WisdomOverEmotion Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 She can't be happy for me Over our years of friendship I've had 2 serious relationships, one I am in now. Both of them she has been raging with jealousy over. I consoled in her over a bad row I had with my ex. I saw her eyes light up like she was pleased, so I never told her again how unhappy I was in my relationship until it was over. Entering my new relationship, she would try to put negative thoughts in my head, dispite telling her how happy I am. In fact she just generally trash talks people who I'm close to. I find myself keeping all good and bad news from her, and she complains about me not opening up to her. She's a constant source of stress She's constantly telling me her about her problems. Impulsive decisions mainly, either about men, (how they ghosted her) other friends, (falling out and arguing) money (hinting) or family. (Not wanting anything to do with her) I try to understand, but apparently "it's alright for me". After she's done ranting about her life, I'll get a quick "so how are you anyway?" Then, "I have to go now." And she wonders why I don't open up anymore again... She's overly critical about my life Examples.. imagine in a bad tone of voice... "You smoke too much, you're disgusting." "I never wanted to tell you this but I thought your ex was really ugly and I showed all my friends a picture of him and they agreed." "You're always ill, and you never have time for me" (I have MS and depression) "Men aren't into boobs, they like bums, which I have and you don't." "No offence" is one of her favourite sentences. It feels like she's only my friend when it's convient for her Asking for advice, borrowing money, hanging out because she's "bored", wants to get invited to a party or gathering. I stopped inviting her, giving her money for a reason. I feel an overwhelming distress of feeling used by this person. She's a liability She is rude to waiting staff, any person who stares at her a little too long. She shouts and screams and uses very bad language to them. She will barge her way through crowds telling people to "MOVE". She's got a nerve to ask inappropriate questions to new people, or even inappropriate for people she knows well. She ejoys using emotional black mail to get her way, I feel judged for who I am, she has a bitchy comeback for everything I say, (takes everything too personally) I feel used! She's a complete liability and I worry for my safety when I'm with her. She turns into a new person when trying to impress someone?... Ending the friendship makes me feel fearful and guilty. That's why I'm struggling to get out of this toxic friendship. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. How can she still have friends? Is it my fault? I think I'm a pretty decent person. I have my life together again and a better head on my shoulders. I don't have any issues with other friends at all. I try to understand this girls mentality but it's driving me crazy doing so! How can I break away.. without being scared or feeling guilty? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 WOE, All I can say is that you must have the patience of a saint for putting up with all this cr@p for so long. She's a complete liability and I worry for my safety when I'm with her. Ending the friendship makes me feel fearful and guilty. Why? And you don't have a friendship of any worth, just an association with someone who uses you to take the butt-end of their ill-humour. Is it my fault? No I think you need to do some work on yourself to develop your self-worth. You are NOT responsible for anyone else's $h!££y behaviour. Try this; Do You Have a One False Move (& It?s All Your Fault) Mentality? Good luck x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WisdomOverEmotion Posted September 17, 2016 Author Share Posted September 17, 2016 Thank you for the reply AW and the link. I will have a look shortly. I need strength to call it a day. I feel guilty because I end up exploding at her and she ends up crying and going on about how harsh I was during my explosions ? Feel like it's my fault because we became friends through her getting bullied by my college friends. I felt sorry for her, befriended her and told her to stand up for herself.. feel like I've created a monster or something. Back then when I met her she wasn't this bad. Thank you for listening to my rant anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted September 17, 2016 Share Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) You can't change your mentality overnight, so you'll need to just deal with the fear and the guilt when it comes. It's like having a fear of water. You can't get over it until you learn to swim. You'll be doing her a favour. She won't change her behaviour until she has driven everyone away and is forced to look in the mirror. And you need to look out for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Edited September 17, 2016 by SpiralOut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WisdomOverEmotion Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 It's hard to stop being friends with someone after years of good friendship. She changed and I changed too. I guess friends do grow apart. I keep giving her the chance to be like she use to be. Guess there's no going back. Time to learn to swim Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 It seems hard but you'll feel much better once you have cut her out of your life. I promise. I've done that a few times and never regretted. Link to post Share on other sites
bb1821 Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 (edited) This friend sounds like a total nightmare. I read a book recently called F*ck Feelings that had a chapter that talked specifically about people like this. Sometimes, the best thing to do (since it's obvious she can't handle much) is to slowly fade a person from your life. You can't expect this person to change. It sounds like she needs professional help. Don't feel bad. I'm not of the "you don't owe anybody anything" camp BUT, I think you can make an exception for someone who clearly does not give a damn about you or your feelings. I think you're obviously better off without this person in your life. Good luck, whatever you decide :-) Edited September 21, 2016 by bb1821 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 A while back, I decided some of my friend's behavior was not acceptable to me. I had a simple one-on-one conversation with each of them about my concerns. Some never spoke to me again. Some continued to be my friend, but the relationship cooled. Others kept being my friend as always just addressing my concerns. In any relationship, it's important to have healthy boundaries. If a person can't respect those boundaries, then you might have to lose that relationship. That's a part of life. Friendship is important, but, within the friendship, it's important that you treat each other well. Mutual respect, kindness, and consideration are expected in all of my relationships. I won't settle for anything less. You shouldn't either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 I think you should start calling her out at the time she insults you and makes ugly comments and not just let her do it and clam up. If she says your ex was ugly, tell her she's shallow if that's all that matters to her. If she attacks you about your illness, tell her to go you know what herself. There's no excuse for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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