lakerman34 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) Well ladies and gents, I FINALLY think I'm over her. I was told today that she's been with this new guy for 2 months now by a mutual friend's older sister, and then she said 'wait a second, I saw her grinding up on ANOTHER guy this past Friday, so maybe not.' Then, I couldn't believe what happened. I GENUINELY didn't care. I told her 'I don't want to say anything bad about her. I'm happy I dated her for 7 months, but the more I think about the relationship, the more I feel like she isn't worth my time. My time is expensive, and she's too shallow and unimportant to be taking it.' Thing was, these weren't just words. I MEANT it. She PROBABLY is casually dating that guy (my ex-friend), but so what? Next weekend they have their formal (Friday night is hers, and Saturday night his), but SO WHAT? I GRADUATE in 9 days, and I'm going to SOUTH AFRICA on a CARDIO THORACIC SURGERY INTERNSHIP for 2.5 months. I'm SO CLOSE to being cleared to go back to the gym and I will WITH A VENGEANCE. One of my best friends (a girl, 21 years old, been friends with her for 11 years) and I slept together for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I'm into photography now, and invited her to come with me to a wolf preservation an hour away to try out my camera. She's so down. We also vowed to be drinking buddies and re-watch ALL of LOST this winter. ALL my life I can tell this girl ANYTHING, and LOVED being around her, but always saw her as a 'close friend.' My ex, I always had to watch what I said, watch what I did, was even a little nervous to be around her during the relationship b/c if I made a bad move, I had this feeling that I was screwed. I've grown up through this breakup. I know that I need to be more of a CHALLENGE to girlfriends from here on in. I let my ex have it WAY too easily. I also know that although I'm 22 years old, I have NO BUSINESS dating a 19 year old. They are still children, between 18-22 years is 10 years of maturing. I've learned a lot about Myers-Briggs Personality identifications. My roommates are OBSESSED with it and are VERY good at it. My ex was ESFP (parties, people, and fun fun fun). Me, I'm an INTJ (deep, self-confident, future-oriented, intelligent). ESFPs and INTJs are conflicting. I read forums about ESFP-INTJ relationships, and they described my relationship with my ex to a tee. I know I need a more intuitive girl (ENFP), and I think my best friend is that. I just would always get tired of all the partying, and I thought it was ridiculous that parties were so important to her when I just wanted an hour of her WEEK to hang out, watch a movie, kill a bottle of wine together. She had roughly 2-3 parties a week with her sorority (usually from 10-2). I asked her to miss one, or AT LEAST leave one a week early (around midnight), but being at ALL the parties the ENTIRE time (no, they were not mandatory) was IMPORTANT to her. Uh-huh.....sounds like something that would be important to a girl worth dating.... I know to listen to my gut more now. When I thought she cheated on me and REALLY didn't want to believe she did, my gut told me she did. I questioned her, and she SWORE she didn't, but facts are facts and the facts are that she gave me 2 COMPLETELY contradicting stories. Should have cut her off a month before she cut me off. Also, it used to annoy me that her friends would give me cold glares. Now I actually find it rather amusing. Like seriously, get over it, it's done. I hold the door for her friends, smile at her friends, I get glares and think it just shows the 22 year old "I'm done with college" attitude vs. that 19, 20 year old "I NEED TO GROW UP" attitude. She still doesn't have the balls to say 'hi' to me when she passes me. Hell, she doesn't even look at me. Another example of her maturity. I've grown very indifferent about it. Maybe it's for the best we don't talk to each other. We are both strangers to each other now, and it doesn't HAVE to be like that, but she made her bed, now she's gotta lie in it. I don't care that she's dating another guy. Really, I don't. I look at him and I'm able to talk to him again, not as a close friend, but as an acquaintance. He's getting my sloppy seconds, he's gotta deal with her BS, and I know that 99% of girls would take me over him, and he must love the taste of my D. My friends tell me I'm back. They tell me they love how I can 'swag' girls again. I'm very social again. I don't cower around other guys' confidence like I did a month ago, but show them 'oh you're a cocky bastard? As am I, my friend, as am I.' I actually TURNED DOWN this GORGEOUS, TALL volleyball playing Latina last night after she texted me saying that she wanted me to sleep with her. I did so JUST because she was a sophomore, too young, and honestly, I think I'd be bored. Before my ex, I probably would have said 'yeah' to the girl JUST b/c, well, she's a cute girl. I really believe my standards have shot up as well. I was talking to this REALLY cute girl. Absolutely BEAUTIFUL. SO many guys go after her, yet she's already asked me 3 times 'when do you come home? I want to hang out with you!!!' We've flirted, but once I saw her Twitter page and how she still talks to her ex-boyfriend, I told myself 'F THAT' and quit talking to her. I have this new sense of power. I LOVE being single. I'm going back to my evolutionary roots (desire to spread my seed, not settle for one girl, for those who are going 'huh?' ). GIRLS have to win ME, and if they get so lucky, I ain't into that whole relationship thing unless SHE proves herself to ME. I'm focused. I need to get on my MD grind. A serious girlfriend would just get in the way of ME doing ME. But if you cute, won't bore me, know a thing or two about satisfying a man, and you're a LADY, not a slut or a little girl, AND you GENUINELY aren't looking for anything serious (I know I just knocked it down to about 0.00001% of women haha), THEN you can holla at me. Otherwise, stay outta my way, cuz I only got time for #1 and my boys. So, let me take this time to THANK all those who've helped me here. Spaniard, Exit, ANYONE else (sorry I'm not good at remembering names), thank you. I'll continue to help those who are trying to cope on this site, because I think this site is a WONDERFUL thing. Hopefully, I won't be here EVER again (or, at least not for a LONG time) in pain, but only to help ease the pain of others. Cheers! Here's to all the wonderful people @ LoveShack!! Edited December 3, 2012 by lakerman34
