Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 So 3 months ago my GF of four years broke up with me because she didn't feel like the feelings were there anymore. We go to school about 3 hours apart. The first month was pretty hard for me and I kept trying to contact her and texted and called her and eventually she blocked me and we could finally begin our NC phase. I feel now that this step was necessary. About a month ago I sent her an email just kind of dropping by and saying hi. We talked for a while and eventually called me. She told me she missed talking to me everyday and misses me as a friend. Since then we have seen each other a couple times even had sex twice. She still talks to me everyday and calls me everyday. Our relationship was great until we went to different school. I began to take her for granted and began treating her more like a friend rather than the love of my life. I told her I want to fix this but she constantly tells me she wants to be just friends for now and try and re light the spark we once had. Of course this changes every day. The problem is she keeps telling me she wants to be just friends. Just like we were before we started dating. I don't know whether being her friend will make her think it is ok and it will be like this forever or if being friends is really the way to getting her back in to my life. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship for a very long time. But I still love this girl and always will. She still tells me she loves me every now and then and always will be here for me. And I don't know if I want to be just her friend because I love her to much. We both are coming back home for the summer in a couple weeks and she told me she still wants to hang out. While all of this is going on she has a person at school who I know she was talking to. She told me she did like him but she has then told him she wanted to be just friends and slow things down. She still talks to him everyday. But she says they are just good friends. Ok, I am almost to the end lol. Next year I am going to the same school as here and we will be literally 30 seconds apart. Should I remain her friend and see how things work out this summer or should I tell her she either gets me or nothing. I really love this girl and don't want to lose her. And she doesn't want to lose me from her life either, but I want more than what she does. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 If I were you, I would go NC to make clear to her you don't want to get friend zoned. It sounds like she is baiting you along by saying "oh i dont want a relationship right now but i might later so stick around". That isn't fair. You obviously have strong feelings for her, and that just makes things harder. It sounds like she just wants you to accept being friends, and then down the road if she feels like you can be her safety net. The best way to relight the relationship would be to spend time away with no contact, or extremely low contact. It's like the saying goes: "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be". I can just see her gradually drifting apart from you while shes still playing your heart strings, she decides she'd rather be with this other guy, and leave you high and dry and then expect you to just be her friend. So what I think the best thing to do would be to show her its all or nothing, and go either complete NC for awhile or really low contact like once every two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 I agree with No Contact but I kinda think it may just may make things worse and turn her off completely. We hung out tonight with a bunch of our friends and had a good time. Do I tell her it me or nothing. Or do I simply just stop talking to her. She tells me she misses me and she will always be here for me. But, I want more. And I don't want to be strung along. This summer she will be 30 seconds away from me and this new guy will be almost 4 hours away. She said she wants to be friends and see how things play out. While I still love her and keep pushing it. She is a great girl and our relationship was perfect, no cheating, no break ups until now. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 You need to go NC, unless you seriously don't mind being friend zoned. Remember she chose to break up, so why worry if you go NC? You mentioned our relationship WAS great, it's not our relationship IS great. Start NC and move on. If she really wants to be with you again, let her be the one to initiate the sincere contact and action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Do I straight up tell her it's me or nothing. Or just stop talking to her. Also earlier on I told her if being friends with her was what it takes. She replied with ah, that means alot. You have no idea. Edited April 23, 2011 by Dillon Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 It is entirely up to your decision if you want to tell her you are not going to talk to her or just disappear. Personally, I choose just disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 It doesn't matter what your last words are, just so long as they are your last words. It's the not talking / listening / reading / writing to each other that matters. My last words to one of my exes were extremely harsh and designed to hurt. 6 years later, we became good friends. Friendship is supposed to make you feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Friendship is supposed to make you feel good. Spot on I met my friends yesterday for lan gaming and I felt so happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 It is just very difficult. I have such strong feelings for her and one of my better friends today told me to just stay friends for now because he thinks she still likes me. This is all a very confusing mess haha. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 prob a good question is how are you goin to deal with seeing her with the new boyfriend. for me at least the friendship wouldnt be worth the heartache of seeing her with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 She has told me multiple times she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anybody right now. She told me this new guy she did like but a couple weeks ago told him she wanted to be just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 then maybe you have a chance of mending things? i took my girl for granted also and now i have to try and make things right by showing her that im capable of being the guy that she wants again and to make a fresh start. as much as i want to be txtn her constantly i have to learn moderation Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 That is what I have been doing. I have been talking to her very little about little things here and there. Not doing anything to try and push her to much. She still tells me she loves me and misses me but doesn't want to hang out very much and doesn't want a relationship? What the hell lol Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 believe me i get it. its total torture. im trying to find out what to do with that also. i hung out with her once on wed and then tried to see her on fri but she said that she didnt want to see me to much. im hoping that she comes by tomorrow to my parents house for easter but im only gonna ask her once and if she says no then all ill say is ok and then wait till maybe thurs and see if she want to see a movie. no contact from sun until then. i think im giving enough space but im not gonna keep on getting shot down and my hopes crushed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Ya. I feel ya man. My situation is a little different in the sense she is going back to school Sunday and I won't be able to see her for another 3 weeks. And we will have to see how things work. I really don't want to lose her. We talked about getting married and having kids. But, now she doesn't want to be in a relationship all of the sudden? Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 it makes no sense cause really arent we all just looking for someone to spend our time and make memories with? and if its not gonna be her then when does the hunt for the next one begin. i dont want to hang onto false hopes. the not knowing is the worst part and i dont know if thats a maturity thing although i see people of all ages on here saying pretty much the same thing about SO just sayin goodbye for no reason Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 i got the same thing. doesnt want to be in a relationship while she figures herself out. is that meaning that she doenst want me or do i have faith that she really just wants some time to get to know herself again. and then what happens if during that journey while im sitting here waiting for her suffering she decides that she doesnt want me anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Are you doing NC or are you trying to be friends with her? Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 im just gonna ask tom about coming over and if she says no wait till prob thur and ask for a movie. nothing from sun till then. i refuse to do the friends thing. even when we hung out on wed i still held her hand and kissed her. the friends thing in my eyes is a no win situation. at least until i would be able to get over her. i tried that with my ex and all i wanted to do when i saw her was hold her and tell her how much i loved her. it killed me. the only good thing about he breakup was that we were quite a few states apart so it made it easy for nc. i really want to make thing work with this one but i dont know how long i can take it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Sounds like you have a plan haha. I wish I could give you an answer. Just try and work things our slowly with her. We can only wish there was one thing that would bring them back but the problem is they saw a problem and decided to break it off and we have to deal with this. In my situation I think being friends with her is a way of reconnecting and trying to be like before we even started dating and try and start over. Our old relationship didn't work so we needed something new and different. Kind of remind her of what she fell in love at the start. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 haha but then u truely arent being friends,you have an ulterior motive in there. u do want to be back together. believe me im not trying to knock what your sayin, i think were both kinda sayn the same thing but maybe a little differently. i guess it all comes down having faith that things will work out and how long we can be willing to wait. it kills me that i cant send her txts during the day to see how shes doing or holding her at night but i guess if thats what i have to suffer with to have her back in the long run im willing to wait. but agin the question comes down to time. how long do we wait before we feel like were wasting our time Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Well what do I even say to here lol Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 what do you mean? as far as what Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dillon Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Do I tell her how I feel and tell her I can't be in this friendship anymore if she doesn't want to be with me or should I try and ride out the friendship and see how things work. We have been messaging each other back and forth all day on facebook just talking. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 hmm tough one. definitely don't give an ultimatum if you guys are talking. thats a good thing at least i think and if she's not seeing someone else its a good chance to show her how you've changed. again im pretty much in the same boat as you so the advice im giving is stuff that id be doing, doesn't necessarily mean its the right advice. tomorrow and next week will be a really hard test for me. im not to sure what to do if she doesnt want to see me either of those times. and i know to that its really hard to not want to talk about "us" the whole time. its like all i want is an answer about whether or not im wasting my time but i dont think girls really think like that Link to post Share on other sites
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