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Old 9th September 2018, 5:14 PM   #16
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I joined Bumble a couple weeks ago and I don't get it either! I'm a woman, and I swipe right if I "like them" but then I can't seem to actually MESSAGE them and I don't know why. I'm not a "swiper", I like to talk to people and go out with people, so I don't get why the app does not let me message a lot of the men I swipe right on. I'm so confused! It's like, I swipe right, then I never see the pictures again. And it doesn't just tell you where people live, it tells you where they are at that moment. So their location could be anywhere. I'm so confused!
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Old 9th September 2018, 5:47 PM   #17
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You don't know much about the service cashier either. So why is bumble different? It sounds like you need to get an idea of her energy which isn't always seen in a photograph. Would you date or marry a woman who is lovely inside but ugly outside? Or do you need to be somewhat physically attracted to her?

Also, does it have unlimited "likes"? I know their rival app has a limit to stop people from "liking" every profile. If there is no limit then you can err on the side of matching even if they look "average" and then find out more about them.
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Old 9th September 2018, 6:58 PM   #18
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If you are looking for a kind hearted woman, you should do volunteer work with a charitable organization where you are likely to meet women doing the same volunteer work. Get to know them, if they are taken, maybe they have some single, kind hearted friends. Good luck.
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Old 9th September 2018, 7:56 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Malin889 View Post
I joined Bumble a couple weeks ago and I don't get it either! I'm a woman, and I swipe right if I "like them" but then I can't seem to actually MESSAGE them and I don't know why. I'm not a "swiper", I like to talk to people and go out with people, so I don't get why the app does not let me message a lot of the men I swipe right on. I'm so confused! It's like, I swipe right, then I never see the pictures again. And it doesn't just tell you where people live, it tells you where they are at that moment. So their location could be anywhere. I'm so confused!
Because they have to swipe right on you as well before you can send a message. If you never see their pic again, they swiped left.
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Old 9th September 2018, 11:58 PM   #20
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State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids.
I was really struggling to find room to put the things I wanted in the bio, and neglected to mention this. (And I have been worrying about it.) She's messaged me three times now, and it seems promising so far. What do I do? How do I bring this up?

I have six other matches "queued", just waiting for me to swipe right on them (which I won't until I see how things play out with the woman messaging me). This seems promising so far.
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Old 10th September 2018, 4:21 AM   #21
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I was really struggling to find room to put the things I wanted in the bio, and neglected to mention this. (And I have been worrying about it.) She's messaged me three times now, and it seems promising so far. What do I do? How do I bring this up?

I have six other matches "queued", just waiting for me to swipe right on them (which I won't until I see how things play out with the woman messaging me). This seems promising so far.
I've experimented with having this mentioned on the profile or not. I find however you do it, you'll lose 80-90% of your matches. But this may vary on region & age range.

On bumble I currently have it in my profile text, result is not as many matches, and most of those will then not initiate afterwards.

On Tinder I haven't mentioned it, and I'll normally bring it up via 'what did you do this weekend/last weekend'. Results range from instant unmatching or ghosting, to some who don't mind. If they're still talking a handful of messages after I mention it, I assume it's not an issue and we're good to go.
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Old 11th September 2018, 6:53 PM   #22
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I find however you do it, you'll lose 80-90% of your matches.
Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I donít quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise. On the flip side, Iíve seen several posts from men stating that single moms are hot. This is a view which I share, in a big way. (Teachers are hot too! And a teacher whoís a mom? Oh my heavensÖ )

I thought the scientist woman was done talking to me, so I started swiping again yesterday until I got a second match. The second woman messaged me immediately (weíre an awesome match based on Myers Briggs types btw, which I had not come across before). I told her right away that I was a dad. She said not to worry about it and continued chatting with me. I havenít heard back today, but weíll see. Then later the scientist woman messaged me. I updated by bio and let her know Iím a dad. I havenít heard back yet. Messaging on bumble seems slow. I think maybe some people have a lot of conversations going at the same time?
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Old 11th September 2018, 7:12 PM   #23
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Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I donít quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise. On the flip side, Iíve seen several posts from men stating that single moms are hot. This is a view which I share, in a big way. (Teachers are hot too! And a teacher whoís a mom? Oh my heavensÖ )

I thought the scientist woman was done talking to me, so I started swiping again yesterday until I got a second match. The second woman messaged me immediately (weíre an awesome match based on Myers Briggs types btw, which I had not come across before). I told her right away that I was a dad. She said not to worry about it and continued chatting with me. I havenít heard back today, but weíll see. Then later the scientist woman messaged me. I updated by bio and let her know Iím a dad. I havenít heard back yet. Messaging on bumble seems slow. I think maybe some people have a lot of conversations going at the same time?
Women sure do. I think you are making things worse with your sniper approach to dating. Youíll get better results with a shotgun.

Essentially you are putting all your eggs in the basket of a stranger who is likely chatting with 15-20 other men.

You will increase your chances of not only finding a woman, but also not settling for the first one, if you keep multiple options.

Whatís more, is you will come across a lot more attractive because you are not singling out one chick for all your attention.

As a side note, Iím surprised too that having a kid cuts down on matches for a man as it does for a woman.
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Old 11th September 2018, 7:16 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by rightondude View Post
Bumble has been great for me insofar as meeting women. What you do after that and what happens after that is up to you and her.

