friends with kids

[fieldoflavender]

I get that kids are important etc etc. And I don't have any of my own. And I understand that sometimes we are in different points in our lives.

 

But I feel society as a whole and some of my friends specifically have this sense of "entitlement" just because they're mothers - the world has to revolve around them.

 

One got upset because I forgot her daughter's birthday. If I was her godmother, yes that's bad. But honestly - I am very busy and just because I don't have kids of my own, doesn't mean I don't have things I am very busy with in my life. And honestly - since she's been a mother - I've yet to meet alone with her. It's always with her husband +/- kids. I like them, they're great - but honestly like a coffee for 30 minutes? Sure I guess some people have babysitting issues. And that's fine. But I am making sacrifices too right.

 

At some point, I think we are just too different and our priorities too different to be close friends anymore, or even friends at all.

 

When I broke up and told her and who even knows if she checked her messages - she took THREE weeks to reply. Is that worse than me forgetting her daughter's b-day?

 

Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't need support in other ways. I always get dumped on at work just because my colleagues have kids and hence ++++++ important so I get dumped on to stay longer etc. But I may have plans too after work, and people CHOSE to have kids. And if they didn't choose it - use better birth control? Why should I pay for someone's life choice? WE as a society are already paying more taxes for people's choices and okay fine - why as individuals do we have to as well?

[Zapbasket]

I get that kids are important etc etc. And I don't have any of my own. And I understand that sometimes we are in different points in our lives.

 

But I feel society as a whole and some of my friends specifically have this sense of "entitlement" just because they're mothers - the world has to revolve around them.

 

<SNIP>

 

It's a tough situation, for sure. I think you have to take each friend on a case by case basis. With your dearest friends, I don't think you should let kids get in the way. The truth is that people with young kids very typically are strung out, often severely under slept, and overwhelmed. My best friend just had her second baby and her voice mailbox has been full the whole past three months. She is worn out from 24/7 child care (her oldest is a toddler) and I haven't been able to have a full conversation with her all summer. She is an outstanding friend and I'd never let our different life situations (I'm single, childless) get in the way of our friendship. She makes that determination easy because she does send me pictures, tell me she's sorry she can't talk, etc. As I said, she's one of those one-in-a-million friends, and I think with those friends you just have to go with the flow. It's true us singles can be strung out, under slept, overwhelmed in our adult lives, but little children are not something you can "set aside"--often moms can't even get a moment in the bathroom to pee alone!

 

With less close friends, if you don't like hanging with the kids and the husband every time, and you can't even get thirty minutes of one on one with the friends, just let them be for a while. No doubt once the kids are older some of those friendships will be able to pick back up in some fashion if you both want it. A little understanding on both sides goes a long way, but you do have every right to get your needs met, maybe just understand that those friends won't be the ones to meet them right now. Doesn't mean you have to twist yourself into a pretzel to accommodate but no sense getting mad at them, either.

 

Regarding work, ABSOLUTELY your time is just as valuable as those employees with kids. No way should work be sloughed onto you just because you are single; your marital and child status is no one's business, nor is it their business how you choose to spend your time outside of work. Just start saying, "No," more--no explanation needed. "No, sorry, I have other commitments tonight." If someone pushes for you tell them what you have to do, simply say, "That's not relevant. I'm simply unavailable this evening; sorry." If you want to appear as a real team player, maybe suggest another evening that week you could stay on to complete the extra work. But ONLY if that's your work culture.

 

It's true that some people are selfish and entitled whether they are parents or not; it's just that often times parents, especially mothers of young children, are entitled because their children are "entitled," as little children of necessity are. just life your life the way you choose, and remember with your very dearest friends, a little love and attention thrown to their kids every once in a while can go a long, long way.

Edited September 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[fieldoflavender]

Thanks I'm in the same boat as you and your friend sounds way more considerate than my friend. I'm okay if she can't meet up or be as responsive - that's fine. But she has to understand it's a two way street -if she exhibits these behaviours, she can't turn around and expect me to be at her beck and call for her kids. I buy them gifts and stuff for Christmas, but I really don't want to go to their birthday parties, like I'm sorry - but I really don't have that much time off and I just have zero interest in going to something like that. I don't even like children.

 

I don't mind seeing them once or twice a year - they are cute, but not like EVERY SINGLE time. Yeah I'm okay if we don't see each other for a while to be honest. But then like she will reach out and try to interact with me.

