Counselling is completely useless

[Springsummer]

You call and then they asked this and that question and then told you on hold to check if someone is available and then told you no one is available and will call you back.

 

Once a counselor does call you back, generally they don't really understand you. and sometime asks you to use the cellphone app. instead. doesn't seem like they have that much sympathy, understanding and patient for you.

 

I installed the app and chat, but there is one line for one word in the app. just terrible and it also refer you to call...

 

generally after the call, I don't feel any better if not worse.

 

it seems in order to have a really helpful shrink, you need to be a millionaire.

[Springsummer]

Joel Osteen is my only saviour now...even though I still can't believe in God. but he delivers the messages I need...even though I have a thick skull.

[Happy Lemming]

I, personally, don't have any experience with counselors, but my girlfriend did find one she likes. She tried "Group Therapy" but didn't like it. She had one that talked to her via some type of "skype" application that she didn't like, but now she has one that she is comfortable with and visits weekly. It seems to take time and a lot of "trial and error" to find the right individual (according to my girlfriend).

 

That being said... Is there something you'd like to talk about. I'm no counselor, but I can read and attempt to respond...

[Springsummer]

I, personally, don't have any experience with counselors, but my girlfriend did find one she likes. She tried "Group Therapy" but didn't like it. She had one that talked to her via some type of "skype" application that she didn't like, but now she has one that she is comfortable with and visits weekly. It seems to take time and a lot of "trial and error" to find the right individual (according to my girlfriend).

 

That being said... Is there something you'd like to talk about. I'm no counselor, but I can read and attempt to respond...

 

Thanks.

 

Drama...so my phone just rang, I assumed a counselor called me back. He asked how I am doing. I said not good, that's why I am calling. I am in a deep depression, I can't just pull my self-self out of it...blabla...then he said you are better than me, I am unemployed and my landlord just kicked me out...I said 'what?!!!' turned out I accidentally dialed an acquaintance phone and he returned my call. I apologized that I mistaken him as someone else and he said don't worry about it and hung up.

 

OMG...life is full of dramas.

[Springsummer]

people are pervert...now he makes me feel better...I guess I am an evil person deep down as well?

 

it's not how I am but how I am compare with others. a major factor that I feel depressed is I feel like I come out short comparing with others.

[Happy Lemming]

...turned out I accidentally dialed an acquaintance phone and he returned my call.

 

Happens to the best of us... I got a strange phone call from an old co-worker I knew many years ago. He had forgotten to take me out of his contacts and the phone just dialed me. We talked, laughed and caught up...

 

As far as your depression, do small things that lift you slightly. Try to look forward to small accomplishments that you succeed at, as you get through the day. Putting the trash out, loading the dishwasher, etc. just little day to day items that keep life going, but chalk them up as accomplishments.

 

My girlfriend deals with depression, as well. She didn't get the life she wanted, but has to be content with what she has.

 

Maybe that phone call can help you to some extent, I assume you have a roof over your head and consumed a hot meal tonight...

[Happy Lemming]

I guess I am an evil person deep down as well?

 

What makes you feel you are evil?? Did you intentionally do something to hurt someone??

 

it's not how I am but how I am compare with others. a major factor that I feel depressed is I feel like I come out short comparing with others.

 

I don't compare myself to others, I don't need to. I'm content with my "lot in life". I'm happy with the decisions I've made. My small minor accomplishments and successes are all I need to feel fulfilled. Each day I wake up and get vertical is a gift and I'll enjoy it in a simple fashion, my way. Perhaps that is all you need to do each day, enjoy it for what it is...

[Springsummer]

 

Maybe that phone call can help you to some extent, I assume you have a roof over your head and consumed a hot meal tonight...

 

My current position appear to be decent paying and stable. but I am not happy because I feel I am passed over for a promotion. and I feel slighted at work.

 

Supposedly enviable by many, but it's shabby compare with other people in my team and my education.

 

personal life goes, I feel I am a complete failure...people my age all have kids, loving hubby/partner. I have nothing, not even able manage to have a conv.

