Can People Change?

[Under The Radar]

To me, this is a rhetorical question; I know the answer. However, I am interested in what others have to say on this subject.

 

Will most people change? I don't know ...... probably not without a traumatic event or hitting rock bottom.

 

People seem to have such a hard time accepting people's baggage and past mistakes as evidenced by the "Does My Past Matter" debates we see on LS daily. Then there are the "A Cheater Is Always A Cheater" arguments that are exorcised from time to time.

 

Even when the scenario was not necessarily a mistake (like having had more sexual partners in the past) it's usually a catalyst for retroactive jealousy. A situation like that is simply an incompatibility issue if the partners were honest when asked. The list of mistakes, baggage, and past regrets can go on forever depending on the person in question.

 

One of my favorite movies is "The Shawshank Redemption". I love Morgan Freeman's character "Red" because of the profound changes he makes during the course of the film. He entered prison at 18 because he murdered someone. He is 60 years old when he's released all those years later. He's clearly changed and it's evident to anyone of average intelligence/insight that he is not the same person he was when he committed that terrible crime. He is, in fact, a good man by the stories ending.

 

Of course the movie, and some of the corresponding messages, are dramatic and extreme. However, the concept of people changing has always fascinated me. I believe that one purpose of my life is to learn from mistakes and continue to grow. A big part of that is being honest with ourselves and other people.

 

So yes, (IMO) people can change.

 

What are YOUR thoughts on the matter?

[ponchsox]

Yes, people can change but only a small percentage of who they are. Most never change.

[Under The Radar]

Yes, people can change but only a small percentage of who they are. Most never change.

 

 

Could you elaborate?

 

I agree that most people don't change, but I think those that do can change more than a small percentage.

 

I'll use exercise and body transformation as an example. I am a naturally small framed man. I'm tall and lean, but I've always had difficulty gaining strength and muscle. Is it impossible for me to gain weight and add shape to my frame? No, it's entirely possible, but I've had to work hard on it over many years.

 

I'll never change my somatotype, but I can make vast changes within it. ATM, I'm 6'1 and weigh about 175 pounds. I'm not skinny (like I was), but a more athletic build now. Interestingly, many athletes have been ectomorphic (skinny) and have developed impressive physiques from dedicated training over the long haul.

 

So, while people will always have certain core traits, and characteristics, it's entirely possible to create vast change within yourself. The difference is going to be in a desire to change, a willingness to assess yourself, hard work, and ultimately time. Most people will not be able to accurately assess these things, and execute the work, while in a damaged relationship. The changes come later with reflection, experience, and processing the pain.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Training Revelations

[ponchsox]

Could you elaborate?

 

I agree that most people don't change, but I think those that do can change more than a small percentage.

 

I'll use exercise and body transformation as an example. I am a naturally small framed man. I'm tall and lean, but I've always had difficulty gaining strength and muscle. Is it impossible for me to gain weight and add shape to my frame? No, it's entirely possible, but I've had to work hard on it over many years.

 

I'll never change my somatotype, but I can make vast changes within it. ATM, I'm 6'1 and weigh about 175 pounds. I'm not skinny (like I was), but a more athletic build now. Interestingly, many athletes have been ectomorphic (skinny) and have developed impressive physiques from dedicated training over the long haul.

 

So, while people will always have certain core traits, and characteristics, it's entirely possible to create vast change within yourself. The difference is going to be in a desire to change, a willingness to assess yourself, hard work, and ultimately time.

 

Congrats and I have changed physically as well (lost 65 lbs). It also changed my motivation, exercise, and eating habits. But that is only a small percentage of who I am as a human. Maybe 10 %? You can never change your childhood and life experiences that have molded you into who you are. But sometimes even a small change can be a life changing event for us.

[Under The Radar]

Congrats and I have changed physically as well (lost 65 lbs). It also changed my motivation, exercise, and eating habits. But that is only a small percentage of who I am as a human. Maybe 10 %? You can never change your childhood and life experiences that have molded you into who you are. But sometimes even a small change can be a life changing event for us.

 

Wow, losing 65lbs. is amazing; I hope you're very proud of yourself. I understand the work and commitment that takes .