 

I think her kids are very cute so she can't fathom the thought of someone not wanting to spend time with them. But they are not MY relatives or my kids right. I'm not the godmother. I am her (? previously) close friend and I can do it for her once in a while, but I'm really not a kids person and if I have to sit through hours watching some kids TV show or sitting through their tantrums, it's not a good quality of time for me either.

 

You're right - maybe we're in such different places in life what we had before is no longer there.

 

Every person is different - her husband and her share a Facebook account where I tell her stuff sometimes and he can see it - she doesn't even have her own account or her own WhatsApp or anything. Her cell - she probably doesn't control either.

 

So maybe it's time I realized this friendship lacks privacy and isn't working.

[Zapbasket]

Or what you had with this friend before she had kids is there, just submerged.

 

I don't think your friend should be so hard on you for not getting her kid a birthday present. It's a present, not an entitlement. If the kid is of age and has the kind of relationship with you where s/he is saying at every birthday, "I can't wait to see what Fieldoflavendar gives me this year!", that's one thing. A two- or three-year-old kid isn't even going to notice. And besides, as far as I'm concerned it's never too early to teach a kid that gifts are given freely, and one should not expect that just because X person gave a gift one year at Christmas, that they will give one the next Christmas. The trick is to appreciate each gift whenever it is given, and be gracious and feel fortunate to receive such gestures of thoughtfulness, regardless of the frequency or lack thereof with which they're given.

 

I just texted my friend the other day, "Sorry I haven't gotten [your new baby] a present yet." And she told me to shut up. She understands that I am quite financially strapped; on the other hand I want her to know I am thinking of her and her new baby and want to acknowledge it with a little something but can't right now. And she understands.

 

If this friend of yours previously was close, it might be worth it to say something. Maybe along the lines of, "You know I love you, and I love your kids and family, but I'm just not a kid person and kiddie b-day parties just aren't my thing. I'm always here for you when you need to talk or want a mom's time out, but I'm going to pass on the birthday parties for now." If she has you in mind, she'll understand. If she doesn't, she'll call you selfish and go off in a huff, and that's her choice--but the important thing is you told her your limits, and honored yourself, which you have every right to do. And I do think often people with kids or lots of family commitments forget that--no friend always wants to have to hang with the spouse and the kids every damned time. That's a ridiculous expectation.

[preraph]

I agree with everything you said. But you do have to not assume each mother will be the same and have the entitlement. I did explain to my best friend many years ago why I wasn't buying her kids Christmas presents. Number one, people were buying them $50 presents and her son at the time wasn't even appreciative and actually threw one $50 present and had a hissy fit because it wasn't what he hoped was in the box. But mainly, if I'd had money to blow, I'd have bought him something, something small, but I explained to her that I had a friend of 40 years who was next in line to be on my Christmas list when and if I ever felt i could spend that much money at holiday time and also told her that time of year is when my work is slow, which is true. And I also explained that I'm HER friend. I think she understood.

 

Over the years, I have given them small things but not at holidays because I don't really want to get that started, and I gave her son a graduation gift certificate. This is the same one who had the hissy fit on someone when young. He never thanked me in any way. I swear, he's an okay kid, nice person, but he takes gifts way too much for granted because he's never yet had to work for anything. And that's how it goes.

 

I remember one job I had where I was only seasonal. They were paying me quite a bit at least. But aside from my manager and the receptionist I never talked to anyone in the office and didn't know them. There was a whole other side to the office that wasn't in the same business as the side I was in. Well, these people would have baby showers seemed like every week and birthday parties and it was worse than anywhere I've ever worked, and yes, I was expected to chip in and all that. It was ridiculous. It was the most blatant gift grab I've ever seen.

 

 

I uses to moderate a forum for childfree people, so I've heard all the stories. One of the biggest trends was people expecting their friends to buy all their kids gifts, but then not reciprocating at all because "Christmas is for kids" or "Birthdays is for kids." That would happen exactly once to me, and I'd be done with them. My best friend has not done that. In fact, I kind of owe her family for including me at holidays. I hope I'm solvent one Christmas and can reciprocate better.

 

So many people get dumped by their best friends when their friend has kids. There's no excuse for that. If you can't at least pick up the phone maybe once a month for a short catch-up, you need to get better organized and stop having kids.