[Springsummer]

What makes you feel you are evil?? Did you intentionally do something to hurt someone??

.

 

No. I haven't never hurt anyone in my life...except my family because of arguing, maybe.

 

what I meant by evil was my acquaintance's unfortunate circumstance makes me feel better about myself.

[basil67]

what I meant by evil was my acquaintance's unfortunate circumstance makes me feel better about myself.

 

That's not evil. You were simply counting your blessings. Being grateful for what you have is one of the tools for helping maintain a positive outlook.

[Happy Lemming]

My current position appear to be decent paying and stable. but I am not happy because I feel I am passed over for a promotion. and I feel slighted at work.

 

Supposedly enviable by many, but it's shabby compare with other people in my team and my education.

 

personal life goes, I feel I am a complete failure...people my age all have kids, loving hubby/partner. I have nothing, not even able manage to have a conv.

 

I've never been married nor had kids and I don't feel like a failure. I've enjoyed being nomadic and dating different people and taking something positive away from each relationship. You are managing to have a conversation with me, and I don't think you are evil.

 

As far as work, yes colleagues have been promoted over me and made a lot more money than me, and that is fine. I've made enough to keep a roof over my head, pay the light bill and keep warm in the winter. I don't need a fancy car or a huge home, just a warm meal each night in my stomach.

 

If work isn't what you want, get more schooling and change companies. Many years ago, I took some college courses at night, strengthened my skill set/resume' and changed companies. I liked the new company and the challenges my new position had for me. I took great pride in that small accomplishment.

[Springsummer]

I've never been married nor had kids and I don't feel like a failure. I've enjoyed being nomadic and dating different people and taking something positive away from each relationship. You are managing to have a conversation with me, and I don't think you are evil.

 

As far as work, yes colleagues have been promoted over me and made a lot more money than me, and that is fine. I've made enough to keep a roof over my head, pay the light bill and keep warm in the winter. I don't need a fancy car or a huge home, just a warm meal each night in my stomach.

 

If work isn't what you want, get more schooling and change companies. Many years ago, I took some college courses at night, strengthened my skill set/resume' and changed companies. I liked the new company and the challenges my new position had for me. I took great pride in that small accomplishment.

 

see, you are better at counselling for me than those counselors I called( still no one call me back)

 

Some folks here are better counselor than those professional.

 

oh, no, too late for me to change career now. and I think for a minority woman of certain age, no private company is better than working for the gov. change dept, maybe.

[Springsummer]

That's not evil. You were simply counting your blessings. Being grateful for what you have is one of the tools for helping maintain a positive outlook.

 

Thank you!

I think I should feel sad for him, but I am only able to feel for myself.

[Happy Lemming]

see, you are better at counselling for me than those counselors I called( still no one call me back)

 

Some folks here are better counselor than those professional.

 

oh, no, too late for me to change career now. and I think for a minority woman of certain age, no private company is better than working for the gov. change dept, maybe.

 

Yes, there are some good people on the forum and we do try!!

 

So you are doing "OK" in your job/career. Maybe a department change will breath life into you and challenge your day to day duties.

 

If I may add another small story. There is a 3 day weekend coming up in early September (Labor day). I can't afford to take my girlfriend out of town, so I picked up some hamburgers (on sale) and put them in the freezer. Come Labor day weekend, I'll thaw them out and cook them on this little Hibachi grill I have. My girlfriend and I will still have our own little staycation and enjoy ourselves. There is no need for comparison to the people who will go to the beach, etc.

[d0nnivain]

Good counseling with the right therapist is life changing. It can take a while to find the right one. I have had some lousy ones. Unfortunately, you have only had lousy ones. You can NOT get therapy through an app, over the phone or on the internet. Don't even try. You can read helpful articles & self help books but they are a pale substitute for good medical care

 

Stop trying to do this on your own Call your primary doctor for an appointment & get a referral that way. Since you have a job, do they have an EAP program? Try getting a counselor that way.

