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So...dating/finding a long-term relationship is like finding a job?


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Old 15th March 2016, 12:09 AM   #1
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So...dating/finding a long-term relationship is like finding a job?

I'm my 30's and I finally figured out how this whole..dating/long term relationship works..everything is a damn competition-its what a person has to "offer" to the another person..whether is money, looks, cooking skills, bedroom room skills, humor, etc, etc. Its like anyone is replaceable and if you don't fit their needs, they will gladly find it somewhere else. For the longest time, I believed in "soulmates" and the whole, "the big guy upstairs will bring you someone." Such BS. Why would they tell girls these lies? No man, wants some inexperienced woman!
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Old 15th March 2016, 12:18 AM   #2
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So, you've spent all of this time waiting for a guy to drop into your lap, when you have nothing to offer?

BTW, it's about what two people have to 'offer' each other. If you must use that word.

Who told you this fairy tale?
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Old 15th March 2016, 12:30 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Bobbi7 View Post
I'm my 30's and I finally figured out how this whole..dating/long term relationship works..everything is a damn competition-its what a person has to "offer" to the another person..whether is money, looks, cooking skills, bedroom room skills, humor, etc, etc. Its like anyone is replaceable and if you don't fit their needs, they will gladly find it somewhere else. For the longest time, I believed in "soulmates" and the whole, "the big guy upstairs will bring you someone." Such BS. Why would they tell girls these lies? No man, wants some inexperienced woman!
You're in your 30s and after all the questions you've asked on here, you *still* believe that the right guy will just fall into your lap? Seriously?

You need more help than this forum can provide I'm afraid.
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Old 15th March 2016, 12:40 AM   #4
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Interesting.

Last night, I was watching the first episode of a new show called Life or Debt. Basically a financial advisor tries to help a couple get their finances in order.

One of the recommendations the advisor made was to run the family's finances like a business.

A few years ago, I remember thinking the ideal relationship would be Me+You, Inc. In which the goal of the family would be to make the ... business ... as prosperous as possible.

But, not just financially. Spiritually, socially, intellectually, physically and many other ways, a good couple would strive to enrich each other's lives in as many of those as possible.

I guess the key to dating is finding that person with whom you can build the most successful partnership with. One that is willing and able to work with you toward fulfilling all of those needs
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Old 15th March 2016, 1:07 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Bobbi7 View Post
I'm my 30's and I finally figured out how this whole..dating/long term relationship works..everything is a damn competition-its what a person has to "offer" to the another person..whether is money, looks, cooking skills, bedroom room skills, humor, etc, etc. Its like anyone is replaceable and if you don't fit their needs, they will gladly find it somewhere else. For the longest time, I believed in "soulmates" and the whole, "the big guy upstairs will bring you someone." Such BS. Why would they tell girls these lies? No man, wants some inexperienced woman!
There is a certain amount of that, absolutely. Women still often look for men who will be good providers and husbands. Men look for women who will be good mothers, good domestic skills, good financial partners.

Then there is the sexual compatibility component. Different for different people.

I wouldn't rule out finding a soul mate just yet. But you need to be realistic. In my case, I'm tubby, almost 50, live in small town America and make less than $250K a year. Prince Harry is not going to come a-calling anytime soon. A 22 year old high school drop out working at McDonalds is not suitable for me. A 35 year old man messages me on OLD. He is more than likely just messing with me, thinking he brings so much more to the table because he is younger and better looking. But at the end of the day, I'm in a 3000 square foot house on several acres of land, eating prime rib and he's having a TV dinner in his studio apartment.

Income and education does matter.

I have a former friend who has spent a lifetime marrying and dating bad boys. She has a small trust fund. She was in the remedial room all through school, which is where most of the bad boys were. Time and again, these men take her for whatever they can. She's a former friend, so I can say this, she is dumb as a rock, has a shrill voice and constantly babbles. She is also obese, large...more than tubby. She can't cook, won't clean house and is lazy. She's also one of those women who acts helpless about everything. The only thing she brings to the table is her trust fund. These are the only men she can attract.

Appearance is usually the first thing that interests people. However, I have formed deep friendships with men (and maybe a certain kind of love), I was not initially attracted to. Their personality, their humor, intellect this stimulated me as well.

Great saying....I know what I bring to the table and I'm mot afraid to eat alone.

I can't do anything about my age, but I am hoping to lose some weight and work on my appearance after my business sells. I've got a lot to offer...now I just have to find someone who is compatible. Which for me: financial stability, drama-free, hwp, current events knowledgable, intelligence are all things I will look for.
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Old 15th March 2016, 1:08 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Imajerk17 View Post
You're in your 30s and after all the questions you've asked on here, you *still* believe that the right guy will just fall into your lap? Seriously?

You need more help than this forum can provide I'm afraid.
No, I said that I didn't believe in that bullcrap anymore, can't you read? Growing up people would tell me these bs lies about men/relationships. I stopped believing in that when I finally starting dating in my mid-20's and got some experience with men. DUH. So, sue me. Like you don't have any love problems since you are a member of this forum here. Mostly the "religious" freaks would tell me these lies. See, why would these dumb people tell me this, when clearly I didn't know and wouldn't bother to tell me the truth about dating?

Last edited by Bobbi7; 15th March 2016 at 1:12 AM..
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Old 15th March 2016, 1:13 AM   #7
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I'm my 30's and I finally figured out how this whole..dating/long term relationship works..everything is a damn competition-its what a person has to "offer" to the another person..whether is money, looks, cooking skills, bedroom room skills, humor, etc, etc. Its like anyone is replaceable and if you don't fit their needs, they will gladly find it somewhere else. For the longest time, I believed in "soulmates" and the whole, "the big guy upstairs will bring you someone." Such BS. Why would they tell girls these lies? No man, wants some inexperienced woman!
If anything, I think most girls get told that life isn't a fairytale. I don't know why you'd have the idea that there's The One waiting for you.