 

It's up to us to understand their priorities just shifted, but if they were any kind of person, that wouldn't mean dumping their oldest closest friends just because they don't have kids themselves. It's very hurtful.

[fieldoflavender]

Thanks guys, made me feel better. I'm just debating whether I should slowly cut her out of my life (I feel it's toxic because it's hurtful) or I should have a talk with her.

 

I'm sure I will be villainized for not wanting to see her husband and/or kids - and I do, but not EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

Or guilt tripping me every single time for "missing out" on her kids' stuff, when like to be honest, she was never really there for me for stuff.

 

Oh and don't even get me started on the weddings and/or baby showers. I escape and don't even give money when it's no one I'm close to - like whatever, I don't care if people call me cheap. Why should I - if I don't even know/care about you. But sometimes I get trapped too.

 

I don't mind spending money for people I care about regardless of my status - because I have no idea when/if I'll get married and if I'll ever have kids so I ain't getting any of it back - and yes total entitlement or if I'll even talk to these people at that stage of my life.

 

To be honest, I'm just fed up and sick of being taken for granted. I am sick of people feeling like the world revolves around them and their kids' little tidbits. I get that - your kid is important to YOU -but doesn't mean the rest of the world has to revolve around it.

 

I pronounced her daughter's name wrong once and she threw the biggest hissy fit ever.

 

I think we're almost at a point of no return. I don't think she has insight into it at all to be honest. And sometimes I barely have anything to talk about with her.

 

If it's my personality - I may just have an honest conversation with her about it - but to be honest, I think I'm a bit beyond it and I don't if any of this is repairable. I get random texts once in a while asking me to meet up. And most of it involves me going to her house and bringing something for her house and we sit and watch kid cartoons and we play with her kid while her husband sits around and tells me how communism is great.

 

Like very basic things - I should be able to send a text about my breakup without her husband seeing it.

 

I guess sometimes it takes a lot of things building up to realize that perhaps you aren't the same people you were in high school anymore.

[fieldoflavender]

And gosh don't get me started on entitled kids these days. They are so spoiled and I can't stand it. It is good birth control to be honest. I don't know if I can educate a child in today's society not to be an entitled brat. Watching other people's kids gives me huge headaches sometimes.

[BettyDraper]

I agree with your sentiments about entitled mothers. I have distanced myself from former friends who felt that I should drop everything for their kids while barely caring about my life. I understood that they were busy with their children so I never made a fuss when they were tied up. It just was completely ridiculous for them to expect me to be available for them all of the time.

 

One of my friends has two very young children. I know she is very stressed and tired all the time. She has told me that she's so glad that I'm understanding and she feels like such a bad friend. I am gracious about her responsibilities. I just think it's a bit rude that she takes weeks to respond to texts. I don't enjoy being the one who is always reaching out to make plans so I'm going to pull away for a while.

 

Sometimes it's hard for people who have very different lives to stay friends. Feelings of superiority and envy often come up.

[preraph]

I think it might be worth starting with each individual situation and making your feelings known about it without turning it into a lecture to her or making it a confrontation in other words. So when she invite you over to your house, be honest and just say oh I don't feel like just sitting around watching kids today, but if you want to get out of the house sometime and do adult stuff let me know. Or I think I'm going to get out and do some adulting. Wish you could join me. Holler if you ever want to have a girls lunch or something.

 

but then take her up on hanging out at her house once in awhile because you know it's hard for her to get away from the kids. But if that's all she ever wants to do just let her know that's not how you want to spend your time or that you have something better to do that day. By just sometimes refusing invitations that aren't appealing but taking her up on it once in awhile she should start getting the idea that she's not going to be able to just keep having frequent friendship if it's always her way. But yet you haven't really said anything that ought to make her mad. I mean who doesn't have something better to do than sit around and watch someone else's kids.

 

If she's extreme like you seem to think she is an overly sensitive then if she just can't handle that someone else won't just always do exactly what she wants, well she'll lose a friend. When my friend had a toddler, she would try to time me coming over when she could put the toddler down for the nap so we could at least have some visit time.

[fieldoflavender]

Yeah I think it's more the attitude about our very different lives that is annoying to me.

 

I think when you have different ways of life and ideologies - you don't need to agree on everything, but when everything is so different that you can't see eye to eye anymore, then why bother?