Tips:

swipe right on any woman you at least kind of like; then you will show up in their queue somewhat soon assuming the mileage is set to your distance.

For some reason, putting your Meyers Briggs seems to work pretty well.

State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids. Unless you think you can somehow work around that fact.

Don't just respond to a Hi with a Hi. I disagree with SevenCity, even when women HAVE to make the first move, some just don't like it, so they'll start with the requisite "hi"

I could tell you some good Bumble meetup stories but that's for another time.
Itís been my experience that women who just say ďHiĒ are either 1) low interest, 2) entitled.

I have never had success when a woman started out with just that.

Thatís why I just deleted them after a while.
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Old 11th September 2018, 8:04 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by rightondude View Post
Bumble has been great for me insofar as meeting women. What you do after that and what happens after that is up to you and her.

Tips:

swipe right on any woman you at least kind of like; then you will show up in their queue somewhat soon assuming the mileage is set to your distance.

For some reason, putting your Meyers Briggs seems to work pretty well.

State the fact you have kids to weed out any women who won't date guys with kids. Unless you think you can somehow work around that fact.

Don't just respond to a Hi with a Hi. I disagree with SevenCity, even when women HAVE to make the first move, some just don't like it, so they'll start with the requisite "hi"

I could tell you some good Bumble meetup stories but that's for another time.
Itís been my experience that women who just say ďHiĒ are either 1) low interest, 2) entitled.

I have never had success when a woman started out with just that.

Thatís why I just deleted them after a while.
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Old 11th September 2018, 8:21 PM   #26
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OP: Iím just very curious what has this cashier done to make you think she has an unusually kind heart?

Quote:
Originally Posted by shydad View Post
I appreciate the responses and am hopeful for more input.


Excellent information and tip. Thank you! The last (unquoted) thing you said cracked me up. I think the example you gave of what worked for you could be an excellent idea to try, and I appreciate the details on response rates. This helps set expectations. I went through about 15 before I posted this, then maybe another 20 afterward. Most of the women look attractive in their photos.

I did get a match a couple hours ago and now I'm all excited and can't sleep. She's a scientist, introverted (like me), looks nerdy, and has my body type. She's about 25 miles away, though.

Regarding the kind heart, my thoughts keep going back to this grocery store cashier I noticed a few months back. She just oozes kindness. I've never met anyone like her before. This will sound horrible, but if she didn't already have a man (which she does), and if I had a chance to marry her today, knowing NOTHING about her other than her name, I would, in a heartbeat. Her appearance is average, yet I'm drawn to her more than anyone else. Had I seen her on Bumble, I might have swiped left, I'm not sure. So that's where my concern lies.
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Old 11th September 2018, 8:58 PM   #27
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OP: Iím just very curious what has this cashier done to make you think she has an unusually kind heart?
This is not something which can be quantified. However, what I can say is that I've never met a human being (man or woman) with the warmth emanating from her. The things she says, the tone, how she says them, the look on her face, in her eyes. Possibly you're thinking, "Oh, she's just being nice, like all cashiers." You'd be wrong, and there is no way to explain it without you talking with her.

My dating coach (a woman), was blown away by her, and kept gushing about how amazing she was. What she said was "She is SO SWEET!", "Taken. I can see why too!", "Oh man she is the best!", "That's an angel!", "I haven't met many like that.", "I walked up to her and she says, 'Wow you're beautiful!'".
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Old 12th September 2018, 4:00 AM   #28
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Thank you, Andy K. I found this to be unpleasant and discouraging to read, but informative. Breaking bad news is not fun, so I appreciate you stepping up to share this. I donít quite understand it myself. Coming into OLD in general, I thought being a dad was a selling point, but quickly found articles stating otherwise.
Well firstly, obviously it makes no real difference to the single mums, it's just the childless ones that might not be so keen. So there's that.

In real life it's less of a big deal, but you have to think about who your audience is online - these are for the most part, women who are still single for good reasons. Many of them are still wanting to fill their life with 'adventure', or waiting for their knight in shining armour, and a guy with a kid dispels that fantasy instantly. And they can get away with it, because if they can get a dozen matches with decent looking guys with a few swipes, why bother with the guy who has obvious baggage?
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Old 17th September 2018, 12:38 AM   #29
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I thought I should follow up, now that it's been a week. (Ok, honestly I want to gush.) So Bumble is working out! The two women who messaged me before I put "dad" in my bio stopped responding (no surprise, per Andy_K), but I "super liked" a kind eyed teacher and after a few days of messaging, she gave me her phone number and we talked and scheduled a meeting! So I haven't made it a secret that I effectively have had no dating experience. I basically started three months ago. Seriously, this is the first time I've talked with a woman on the phone for dating purposes, and I'm 41 years old. Her voice was amazing... Oh my gosh! I love the way she talks and laughs. She has the same openness and non judgemental views I have on faith, even the same idea of taking turns of which church to go to. I think I did well. We talked for 45 minutes. Against my desires, I ended it by asking about meeting, then getting off the phone when she said yes. I'm so excited! We will meet for lunch on Thursday.
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Old 17th September 2018, 9:47 AM   #30
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Congrats, good luck! Let us know how it works out. Sometimes it's good to hear the success stories, since you naturally hear most about the unsuccessful ones here.
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