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Heard from ex after more than a year! Thoughts?


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gentle_male

Hi All,

 

Well, I'd really love your opinions! After a many months, I suddenly received an email from my ex-girlfriend. As I have a generalised male brain (only capable of simple, rational thoughts :p), I'd really like some of your thoughts!!

 

Some more info:

- I am 32, she is 30.

- I proposed to her after 5 solid years together and she said no (with no explanation). That was at the end of 2011 and we haven't seen each other since.

- As far as I am aware, we have both been single the entire time.

 

Anyway, it read:

 

Hi (my pet name),

How are you? I wanted to send you a hello because it's been so long that I haven't heard from you!!! A kiss.

 

I'm 32, so I don't believe in playing "games" and I would hope that I am a genuine nice person so I replied very simply, nicely, yet short (I gathered she might have been nervous by her short testing-the-waters email?). I ended mine also with "a kiss" because I wanted to show her that I don't hold grudges and that I am always approachable and not taking life THAT seriously :p

 

I heard back from her straight away.

 

Hey! Are you in (my city)? (we live in different cities). Have you gotten married and I don't know??? (and some other things just saying what she has been doing over the past months and that she knows I'd be proud of her). Then she wrote "I took your kiss from the air and now I send you mine!!!". Bye (my pet name) :)

 

Anyway, I am in her city at the moment. So I told her in a joking way that I was in her city and that I collected her kiss from the baggage carousel and she wrote back in 3 minutes "hahaha see what welcome??? A kiss on the baggage carousel only me!!! You are here!!! :)))". I replied along the lines that her city is the best city ever (true) and wished her a beautiful day. She wrote back straight away wishing me a beautiful day too in her city.

 

That was almost a week ago and I haven't heard anything else from her. Obviously, I am treading carefully because the last time I was here and asked her out for a coffee, she said no and that I have to forget about her. So I don't want to make that mistake again (for my sake!).

 

So, I have absolutely no idea why she would have a) contacted me, b) is being really nice to me (and in a way flirty? or am I reading it wrong?). Thoughts or questions GREATLY appreciated!!!!

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actuallysi

Well if she contacted you she was obviously thinking about you! But, if you's haven't spoken in over a year, why would she message you? Well, she could be missing you. Or, she was just being friendly. From those messages you's two were sending to each other, it seemed to be kind of flirty. Maybe she wants to work things out. But, I would take things extremely slow. Message her whenever you feel is necessary, but keep it casual- a "Hi, how are you?" or something along those lines. You don't want to throw yourself at her though. Just be careful! :)

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Hi All,

 

Well, I'd really love your opinions! After a many months, I suddenly received an email from my ex-girlfriend. As I have a generalised male brain (only capable of simple, rational thoughts :p), I'd really like some of your thoughts!!

 

Some more info:

- I am 32, she is 30.

- I proposed to her after 5 solid years together and she said no (with no explanation). That was at the end of 2011 and we haven't seen each other since.

- As far as I am aware, we have both been single the entire time.

 

Anyway, it read:

 

Hi (my pet name),

How are you? I wanted to send you a hello because it's been so long that I haven't heard from you!!! A kiss.

 

I'm 32, so I don't believe in playing "games" and I would hope that I am a genuine nice person so I replied very simply, nicely, yet short (I gathered she might have been nervous by her short testing-the-waters email?). I ended mine also with "a kiss" because I wanted to show her that I don't hold grudges and that I am always approachable and not taking life THAT seriously :p

 

I heard back from her straight away.

 

Hey! Are you in (my city)? (we live in different cities). Have you gotten married and I don't know??? (and some other things just saying what she has been doing over the past months and that she knows I'd be proud of her). Then she wrote "I took your kiss from the air and now I send you mine!!!". Bye (my pet name) :)

 

Anyway, I am in her city at the moment. So I told her in a joking way that I was in her city and that I collected her kiss from the baggage carousel and she wrote back in 3 minutes "hahaha see what welcome??? A kiss on the baggage carousel only me!!! You are here!!! :)))". I replied along the lines that her city is the best city ever (true) and wished her a beautiful day. She wrote back straight away wishing me a beautiful day too in her city.

 

That was almost a week ago and I haven't heard anything else from her. Obviously, I am treading carefully because the last time I was here and asked her out for a coffee, she said no and that I have to forget about her. So I don't want to make that mistake again (for my sake!).

 

So, I have absolutely no idea why she would have a) contacted me, b) is being really nice to me (and in a way flirty? or am I reading it wrong?). Thoughts or questions GREATLY appreciated!!!!