 

That's the thing - I've brought it up gently sometimes - once I told her to go to this event that I knew she would like. She told me to go with her husband (um sure he's a nice guy but no thanks? AWKWARD much?). Like the old her wouldn't even suggest that because it's awkward and weird.

 

Like okay you have to breastfeed. I get that but I'm also in a very demanding job with crazy hours and I make time to text you back so yeah if you're staying at home (yes I get the whole lectures about how stay at homes are soooo amazing and they have it soooo much harder than working individuals - but yeah I think you can answer one text message).

 

I think it's also how entitled she is in other aspects of her life too. She and her husband depended so much on her parents - then she complains when they don't cater 100% to them and makes a lot of crap about it. But like again, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You're in your 30's - if you have 2 kids, then you should have thought about that it would have expenses and not expect other people to just help you through the entire thing.

 

Anyways I guess I COULD give it one more try (maybe not a full on confrontation but not go to her house) but ask her to go out for a 1 hour coffee or something on a weekend when her husband is around. And if she can't even do that, then she can reach out when she can do that. I doubt that's asking too much.

[Malin889]

As a single mother, I have to say, I doubt your friend is doing it on purpose. I mean, I don’t agree with the husband seeing her texts or you having to give the kids gifts, but I know when I first became a mom, I was exhausted all the time, I was drowning, unsure if I was ever doing the right thing. It’s a whole new experience in someone’s life, and it’s doubtful she realizes that she’s not paying as much attention to you as she did in the past. Have you asked her if she’s doing ok? Have you asked her if she needs help?

[fieldoflavender]

Well it's her second child who is now almost 1 year old - so like it's not new for her. She's also in early childhood education. Sure I mean I'm sure it's hard - but honestly she is NOT working and at home ALL day. Like I get it can also be hard, but so can actually going to your job and working. Okay maybe she's struggling I don't know - but it's not like she actually ever opens up - all she ever does it complain about how other people are not doing enough for her when it sounds like her family has done way more than most families. Like she made her bed - she should live it out. If you CHOSE to have 2 kids, then work harder to give them the things they need. They weren't accidental pregnancies.

 

That's another thing - when we were young, we both had dreams and stuff. She just threw away her life to go and run off with a guy and ruin her career for years and now she's "happy" but not in a good position with her career. Family comes first etc. for her but she's completely changed and I get that people change. It's just that I literally have zero in common with stay at home mom's or people who want to talk about little kids all day. Like it's a life choice I get it - and people can do whatever they want, and if there was something else - like what we used to have, then I can still be friends if we don't talk about her kids all day, but that's all she is now - that's all she does all day and fine, and that's her choice, but I don't think we have much in common anymore.

 

She also expects that other people to have to abide to her rules. She was scoffing this other girl didn't want to date a security guard because of his job (the other girl had a master's degree and a much better job) and she was like - oh my husband was one before, why would she be so stuck up. Well I don't know it was portrayed, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who is at your level in terms of career. She decided to marry down and okay great, that's your choice. But MOST other people don't want to do that and there is nothing shameful about that. I wouldn't want to date a security guard either. There is nothing wrong with security guard, it's an important and respectable job like anything else, but it's not for me and it wasn't for that girl. And she can't face that her husband is simply not at the same level as her in terms of career or objective accomplishments - for me, those are separate concepts. You can do something respectable, but it doesn't mean it takes a lot of intelligence or it's a selective job. Everyone has a role in society and they all deserve to be respected, but let's face it - some jobs take more effort to train to than others.

 

MEH - I think I am done.

[preraph]

I'm just saying you could be the one who does not abide by her rules and see if there's any friendship left.

[BettyDraper]

[]

 

That's another thing - when we were young, we both had dreams and stuff. She just threw away her life to go and run off with a guy and ruin her career for years and now she's "happy" but not in a good position with her career. Family comes first etc. for her but she's completely changed and I get that people change. It's just that I literally have zero in common with stay at home mom's or people who want to talk about little kids all day. Like it's a life choice I get it - and people can do whatever they want, and if there was something else - like what we used to have, then I can still be friends if we don't talk about her kids all day, but that's all she is now - that's all she does all day and fine, and that's her choice, but I don't think we have much in common anymore.

