Any MEN been victims of domestic violence?

[M30USA]

Even though 40% of domestic violence is perpetrated by women (according to CDC) we hardly hear men come out and admit it. I haven't ready any on this site. I want to encourage my fellow men to open up a dialogue on this. My life has been terrorized by my wife's violence and it's been traumatic--yes, men can be traumatized by it too.

 

Read my story and please share yours:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/326981-separated-3-months-pending-divorce-my-story

[robaday]

Yeah it happened to me - I cheated on her, so couldnt really be angry at her for it. She hit me forty something times, and I had to stumble backward out the door.

 

We actually stayed together. We spoke at length about the incident and also why I had strayed.

 

Years later though I realised she was emotionally abusive too, which hurt me more profoundly and has stuck with me like a dark cloud. She didnt like anything in my life that didnt involve her, and I was never enough for her.

 

Looking back, there were reasons why I didnt open up to her or commit fully - when someone is accusing you of things, or saying your neglecting them, you then turn passive aggressive back by doing less.

 

I wish we could have found a common ground because I did love her and was no saint myself. But, I think sometimes she wanted me to be like her ex who was abusive both physically and emotionally, sometimes it would seem she was trying to get a reaction out of me by screaming.

[Woggle]

In my first marriage I had knives held to my throat, boiling water thrown at me, had things thrown at me, was spit on and when she found out I had finally moved on was shot at.

[M30USA]

In my first marriage I had knives held to my throat, boiling water thrown at me, had things thrown at me, was spit on and when she found out I had finally moved on was shot at.

 

DANG!!!

 

See that's what I can't say for sure. Would my wife ever get to that point? At first when she slapped and shoved me, I said...she would never really hit me. Then she did, and I said...she would never hit me with an object. Then she did. My lawyer asked if there are any guns in the house. I was like, WHAT!? I couldn't believe he would suggest that. But he told me a lot of men said those exact words.

[CopingGal]

In my first marriage I had knives held to my throat, boiling water thrown at me, had things thrown at me, was spit on and when she found out I had finally moved on was shot at.

 

Good Gosh! I am so, so sorry you had to go through that. After the first serious incident (ex: the knives or boiling water or something as serious as those things) why did not you leave?

 

Again, sorry that happened.

[samsungxoxo]

In my first marriage I had knives held to my throat, boiling water thrown at me, had things thrown at me, was spit on and when she found out I had finally moved on was shot at.

Didn't know that (only knew the about you catching her with another man in the house and later on the shutting part when you were moving on). Did you get serious burns (scars from it)?

I assume if you had actually swung, she would be the type of woman capable of sending you to jail for X amount of time. That's a psycho right there. Hope you got a permanent restraining order against her.

[Feelin Frisky]

Does it count if you hit her back after she was first? If not, never mind.

[M30USA]

Didn't know that (only knew the about you catching her with another man in the house and later on the shutting part when you were moving on). Did you get serious burns (scars from it)?

I assume if you had actually swung, she would be the type of woman capable of sending you to jail for X amount of time. That's a psycho right there. Hope you got a permanent restraining order against her.

 

Yep, the way it SHOULD be is that, if a woman chooses to hit a man, she should be treated like a man and potentially hit back. Of course the world doesn't work like that. Women can do what they want with no consequence in this area. My motivation for never retaliating against my wife was the thought of losing my children. She would start raging and swinging...I would just immediately think of my boys.

[johan]

While it's probably justified and understandable, I don't think hitting back sounds like a very good strategy.

[samsungxoxo]

Yep, the way it SHOULD be is that, if a woman chooses to hit a man, she should be treated like a man and potentially hit back. Of course the world doesn't work like that. Women can do what they want with no consequence in this area. My motivation for never retaliating against my wife was the thought of losing my children. She would start raging and swinging...I would just immediately think of my boys.

It's because they would only want to hear about cases where it had to be done in self-defense only, not retaliation (if it was a real life-threatening situation such as what Woggle described).

 

Many times self-defense is confuse for retaliation. The later would be for example: She slaps you once only and you just slapped back but you were never in danger in there.

 

Now if it's a crazy woman coming at you with a knife and you had to hit to get her off that's a different story.

[M30USA]

While it's probably justified and understandable, I don't think hitting back sounds like a very good strategy.

 

 

Of course not, that's why I didn't and don't recommend it. I'm just saying back before feminism and female-biased laws, a wife who DARED assault her husband would quickly learn her lesson.

[johan]

Of course not, that's why I didn't and don't recommend it. I'm just saying back before feminism and female-biased laws, a wife who DARED assault her husband would quickly learn her lesson.

 

That probably depends on the guy. I don't think most guys would hit their women no matter what. Maybe they would try to physically subdue her or get away or something.

 

I can't imagine punching any of the women I ever dated. One of them actually tried to provoke me to do it, and it was really kind of a sickening situation to me. I wasn't tempted at all, even though she deserved to have her ass kicked. We would probably still be together if I was willing to do that.

[samsungxoxo]

Of course not, that's why I didn't and don't recommend it. I'm just saying back before feminism and female-biased laws, a wife who DARED assault her husband would quickly learn her lesson.

Actually some would just get hit for just screaming or being verbally. So basically what those men wanted was probably a silent tomb.

[samsungxoxo]

I can't imagine punching any of the women I ever dated. One of them actually tried to provoke me to do it, and it was really kind of a sickening situation to me. I wasn't tempted at all, even though she deserved to have her ass kicked. We would probably still be together if I was willing to do that.

Yeah it's like an annoying 10-12 year-old child trying to get a reaction out of you.