 

 

 

Very Simple,been there myself,

 

She is using you as the means to get her EN(Emotional Needs) fed, Listen I am not sure of the full circumstance of your breakup but she literally dumped you telling you indirectly that she does not think you are good enough for her, she pushed you in to the friends zone and that is it,

 

now little bit of time goes by and she start thinking about you, may be some guilt ?, she needs to assuage her feelings so she is fishing for a reaction from you, any reaction would do, if you are mean to her in any way she will tell herself, "oh he is such an ass 5hole I did good by refusing to marry him", if you react nicely to her (like you just did) she will say to herself, "oh he has taken it well and moved on, I should not feel bad about what I have done"

 

I am willing to place a bet, that if you ask her for a coffee again she will refuse again, nothing changed and she is sucking everything she can from you,

 

the best reaction that you can muster in this case would be to treat her like a complete stranger, indifference is the Key, not anger, not happiness, just indifference, if there is anything that can drive a wedge in to a mind of an ex is the indifference,, you must take that approach, believe me, this is the best reaction that can have the maximum benefit for both of you, she will stop fishing for EN's and you will stop hoping for breadcrumbs from her

 

but believe me It will be a shock to her as her realization hamster will start wondering what happened that you are so indifferent to her and where are those 5 years that she had with you gone,

 

Indifference is Key here

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SadHumiliated
Hi All,

 

Well, I'd really love your opinions! After a many months, I suddenly received an email from my ex-girlfriend. As I have a generalised male brain (only capable of simple, rational thoughts :p), I'd really like some of your thoughts!!

 

Some more info:

- I am 32, she is 30.

- I proposed to her after 5 solid years together and she said no (with no explanation). That was at the end of 2011 and we haven't seen each other since.

- As far as I am aware, we have both been single the entire time.

 

Anyway, it read:

 

Hi (my pet name),

How are you? I wanted to send you a hello because it's been so long that I haven't heard from you!!! A kiss.

 

I'm 32, so I don't believe in playing "games" and I would hope that I am a genuine nice person so I replied very simply, nicely, yet short (I gathered she might have been nervous by her short testing-the-waters email?). I ended mine also with "a kiss" because I wanted to show her that I don't hold grudges and that I am always approachable and not taking life THAT seriously :p

 

I heard back from her straight away.

 

Hey! Are you in (my city)? (we live in different cities). Have you gotten married and I don't know??? (and some other things just saying what she has been doing over the past months and that she knows I'd be proud of her). Then she wrote "I took your kiss from the air and now I send you mine!!!". Bye (my pet name) :)

 

Anyway, I am in her city at the moment. So I told her in a joking way that I was in her city and that I collected her kiss from the baggage carousel and she wrote back in 3 minutes "hahaha see what welcome??? A kiss on the baggage carousel only me!!! You are here!!! :)))". I replied along the lines that her city is the best city ever (true) and wished her a beautiful day. She wrote back straight away wishing me a beautiful day too in her city.

 

That was almost a week ago and I haven't heard anything else from her. Obviously, I am treading carefully because the last time I was here and asked her out for a coffee, she said no and that I have to forget about her. So I don't want to make that mistake again (for my sake!).

 

So, I have absolutely no idea why she would have a) contacted me, b) is being really nice to me (and in a way flirty? or am I reading it wrong?). Thoughts or questions GREATLY appreciated!!!!

 

 

Turning 30 is a really weird age for women, especially if they haven't married yet. I have no doubt she's been thinking about her past relationship with you and wondering if she made a mistake. HOWEVER, I would absolutely not bank on her wanting you back...she's traveling down memory lane atm going whatif. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.

 

Her asking you about your relationship status is a Big Red Flag, that she wants to maybe use you for the short term emotionally if she is feeling down about being single and 30. Be polite but don't fall for it.

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I see no one mentioned this:

 

- She got dumped by some guy and returned to her previous source of comfort & trust

- Thought a bit about what she had (probably wasnt sure how to proceed with you: apologize or test the waters?)

- Decided to test the waters, add some flirt and get to know your relationship status (either she cares about it, or she wants you to think that she cares) so that you are the one with the mind games

 

 

That's why I prefer when they come back apologizing honestly over and over before trying anything else

 

By the way you've been over a year without her. If you want to meet her turn the tides: "Hey ex, I don't want to have meaningless conversations over email. Wanna meet? Come to my city". Don't step into her frame, she left you and commanded you to forget her and now she is trying to step back into your life

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i don't know how this kind of email wouldn't piss you off. i guess we're all wired differently. but the fact that the last time you were in her city and asked her for coffee and she flat out said no and told you to forget about her and yet now she's calling you by your pet name and sending kisses?!?