 

[]

 

Dreams can change. For someone who puts family first, a career pales in comparison to the joy that children can bring. Just as you do not want to be judged for your decisions, it probably makes sense not to look down on women who choose to have children and be SAHMs

 

I think that it makes sense for a woman to marry up in terms of income and career. Working moms do most of the housework and childrearing so women can at least look for husbands who can help provide a decent lifestyle.

Edited September 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[fieldoflavender]

I GUESS I can try to look at it differently. I personally don't think it's not a good role model for children - I'm not saying the 1-2 year plan, but people who never decide to go back to work. I had a friend in high school who was telling me about how she felt it was a shame that her mother got awards for her work and then just ended up staying at home and it was clear she didn't see her as a role model.

 

I think one can love your child and set a good example without being with them 24/7. But anyways, it's just a difference of opinion. To be honest, I could respect her choice more if she wasn't trying to rub it in my face all the time about how important family is and how important it is to put family first blah blah.

 

To be honest for me, sure family is important too , but so is my career and I think considering both doesn't make you a bad person.

 

Well I think that should change. Husbands SHOULD also do some housework. Personally for me, I make a very high income. It's hard for me to find a guy who makes more. But I think the person who makes less should do a bit more housework - not be the doormat, but it's fair. You contribute in different ways. If someone can bring me more money than I do - sure I will go do more housework and more childcare. But if you're taking in half of what I make, you go and do the dishes. That's more gender neutral. And why should I give up my high paying job to take more mat leave just because I'm a woman? (which is essentially what the friend is doing - but hey whatever floats her boat).

[preraph]

My mom was in that generation of the 50s. She stayed home and raised the kids and did all the cooking and housework. She made it look easy. But I grew up determined that is NOT the life I ever wanted, that it just wasn't enough. She did go to work after I was grown and it was just a little retail job, but we bonded some from that since I was also working. And I think she was content at home, too, but I have to say it only made me want something else. I never wanted to be "domestic." But for those who do, that's who should have kids, you know. I think a better role model in today's world when most people need two incomes is a mother who also works. But it's hard when the kids are young.

 

From when I ran that childfree forum, I believe that the mothers (it's usually mothers) who get self-righteous and self-important about it are really just trying to convince themselves they chose the right path. They need people to validate their choice because they have doubts they won't admit. In a few years, she'll be able to go back to work if she wants to, so we'll see what she chooses.

[fieldoflavender]

Where is this forum? Haha I'm interested in it. Yeah I'm almost 200% sure I want to cut her out of my life. I've given some thought to saying the whole "can we have a talk" but you know what - I don't think she's worth it. If she can't clue into this - then I guess we can remember the good times and move on and have our little "Friend breakup". Meh.

 

I gave her a date to hang out and she's giving me the silent treatment. Like I don't have time for this bs.

[preraph]

I locked that forum a few years now. The owner sold the name of it to someone else and that messed up the Google link and it declined rapidly.

 

But there's other forums about it, probably mostly on Facebook now. Just google "childfree." Childless and childfree are different. One is by choice and one is often by not being able to have kids, so you want the "childfree" key word. There are probably at least a couple of website forums as well. I really prefer forums for this type thing.

[preraph]

You know, I always hate to abandon old friends if they were a true friend at some point. You also might just ask her before dumping her if she sees any time in the future when she would be able to resume adult activities with you at all. I mean, she probably knows if she's going to try to go back to work once the kids are in school or not. Or even if she's not going back to work, she'll have more time especially if she isn't working when they go back to school, though if she's like any I know, she won't have any money since she has to get it all from her husband.

 

I have a friend who had one child to keep a promise she had to her long-time, like 20-year, man (not married) even though she didn't want to as she had had to raise her younger siblings when young herself due to bad parents, but she did it and then she was so disappointed when the child wasn't allowed to go to school yet just due to when her birthday fell. But this year, finally, the girl (who she totally loves) went to school and she went right out and got a job because she was so SICK or having no money of her own and just being stuck doing whatever her husband would pay for. So now she's still too busy for me to talk to her very often, but I am just happy she's happy. She was a bit crabby these years she's been stuck at home, even to me. It's not for everyone, but some women really enjoy it.

[fieldoflavender]

Oh yeah I've had Facebook issues, so no thanks to Facebook. I might check them out - lol it can be hard to survive in this world where everyone believes their little kid is answer to all the world's unhappiness.

