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My wife no longer feels the same way


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Old 18th March 2019, 9:44 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by chryssy83 View Post
Heís cheating on the girl he was cheating with. He has so many irons in the fire I donít know how he sleeps at night or stays awake all day! And he would still swear to you there is no infidelity.
If there was a Dictionary written by cheaters - the first three words I would want to look up are: "Friend, CoWorker, and Infidelity."
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Old 19th March 2019, 2:11 PM   #17
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Well you know how you've contributed to the household issues, however a mind reader you are not. It's all on her if she failed to communicate her problems with you.

Start to dress nice, work out if possible, and don't jump to answer every text or phone call from her. If she wants to come back she'll do it, if not then it's on her.

P.S. If she left the house I might think that's another red flag.
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Old 20th March 2019, 9:02 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
Yeah. There's no way of being 100% there's nobody else, but I'm as close to 100% as can be. We were together all the time (which is one of the problems as she felt like she didn't have her own identity).

She's not a bad person. Neither am I. We both just got lazy with our relationship.
This post has been made a million years times on various forums. What stands out is her job change. She has met a new coworker and has fallen for him. Youíre not going to believe it. Coworker affairs are very, very hard to catch. Especially when they move out. If you can afford a PI thatís your best option. If you canít handle a reconciliation with a cheating wife go ahead and file. The odds she has found a new man is about 98%.
Ask yourself, when do women leave a good relationship with two kids and simply walk out on her family. At least she feels guilty enough not to kick you out.
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Old 20th March 2019, 11:24 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
This post has been made a million years times on various forums. What stands out is her job change. She has met a new coworker and has fallen for him. Youíre not going to believe it. Coworker affairs are very, very hard to catch. Especially when they move out. If you can afford a PI thatís your best option. If you canít handle a reconciliation with a cheating wife go ahead and file. The odds she has found a new man is about 98%.
Ask yourself, when do women leave a good relationship with two kids and simply walk out on her family. At least she feels guilty enough not to kick you out.
Well, there's a lot of assumptions here.
Her job had to shift in terms of her department was closed down. She is still working with all the same people but they're doing different things. That's the stress. There are no new people to work with (apart from a lady in her 40s from Poland).

The relationship wasn't good. That's the point. I had completely just drifted into a settled life of not really trying. I can see why her feelings would dip.

She's moved just up the road into her parent's flat. The reason I couldn't move was because we can't afford two places and my side of the family don't live around here. There was literally nowhere for me to go.
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Old 20th March 2019, 11:59 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
The relationship wasn't good. That's the point. I had completely just drifted into a settled life of not really trying. I can see why her feelings would dip.
Nash82, here's the kicker - you were in the same relationship.

Did you unilaterally declare the marriage over? Did you move out? Refuse to discuss the issues?

What others are gently trying to point out is that your wife is acting this way for a reason. When that makes itself known, much of what you're going through will make mare sense,,,

Mr. Lucky
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Old 20th March 2019, 12:48 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
Nash82, here's the kicker - you were in the same relationship.

Did you unilaterally declare the marriage over? Did you move out? Refuse to discuss the issues?

What others are gently trying to point out is that your wife is acting this way for a reason. When that makes itself known, much of what you're going through will make mare sense,,,

Mr. Lucky
Hmm, not sure about gently trying to point out when the auto response from most is 'affair'. I truly feel for those that have been hurt in that way.

I have a good idea why she left. She no longer feels the same way. I can see why she feels that way after me neglecting the relationship combined with her other stresses. She's had a lot to deal with and it would have built up over time. Now, I'd like to discuss things more for clarification but don't want to ask that yet as I don't want to push her when she needs space.
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Old 20th March 2019, 4:16 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
Hmm, not sure about gently trying to point out when the auto response from most is 'affair'. I truly feel for those that have been hurt in that way.
"Affair" covers a number of meanings. It could be someone she's confiding in, someone she's interested in or someone who's expressed support or interest in her. It doesn't necessarily mean a full-blown, "let's run away together" relationship. For someone in your's wife's situation, it usually takes a catalyst to promote change.