 

wtf. i dunno man. honestly i'd just not msg her anymore. how many rejections can you handle? 3 times a charm?? if she doesn't know the complete onus is on her to initiate a meetup at this point, after she was quite blunt the last time you wanted an innocent meet-up, then she's really not worth the trouble. assume she was lonely one night, keep your life moving. if she asks you to meet up some time, go from there.

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gentle_male

Dear actuallysi, Miky, SadHumiliated, dumPI & Jono85,

 

I can't thank you enough for all your input, expertise, experience and time in replying. It is very much appreciated.

 

After reading all of your messages, I have decided at this point, not to do anything at all. If she has any thoughts, then she will no doubt contact me again. I have shown her that the door to communication is open. She can come through that communicative door when she wants without being at least scared that it will be shut.

 

Due to all your advice, I will not be making further contact with her. It's a risk I'm not willing to take. I took the biggest risk possible by proposing to her. So I think I've taken enough risks at this point.

 

If anything progresses of interest to the board, I will let you know :)

 

Many thanks to you all for your help again!

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BustedUpInside
Dear actuallysi, Miky, SadHumiliated, dumPI & Jono85,

 

I can't thank you enough for all your input, expertise, experience and time in replying. It is very much appreciated.

 

After reading all of your messages, I have decided at this point, not to do anything at all. If she has any thoughts, then she will no doubt contact me again. I have shown her that the door to communication is open. She can come through that communicative door when she wants without being at least scared that it will be shut.

 

Due to all your advice, I will not be making further contact with her. It's a risk I'm not willing to take. I took the biggest risk possible by proposing to her. So I think I've taken enough risks at this point.

 

If anything progresses of interest to the board, I will let you know :)

 

Many thanks to you all for your help again!

 

I think that is the best possible solution. Make her work for it this time! if she really wants something to happen then she is going to exert a little more effort than a few chatty emails. Don't hold your breath but don't give up hope quite yet either. I think it could go either way on this one, so just keep living your life like you have been but you should be smiling a little extra knowing that you were able to get over her but she obviously still is thinking about you! ;)

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i also got an email from my ex after one year. i didn not reply coz i was overrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it. then i got another email after the second year///i did not reply again!

 

erggggggg yuck

 

depends on how you fell about your ex, do you still love her?? then why not get back and see how it goes.

 

i think she missed you and missed the sex and felt lonely..and didnt find anyone to fill your space

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gentle_male

Hi BustedUpInside, Aicha and everyone else who replied,

 

As I think a lot of people are interested in what happens when an ex who was the dumper contacts you, I wanted to give you an update.

 

Over the past few days, there has been slightly more contact by her via text/email. Always light-hearted, always fun. However, I'm not interested in this! and also, I don't see why she would be either as it really serves no purpose for either party.

 

So yesterday, I laid down the law, in a fun way of course. I said as we are both getting older, our eyesight isn't as good any more and I can't read her messages :p But my hearing is still perfect :p so next time she wants to write, instead, she must give me a visit (she knows where I live). It was the first time she didn't reply, so either, that will be the end of it and nothing was to come from it anyway, or, I will have a surprise knock at my door (unlikely in my opinion).

 

I will keep you posted.

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gentle_male

Hi All,

 

Well, I have an update. Today has been rather strange!

 

First thing in the morning, I got an email from her father. He had heard down the grapevine that I had been successful in a promotion last week and that he wanted to congratulate me and that he wished everything in the world for me because I am a great person (I don't know about that!!! hahaha). I haven't heard from him in over a year and that was a rather big surprise to receive.

 

Then when out walking to the shops, I saw her across the road for the first time since it all happened. She caught my eye (even though I tried to walk behind a car) and so I waved to her and she waved me to come across the road. She gave me a big hug, we talked for not more than 5 minutes. Somehow, I don't know how, during conversation she grabbed my hand and held it as we were talking. She asked if I am living in the building near her and I said yes and some other random chit-chat. Then I had to go as I had a meeting. She gave me another big hug and as I walked off, she stuck her tongue out at me and smiled.

 

And now I have her perfume all over my neck and shirt that she always wore and still wears! ha!

 

I have no idea how to interpret all of this.

 

Thoughts? :) (would be much appreciated!)

