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6 year marriage ended by ex. Blocking communication


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 23rd July 2018, 12:33 PM   #16
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Thanks stillafool. If you closely look at the email chain it shows how manipulative she is. She initially sent an email contacting me with a pretext of having an insurance question. However there was no question. She was just trying to communicate with me somehow. And if you see ultimately it was more of sending me the insurance cancellation.why does it matter now of all the time for me to play her games?
I can certainly see it. Reminds me a lot of some of my personal situations and the way I allowed myself to be pulled around. Almost screwed up my life at times because of it. I learned a lot from those situations.

- Beach
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Old 23rd July 2018, 2:08 PM   #17
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I can certainly see it. Reminds me a lot of some of my personal situations and the way I allowed myself to be pulled around. Almost screwed up my life at times because of it. I learned a lot from those situations.

- Beach

Thanks Beach. Still one thing i dont understand the human mind.despite the fact that i felt i was abused by her in some or the other way emotionally, i still miss her! I wondee why? Is it the insecurity nervousness, fear and lack of confidence that is causing this? I think loneloness contributes this to some extent. And may be if i find myself with someone i like to be with, i will eventually forget her fot good. Is that the same feeling you went through?
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Old 23rd July 2018, 7:00 PM   #18
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Got another ridiculous email from my ex - asking how i am.doing. says she has some dues she owes me and she would be grateful if i can take it back. And asked me to let her know.
We had dissolved this marraige with me giving up all her assets for herself. Did not contest anything although i could have claimed 50% of what she had and alimony support for upto 2 years. She was ok with it. And i was crystal clear a f%$#ing million times to her and her ridiculous family that i dont want her money and kept my word. She was ok then.. why this drama now again?
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Old 23rd July 2018, 8:55 PM   #19
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Thanks Beach. Still one thing i dont understand the human mind.despite the fact that i felt i was abused by her in some or the other way emotionally, i still miss her! I wondee why? Is it the insecurity nervousness, fear and lack of confidence that is causing this? I think loneloness contributes this to some extent. And may be if i find myself with someone i like to be with, i will eventually forget her fot good. Is that the same feeling you went through?


Yes. I have. I wanted people who treated me like crap. It wasn't just with relationships, it was friendships too. It stemmed from a lack of confidence and just snowballed into something massive. I never took the time to ever think about myself because I didn't want to. I was afraid to take responsibility for myself because I wasn't confident that I could do anything. At the time, I just wanted to be accepted and liked by others so I put all my focus and effort into them and their lives. Saw myself as a supporting character in their story and never as a Leading Role in my own. Because of that, going into my 20's, I had no identity. With no identity, I didn't know how to establish my limits and boundaries nor did I even know I was supposed to. I unknowingly let friends and partners push me around without limit and didn't even recognize when I was not being treated well. It damaged me and recovering from that damage took awhile. In sometimes, it lingered. I blamed them for a long time and avoided holding myself accountable.

Well I learned and finally took responsibility for myself. Made changes, started caring about myself. Started thinking about my future and my career and goals. Started accepting that I wasn't good with certain things that people would do or not do and I started cutting people out of my life. Turned myself from a negative person to a person who could see the opportunity in failures. That refocus is what changed my life. Made me happier, more balanced. Granted I have bad times still but I have control over myself and my life and I am good with that.

That's why I always preach on this forum..much of our problems start with us. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. If we neglect ourselves, don't take ourselves seriously..so will others. That goes for family, friends, romantic relationships and marriages.

To shed a second opinion on how you are feeling, I believe it is largely anxiety which is caused by the uncertainty of the future. Nothing to do with love. You're scared. You don't think you can find someone better and you're afraid you'll end up alone so in that fear you feel temptations to run back to what's safe and comfortable even if it's bad for you. It's along the same lines as people who stay with physically abusive partners only more subtle. If people exhibit the kind of qualities I had back then in my 20's..they'll continue to remain in relationships that will rip apart until they're gone.

I can guarantee you that as soon as someone comes along that you're attracted to and treats you just as well if not better, she'll go to the recycling bin. Why? Because it's actual proof that she isn't everything and that there are better suited people for you.

Believe in that and embrace the blank canvas that is the future. You can paint it whatever way you feel like it now. Your goal now is to return to your best self spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually etc.

Ignore her emails but expect a few more of them to hit your inbox over the next few months.

You need you now.

- Beach

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Old 23rd July 2018, 9:15 PM   #20
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Got another ridiculous email from my ex - asking how i am.doing. says she has some dues she owes me and she would be grateful if i can take it back. And asked me to let her know.
We had dissolved this marraige with me giving up all her assets for herself. Did not contest anything although i could have claimed 50% of what she had and alimony support for upto 2 years. She was ok with it. And i was crystal clear a f%$#ing million times to her and her ridiculous family that i dont want her money and kept my word. She was ok then.. why this drama now again?
Wow! 6 years all she knew was you.. Big D is hard mine lasted 13 years and then 16 years before the Big D finally came in. 2011 to 2015 never spoken a word to her she shows up at my door her in Florida with her new BF. I never allowed him in my house. But she came here to apologize to me how terrible she had treated me in our marriage. But that was in the past. I've learn through healing and Reiki not to hate. But today I do not have any official contact with her ever again. After the two dogs have died there is no reason to keep and open door. That's closed. I am don't think about what happen it's all in the past now. I have my life open and free and she has her own to do with or not. 1.5K miles away from each other helps LOL.

