Beatrixx Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) I got a text from a number I didn't have stored in my phone today. I had a new phone recently so I don't have a lot friends numbers. They said they had two tickets to an event (one that I was very interested in) and asked me if I wanted to go, but as I didn't know who sent me the text, obviously I replied asking who it was. When I got the response and saw my exes name... well... I was surprised, but not too shocked. He sent me a friend request on Facebook just over a month ago now (which I declined of course) so I had a feeling he would be in contact again eventually. What was so funny is there was no apology or anything. I would actually be tempted if I got a nice text apologising for everything but it's as if he thinks it's perfectly normal to walk out of someone's life without a word for 8 months and suddenly reappear without any explanation. All he could say was that he thought I would 'appreciate' the invite... I told him that I would appreciate it, but the problem is I'd be going with him. He said 'I thought that might be a problem for you but the offer is there anyway' and then he went on to send another text saying 'Oh btw you don't have to look around with me. You could totally go off and do your own thing if you want to'. My last text to him was 'I don't think so. Surely there are other people you can invite.' I don't plan on texting him again. He replied immediately saying 'Yeah I can. That's fine I was just thinking you might fancy coming. I completely respect the decision. Let me know if you change your mind. x' Haha as if. Got to wonder if he's doing this just to see how I am, or to see if he can reel me in again. Or maybe he is just bored in his life? Edited June 21, 2013 by Beatrixx
Follower Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 its a bit of everything you've stated to be honest. Sounds like a half assed peace offering to me. 4
Author Beatrixx Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) I've been 8 months NC with my ex until he texted me last week. Here is the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/403085-after-8-months-nc-he-finally-texts A few days after the events in that thread, he randomly sent me this text... "Lots has changed since the last time we spoke. I was in a bad place. I'm sorry for upsetting you. The last conversation we had was a bit of a wake up call for me to be honest and I shouldn't have gotten back in touch with you when I did. I got my stuff together straight afterwards and took life back by the scruff of the neck. Me and [other woman] never got together, which was a mutual decision made almost directly after we talked. She still says hi now and again but it's all water under the bridge. I'm the full Art Director at [his job] now which is awesome but I need someone to tell me to chill out now and again. I miss you so much and I know [Friend No.1] and [Friend No.2] do too. Even my mum asks about you when I see her... [Friend No.1] wanted you to meet his new girlfriend on Saturday which was going to be another thing I invited you too. [Friend No.3] was telling her about you in quite an endearing way and we all agreed you'd get on very well. I guess I'm saying we all miss you a lot and if you ever want to mend a bridge with me and come out for drinks with us all we'd be sooo happy to see you. I've just swallowed a lot of pride with this message and I hope it comes across like I meant it too. x" What are your thoughts on this message? If you are interested to know what my response was, I said that it had been 8 months and meeting up would be too strange for me now such a long time has passed. (In truth I'm worried my feelings would return if I met him again and I'm not going to put myself in that position. This guy meant a lot to me. I'm 95% sure that if I met up with him again my feelings would return. I couldn't be just friends with him. The 8 months NC has done me well. I'm very close to being over him. If we met up, and my feelings returned, and I found out all he wanted from me was friendship, I'd probably feel the same as I did on Day 1 of NC all over again. If he wanted to start a relationship with me again, I'd consider it. But I would have to consider very long and carefully. It wouldn't be an easy decision... There were problems... But I did feel very deeply for him. But the text he sent me doesn't tell me he wants to start a relationship again. It's unclear to me exactly what he wants, which is why it would be too much of a risk to meet up with him.) He accepted it well, said okay and told me to take care. I know I shouldn't care and waste my time thinking about it, but this may have been our last conversation so I'm curious about his message and what he was trying to achieve from it. Also I know he started seeing someone else after we broke up. I asked him about this and said I found it odd he mentioned [Friend No.1's] girlfriend but not his own girlfriend, but he denied having one, and then later admitted he had been on dates with someone but that it "wasn't anything serious". Judging from her Instagram photos I find that hard to believe. I guess it's not really any of my business what their relationship was like, but a big part of me believes he only reappeared because he's not seeing her anymore and he's lonely. Edited July 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 It's sad that you lost contact with all of those friends, but given the fact that they are mutual between you and your ex, I can understand why it went that way. It's hard to say whether he has only friendship in mind, or not. You could very well ask him what it is he wants, aside from making amends. If he says friendship, then I would certainly avoid socializing with him and your other friends; if you truly feel it will only set you back emotionally, it is your right to protect your heart. If he does miss you-and more than just out of loneliness-then take time to mull things over. As you said, you'd consider it...but you'd do so, carefully. I vaguely remember your other thread, but I do remember you saying him breaking NC was devastating. I wish you the best with your endeavour, whatever happens.