 

I agree, that even a small change can be a life changing event for us. Nevertheless, I think (and have seen it) that people can make moderate, or even big, (not just small) changes within themselves.

 

However, like you already stated, it's unlikely many people will.

[Under The Radar]

I should also add that it's much easier (though not easy) to change the human body than it is to change the human mind.

 

Most of us struggle with cognitive distortions, interpersonal relationships skills, and communication.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Normally, I don't believe that people change.

 

There are exceptions. For instance, someone with a mental disorder might go through life f*cking everything up, but through some growth is able to work around the obstacles.

 

My whole perspective changed. I think it was the key that led to me changing. Changing might not be the best word, even. Maybe it is just growth.

 

Changing perspective is not something most people easily do. Often, if our perspective is challenged by someone, we feel defensive. I think we are more likely to dig our heels in.

 

If someone is dedicated to achieving a higher understanding, I believe they can improve upon their weaknesses.

 

Going through these transformations have been profound for me and those in my life. However, it did take outside forces to push me in the right direction. On my own, I would not have made any progress.

[Woggle]

People can but it doesn't happen overnight and they need to do some serious work on themselves.

[jphcbpa]

yes, but only when they get in enough pain about it are they willing to take a look and work at it

[Under The Radar]

People can but it doesn't happen overnight and they need to do some serious work on themselves.

 

Thanks Woggle, as you know, I completely agree with your sentiments.

 

In fact, I know one way YOU have changed. I believe in the past (please correct me if I'm wrong) that you were angry and bitter towards women.

 

I know you do not feel this way anymore and are happily married (GTA 5 Anyone ).

 

I don't consider that a minor change, but rather a major (for the positive) paradigm shift.

[Under The Radar]

Normally, I don't believe that people change.

 

There are exceptions. For instance, someone with a mental disorder might go through life f*cking everything up, but through some growth is able to work around the obstacles.

 

My whole perspective changed. I think it was the key that led to me changing. Changing might not be the best word, even. Maybe it is just growth.

 

Changing perspective is not something most people easily do. Often, if our perspective is challenged by someone, we feel defensive. I think we are more likely to dig our heels in.

 

If someone is dedicated to achieving a higher understanding, I believe they can improve upon their weaknesses.

 

Going through these transformations have been profound for me and those in my life. However, it did take outside forces to push me in the right direction. On my own, I would not have made any progress.

 

 

Hey AShogunNamedMarcus,

 

I know you have changed, and continue to do so, just by reading your heartfelt posts.

 

Much of what you write I can relate to and I find myself on a similar journey in some ways.

 

It does take many years though and a boatload of exhausting work.

[Under The Radar]

yes, but only when they get in enough pain about it are they willing to take a look and work at it

 

 

Agreed (10 Characters)

[gabgab]

Yes people can change.

 

It doesnt matter though- vast majority dont.

 

Change takes alot of mental and emotional energy and time and effort. Few people put the work in.

 

Sticking by someone who has cheated and done other really bad things is a huge risk. Would you buy a car that was rated poorly on safety? Its the same concept...

[Elliotte]

EVERYONE changes. It's just a matter of whether that changes from outside or within and whether it is a healthy or unhealthy change.

 

Humans have a instinctual urge to resist change, even positive change. We would rather be comfortable with how things are now, than put in hard work towards a better, but different, future.

 

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is pretty ridiculous. If you meet someone who did something that bad a week ago, fine, steer clear. If you meet someone who did something bad a decade ago, look at who you were a decade ago, most likely you were a completely different person!

[Woggle]

Thanks Woggle, as you know, I completely agree with your sentiments.

 

In fact, I know one way YOU have changed. I believe in the past (please correct me if I'm wrong) that you were angry and bitter towards women.

 

I know you do not feel this way anymore and are happily married (GTA 5 Anyone ).

 

I don't consider that a minor change, but rather a major (for the positive) paradigm shift.

 

I still have those issues but I really try to control them. I just want to explode sometimes when I hear misandrist crap.

[jba10582]

Everything in is in constant motion to the very atoms in your body. Life itself is constantly changing. Come up with equations for THAT.