 

Your depression seems situational to me rather than biologically based. You are blue because you got passed over for a promotion which would upset anyone & you feel unfulfilled because you don't have an SO. I didn't meet the man who is not my husband until I was 39.

 

Try buying some books about self esteem & life coaching. Then think about what you don't like about your own life & how you will change it. If you don't like your job, get a different one, or at least look. If you want a SO, what steps are you taking to meet new people? When I was single & decided at 35 that I wanted to settle down I made a pact to put myself out there & attend at least one event per week to meet new men. If you want to achieve a goal you have to define it then take action to achieve it.

 

Best wishes.

Edited August 22, 2018 by d0nnivain

[Springsummer]

 

Stop trying to do this on your own Call your primary doctor for an appointment & get a referral that way. Since you have a job, do they have an EAP program? Try getting a counselor that way. .

 

yup, that's what I am doing. That's the kind of counseling I am complaining about.

[BaileyB]

yup, that's what I am doing. That's the kind of counseling I am complaining about.

 

I would suggest that you call back and ask to reassigned to another counsellor. Or, speak with your doctor and ask for a referral.

 

I have used my EAP counselling service and I know others who have also used the service. I have yet to hear of anyone who had this kind of experience.

 

I hope you are feeling better soon.

[snowboy91]

yup, that's what I am doing. That's the kind of counseling I am complaining about.

 

OK, but in your original post it seems like you're complaining about all the online/app based counselling that you keep doing? Sorry just looking to clarify, things might work differently in your part of the world

 

But as donnivain said, it can take a while to find the right therapist. In the meantime it can seem like it's all pretty pointless. Over the past 6 years I've seen 3 - the first one was really helpful in getting me out of depression. When I relapsed, the second one was almost useless but I used coping strategies from the first therapist to get myself out of trouble. The third one helped me eliminate some of the traps that kept making me relapse, and since then I feel like an entirely new person.

 

Anyway that's enough story from me, but you get the point.

[d0nnivain]

yup, that's what I am doing. That's the kind of counseling I am complaining about.

 

My 1st therapist was an idiot. I hated the guy. So I kept looking. Over the years I have had some awesome therapists & some duds. When I got a bad one I just kept looking.

[maxi105]

hey, spring summer....therapy works for a lot of folks, and its there to help people try to address their stuff. it has a better chance too is the people going are open, go with the frame of mind to want to talk, they are patient, they get it that its gonna take time some therapy can take months, years, but its about accepting you've got problems and giving it a chance.

 

if your'e not finding it easy to talk with one person then look for another or ask the doc to recommend or refer you. if you go in with expectations and ideas that you think it needs to go this way by week 2 and it doesn't you are gonna leave feeling its a waste of time.

 

it will take the councellor time to get to know the different people and get them to say sometimes or find out what the real problems are or if other problems are also needed to be sorted first.

 

therapy by an app or pure online help can only go so far! you gotta meet folks and get to what needs to be sorted and if you get low from it them that can also be part of it as somethings may not have been addressed properly or will cause pain of they have built up and not been dealt with for whatever reason.

 

to state it doesnt work outright isnt that fair or realistic for teh numbers of people that have used it, its your experience of how things went so it has left you sounding sour. think about if youve really given that person a real chance, have you been helpful or negative and gone in thinking that they dont know ****? if your not happy with it and you still need therapy, then you look for someone new.

 

your problems the tough ones didnt come about becasue of an app!!!!!! so why would you think that some kind of app could really get to the heart of what has gone on over the years or months etc....

 

dont give up, but be realistic and as fair as you can about what you think you need, someone who may really need therapy reading a heading that says therapy doesnt work may be talked out of it when it could actually help them!!!!!

