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I'm sick of men who make excuses to not date you


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Old 6th March 2019, 3:45 PM   #1
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I'm sick of men who make excuses to not date you

There's a ton of articles, websites, and Youtube videos that explain what the flimsy excuses are that men give women, when they decide they don't want to date her. But when you are that woman, confronted with an excuse-maker, it's really hard to be objective, be assertive and call the guy out (if that's even useful or necessary b/c really, why bother since he doesn't value you anyway).

That guy I posted about in the dating thread, used the classic excuse that's rejection disguised as a pity-story with me; "My ex broke up with me, I'm not over her, I want to see where that goes." Whether or not that's even true -- he could have moved on and is just dating around and doesn't value me or see me as someone he wants to invest in -- is moot.

It really irritates me how some men will use excuses not to date a woman they at the very least, pretended to be attracted to or interested in. This is more of a vent, than anything.

When guys use excuses, it's just like, "Why?" Why do you need to lie? Just tell the truth; you had a good time, but you're not interested. It's not the end of the world to be honest. Why can't men be honest? Using flimsy excuses just creates confusion and stress for the other person, which I think is immature because it's a way for the liar to avoid conflict, yet their actions of lying cause the conflict.

Just tell the truth. That's not a lot to ask!
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Old 6th March 2019, 3:47 PM   #2
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I didn't read your other thread, but if the reason the guy gave you was that he wasn't over his girlfriend, why do you think he's not being honest? Seems like a pretty good reason not to be dating someone else.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:00 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Blanco View Post
I didn't read your other thread, but if the reason the guy gave you was that he wasn't over his girlfriend, why do you think he's not being honest? Seems like a pretty good reason not to be dating someone else.
Because, even if it is true -- if he's not over her -- why would he go on an epic first date with me to begin with? That's not even the point. Who cares if it's true or not.

The point of my frustration is, that I think you're missing, is that if he had no romantic interest in me because he's still attached to his ex (or is casually dating other women), he never should have gone on that epic first date with me.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:02 PM   #4
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Kinda a two edged sword though isnít it?

What would you rather hear ďsorry, once I got to know you better, I realized you have a terrible personalityĒ. Or that they find you unattractive when naked, or the sex sucks, or they do not like your world opinions or something?

Sure, beating around the bush makes you wonder - but people usually do this because they are trying not to be mean or hurt your feelings.

By the way, men are not the only ones that do this, women do as well.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:14 PM   #5
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Being bitter with it is not going to help.
His reasoning happens all the time, people think they are ready to date
and have a new relationship when they are really not.

Unfortunately they do not realize it until they actually start going out with people

You think women don't do the same all the time?
Happens all the time from both sexes.

I wish you luck
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:18 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
Because, even if it is true -- if he's not over her -- why would he go on an epic first date with me to begin with? That's not even the point. Who cares if it's true or not.

The point of my frustration is, that I think you're missing, is that if he had no romantic interest in me because he's still attached to his ex (or is casually dating other women), he never should have gone on that epic first date with me.
He didnít know if he had no romantic interest in you until he went out with you & experiences it. Also sometimes it takes an epic first date with someone to realize just how much you miss someone else. Maybe he laughed with you in a way he hasnít laughed since being with his ex, & it brought back old memories. Either way I donít think he is lying & he definitely isnít trying to be a jerk.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:24 PM   #7
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I agree with the poster above me. The nice thing to do would be to say "I had a good time but I'm not interested", if that was the truth. I gather most people don't like confrontation, though, or delivering bad news. I have a lot of trouble rejecting people, I just feel bad.

As for the guy who said he's not over his ex, what makes you think he's lying? It's a perfectly reasonable excuse and he may have just realized it after going out with you, even if he had a good time.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:35 PM   #8
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Maybe he thought an epic first date would help him to get over his ex. You know 'fake it til you shake it' and when that didn't happen he realized he's still not over her. I think he was telling the truth. You only dated once? Why so mad?
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:41 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auggie View Post
Because, even if it is true -- if he's not over her -- why would he go on an epic first date with me to begin with? That's not even the point. Who cares if it's true or not.

The point of my frustration is, that I think you're missing, is that if he had no romantic interest in me because he's still attached to his ex (or is casually dating other women), he never should have gone on that epic first date with me.
Sometimes you don't know you're not past a breakup until you try to date again. You can have a good time with someone and still realize you're not truly over a former relationship. In that case, it's usually best for the person to break things off and resolve those lingering feelings.
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Old 6th March 2019, 4:44 PM   #10
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I hadn't bothered to read anyone else's posts before making my follow-up, but doing so now, I hope OP realizes that the fact that everyone is saying pretty much the same thing suggests the guy wasn't making up an excuse.
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Old 6th March 2019, 5:14 PM   #11
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Honestly he shouldn't be dating if that's the truth. I don't think you have to have a dating experiment to know you're still waiting for your ex.

But that said, women are even more unlikely than men to tell a guy "Just not interested," because they don't want to hurt feelings. Trouble is none of these people should be on OLD if they're not sure they care ready to move on. Anyway, there's going to be dates that go nowhere and there's going to be sex that goes nowhere, so it's every woman's decision whether to take that gamble or not. I'd say more early dates ending in sex end up going nowhere than not.
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Old 6th March 2019, 5:19 PM   #12
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women don't want to hear the truth
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Old 6th March 2019, 5:31 PM   #13
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Sure some of the excuses are generic like the dog ate my homework, but whether they are telling you the truth or not, at least they are letting you know it's over...and who cares what reason is, the end message is they will not be seeing you again....and that sure beats the alternative of being ghosted on.
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Old 6th March 2019, 5:32 PM   #14
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I'm confused. In your previous thread you were worried about being a potential rebound for this guy. Now it turns out that your gut was correct and he ended it - which saved you from being a rebound. But now you're questioning his reason even though you guessed the truth upfront.
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Old 6th March 2019, 5:34 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
women don't want to hear the truth
Nor do men - they tend to argue against the reason. I think it's a human thing rather than a gender thing. "I'm not ready" or "it's not you, it's me" is so much easier than dealing with the fallout from being honest.
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