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I would say that's a very good sign! Act upon it and see if she'll have coffee or something with you then from there talk to her about things. It seems like she wants you back but isn't making the move but instead wants you to make it. That's just my opinion.

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gentle_male

Thank you all dearly for your thoughts :) I can't tell you how much I appreciate them!

 

After all of the above, today I jokingly and light-heartedly reminded her about grabbing a drink this week, as she previously referred to.

 

Her reply:

 

[Pet Name]! Thanks so much... I ran out of time in these days, but don't worry, we will recover it one day! These next three weeks I am away for study in [city - her first time there and about 7 hours drive] but there is no need for you to come. See you soon and good luck with your promotion!!!

 

I would like to "hope" it wasn't the case and that I'm reading it wrong, but, I wonder if she may have used me for something (ie. ego) but I don't see the point why she would, if she is at this age, still single and wants kids and we have such a deep and long history. But at the same stage, if she really wanted to talk of reconciliation or even friendship, wouldn't she 'not' forget or run out of time about meeting up this week, even a 15min coffee? Ideas please! :)

 

If I don't hear any other advice or thoughts from this board, I will cut off all contact with her, even when she contacts me. Interesting case!! Normally it's all talk and no action. With her, the actions are there, but the talk seems not!

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It sounds like she was possibly touching base to see is she still felt the same way. She doesn't seem to be trying too hard to meet up with you, so she is probably not into it. Just my opinion looking from the outside in.

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she sounds like a charming, flirty, outgoing girl who enjoys having sweet exchanges with you. i am sure that she is relieved that there are no hard feelings. but, given how serious your relationship was, i think that an interest in rekindling would be undertaken more seriously and consistently from her side.

 

you seem to be the one pushing to spend time. it does not seem promising at this point given that you are so nearby, and she has come up with excuses not to hang out. i am not sure that you need to go no contact if you can handle a friendship. she sounds very fun and very sweet...

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gentle_male

Dear BC1980 and inaya42,

 

So great to hear from you. Thank you.

 

She was charming, flirty (with me at least) and outgoing who I loved so much that I proposed to her and our history was very close with both our families loving each other and holidaying together too.

 

But I know in my heart that there is zero chance I could have only a friendship with her and the strange thing is that she always up to last week said she can't be "friends" either because of our story. In any case, these past weeks, she hasn't shown any signs of being a 'friend', only signs of flirting and really trying to pick up our connection again, and gathering from the way she wrote the last suddenly differently-toned message, I don't think I'll be hearing from her anytime soon.

 

So after these great past two weeks, it's all left me rather perplexed and quite hurt, unfortunately.

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Dear BC1980 and inaya42,

 

So great to hear from you. Thank you.

 

She was charming, flirty (with me at least) and outgoing who I loved so much that I proposed to her and our history was very close with both our families loving each other and holidaying together too.

 

But I know in my heart that there is zero chance I could have only a friendship with her and the strange thing is that she always up to last week said she can't be "friends" either because of our story. In any case, these past weeks, she hasn't shown any signs of being a 'friend', only signs of flirting and really trying to pick up our connection again, and gathering from the way she wrote the last suddenly differently-toned message, I don't think I'll be hearing from her anytime soon.

 

So after these great past two weeks, it's all left me rather perplexed and quite hurt, unfortunately.

 

so maybe it's time to learn that lesson again? you've already put in the work to ask to get drinks. she has NOT taken you up on that offer. enough is enough man, don't give this girl anymore attention. if she starts msging you in a few weeks, or whenever, just blow her off in a polite way. be very short, concise, and no flirty behaviour or anything that could boost her ego. Eg. How are you gentle_male?!? ...I'm good, you?...Awesome, I just did _____ blah blah blah...Sounds good, but I gotta jet, ttyl!

 

like that. no more effort. make her work for it if she wants anything more. i'd assume she just wants her ego inflated right now until she shows you ACTIONS that oppose that.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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gentle_male

Hey everyone,

 

To all who have been following this journey, she wrote again.

 

Hey Darling [my petname],

 

Sorry if I write only now but I'm have major problems with the internet! My work is going well, but unfortunately I did not get a promotion because it had already been assigned to another person. In fact, I'm a little upset because I deluded myself thinking I'd get it. But these things happen sometimes.

*

How are you?

*

It was great to see you the other day. It makes me so happy to know that between us there is a beautiful rapport, serene, healthy, affectionate and above all that one wants the best of the other!

