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Old 15th November 2017, 2:13 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Why do women always get primary custody of the kids?
Actually, more and more states are turning towards 50-50 arrangements, as evidence by the OP's case.

I personally have primary physical custody due to the fact that my ex wasn't even in my daughter's life for the first 5 years. He knew it would be unrealistic to demand anything more than visitation and we settled on primary for me, visitation for him.
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Old 17th November 2017, 8:36 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by noelle303 View Post

When my daughter first started spending time in her father's house, she would ask for me. Emotionally - yes, I'd tell him to bring her over in a second. Rationally - I told her that now it's her dad's time and I'll see her on Sunday evening. Same goes for when she's with me and asks about seeing him.

Right now, you are fostering the bad feelings between your ex and your son. He's six years old and you are putting him in the middle of the situation by communicating this way.

You're not going to get any more visitation time by taking this approach; you'll just end up with a confused and upset child.

You ARE mixing messages by telling him that he can ask to see you whenever he wants because he CAN'T see you at the drop of a hat.
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Old 18th November 2017, 7:10 AM   #33
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Its unfortunate but my personal experience is there is usually some tension, anger and game with visitation after a divorce. Some times very bad. Happened with most divorced couples I know. Slight games and tension in visitation - along with some badmouthing - just happens.

Its also hard on the kids when this happens. Part of the reason I never divorced after I had my own. Also like you the amount of money spent (mainly me) was outrageously expensive.

Also kids are going to be kids - and ask for the other bio parent when its not time for visitation. Heck even in a normal two person marriage - kids emotionally bounce back and forth - seeking one parent or another - like the wind - when emotional needs happen. Our stepchild would often use the "I want to be with dad" when we were being strict, or had emotional breakdowns.

but we had some minor success when we put my stepchild in with a really good child therapist. My stepchild went alone (90%) of the time - my wife or I sat in waiting room and we did not discuss what was discussed - we did not interfere or influence the child therapy. If you believe your child is under stress from the custody and visitation - you may wish to search for a good child therapist in the area. I dont know what your custody arrangement may say about you unilaterally putting him in therapy when he is with you - we had most complete freedom - but biodad did believe we were using therapist to "influence" the situation in our favor and your wife may take a similar view. Also we let bio dad and his wife call into a few sessions (without us present) - we wanted to be non controlling. I believe their call ins (unlike us) were used to bash us - to therapist in some warped view they needed to counter something we said. We said very little about them - so the therapist was able to develop her own opinions on things.
“Now I see that I will never find the light unless like a candle, I am my own fuel”

Last edited by dichotomy; 18th November 2017 at 7:20 AM..
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Old 20th November 2017, 9:06 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by peace-maker17 View Post
She is at work when she takes him to see his Grandparents. I have nothing against them but if she is at work he needs to be with his Father. I am respectful of her time, but I care more about our son and his wishes and desires. If he is requesting to see either parent arrangements should be made to make it happen.
First, if you don't have a legal right of first refusal, he doesn't 'need' to be with his father. You WANT him to be with his father, but this is what co-parenting looks like. Her legal time with him is hers to do whatever she wants. Second, you say you 'care more about your son' but what you're really saying is you think he will or should want to be with YOU. Third, you SAY he is requesting to see you when he's not with you, but you aren't there, are you? How do you know that he's saying that?
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