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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
She no longer feels the same way. I can see why she feels that way after me neglecting the relationship combined with her other stresses. She's had a lot to deal with and it would have built up over time.
Again, I'll ask were all your needs met? She worked hard to emotionally support you and the marriage? Neglect is usually bipartisan, hard to drive off the road unless both sets of hands off the wheel.

You should own your role but have healthy expectations of her too. Starting, it would seem, with proactive communication...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 21st March 2019, 9:23 AM   #23
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op, there is a reason so many of us jump to the affair conclusion and that is because so many of us have experienced the receiving end of behaviors similar to what your wife is exhibiting towards you. People don't generally up and move out of a somewhat difficult marriage without first arguing and fighting about it, especially with children involved. People DO generally leave all of that without warning if there is something to leave for.

A strong indicator that something isn't quite right is how she behaved toward you and then left so quickly. You didn't see it coming.
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Old 21st March 2019, 10:05 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
What does get me is that even up to a few days before, she was still talking about holiday plans, things we'll do later in the year etc. She sent me the cheeky messages she always did. Then just a few days later - she hit me with it. I can't wrap my head around it.
As you can see from many of the replies, women pull this kind of crap all the time. They are masters of deception and emotional dishonesty. They will string you along with lip service that sets a series of expectations which they have no intention of fulfilling and when the time is right they will blindside you in the most cowardly and confusing way imaginable, feeding you reasons that are inconsistent, irrational, and as apt to change as their wardrobe. It is very difficult to wrap your head around, particularly since you may never know the real reason she ended the relationship or just how long she was faking it, like a coward, without possessing the strength of character to discuss what had been troubling her prior to the "I'm not in love with you anymore" guillotine she springs on you nor the commitment necessary to work through the issues together.

I am commiserating with you because I can relate. You have my sympathy and empathy.

Having said that, you've made some grave mistakes in begging to get her back and in wanting to remain friends in hopes that that might rekindle things later. She fell out of love because she lost respect and attraction for you somewhere along the way and resorting to begging is only further lowering your value to her. Wanting to remain friends is ok if that's all you ever want to be to her, but it fails as a strategy to get her back as a romantic partner. Once you're in the friend zone, you're just another one of the girls to her (likely the least important one) and you may very well never get out of it.

For now, just commit to working on yourself and the areas of the relationship that you have identified as your own flaws and shortcomings. Becoming the best version of you that you can be is the only way to potentially win her back and even if you don't, you have at least made positive improvements to yourself that will help you on down the road someday.

Hang in there. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. The silver lining is that it does get easier as time goes on.
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Old 21st March 2019, 10:07 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Nash82 View Post
Hmm, not sure about gently trying to point out when the auto response from most is 'affair'.
An affair that exists only in her head would be enough. When people need "space" it's because they have something they need to make room for.

I made space in my living room many weeks before my sofa was delivered.
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Old 21st March 2019, 10:53 AM   #26
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Sorry for what you are going through , I Know how it hurts because I've been on these boat before .


My marriage became rotten over the years until 2 years back we had an argument ( no shouting , no abuse , just an Argument ) and my wife just left the house and raised legal cases against me regarding custody and finances...


Six month back after i Won most of the cases I invited her to come back , and she did , and we are having a good life now .




Now going back to you there are facts now :
-Your wife is thinking about herself only irrespective if the cause is a new guy or just the selfish mind ...




-She knows you are a good dad , so she doesn't give a **** about kids .


-She seem to plan a better future the way she sees it .






