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My cousin can never stick to a plan to get together


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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:20 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You know darn well she IS just saying that.


How do you know I know?

If shes never gonna come through, is there anything vengeful I can say?
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:22 PM   #17
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How do you know I know?<snip>
1) Common sense

2) Sure, "You know what? Forget it, you are always flaking on these plans and I need to move on."

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 4:57 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:25 PM   #18
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Whaaat? What exactly is the nature of your relationship with this cousin?
She’s just very sassy and emotional. Tells me stories.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 4:57 PM.. Reason: Fix spacing
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:27 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Intevel80 View Post
How do you know I know? If she’s never gonna come through, is there anything vengeful I can say?
Vengeful? Really? perhaps she senses you can go from concerned & wanting to meet to vengeful. I'd avoid you too. Messages may be all she wants. You need to divest yourself from this & let her come to you in her own time & her own way. You are making yourself unnecessarily crazy.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 4:57 PM.. Reason: Fix spacing
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Old 22nd February 2019, 12:32 PM   #20
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Vengeful? Really? perhaps she senses you can go from concerned & wanting to meet to vengeful. I'd avoid you too. Messages may be all she wants. You need to divest yourself from this & let her come to you in her own time & her own way. You are making yourself unnecessarily crazy.
You don’t understand. We have exchanged thousands of messages. She’s very emotional. But something is really getting in her way and she’s not being upfront. She said so many times she is gonna come through. It’s making me upset because it’s been so long and now she has canceled and she wrote a 2 page essay explaining her predicament and said she still wants to.

How about this? “I totally understand you’re busy. No problem. But we have sincerely been trying to reach out to you. Let us know when and if you ever wanna get together. Take care cuz.”
-----------------
Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And I’m giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 4:59 PM.. Reason: Merge and truncate quote
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Old 22nd February 2019, 1:53 PM   #21
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Shes just very sassy and emotional. Tells me stories.
This explains nothing and does not answer the question.

It is confusing to many readers why you would feel so emotionally invested in this cousin making plans with you.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 1:56 PM   #22
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You really need a thank you from her to feel complete?

Look, you did the right thing. Knowing that should be all the thanks you need. If she doesnt appreciate your efforts just chill on answering all of her emotional messages. Treat her with as little regard as shes been giving you and your family.

Laying back may be your best bet not to become frustrated with her. Itll give you back some power rather than leaving it all up to her. This will be your choice now.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 2:30 PM   #23
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Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And Im giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked.
Nothing has happened yet for her to thank you for. She is not being direct and honest with you but trying to nice her way out. She should just be honest and say she doesn't want to get together.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 2:32 PM   #24
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You dont understand.

How about this? I totally understand youre busy. No problem. But we have sincerely been trying to reach out to you. Let us know when and if you ever wanna get together. Take care cuz.
I do understand. You want more from her then she is willing or capable of giving.

What you want to write is fine. Being "vengeful" is not. I thought you wanted to write something awful like:
You ungrateful B*T*! I'm doing everything for you & you are so rude you can't even keep a commitment. Well screw you. As far as I'm concerned you are no longer invited to the reunion. I hope you rot.
That would not be helpful or constructive.

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Originally Posted by Intevel80 View Post
Another thing is she always complained about how she never got to meet her extended family due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control. And Im giving her the opportunity now. I feel I deserve to be thanked.
You do deserve to be thanked but she's never going to thank you. Read some of my threads about my MIL. All I do for that woman you'd think she'd be appreciative but nope. (She was on my nerves again this morning) Some people suck. All you can do is recognize that & stop bending yourself into a pretzel for them. Although she says she wants to meet family her actions say something else. You need to start listening to her actions.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:01 PM   #25
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I asked my dad if I can write that and he says noooo. Even though we think it sounds fine, he thinks it sounds awful. He thinks it’s very passive aggressive.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:04 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:05 PM   #26
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You really need a thank you from her to feel complete?<snip>.


The thing is she goes through phases. She might not write for 3 months because she says life is busy, even though she don’t work a job. And then when she does write, she tells me very personal stories about her past. Essays. She’s very expressive and uses lots of emojis. Always says she wants to get together.
Her mom says she’s very busy. And I ask why and it’s because she watches baseball and is very vested into her kid.

I don’t understand her patterns though. When I told her sister she’s gonna help out with the reunion, she was in disbelief and was very close to cracking up.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:04 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:11 PM   #27
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How old are you OP?
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:14 PM   #28
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I’m an adult. It doesn’t matter.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:05 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:15 PM   #29
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She doesn't really want to use her time that way. She's just been being polite. Apparently she has plenty of time to waste writing you, but she couldn't care less about meeting up with you. People with families just often have too much to do and too many people to please already.

I think you need to stop trying to force a relationship with someone's whose actions clearly say she doesn't want that.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 5:20 PM   #30
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Here’s the thing. She was gonna come. She confirmed it. She told 5 other family members she can’t wait. Then when she couldn’t, she wrote a whole page explaining how sorry she was and that she wanted to come.

When she was gonna come, I wasn’t anxious. But once she made herself unavailable like that, it brought out all kinds of emotion for me.

Now I keep on getting let down. And I’m upset and it’s not as easy as just turning off a light switch. So I’m not sure what I can do to not care anymore.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2019 at 5:05 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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