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Did I do the right thing? Desperately seeking :(


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 12th March 2019, 5:48 PM   #16
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Are you saying he hasn't contacted you in 2 weeks after the argument? I could never marry a man who only wanted me for a baby. It isn't love if he is willing to divorce you because you are no longer fertile.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:48 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by chryssy83 View Post
Maybe I misunderstood this part: ďPart of me always had fear he'll leave if we can't end up having kids, which he told me so.Ē

I thought she said he told her that he will leave if they canít have kids. But maybe Iím wrong.
yes, he did tell me that, but i think @Orokotikki's point was he never actually made the move.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:50 PM   #18
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You may be more correct here Chryssy...

I do have a habit to skim occasionally.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:50 PM   #19
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Are you saying he hasn't contacted you in 2 weeks after the argument? I could never marry a man who only wanted me for a baby. It isn't love if he is willing to divorce you because you are no longer fertile.
No, he never made contact. TBH i think he's even waiting for me to serve him the papers because "I left".
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:53 PM   #20
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Unless he is rich and stupid (which I believe to be not uncommon) he's seen his lawyer already. Anyone's guess whether to just consult or to file himself.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:54 PM   #21
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Anyways...talking to you guys does give me a bit of clarity I needed.
I think each relationship comes with good and bad memories. The last 2 weeks i reminisced often our good times together, i think i started to forget all the things that pushed me thus far. Part of me is still hopeful he'll contact me, knowing that he won't. Like I said, that's his attachment style, fearful and dismissive avoidant.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:54 PM   #22
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I'm sorry, OP. A man who truly loves you would never leave you because you could not have children. My bf chose to not have children of his own in order to be with me. That is love.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:55 PM   #23
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I have seen the fertility issue destroy more than one marriage. Is he dead set against trying IVF with your eggs? If so, and if you love him and want to salvage this, then try with a surrogate (her eggs, his sperm.) If you truly have no interest in raising a child that may not be yours biologically, then you probably should let him go. Otherwise, maybe you could sit down together calmly and decide as the married couple that you are, exactly how you want to move forward with your fertility treatment options with the guidance of your doctor.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:57 PM   #24
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Sorry OP, it was ****ty of him if he was threatening to leave over something like that.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:58 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Orokotikki View Post
Unless he is rich and stupid (which I believe to be not uncommon) he's seen his lawyer already. Anyone's guess whether to just consult or to file himself.
He really needn't to do that, when i gave him all the blank forms i told him to just find a mediator and serve me the paper, no need to waste all that $ on a lawyer as I don't want anything, I will just sign it and let's both move on.

This was when he said "I can't handle it" before we went to marriage couseling, so I told him if that's what he really wanted i'm willing to let him go, so he can go find someone to have babies right away.

But this time, since "I left"...i think he's waiting for me to serve him the paper.
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:01 PM   #26
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The fertility problem could very well be his. So he might be left high and dry.
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:04 PM   #27
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I have seen the fertility issue destroy more than one marriage. Is he dead set against trying IVF with your eggs? If so, and if you love him and want to salvage this, then try with a surrogate (her eggs, his sperm.) If you truly have no interest in raising a child that may not be yours biologically, then you probably should let him go. Otherwise, maybe you could sit down together calmly and decide as the married couple that you are, exactly how you want to move forward with your fertility treatment options with the guidance of your doctor.
He's not dead set on anything and so was I, however at this point i think we have a bigger issue than struggling to have kids. Honestly i'm not even sure if i want to have kids or imagine myself coparenting with someone with his mindset.

Our therapist even told us(him), if we don't have a solid deep meaningful relationship, a stronger bond. even if we do ending up having kids, his "love" for our kids will surpass the love of husband/wife.
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:06 PM   #28
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The fertility problem could very well be his. So he might be left high and dry.
Not going to disagree, at least my traditional Chinese medicine doc seems to think so. I was taking the meds for a year to help me better ovulate, and he took it for 3 months and said gave him headaches and stopped.
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Old 12th March 2019, 6:40 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by theinfjinme View Post
He's not dead set on anything and so was I, however at this point i think we have a bigger issue than struggling to have kids. Honestly i'm not even sure if i want to have kids or imagine myself coparenting with someone with his mindset.

Our therapist even told us(him), if we don't have a solid deep meaningful relationship, a stronger bond. even if we do ending up having kids, his "love" for our kids will surpass the love of husband/wife.
Then consider the fact that maybe youíve dodged a bullet, here. You deserve to be happy and accepted for who you are and if youíre not certain about parenthood, there is nothing wrong with remaining childless! (Youíll have money to do what you want to do with your life!!)
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Old 12th March 2019, 7:31 PM   #30
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This marriage was a mess from the beginning and your ex was very controlling and demeaning toward you. You shouldnít have walked away with nothing. I donít think you were being materialistic about the ring but your timing - right after the divorce was final and trying to make amends - was poor. The bottom line is that your ex doesnít know how to treat women with respect. Be glad this train wreck is over with. Going forward, donít ever tolerate a man treating you in such a manner. Stop second-guessing your decision.
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