And yes, it's all about compatibility with each person having the traits the other is looking for. Given that there are so many people on the planet, it stands to reason that there's another person out there who will meet your needs if person A or B doesn't fit the bill.

So, what have you got to offer? What makes you a person who a guy will choose long term?
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Old 15th March 2016, 1:18 AM   #8
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See, why would these dumb people tell me this, when clearly I didn't know and wouldn't bother to tell me the truth about dating?
Commonsense also comes into play here. Considering how much contradictory information is out the the world, why didn't you internally question what you were told? Did you not spend your 20's saying "this doesn't make sense - there must be another way"?

Pretty much everything you hear in life needs to be questioned and considered before you find the theory which works in practice.
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Old 15th March 2016, 6:40 AM   #9
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You can choose to be with someone and make it work providing they are compatible enough.


But you cannot choose who you fall head over heels for.


I dated high earning secure men who were nice people and were into me. I shrugged them off because I wanted to fall hard for a guy and feel excited about him and I wanted it to feel "right".


I met my tattood, truck driving boyfriend with a mediocre paid job and who had the same mental illness I did. I just fell for him in a way I COULDN;T just "choose" to fall for more financially secure and mentally stable guys.


Just like he couldn't CHOOSE to "fall" for the younger and I am sure HOTTER women than me who pursued him and he rejected.......
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Old 15th March 2016, 7:02 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Bobbi7 View Post
I'm my 30's and I finally figured out how this whole..dating/long term relationship works..everything is a damn competition-its what a person has to "offer" to the another person..whether is money, looks, cooking skills, bedroom room skills, humor, etc, etc. Its like anyone is replaceable and if you don't fit their needs, they will gladly find it somewhere else. For the longest time, I believed in "soulmates" and the whole, "the big guy upstairs will bring you someone." Such BS. Why would they tell girls these lies? No man, wants some inexperienced woman!
It's true.

Meeting someone to marry is like going on a job interview. Yes, there will need to be chemistry even a little will do but mostly men will look at you in that "so what can you do for me" way.

Relationships are big business. And, if you're a woman that probably won't make much in the work force it could mean the difference between living in poverty or living a comfortable life.

You're in you're 30's. Time is ticking now but since ppl are marrying later you are probably fine.

If you want a husband you'll need to be a marketable wife. That's how men will look at you "Why should I settle for this one woman?"

Give them reasons.

1. Work out
2. Have a list of beauty treatments so hair, skin and nails are perfect.
3. Know how to clean everything and make your own cleaners.
4. Learn how to cook and know the nutritional values in food.
5. Know how to manage money, negotiate contracts and where to get the best prices.
6. Sex skills. Easy enough. Learn what the man likes and doesn't like. Do lots of what he likes and avoid what he doesn't.
7. Learn emotional control...VERY HARD. Men don't like nagging women so you'll have to learn how to cool down and approach things in a logical way. Much harder than the easy sex skills.
8. Know a little about arts, culture, cars, travel etc. Hopefully, you have already did some traveling and can talk first hand about places you've been.


OK. There is your list. I won't even charge you.
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Old 15th March 2016, 7:33 AM   #11
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[]

You can be a good cook, fix your hair, be good in bed, but when you have a bad attitude, nothing will make a man stay. It's not a fairytale romance when all you really need is to treat people in a respectful manner.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 15th March 2016 at 7:08 PM.. Reason: rude ~6
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Old 15th March 2016, 11:45 AM   #12
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[]

You can be a good cook, fix your hair, be good in bed, but when you have a bad attitude, nothing will make a man stay. It's not a fairytale romance when all you really need is to treat people in a respectful manner.
My guess is that OP is in a bad mood because she's getting frustrated with dating. Dating can be heartbreaking and brutal. To tell you the truth I have no idea how I lived through the dating experience since I'm pretty emotional. Maybe survival instincts kicked in and pushed me forward.

There is a lot of rejection out there and being in constant competition with your peers (especially friends) can push you to the edge. There was a point I was going on so many dates I felt like an unpaid escort. I wish I could tell the OP that her prince will come and he will be handsome, passionate and rich. But the OP can still get married. It's figuring out what is important in the long run before saying "I do" that counts.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 15th March 2016 at 7:09 PM.. Reason: edited quote ~6
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Old 15th March 2016, 11:50 AM   #13
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Getting and maintaining a successful relationship requires work.

I think many of us get disillusioned and frustrated with the process because we expect it to be easy.
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Old 15th March 2016, 12:09 PM   #14
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It's not like finding a job. But you do have to offer something, and you want to be with someone who offers you something that's very important for you to have in your life.

Nobody gets a happy marriage dropped in their lap.

I get that you're mad, now that this is clear to you, but just use it to your advantage.

I don't agree with the poster who gave you the lists of things you need to do to be a "marketable wife" like having perfect nails. If you're not the "perfect nails" kind of girl (I'm not) just forget about that. Take good care of yourself physically of course, but MOSTLY work on becoming the best person you can be, developing your good qualities and working on lessening your worse ones.

Not everybody even ends up with a mate for life, but everybody is in charge of what they make of their own life. That starts with taking an honest look at oneself.
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Old 15th March 2016, 1:47 PM   #15
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Ya it is kind of like getting a job - and keeping a job as well.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...4a47dc4819.jpg
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