 

A big hug,

 

[her petname]

 

 

All of your thoughts and interpretations are really appreciated!!! I will reply but very short, nice and to the point just focusing one sentence on being sorry for her non-promotion and that I'm well, because I'm (unfortunately) a nice guy who could not ignore anyone. (ie. I wish she'd see I'm husband material! hahaha). If I ignore her, that's not husband material as a husband would always be there, no matter what.

 

Anyway, I'd really love your interpretations. I don't want to scare her by being aggressive and asking "what do you want from me?" haha. With thanks!!!!

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gentle male, i see why you adore this woman. even i am charmed reading her sweet exchanges with you! is this her first contact since you last posted?

 

a few things to note: she did not follow up about getting together for drinks, and her last line did not only describe the nature of things between you -- it was a set of instructions for how to interact going forward. i am not confident to say she only wants friendship -- who knows? but it does seem that she doesn't want drama, or any real emotional intensity or hard feelings. she is preoccupied with the things going on in her life.

 

my suggestion is that you wait a few days to respond. be compassionate about her not getting the promotion. share a bit about what is going on with you, and invite her again for a drink. i do not think you should adopt her tone in your response. use your email to convey your own personality.

 

i hope you are enjoying being in her city and socializing with other friends! good luck!

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Hey everyone,

 

To all who have been following this journey, she wrote again.

 

Hey Darling [my petname],

 

Sorry if I write only now but I'm have major problems with the internet! My work is going well, but unfortunately I did not get a promotion because it had already been assigned to another person. In fact, I'm a little upset because I deluded myself thinking I'd get it. But these things happen sometimes.

*

How are you?

*

It was great to see you the other day. It makes me so happy to know that between us there is a beautiful rapport, serene, healthy, affectionate and above all that one wants the best of the other!

 

A big hug,

 

[her petname]

 

 

All of your thoughts and interpretations are really appreciated!!! I will reply but very short, nice and to the point just focusing one sentence on being sorry for her non-promotion and that I'm well, because I'm (unfortunately) a nice guy who could not ignore anyone. (ie. I wish she'd see I'm husband material! hahaha). If I ignore her, that's not husband material as a husband would always be there, no matter what.

 

Anyway, I'd really love your interpretations. I don't want to scare her by being aggressive and asking "what do you want from me?" haha. With thanks!!!!

 

husband material doesn't equate to the nice-guy/pushover. not only that, you on the one hand say you 100% cannot just be her friend, but then when she sends you messages that are 100% friendzone messages, you accept them, and respond back. you are not a man of your word. husband material means being strong and living by a code and sticking to it. you're just dragging this on with someone you clearly want more from, but are settling for any scraps at this point.

 

I think it's time you just stop with all this. you're living a lie. real men (husband material) don't live lies. you want this girl and want more than friendship. stop accepting less. I would either ignore, or tell her straight up, that you've realized you don't want to keep in touch as friends but wish her the best. be a man, be honest, and don't accept anything less than you feel you deserve.

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hoping2heal

Maybe I'm just crazy..

 

If I spent 5 years of my life in a relationship that ended without explanation and then one day out of the clear blue sky I received an e-mail calling me a pet name, sending me kisses, etc. I would be downright insulted. No bothering to acknowledge the past? Just back to calling me fluffy wuffy boo boo bunny (or what have you) like nothing ever happened? Puh-lease!

 

As soon as you mentioned you were in her city the most you got out of it was wishing you a beautiful day followed by no more responses from her.

 

She's a jerk as far as I can tell. I think she was in need of some ego stroking and she got her fill but before it resulted in anything committal she backed away.

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hoping2heal
Hey everyone,

 

To all who have been following this journey, she wrote again.

 

Hey Darling [my petname],

 

Sorry if I write only now but I'm have major problems with the internet! My work is going well, but unfortunately I did not get a promotion because it had already been assigned to another person. In fact, I'm a little upset because I deluded myself thinking I'd get it. But these things happen sometimes.

*

How are you?

*

It was great to see you the other day. It makes me so happy to know that between us there is a beautiful rapport, serene, healthy, affectionate and above all that one wants the best of the other!

 

A big hug,

 

[her petname]

 

 

All of your thoughts and interpretations are really appreciated!!! I will reply but very short, nice and to the point just focusing one sentence on being sorry for her non-promotion and that I'm well, because I'm (unfortunately) a nice guy who could not ignore anyone. (ie. I wish she'd see I'm husband material! hahaha). If I ignore her, that's not husband material as a husband would always be there, no matter what.

