Yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 i used to have a buddy who was quite heavy, like 50 or 60 lbs overweight and he used to have hard time getting any action from attractive women. he has now lost most of theat weight and chicks can't keep their hands off him. every month he's got some new hottie. so looks do matter very much for both sexes. Not for everyone. In my younger years I asked a couple girls out on dates that were cute, but they were probably about 20lbs. overweight. It didn't matter to me. Actually, I think a supermodel's body is rather disgusting...its like dating a greyhound...skin and bones...YUCK. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And what people are attracted to differ. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I would say that looks matter as said already for attracting someone. However, some shallow men and women NEED to have someone who is "beautiful" attached to them as a confidence booster. I know of a guy who used to pay escorts to date him. Why? So that he could have the most beautiful women out to supper with him. His girlfriend was not happy when she found out his secret life...what did his need say about her? Looks can be defined differently by each individual. I prefer brown eyed women with brown or blonde hair, but my wife is only brown haired with blue eyes. Why was I attracted? Her blue eyes are beautiful...this and her smile attracted me first. Throw the brown eyes standard out the window...we have a blue eyed winner! Some men like skinny women, some like them "pleasantly plump." Some women prefer a man with a belly. I look at many couples and womder what they see in each other...but then I am using my standards of beauty. Most people are attracted by looks but retained by personality. Even when we are younger something about the personality keeps us together. But as norajane stated very plainly, intelligence and personality and attitude makes a relationship last. And I would like to add that is is when the intelligence levels and personalities are MATCHED that people are happy. If I am of average intelligence and my girlfriend is of MENSA quality, we may have a tough time being together. (Having said that, some couple do well when they are not of the same intelligence levels because they complement each other in different ways). It is a mystery what makes a man love a woman or vice versa, but it happens. Is it looks or is it personality or is it simply because they feel comfortable with one another? Link to post Share on other sites
Bamaboy2006 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Looks are the absolute most important thing to women about men. If the man doesnt look athletic, built, or any of the such then he will have a harder and near impossible time of getting a date. Those of us who are slim like me and have hair color and style that is a turn off such as mine which is red and curly, are just SOL. Women dont find the little guys attractive and also dont like people with clown hair either. So as much as I hate to say this guys but if you fit any of the above you are going to have a really difficult time with dating and probably be spending at least Id say 340 days out of the year lonely. This comes from experience, girls just simply dont like guys who dont have an athletic or perfectly toned body. Plain as that. Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 From a female: I have liked guys who were scrawny or far from picture perfect. I have also liked guys who were hot! The hot ones I usually was attracted to instantly. But, the minute they opened their mouth, usually that was where the attraction ended. They were either very egotistical or I would hear something along the lines of "oh my gf and I"...., or they would do or say something else that made me lose my interest. As for the other types of guys(the average ones), there was no instant attraction. I was more comfortable around them and my guard was down because they didn't make me nervous. But, I noticed, as I got to know them and hung around them....I got a feel for their personality. Then before I even realized it, I was starting to feel something for them. I realized I was interested. Thats when the nervousness would start to set in. All those things that really didn't do much for me in the guys appearance, suddenly were desireable. So basically, the personality totally enhanced the looks. I'm not saying that all women feel like this, but this is something that I've noticed as a pattern in guys I have dated or have liked. So for the guys who feel "less then perfect" keep this in mind. Be yourself. Let your personality shine through, and eventually some women will come along and totally appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Women dont find the little guys attractive and also dont like people with clown hair either. Hey I resemble that statement.. I have never been built or athletic or even toned and have NEVER had any trouble getting women.. I get them with my humor and my great personality.. Women love to be around men that can make them laugh and have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 This is my opinion so don't take is as an insult: If your not attracted to someone, chances are your not going to end up with them. Sure you can have a gradual attraction but if someone ended up with someone they didn't find attractive at all then I see it as them saying "better then nothing." Yes looks do matter to some people. You may not look attractive to someone but to someone else you probably would. Then if by chance you ended up with someone they would or "should" think your attractive no matter how your physical appearance changes. But what I said is probably questionable but that's the way I see it. I could never be with someone who I found to be unattractive. I would never even try to be interested in them. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 DDL said this earlier in the thread, but only having good looks can get you so far. If they have nothing to offer, and have an awful personality, they will not get anywhere with women who are intelligent. If any woman is going to stay with a guy just because he is good looking, then she has some self-esteem issues to deal with, and who wants a woman like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 If they have nothing to offer, and have an awful personality, the same also goes for women as well riddler.. in the end the eye candy i just that.. and fluff.. The substance is what counts.. An ex or 2 pop into my mind that I think were more like arm candy and they were terrible people inside.. trashed Link to post Share on other sites
Author IWalkAlone Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 As for the other types of guys(the average ones), there was no instant attraction. I was more comfortable around them and my guard was down because they didn't make me nervous. But, I noticed, as I got to know them and hung around them....I got a feel for their personality. Then before I even realized it, I was starting to feel something for them. I realized I was interested. Thats when the nervousness would start to set in. All those things that really didn't do much for me in the guys appearance, suddenly were desireable. So basically, the personality totally enhanced the looks. So if a guy meets a girl at a party or an amusement park or someplace, how can he speed up the process of her getting a feel for his personality so that she finds him attractive enough to give her phone number to him by the time it's time to leave? So for the guys who feel "less then perfect" keep this in mind. Be yourself. Let your personality shine through, and eventually some women will come along and totally appreciate it! Assuming she doesn't hook up with your good-looking first and decide you're undatable because it's awkward to date a friend of someone she hooked up with for a night. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 the same also goes for women as well riddler.. in the end the eye candy i just that.. and fluff.. The substance is what counts.. An ex or 2 pop into my mind that I think were more like arm candy and they were terrible people inside.. trashed I know this, but this thread is directed at men and their looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IWalkAlone Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Absolutely. The most physically perfect Adonis on the planet wouldn't get a look-in from me if he opened his mouth and couldn't conduct a halfway intelligent conversation. What if Adonis was reasonably intelligent and articulate? Would you even look at his intelligent, articulate and humorious friend if you thought Adonis might be be interested in you? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 What if Adonis was reasonably intelligent and articulate? Would you even look at his intelligent, articulate and humorious friend if you thought Adonis might be be interested in you? I'd pay attention to the man who made ME feel beautiful and sexy, who had eyes for ME, who made ME feel special, who paid attention to ME. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I'd pay attention to the man who made ME feel beautiful and sexy, who had eyes for ME, who made ME feel special, who paid attention to ME. I second that^. Link to post Share on other sites
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