 

Besides it's not the same if Mike Tyson were to throw a wild tantrum versus the some 5ft woman. The first is just terrifying and the later is only annoying.

[johan]

Yeah it's like an annoying 10-12 year-old child trying to get a reaction out of you.

 

Besides it's not the same if Mike Tyson were to throw a wild tantrum versus the some 5ft woman. The first is just terrifying and the later is only annoying.

 

Well, I wouldn't trivialize it too much. If you look around, in a lot of couples the woman is about as big as the guy. And if she isn't she still isn't a small person.

 

And if you've ever been attacked by an enraged small person, you'll know you can get your ass kicked pretty easily.

 

But I think the man normally has the advantage in strength. I'm just not sure most guys really want to use it against their women. Unless they are also willing to get violent. Most guys really aren't.

[samsungxoxo]

Well, I wouldn't trivialize it too much. If you look around, in a lot of couples the woman is about as big as the guy. And if she isn't she still isn't a small person.

 

And if you've ever been attacked by an enraged small person, you'll know you can get your ass kicked pretty easily.

 

But I think the man normally has the advantage in strength. I'm just not sure most guys really want to use it against their women. Unless they are also willing to get violent. Most guys really aren't.

Sure there are bigger woman (no I'm not 5ft but 5'7) but I was just referring in general. More often the man is physically stronger.

 

Ex: My ex bf was only 1/2 taller and at one point we almost weighted the same but while we were playing wrestling, he would still pinned me down and it was really hard (not impossible but a challenge) for me to get out of his grip. But then he would let go right away (I noticed he didn't used to do it too hard either).

 

So yeah even if both the woman is either the same size of the man or slighter taller and heavier, he still has the advantage..... unless she actually works out or is a bodybuilder.

[M30USA]

Sure there are bigger woman (no I'm not 5ft but 5'7) but I was just referring in general. More often the man is physically stronger.

 

Ex: My ex bf was only 1/2 taller and at one point we almost weighted the same but while we were playing wrestling, he would still pinned me down and it was really hard (not impossible but a challenge) for me to get out of his grip. But then he would let go right away (I noticed he didn't used to do it too hard either).

 

So yeah even if both the woman is either the same size of the man or slighter taller and heavier, he still has the advantage..... unless she actually works out or is a bodybuilder.

 

I understand your point. But women actually equal men is spousal murder. And they EXCEED men in murdering of their own children. In these cases it's not about physical strength. It's about simply picking up a knife, etc.

[Woggle]

Didn't know that (only knew the about you catching her with another man in the house and later on the shutting part when you were moving on). Did you get serious burns (scars from it)?

I assume if you had actually swung, she would be the type of woman capable of sending you to jail for X amount of time. That's a psycho right there. Hope you got a permanent restraining order against her.

 

Luckily she missed and she is in prison for robbing a Dunkin Donuts. I put up with it because I thought I did something to cause it or that I deserved it. I was also raised to believe that women never mistreat a man unless he gives her a good reason and that it was just payback for every woman that has ever been abused so I stuck with it.

[M30USA]

i put up with it because i thought i did something to cause it or that i deserved it. I was also raised to believe that women never mistreat a man unless he gives her a good reason and that it was just payback for every woman that has ever been abused so i stuck with it.

 

that is exactly what i though for 5 years! And i'm more than sure that even her own family is convinced that i surely must have done something to deserve it! These are the very people who think that a woman would never, ever abuse a man for no reason at all. Excuse me...but are women beyond human sin? Are women equal to jesus? Let's stop pretending that nothing a woman can do is wrong and that it"s always the man's fault.

[Woggle]

that is exactly what i though for 5 years! And i'm more than sure that even her own family is convinced that i surely must have done something to deserve it! These are the very people who think that a woman would never, ever abuse a man for no reason at all. Excuse me...but are women beyond human sin? Are women equal to jesus? Let's stop pretending that nothing a woman can do is wrong and that it"s always the man's fault.

 

Thankfully I grew a pair and said the hell with all of that after my divorce and people wonder why I am the way I am.

[M30USA]

Thankfully I grew a pair and said the hell with all of that after my divorce and people wonder why I am the way I am.

 

What do you mean, people wonder why you are the way you are? How are you?

[Els]

I'm terribly sorry for any men who have had to go through that. Violence is never excusable, no matter who perpetrates it.

 

That being said, I'm curious to see the OP's sources for the 40% of domestic violence cases being perpetrated by women bit. That is extremely far off from the stats in most countries, it's pretty unlikely that the USA is just so different from the rest of the world. I don't think stats show the entire picture, but when you quote a number like that you need to back it up.

[Els]

Measuring Intimate Partner (Domestic) Violence | National Institute of Justice

 

A review of the research found that violence is instrumental in maintaining control and that more than 90 percent of "systematic, persistent, and injurious" violence is perpetrated by men.

 

Again, not trying to downplay men who HAVE been part of that 10%, they deserve intervention every bit as much as the women did, but the statistics quoted in the OP seemed slightly strange to me.

[M30USA]

Elswyth,

 

Look it up under CDC. It's wide open in public domain for all to see.

 

Additionally, according to the CDC, in cases where violence is NOT mutual (ie, only one party was guilty), 70% of the time the woman is the perpetrator. No, thats not a typo. You heard me correctly. Again, look it up via a simple Google search.

[Mme. Chaucer]

CDC? Center for Disease Control?

 

I just Googled and found a lot of statistics, none of which support yours. Here's just one:

 

Domestic Violence Statistics  | Commission on Domestic Violence

 

I think this is a worthwhile discussion, but only if you want to acknowledge actual statistics.