You need to understand it takes time to heal from your marriage after the Big D once you done that you'll be a new man. Don't worry about their family with you. It's only you now they do not mean anything to you anymore.

Friends or don't follow your wishes are not your friends indeed. You will see. I got rid of Facebook account that was connected to all of them. Now in 2015 she told me her family said it was okay to talk to them I never did. I leave that in the past. I do not want to remember how it was with them and her.

"let sleeping dogs lie"
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Old 23rd July 2018, 9:21 PM   #21
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Got another ridiculous email from my ex - asking how i am.doing. says she has some dues she owes me and she would be grateful if i can take it back. And asked me to let her know.
We had dissolved this marraige with me giving up all her assets for herself. Did not contest anything although i could have claimed 50% of what she had and alimony support for upto 2 years. She was ok with it. And i was crystal clear a f%$#ing million times to her and her ridiculous family that i dont want her money and kept my word. She was ok then.. why this drama now again?
She wants to matter to you. Needs those ego kibbles.

Ignore her. No response needed.
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Old 23rd July 2018, 9:22 PM   #22
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You need to fully block her
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Old 23rd July 2018, 9:40 PM   #23
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Thanks for all your suggestions guys. Beach - those were awesome life changing experiences that you mentioned and truly those words mean a lot.

i dont plan to respond to her email. I hope she does think she is email blocked as well.
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Old 24th July 2018, 12:08 PM   #24
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Thanks for all your suggestions guys. Beach - those were awesome life changing experiences that you mentioned and truly those words mean a lot.

i dont plan to respond to her email. I hope she does think she is email blocked as well.


Is she now?
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Old 24th July 2018, 12:59 PM   #25
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Well the fact is if i dont respond by email she will still leave a vm..VMs cant be blocked unfortunately. Hope she understands where i stand on this issue. A million times have been discussed. A 5 year old kid will understand the meaning of "NO i dont want it."
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Old 1st August 2018, 4:45 PM   #26
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Got an email from ex asking me to submit proof of loss of insurance coverage from my employer. I wonder why this was not asked the other day? This is the first thing usually anyone from HR or other company asks to switch over insurance carrier. Anyways I am not responding. I already called the carrier and they will be mailing the document. I will in-turn mail that document out to her. I guess email response not needed.
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Old 1st August 2018, 7:28 PM   #27
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Right no response needed.
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Old 4th August 2018, 11:10 AM   #28
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This is ridiculous. Since I did not respond to her latest email, she was frustrated and asked me to stop being passive aggressive and judged that i may not be interested in sending the healthcare loss of coverage document and asked me to behave like mature adults keeping personal issues aside.. She also said she needs the tax filing document and she has the right to own it.
I responded first saying i was neither being angry or inconsiderate and no passive aggressive like she claims. i had already requested the document and it takes 7 to 10 business days. If she wants she can expedite it by calling the carrier. And also attached the tax filing. I said that she had never asked for the tax doc. I also said I would be dispatching her marital requests to.her home soon so her parents would receive it. Since she brought legality into question, i asked her to come through her attorney if it makes her feel comfy and stop being judgemental towards me.
She responded thanking for the doc and was expecting me to send a response to her email and being more considerate. And that she only requested the tax document because she wanted it for future purposes.
I said I was not being inconsiderate just for not able to respond to her. I dont need see a reason for us to communicate in the future ever. We should act like 'mature adults' and behave what is required for us to be like legally divorced mature adults. I assume this was the last document she wanted. If there is anything else let me know what it is. So i can send you the required right away. If not, i assume We have nothing in between us now. I wish you happiness for your future and life.
She responded saying she is not trying to invade my private space but I sound very harsh. And that We were once together and there was a pious relation we shared. At least I dont disrespect that. Anyways wished me good luck and said Take care
I responded - Nothing is harsh that i mentioned. Everything is practical and I am not disrespecting anything or anyone here. It is a hard reality that mature adults should come in terms with. Past is done. That is what life is.

Did i drag this too much above? Were my responses accurate?

Last edited by cooldude123; 4th August 2018 at 11:14 AM..
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Old 4th August 2018, 12:08 PM   #29
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Why are you so worried about whether you did the right thing?


Do whatever you want, she means nothing at this point.
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Old 4th August 2018, 1:05 PM   #30
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Not that i am concerned.. but the way she is pointing out that i am aggressive and all that matters. Even if it was my friend or someone it would have bothered me to have sent such an email. Thats all .
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