 

its about finding something positive that can help you, not trying for a social media based or quick talking quick fix, and it shouldnt really be about trashing something that is actually a really complex and difficult personal thing for different people. good for anyone getting therapy, it takes courage and i admire that. but if yhour gonna go for it you gotta be prepared to put your part too, and accepting a realistic time that you think you are getting something of a release to reallyhelp. some people will be better than others, but its up to you to try to monitor how things are going and be prepared to look for anything positive that might help you.

 

i havent read your o.p. but im just reating to the heading, and for me its not that positive, which if you take to thinking like that too much in life your always gonna be disspaointed much easier than if you stick at something and really try to move on, regardless of things going around you. good therapy is a real life line for many and it can help people build thier confidence.

 

good luck, just dont expcet a quick fix if youve got alot goin on....life is not that simple for most folks regardless of whether they opt for therapy or not! ok, hopefully you will find a good therapist that will help you change your mind set at the moment.

 

there are endless people who get passed over for promotion!!!! its not the end of the world, and at least you have a job!!!!!! maybe you are not right for promotion? maybe they want someone older with more experinece? maybe your attitude isnt thought by your boss as good for the company!!!! maybe there are bits of your job that someone else is less stressed about? there are lots of reasons that it might be, but getting angry or stressed about something like that (if that is the main thing you are dealing with in life? then isnt that much of a thing) compared to some of the awful and distressing situations folks have to deal with in life or face up to or how they get treated by others ......but like i say, if your issues are big (or at least big to you then you need to give things a proper chance). maybe it might help you to take some time out and find out what those that know you think might be adding to how things are, if its surface then you can deal with it. if its a really serious, difficult issue then i think only a professional (the right ones) will be able to help you, not apps or online stuff if that's what youve been using at times.

 

if your car breaks down you dont get an app and its suddenly sorted! you go see someone that knows about car problems and you talk it over!!!!!!

 

see ya, and good luck....its honest, but hopefully you can take something from all our replies and find that person to help you. maxi.

[Springsummer]

Just finishing counseling over the phone...

 

I talked for 45 minutes and she was tying to move on to the next.

 

all the advice she can give me is to talk to those people. and then everything else is "I don't know" ."I don't know what to do either".

 

so...........at least I get more advice and responses from this forum.

 

she refereed me to see a counselor in person though(it's free)...but I don't have much hope. In my experience, I have never experienced any counselling that's really helpful.

Edited November 9, 2018 by Springsummer

[Happy Lemming]

Just finishing counseling over the phone...

 

I talked for 45 minutes and she was tying to move on to the next.

 

all the advice she can give me is to talk to those people. and then everything else is "I don't know" ."I don't know what to do either".

 

so...........at least I get more advice and responses from this forum.

 

she refereed me to see a counselor in person though(it's free)...but I don't have much hope. In my experience, I have never experienced any counselling that's really helpful.

 

Sorry phone counseling didn't seem to help... Can you give us some recent details?? I promise not to respond "I don't know"!!

[Springsummer]

Sorry phone counseling didn't seem to help... Can you give us some recent details?? I promise not to respond "I don't know"!!

Thank you!

I kind of mentioned it in the end of my another thread.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/668189-actually-there-only-one-thing-makes-me-still-concern-relationship-stuff-2.html

 

man, I feel like I can make a much much counselor than these professionals.

[carhill]

Try a clinical psychologist in the specialty you need in person.

 

I found such clinicians to be quite useful.

[Happy Lemming]

As far as work... there comes a point when you have to make a change, even if it means downsizing your life. I know you posted that you feel you are stuck in this position, but you can't let income destroy your life. You only get one life and a limited number of years on this earth, please don't spend them in a miserable job. My advice is get to another position, even if you have to downsize your life.

 

Personally, I downsized my life quite a bit, so I could retire early. No regrets!! I don't need bigger or better things to make me happy. Avoiding a crappy office and mean co-workers/bosses... this brings me great joy.

 

As far as men... like I posted in your other thread, you may have to lower your expectations and settle, if you don't want to be alone... Give it a go, just go out with a guy (find a 6, instead of a 10) for a few dates and see if this fills the void. Its just a couple of hours and see how you feel??