ratingsguy Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 My MW and her H are telling their kids tomorrow (ages 16 and 18) that they are separating on Jan. 1. What words of advice would you give her other than a heartfelt "good luck"? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 MY 2 CENTS when i ended my marriage many years ago, my ex-wife and i got together and put aside any bad feelings and worked on what we were going to tell our daughter and we both agreed that blame and shame and pointing fingers was never going to solve anything. we both had our daughter's best interest in mind, and by showing her that her parents could divorce and stay make her feel secure is a great way to teach a child about relationships and that we love her. and because we did that, and in that way, our daughter has never NEEDED for us to be together again - and that would never happen. so, what we did many years ago, paved the way for our daughter growing up in a co-parenting situation in a secure and loving way. hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Do it January 15th. Otherwise they'll always remember Christmas as the time the family broke up. Which sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 What words of advice would you give her other than a heartfelt "good luck"? to get a good lawyer... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 My MW and her H are telling their kids tomorrow (ages 16 and 18) that they are separating on Jan. 1. What words of advice would you give her other than a heartfelt "good luck"? Advice..... Maybe tell her to hold off till the 28th so as not to ruin the holliday for her kids .Telling them the day after Christmas is a little rough , even at 16 and 18 it will still be a shock to them and perhaps something if done so close to the holiday may ruin christmas for them for a long time to come. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Advice..... Maybe tell her to hold off till the 28th so as not to ruin the holliday for her kids .Telling them the day after Christmas is a little rough , even at 16 and 18 it will still be a shock to them and perhaps something if done so close to the holiday may ruin christmas for them for a long time to come. I totally agree with you tink. I think it would be kinda 'Very' Selfish to do something like this.. so close to Christmas.. What ... the New Years Resolution.. "Get Seperated then Divorced"... Why does this have to be done.. now... why can't it wait..a few more weeks... ? Think about... BTW.. Merry Christmas:D Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Why does this have to be done.. now... why can't it wait..a few more weeks... ? there's never a good time for this type of news... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 there's never a good time for this type of news... Thats certainly true ALPHA. But. There are better times than the day after Christmas . Some times are better than others. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 there's never a good time for this type of news... So true Alpha.. but still... why now...so close to xmas... why not lets say Feb 1st.. (ruin Feb 1st).. not xmas... and New Years... "Hay.. merry xmas.. and Happy New Year.. oh yeah.. mom and dad split then."... BTW...Alpha.. nice to see you kept your promise and are on.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 BTW...Alpha.. nice to see you kept your promise and are on.. if I say i'm gonna do something i usually do it Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 if I say i'm gonna do something i usually do it Your Solid......man.. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Your Solid......man.. The song "like a rock " just popped into my head . Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 The song "like a rock " just popped into my head . :lmao: :lmao: .. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 :lmao: :lmao: .. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 How about telling her to wait? Why does she need to do it right now? sheesh, put yourself in the kids shoes. Mom and dad come home and say the day AFTER christmas that they are getting a divorce. Why do people feel the urge to tell such big secrets on "special" days? So they remember the anniversary forever? It's a crappy thing to hear in the first place, let alone remember the exact date forever because it's a holiday date. It really makes me sad that not only do the parents not put their kids first, but also that people who are involved in the affairs dont care about who they are involved with and want them to show better respect to their own children. I mean, if i was to have an affair with someone, i'd atleast see that this was wrong and want that person to put off telling in the first place. I wouldnt want to BE with someone who didnt realize that this was wrong. But I'd also like to believe i wouldnt have an affair with someone, let alone a married person with children. C'est la vie. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 The ramifications of divorce are much greater than previously thought. In a twenty year study covered in the book "Second Chances" (Waletersterin and Blakley) it was found that the affects of divorce carried over into the children's twenties, thirties, and fourties. What should be happening here, is that they not only shouldn't be telling the children the day after Christmas ~ they should do what they should have done before they get married and get counseling, and find out the right way to go about ending this. Mentally, emotinally, financially, etc. They're getting seperated/divorce because they lack the necessary skill sets to be married and to be a couple. (Add in knowledge, experience, maturity etc), so for the Love of God, at least get one damn thing right about being married ~ how to end it right! Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 These children are teenagers and will hear what they want to hear. They will be so freakin' confused by their parents actions. They'll be in total shock after having decorated the tree and opening up gifts and sharing x'mas dinner like every year. That is CRAZY to break the news to them the day after. Please don't do that. Often we get absorbed in thinking that we feel bad being the ones who get dumped. But these kids will feel dumped and lost. Gunny is right, get them into counseling so they can have some control of the situation. They can tell them in late Jan that mom and dad are going thru a rough time and everyone should partake in family counseling and discuss some issues and let it come out that way. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 These children are teenagers and will hear what they want to hear. They will be so freakin' confused by their parents actions. They'll be in total shock after having decorated the tree and opening up gifts and sharing x'mas dinner like every year. That is CRAZY to break the news to them the day after.. i don't think the kids will be surprised so i disagree Link to post Share on other sites
Author ratingsguy Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 MY 2 CENTS when i ended my marriage many years ago, my ex-wife and i got together and put aside any bad feelings and worked on what we were going to tell our daughter and we both agreed that blame and shame and pointing fingers was never going to solve anything. we both had our daughter's best interest in mind, and by showing her that her parents could divorce and stay make her feel secure is a great way to teach a child about relationships and that we love her. and because we did that, and in that way, our daughter has never NEEDED for us to be together again - and that would never happen. so, what we did many years ago, paved the way for our daughter growing up in a co-parenting situation in a secure and loving way. hope that helps It does, thanks. Thankfully, this is a very amicable split and both parents are mature enough to want to do what's best for their children. They both realize that they are wrong for one another and unfortunately, the kids have been witness to this loveless marriage (which could have negative consequences when they begin to form relationships of their own). They're good people and treat each other well, but just don't love each other, and MW doesn't think they ever did. It's not good for the kids to be exposed to that in the long run. To address most of the other posters who think the day after Christmas is a bad idea... I agree. However, I don't think it's my place to say anything, especially since they're not my kids. All I can do is hope for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 To address most of the other posters who think the day after Christmas is a bad idea... I agree. However, I don't think it's my place to say anything, especially since they're not my kids. All I can do is hope for the best. You asked what you can do and this is something you could do. And a true friend WOULD say something. Not demand, but atleast say something out of concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 You're right. They're not your kids and it's not your decision but I think the REAL point here isn't about that. It's about the character of this woman. Here's a woman who is not considerate of her kids. You yourself admitted that you knew it was bad timing. She's ruining the rest of their xmas vacation just so SHE can "move on." And let's not even mention the fact that she's seeing another man behind her husband's back. She says she never loved him? Wow, nice. So she married a man and chose to live with him for all those years but never loved him. Nice woman. In my opinion, you should be more worried about the character of the woman you are choosing to be with. That's really where your concern should be. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 In my opinion, you should be more worried about the character of the woman you are choosing to be with. That's really where your concern should be. Good luck. Dont you think that for the most part women have a more selfish and depraved character than men, or am I just in a misogynistic mood right now? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Dont you think that for the most part women have a more selfish and depraved character than men, or am I just in a misogynistic mood right now? no you're right Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Dont you think that for the most part women have a more selfish and depraved character than men, or am I just in a misogynistic mood right now? Nah, my exh said the exact same thing. He never loved me. He only married me because he feared what everyone would think. It's typical fog speak. They rewrite history because it's the ONLY way they can do what they are about to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Dont you think that for the most part women have a more selfish and depraved character than men, or am I just in a misogynistic mood right now? Uh, yeah..I'd say it's the latter. And don't you think it's funny that so many men who are alone think this way? Think there might be a connection there? Hmmmm.... Listen, women are no worse than men are. I've had my share of men who have used and abused me. They did it because I allowed it. It's that simple. But never for one minute did I think that MOST men were like the bad ones I encountered. I would have truly done myself in had I really believed that in my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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