Springsummer Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 If I still want to have a child...I think I have so much life lessons and wisdom I can pass on. I have my cat 2 years ago. I love my cat so dearly. He makes me think I am definitely a motherly material. I have completely lost hope and faith in this "love' and 'relationship' stuff. It just a completely waste of time. I will never find what I am looking for. Even if you do find someone, at the end of the day, this relationship stuff seems to flickery and transitory. I don't want to just get a sperm donor either...many reasons, and I don't want to be a single mom, too risky and too much responsibilities. so time is running out. What do I do? No idea what I can do? how bad is it to be alone for the rest of my life? Link to post Share on other sites
Arris Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Hi, Sorry I have no idea of your situation, but it sounds like you really want to meet a good guy and have kids. Seems like a lot of pressure. Do you get out? You have to put yourself out there and I'd start by going places that you enjoy or take up as hobbies and such. Like if you jog, start entering races or join a local run club. If you like to read, put in extra time at the library. Whatever you do, keep your eyes open and be available, don't have your head buried in a book, otherwise someone might be afraid to disturb you. That kind of thing. Having kids isn't for everyone, for me it's what makes life complete. If you decide to have kids enjoy them for who they are. Me personally, I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. That takes precedence over the frustration of dating and finding someone. Just know, you can't force a relationship and you can't lower your standards. Find someone who seems genuine and makes you think about them nonstop, all that good stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 Whatever you do, keep your eyes open and be available, don't have your head buried in a book, otherwise someone might be afraid to disturb you. That kind of thing.. that was what I did:( two handsome guys actually tried to 'disturb' me on two separate occasions when I was still young. I continued to pretend to read the book/computer. One was devastatingly handsome. I noticed immediately...I was painfully shy... I was as dumb as ... I didn't think ahead. now when I think about this stuff, chances just don't come again. no attractive guys to be found anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 ...no attractive guys to be found anymore. What about that guy in your building (that you see from time to time)?? Have you run into him lately?? Have you tried to introduce yourself?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 What about that guy in your building (that you see from time to time)?? Have you run into him lately?? Have you tried to introduce yourself?? rarely run into each other. last time, we walked across each other in a long long corridor, so no excuse to disappear without doing something. He didn't smile or say hi...probably still looked at me though. No sure. I didn't know what to do. I can't smile. It was awkward... to look at him or not to look at him. apparently I am not attractive or attractive enough to make someone to be proactive. I don't know how to be proactive. so it's a hopeless situation. I was attractive enough when I was young to make a few to be proactive, but too bad I was clueless, idiotic and didn't know what I know now. Link to post Share on other sites
Arris Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Don't beat yourself up, it is what it is. Not to overthink, but sometimes a guy might be thinking the same thing you're thinking. He may be wondering why you don't look up to say hi, or maybe he feels you don't find him attractive and he doesn't want to bother you or he's not feeling confident. I do that a lot myself, it even changes day to day. If you have a couple bad days where you just don't want to spread your misery, that could set the tone for the next encounter until someone finally smiles and says hi. Be yourself, be confident, and next time just say hey, how are you today, but slow down your walking pace to let him answer. Keep it short to see if that gives him some confidence. At least now you let him know you're approachable without making the first move. - if any of that makes sense 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I don't know how to be proactive. so it's a hopeless situation. What would be wrong with... "Hi... I see you from time to time. I think I'm your neighbor, as I live in this building. I thought I would introduce myself, my name is ___________ ." At that point, see if he introduces himself and continues the conversation. Sometimes you have to make luck happen for yourself by taking the first step. I have faith in you, you can do it... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 apparently I am not attractive or attractive enough to make someone to be proactive. I don't know how to be proactive. so it's a hopeless situation. I was attractive enough when I was young to make a few to be proactive, but too bad I was clueless, idiotic and didn't know what I know now. Maybe he doesn't know how to be proactive either. Maybe he just saw you down the corridor as well, saw you and found it awkward, maybe smiled at you. You just don't know, unless you ask. I totally agree with Happy Lemming's post - you have to make the luck happen. Introduce yourself and ask him out for coffee. It would be an absolute shame if all that's stopping an amazing, fulfilling relationship from happening is the the fact that both of you are too shy to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 Maybe he doesn't know how to be proactive either. Maybe he just saw you down the corridor as well, saw you and found it awkward, maybe smiled at you. You just don't know, unless you ask. I totally agree with Happy Lemming's post - you have to make the luck happen. Introduce yourself and ask him out for coffee. It would be an absolute shame if all that's stopping an amazing, fulfilling relationship from happening is the the fact that both of you are too shy to ask. Hey, I saw him dining/lunch with a woman who also work in the organization a few months ago. My team leader said 'are they dating?' so, he is not shy, otherwise, how can they went out? I don't suppose the woman asked him out? Maybe they are indeed dating. don't know why he looked at me like that though...I felt hot. maybe that's just the way he looks at people. and I just think too much of it, as I always do. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Hey, I saw him dining/lunch with a woman who also work in the organization a few months ago. My team leader said 'are they dating?' so, he is not shy, otherwise, how can they went out? I don't suppose the woman asked him out? Maybe they are indeed dating. don't know why he looked at me like that though...I felt hot. maybe that's just the way he looks at people. and I just think too much of it, as I always do. Again, you don't know any of this for sure unless you ask him. It was a few months ago - they might have broken up. They might be engaged. She might be just a friend and nothing more. There's only one way to be certain - ask him! Maybe not explicitly, but as before, ask him out for coffee and you'll find all this out just by getting to know him generally. Whether you treat it in your mind as a "date" or not - the outcome is the same, you're just learning about him. And that goes for literally anyone you decide to go on a date with. You know nothing until you actually meet them and get to know them. They could love the TV shows you hate, they might enjoy completely different hobbies to you, or they might just be really boring. Or they could be amazing. You'll never know if you sit there waiting for them to come to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 If I still want to have a child...I think I have so much life lessons and wisdom I can pass on. I have my cat 2 years ago. I love my cat so dearly. He makes me think I am definitely a motherly material. I have completely lost hope and faith in this "love' and 'relationship' stuff. It just a completely waste of time. I will never find what I am looking for. Even if you do find someone, at the end of the day, this relationship stuff seems to flickery and transitory. I don't want to just get a sperm donor either...many reasons, and I don't want to be a single mom, too risky and too much responsibilities. so time is running out. What do I do? No idea what I can do? how bad is it to be alone for the rest of my life? Just because you don't have a man doesn't mean you have to be alone for the rest of your life. I know single people with very fulfilling lives. As far as not wanting to be a single parent that is on you and just how badly you want to be a mother. There are tons of kids who need adopting and there is also Big Sister programs as well as Foster children. You don't need a man to be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I think there are pros and cons to being partnered up for life and there are pros and cons to being single for life, so they both cancel each other out. Then there's grass is greener syndrome. You just have to learn how to be happy where you are in life. It's likely just as good as some other place you may want to be in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I'm perfectly happy with just pets. I always liked pets more from when I was young. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 I'd rather be alone, than sick with someone else who isn't right for me. I think you need to really focus on yourself and do somethings for yourself that help you learn to be OK with being alone. While you're doing that, is when you may find someone -- when you're not thinking about having a relationship. Right now and how you're feeling, it's kinda like watching a pot boil Find yourself a nice hobby, get involved in an organization, a club, etc. I liked photography and started getting really focused on it -- joined a photography club and took classes. I met lots of nice people. There were planned field trips, meetings, etc. I went on hikes and drives looking for photography subjects/objects just by myself. I found it peaceful and relaxing. It's just an example. I don't want to be a single mom, too risky and too much responsibilities -- A mom is a mom. It will always be risky and full of responsibility. Get yourself to a point of being a really strong, secure, independent woman who can take on what the world brings whether you're in a relationship or not. And, I'll also say, that the relationship you have with your child would be fulfilling, challenging and entirely rewarding. And, the relationship you have with yourself, can and should be the best, most supportive and enjoyable relationship you can ever have. Having a man in your life shouldn't make you happy, it should only enhance/add to the happiness you already have. If you want a child and you may be a single mom, you need to start preparing for it now. Start saving, start planning and focusing on setting up your life to accommodate that even as a single woman. It can be done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 OP, I forget. Have you exhausted the OLD, speed dating, meetup, and church options? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 3, 2018 Author Share Posted November 3, 2018 OP, I forget. Have you exhausted the OLD, speed dating, meetup, and church options? I tried meetup and OLD. Like I mentioned in a previous post, after YEARS of going to meetups (not specifically looking for someone) I have yet to meet a guy that's really attractive. OLD...doesn't work. Non-believer, so can't bring myself to church. speed dating is too weird for me. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I tried meetup and OLD. Like I mentioned in a previous post, after YEARS of going to meetups (not specifically looking for someone) I have yet to meet a guy that's really attractive. OLD...doesn't work. Non-believer, so can't bring myself to church. speed dating is too weird for me. If you are truly comfortable without a relationship, that's okay. However ... - I understand not meeting a potential partner at a meetup because me, too (ouch!). I believe people are there for fun, not to find someone to date. - I encourage you to give OLD and speed dating more 'chances'. I don't know what you thought was weird about speed dating but I enjoyed it and my experience was that half the women there were worth 'real' dating. I have found OLD sites vary tremendously in whether or not they 'work'. The one that has worked best for me has been match.com. If that's not on your own list of the OLD sites that didn't work for you, I suggest you try it. And since it sounds like you're interested in a 'more serious' relationship, it would be wise to be both patient and selective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 What about that guy in your building (that you see from time to time)?? Have you run into him lately?? Have you tried to introduce yourself?? It's been a month! never seen him again. left? man, all these men in the IT section...hardly find one that's attractive, let alone devastating attractive. sigh...such is life...or my life...can never get you really wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 I don't have to be alone. I am just picky. There is always something about a man I don't like. Most likely the man who is devastatingly attractive has something I don't like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 (edited) All things considered I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. too bad, I don't think I am bad looking. you know I was told by a guy friend that I have all the assets and think I should have no problem....yes, right! except getting what I really want. The problem is I am lofty. I can not and do not want to change my nature for this. "an extraordinary mixture of harsh reality and lofty ideals" Edited November 8, 2018 by Springsummer Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 What's lofty mean btw ? Anyway , ya shouldn't have to change your nature but l do get the feeling you could just use a little warming up. Get the feeling you might come across a bit coolish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 What's lofty mean btw ? Anyway , ya shouldn't have to change your nature but l do get the feeling you could just use a little warming up. Get the feeling you might come across a bit coolish. Not sure... self-importance? idealistic? can't put up with crap? demanding/have lots of requirements? yes. I think I may appear coolisth at times? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 Right now, I suddenly feel quite at easy with the fact that I am never going to have a child. WHY? because I realize once again how difficult life is, at least for me. Why bring someone else on earth to suffer? I have an able body and good intellectual and still life is so difficult for me. bad luck, I got a bitch at work. I tried to be nice despise everything she has done to me and make my life hellish. I made her smile and laugh with my humor and gave her some food. at the end of the day, she told me not to sit around, what the hell? I did everything she ask quickly. It is not my fault if she didn't give me enough to do. she is not even my manager, just one level above me and it's the public sector. I hate people who talk to me like that. I never realize I could be so 'fake'. trying to be nice to someone who makes me feel inferior. I don't think I have ever called anyone bitch in my life...until now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Springsummer Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 you know, If I appear miserable, people are not happy with me. If I appear happy, some people are not happy to see you happy and want to make your life miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 If I appear happy, some people are not happy to see you happy and want to make your life miserable. I'd like to agree with this statement... One friend had commented to me that I really shouldn't be happy, but I am. They pointed out certain aspects of my life and how they could be better (especially financially), but (in the end) I am content. I've nicknamed it - "Stupid Happy"; I guess I'm just not intelligent enough to realize I should be unhappy, glad I am stupid. At this point, I just ignore the comments and continue to enjoy my life, my way. Ignore the people that want to make your life miserable. Just be happy, as I am. Its more fun!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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