tbf Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 "but I need someone to tell me to chill out now and again."Overwhelmingly, the entire message was all about him, his feelings and his needs. This one excerpt says it all. You're still useful to him. I wouldn't have responded to this message, had it been me. 4
flitzanu Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 also just fyi, all his talks about this "girl" that he "never ended up dating" is probably 100% a lie. i don't know the story but it sounds like he dumped you and found a new lady quickly, and is now trying to tell you it never happened...when we know it did. that's usually a good time for an ex to reappear, when they messed up with their new person and now have no options. 2
SmithJ Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 It's strange how 7 months ago you would have loved to have received a message like that from him but now it means almost nothing and you have since lived your life and moved on. So strange how things change and people reappear. From the message it seems like he is telling you that he has changed for the better and how he needed space to do that (unfortunately breaking your heart in the process) personally I think that he wants to get back together by the way he tried to assure you that nothing happened with the other woman. He really might have changed and I'm certain that he has regretted his decision to break up with you but 8 months is a really long time to just leave someone without contact, it's really quiet harsh too. My ex left me just over a week ago telling me that he wants us to sort our heads out individually and then get back together in the future. He then told my sister on Saturday afternoon that he is happier where he is now and that he wont be getting back together with me in the future. I accepted that but then received a call from him at 1am on Saturday saying that the plan is to get back together but from how I feel right now (manipulated and deceived) I don't want him back, I want to get on with my own life. I have a feeling that my ex might come back to me in the future with these claims that he's changed and grown up etc but by then the damage has already been done, he's already broken my heart and I'm moving on. I think your ex and mine are the same in the sense that they don't want to be in a relationship with us because they want to go out and see if they can get better, which they probably cant, hence your ex wanting you back. You really do have the last laugh now, I bet he hates himself for what he's done! You'll be fine, just carrying on being happy, don't meet him if you think that it'll set you back 1
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah, he was just seeing where your head was at. Nothing more.
simplyamazing Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I don't know why you broke up, but sounds like he was the dumper. Eight months is a long time. If it were my ex, I'd tell her to get steppin', if I didn't completely ignore it. 2
aloneinaz Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 That's weird.. Like everyone else is saying, 8 months is a long time to suddenly reappear in your life. How did he not know you're married or in another serious relationship? That took lots of balls to do that. I'm only 4weeks NC since our break up and she already feels like a stranger to me. Why did he reappear? Hum.. I's say more than likely he's in-between girls, maybe's on a cold streak, is lonely and thought "what the hell, she was crazy about me before" and then reached out to you. If you were the dumper and suddenly felt like you made a huge mistake, I can't imagine going more than 3 months before recontacting the dumpee..
Nicoleiia Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 You're hungry and he's dangling a poisonous apple in your face. Don't take it.
simplyamazing Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 That's weird.. Like everyone else is saying, 8 months is a long time to suddenly reappear in your life. How did he not know you're married or in another serious relationship? That took lots of balls to do that. I'm only 4weeks NC since our break up and she already feels like a stranger to me. Why did he reappear? Hum.. I's say more than likely he's in-between girls, maybe's on a cold streak, is lonely and thought "what the hell, she was crazy about me before" and then reached out to you. If you were the dumper and suddenly felt like you made a huge mistake, I can't imagine going more than 3 months before recontacting the dumpee.. I kind of disagree with that. I think the way he initiated contact makes it only breadcrumbs, that he's desperate, and like you said... probably inbetween girls. I believe that it can take longer, even another relationship, for a dumper to realize what was lost. If he initiated contact differently, indicating that he did make a huge mistake... then maybe the OP could have taken it more seriously. I think it also depends on the circumstance of BU obviously. I know for a fact, regardless if my ex ever initiated contact saying it was a huge mistake, I'd tell her she did me a favor, and to get steppin'.
Inviv_girl Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 After that long period of time suddenly he reappear in your life and wanted you to just accept what "he wants". Hell sounds like the messages is all about his feelings, nothing about you and how did you feel when he dumped you. I think his relation with the new girl whatsoever doesn't work and he thought you could easily appreciate him and comfort him when being rejected by some other girl. You are smarter than that, I'm sure!
Author Beatrixx Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks so much for the advice, guys! I've decided I won't be contacting him again. Back to NC. You're absolutely right. Not once did he even ask me what I had been up to during those 8 months. He's totally selfish and all about himself. 1
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