[Under The Radar]

Everything in is in constant motion to the very atoms in your body. Life itself is constantly changing. Come up with equations for THAT.

 

 

Is this a trick question? I'm not very good with those ......

[jba10582]

Is this a trick question? I'm not very good with those ......

 

 

No...but I was thinking in terms of motion, then physics... of people, change to me, appears to be a self-evident trusim that just is, and change with time got me to thinking calculus and then derivatives then differential equations....although not where you thought this was going...

[pink_sugar]

Of course people can change, but they have to have the motivation to do so. Unfortunately, you can never make someone change. They can change, but they have to be willing to do it and it takes a lot of work. Age factors also play a part. Someone is more likely and less resistant to change in their younger years, but much more resistant and set in their ways after 30 or so.

[Lauriebell82]

Yes, I believe people can change, but only if THEY want to, and are committed to continuing to work on maintaining that change.

[2fargone]

I think people change wether they like it or not. Mostly because of what happens in their life. Every experience makes you grow. It can go either way though.... Good or bad, depending on what you do with the experience.

 

 

I also don't think people can only change a small percentage. I know I've made some leaps. It didn't happen overnight but it was more something like 'acting like it' and later on you just 'feel like it'.

 

 

I'm tempted to give an example, but that would be to personal. I think I've made about 4 giant changes (being in my early 40s, starting from early 20s).

[MissBee]

People change all the time.

 

It's a matter of what exactly they're changing though. Some things are easier to change than others and take very little effort and some things are more ingrained and require conscious effort and work to change.

 

For example: my personality and disposition are more or less steady but some things I valued/believed/chose 5 years ago I don't value, believe nor would I choose them now, as I've grown in lots of ways. Likewise, 5 years from now I'm not gonna be exactly the same as I am today. There are also people who years ago I never liked them and meet them again and it's a 180, likewise there are people I used to be friends with but now have nothing in common with as either I changed or they did.

 

There are certain ingrained things though that are very hard to change and I have to consciously work on and sometimes I can't be bothered . I think in those cases, like me, and for most people, the stuff that takes more work and seems too hard, you ignore or live with it unless something traumatic happens and you're forced to change.

[FrankieFrank]

CAN people change? Of course.

 

DO they? Usually not unless something drastic happens that will force it. Complacency is powerful thing.

[Got it]

To me, this is a rhetorical question; I know the answer. However, I am interested in what others have to say on this subject.

 

Will most people change? I don't know ...... probably not without a traumatic event or hitting rock bottom.

 

People seem to have such a hard time accepting people's baggage and past mistakes as evidenced by the "Does My Past Matter" debates we see on LS daily. Then there are the "A Cheater Is Always A Cheater" arguments that are exorcised from time to time.

 

Even when the scenario was not necessarily a mistake (like having had more sexual partners in the past) it's usually a catalyst for retroactive jealousy. A situation like that is simply an incompatibility issue if the partners were honest when asked. The list of mistakes, baggage, and past regrets can go on forever depending on the person in question.

 

One of my favorite movies is "The Shawshank Redemption". I love Morgan Freeman's character "Red" because of the profound changes he makes during the course of the film. He entered prison at 18 because he murdered someone. He is 60 years old when he's released all those years later. He's clearly changed and it's evident to anyone of average intelligence/insight that he is not the same person he was when he committed that terrible crime. He is, in fact, a good man by the stories ending.

 

Of course the movie, and some of the corresponding messages, are dramatic and extreme. However, the concept of people changing has always fascinated me. I believe that one purpose of my life is to learn from mistakes and continue to grow. A big part of that is being honest with ourselves and other people.

 

So yes, (IMO) people can change.

 

What are YOUR thoughts on the matter?

 

Yes people can change. They will change with the present becomes uncomfortable enough. Also what needs to be changed will play a major factor, if it is a core personality issue then changing it is going to be very difficult. If it isn't then it is learning a new pattern and muscle memory.

 

So yes, if the desire to do so is strong enough change is possible.

[Silly_Girl]

Life experiences change people. I've changed a lot.