 

Anyway, I'd really love your interpretations. I don't want to scare her by being aggressive and asking "what do you want from me?" haha. With thanks!!!!

 

I always get myself in trouble when I read the first page of a thread and then reply! Okay, I have upgraded my opinion of her. She's gone from jerk to jerk on accident. That is to say, that she seems to be completely oblivious at how her actions would make you feel so that results in jerky behavior towards you BUT I don't think she means to be this way. She's just too oblivious for her own good.

 

I have to agree with everyone else, she doesn't seem to be inviting a reconciliation from you. But, she's sending so many mixed signals that it's kind of hard to tell. I usually rely on actions when the words are confusing and her actions aren't really promising in the thought that she wants any more than a friendship with you.

 

If an adult conversation scares her than I can see why she wouldn't accept a marriage proposal. I think you need to have the talk with her though and if it scares her "Away" then you never had a shot to begin with, because if reconciling were ever on her serious list to begin with she'd just be greatful you brought the subject up and you'd ride off into the sunset.

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personally I don't think he should be having any "talk" with her or asking her for drinks for what a 3rd time?? how many rejections will it take? you've told her jokingly that you're getting old and the next time she needs to come visit you...didn't happen. you then proceeded to ask for drinks...didn't happen. you initially stated you tried contacting her several months post-BU and she told you to leave her alone and move on. I mean how many times?? she hasn't ONCE stepped up to the plate and done anything in reality. so everytime she comes back in your life to ask how you've been you're going to take that as a new opportunity to get rejected for the 21st consecutive time?? I mean if you still haven't had enough, keep at it. same results every time. her not being interested, or pretending she is but is too busy with well more meaningful things. just cut it off bud, seriously. it will save you much time and suffering in the long run. if you really want to put yourself out there one last time, go the honest route "it was nice to talk to you for a bit, but I've realized I still can't be just friends with you, so I wish you nothing but the best, take care". but I think you need to stop this fluffy stuff, it's leading nowhere.

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Why dont you just ASK her what her intentions are, instead of trying to read into all her texts? You are an adult and so is she. Ask her straight out what's the deal!

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gentle_male

Dear inaya42, Jono85, hoping2heal & eddyctv,

 

Really, thank you so much for your thoughts. To take your time to reply and help is appreciated GREATLY. So, thank you!

 

I do deserve better treatment. Thank you for helping me realise that.

 

When we communicate (even by text) or see each other, there is no hint of anything but getting along like best friends and flirting. I haven't bought up the past, or the future (and neither has she) but if I joke in talking along the lines of us acting like a married couple, she is never put off by it and continues to write beautiful and charming things like what she wrote this week (above). For sure, she then talks to her friends about seeing/talking to me and I'm starting to have the feeling that they convince her to feel otherwise (they are all single so I am sure they don't want her getting back into any connection with me).

 

We talked yesterday morning on the phone and both laughed so much. Then, last night, she was going out with friends and while she was out, I had some amazing news (REALLY amazing!) which I texted her (so as to not disturb her calling) almost 24 hours ago because it was also really spectacular news for her! No reply. Once upon a time, she would have called instantly on getting this particular news, but not even congrats. It's using watsapp so I know she read it 24hrs ago. Thus, it's like she has 2-faces towards me, after she sees her friends.

 

It's also her birthday in 3 days time.

 

I guess what confuses me most is, if she originally contacted me for an ego boost only, she wouldn't put in the effort (even though little) to write beautiful things to me about us and she certainly wouldn't have held my hand or accidentally called me "my love" when doing so. If she wanted to be friends only, she'd try harder to be "friendly" and at least reply to things as a friend would, instead of this 2-face sort of thing. I know with other ex's I have which I have zero interest in any more, I don't even contact them in any way, ever.

 

How can I stand up to her, without being aggressive or making drama? but still show that I'm confident and that I deserve better from her! As in, if she wanted to have another crack, or even if she wanted to be friends only, I deserve better treatment in ANY case. She needs to know that no-one deserves this up/down treatment. But how in a mature way? I can't just text it to her randomly all of a sudden! For all I know, she could be going through a bit of a crisis in her life and her self-esteem is low, I don't know and to create drama or to put her under pressure or make her anxious would be the worst thing possible. But I feel I'm in no-mans-land and that she is up and down with me.

 

Should I just ignore all future correspondence from her? but then I would be playing games and I'm not that type of person and if she is in a low self-esteem crisis, that would be the worst thing. She would just take it as another person doesn't care about her. Just need some advice :) I just really don't know anymore.

 

Thanks so much everyone :)

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