[fieldoflavender]

Yeah but this girl - her husband makes even LESS than her - actually ok maybe more than her right now since she's staying at home. So it's not even that dynamic. They just take money from her parents.

 

I just really don't agree with her life choices so it's also hard to find things in common with her as well.

 

Well I anticipate a huge indignant "My life is SO HARD RIGHT NOW! I have to take care of CHILDREN!"

 

Everyone is different. The idea of doing childcare, cooking, and cleaning as the only reason for my daily existence and productivity would sink me into a huge depression within a few months.

[preraph]

I'm sending you a pm about forums.

[Zapbasket]

I've really been following this thread with interest because I see it, too, the smugness and entitlement some moms get. And they are just vicious to women who are single and/or without children. Why is that?

 

It just seems men can be single, be fathers, workaholics, leisurists, spouses, and still maintain friendships with other men whose lifestyle is different from theirs. Why is this so difficult for women? I'm in preraph's camp that it's such a shame to let go of a friendship just because one person has young children and a husband and the other is single and childless. Why so much judgment from one woman to the other?

 

I'm not criticizing you, OP, by the way. In fact I often feel the same as you about many friends and acquaintances with children. Even my dearest friend who just had her second baby this summer, on the one hand I understand, but then it's like, "Hey, can't you at least TRY to carve out some adult time so that we can keep up our friendship?" But with her, I KNOW she cares and have no doubts about that, so I've just decided to do most of the work for now to keep us in touch. And I know she appreciates it a lot. She is a special friend, though, and I'd try every last thing before I'd give up on our friendship.

[shellybing]

I get that kids are important etc etc. And I don't have any of my own. And I understand that sometimes we are in different points in our lives.

 

But I feel society as a whole and some of my friends specifically have this sense of "entitlement" just because they're mothers - the world has to revolve around them.

 

[]

 

You should accept your friends as they are, and if you can't appreciate a person who has children, maybe you are not really such great friends to them, or vice versa.

 

I have kids. I know how it is, and I don't really feel entitled. If someone forgets my daughters birthday I assume they really didnt care that much about her to begin with. My kids are a part of my life, they are almost all of it when they are young children and babies. Mine are almost grown up now though, so i have a bit more freedom there. I also pursue my own interests and stuff too. More often than not, your friend doesn't have time away from raising her children to enjoy any time at all to herself, and that is really up to them. But honestly, a family is a family, and if you take one, you gotta take them all. That is how a whole lot of families operate, and I don't really think it's a bad thing. But hey, if its not what your looking for, look elsewhere.

Edited September 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[fieldoflavender]

Yeah it actually isn't what I'm looking for - maybe some people get overwhelmed. But I see tons of people who are VERY capable of having kids and also able to do the rest of the other stuff and don't expect other people to remember little details about their kids as if it's their kids. Yes her kid's birthday isn't THAT important to me. It's already hard enough for me to remember all my own family's birthdays, all my friends' birthdays and now I have to remember her kids' birthdays? Yes I think it's asking too much. And to be smug and guilt trip is a bit too much. So if that kind of friend is what she's looking for, she should go find someone without a real job and real priorities in life. At the end of the day it's HER kid, not my kid. Heck parents even forget their own kids' birthdays sometimes.

 

My job is very demanding, but I also apologize if I neglect someone. I don't expect people to just go "oh your job is so important! I must memorize your work schedule". Well guess what I don't have kids - so my job is that important to me as your kids are to you. If you can't remember my work schedule, then too bad I can't remember your kids' birthdays.

 

So yes I think she should go join a mom's group or whatever and go socialize with our high school friends who have little kids and they have more in common.

 

I knew about the lack of stuff we had in common thing from a while back - but it's the entitlement and guilt tripping that is the last straw to be honest.

 

It's totally because in society, women get shamed more than men. I'm seen as abnormal because I make more than most men and I'm single. And I'm not bad looking so there must be something wrong with me and I should just settle before my eggs disappear. So I settled before and had a nasty break-up. And I'm never doing that again. It's too bad that society is so judgemental.

 

I feel women should first and foremost build their own self esteem. This same friend was so ashamed that she could not breastfeed. Not even her fault. But because society shames you. Like honestly I was not breast fed - I'm fine. If I have kids, I will likely not breastfeed and I will own it. Like who cares.