My advise to you is :


- be very , very , very patient , don't expose any of your thoughts .


before we advise you better , please tell us about the financial aspects , the kids age and more details ....
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Old 21st March 2019, 2:31 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Romantic_Antics View Post
As you can see from many of the replies, women pull this kind of crap all the time. They are masters of deception and emotional dishonesty. They will string you along with lip service that sets a series of expectations which they have no intention of fulfilling and when the time is right they will blindside you in the most cowardly and confusing way imaginable, feeding you reasons that are inconsistent, irrational, and as apt to change as their wardrobe. It is very difficult to wrap your head around, particularly since you may never know the real reason she ended the relationship or just how long she was faking it, like a coward, without possessing the strength of character to discuss what had been troubling her prior to the "I'm not in love with you anymore" guillotine she springs on you nor the commitment necessary to work through the issues together.

I am commiserating with you because I can relate. You have my sympathy and empathy.

Having said that, you've made some grave mistakes in begging to get her back and in wanting to remain friends in hopes that that might rekindle things later. She fell out of love because she lost respect and attraction for you somewhere along the way and resorting to begging is only further lowering your value to her. Wanting to remain friends is ok if that's all you ever want to be to her, but it fails as a strategy to get her back as a romantic partner. Once you're in the friend zone, you're just another one of the girls to her (likely the least important one) and you may very well never get out of it.

For now, just commit to working on yourself and the areas of the relationship that you have identified as your own flaws and shortcomings. Becoming the best version of you that you can be is the only way to potentially win her back and even if you don't, you have at least made positive improvements to yourself that will help you on down the road someday.

Hang in there. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. The silver lining is that it does get easier as time goes on.
Thanks for the reply. I agree in many ways and have already stated on making myself better for me. It's damn hard to keep it together but it's early days. Tbf, I haven't been begging or even mentioned being friends after that first day (when emotions took over). Each time we've seen each other or messaged I've tried to keep it short and confident. We do have to remain in contact because of the girls and our money is so linked, but keeping it to just things that need to be dealt with.
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Old 21st March 2019, 2:37 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by loversquarrel View Post
op, there is a reason so many of us jump to the affair conclusion and that is because so many of us have experienced the receiving end of behaviors similar to what your wife is exhibiting towards you. People don't generally up and move out of a somewhat difficult marriage without first arguing and fighting about it, especially with children involved. People DO generally leave all of that without warning if there is something to leave for.

A strong indicator that something isn't quite right is how she behaved toward you and then left so quickly. You didn't see it coming.
As I said, I feel horribly for anyone that has had to go through that. We've had plenty (and I mean plenty) of arguments. It's tough to see each other's situations over the internet, I didn't want to belittle the idea, I just know it's not that in this case. She sees the children nearly as much as when she lived here. They've barely realised she's gone.
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Old 21st March 2019, 2:45 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by zouz71 View Post
Sorry for what you are going through , I Know how it hurts because I've been on these boat before .


My marriage became rotten over the years until 2 years back we had an argument ( no shouting , no abuse , just an Argument ) and my wife just left the house and raised legal cases against me regarding custody and finances...


Six month back after i Won most of the cases I invited her to come back , and she did , and we are having a good life now .




Now going back to you there are facts now :
-Your wife is thinking about herself only irrespective if the cause is a new guy or just the selfish mind ...




-She knows you are a good dad , so she doesn't give a **** about kids .


-She seem to plan a better future the way she sees it .






My advise to you is :


- be very , very , very patient , don't expose any of your thoughts .


before we advise you better , please tell us about the financial aspects , the kids age and more details ....
Interesting thoughts. Thanks for sharing. Glad that things worked out for you.

I think your point about patience is key. It's just so damn hard to see her so distant right now. I know things are affecting her too (through comments her parents made a couple of days ago), but she's holding it back when talking to me.

The girls are nearly 12 and 15. Finance . . .ha. we don't own our house and all our money has been shared for ever. That's one of the reasons we have to remain in contact as all the money is so linked.

In terms of her future, for the meantime she's just going to live with her parents.
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Old 21st March 2019, 2:47 PM   #30
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You know your situation better than any of us do. The main reason most of us feel the need to tell you to be cautious is because most of us were in denial and couldn't see what was hiding in plain sight.
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