YorickBrown Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 " 57 Days Since Breakup and NC....FINALLY Think I'm Over Her" Congratulations!!!...but uhmmm...you mean you actually counted? in days? and whats with the "Think..." I hate to rain on your parade dude...but...it seems you've actually kinda monitored (her) and sorta still recalling your time spent with her...uhmmm...nevermind. Bon voyage! "...It's goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." --Jack Kerouac (On the Road)
Author lakerman34 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 " 57 Days Since Breakup and NC....FINALLY Think I'm Over Her" Congratulations!!!...but uhmmm...you mean you actually counted? in days? and whats with the "Think..." I hate to rain on your parade dude...but...it seems you've actually kinda monitored (her) and sorta still recalling your time spent with her...uhmmm...nevermind. Bon voyage! "...It's goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." --Jack Kerouac (On the Road) HAHA it was a running count. I've counted since day one, and I know we ended on a Saturday, and it was the Saturday before my bday, so I knew the # of days. I say 'think' b/c I can't say 'definitely' yet, but I'm 99% certain. Thoughts of what could have been definitely come to mind from time to time, and sometimes I may even see something that reminds me of her that I let out a huge sigh, but I move the f on after that. I don't dwell with those thoughts for more than a minute. The thought of her screwing another guy doesn't bother me anymore. I know that she isn't that good at sex and any improvement in her performance is due to what I've taught her (and I mean that literally). If I saw her screwing a guy right in front of me, I'd probably be pretty pissed, so therein lies that '99% over her.' Didn't monitor her. She started seeing the guy 3 weeks after we broke up (haha actually, I could tell you it was EXACTLY 18 days after we broke up b/c it was 3 days before her bday. I know that cuz there was a big party that night haha ). I saw them 2 a couple of times together after that, but not recently. It wasn't til today when my friend told me that (I didn't even ask, she kind of just blurted it out as an FYI) that I learned they were dating. I have no idea about what's going on with her life, I know she's lost some weight b/c of the stresses of sorority life (need to be skinny like the other girls), that she took on smoking cigarettes pretty regularly now (making the BU that much easier), and she had VERY long hair that I didn't want her to cut (I loved it) that she cut shortly after our relationship. Aside from that, I don't know ish. The mutual friend I've mentioned before has been my friend for 4 years. She's 18 years old, my ex is 19. My ex has known her for about 3 months now, and they are best friends now (I introduced them to each other). I've LC'ed this friend b/c being 18 and an immature girl, she was an extension of my ex's BS games and would always tell me things I really didn't need to hear (i.e. 'she really likes him and is ready to commit to him, something she couldn't do with you, so you need to just get over her.') I don't have time for immaturity and BS, so LC it is (I don't go completely NC b/c I'm friends with her older sister and, when at college, her parents are like my parents and they feed me regularly. A luxury that any college student would kill for). Hope I did a good job explaining myself
YorickBrown Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 HAHA it was a running count. I've counted since day one, and I know we ended on a Saturday, and it was the Saturday before my bday, so I knew the # of days. I say 'think' b/c I can't say 'definitely' yet, but I'm 99% certain. Thoughts of what could have been definitely come to mind from time to time, and sometimes I may even see something that reminds me of her that I let out a huge sigh, but I move the f on after that. I don't dwell with those thoughts for more than a minute. The thought of her screwing another guy doesn't bother me anymore. I know that she isn't that good at sex and any improvement in her performance is due to what I've taught her (and I mean that literally). If I saw her screwing a guy right in front of me, I'd probably be pretty pissed, so therein lies that '99% over her.' Didn't monitor her. She started seeing the guy 3 weeks after we broke up (haha actually, I could tell you it was EXACTLY 18 days after we broke up b/c it was 3 days before her bday. I know that cuz there was a big party that night haha ). I saw them 2 a couple of times together after that, but not recently. It wasn't til today when my friend told me that (I didn't even ask, she kind of just blurted it out as an FYI) that I learned they were dating. I have no idea about what's going on with her life, I know she's lost some weight b/c of the stresses of sorority life (need to be skinny like the other girls), that she took on smoking cigarettes pretty regularly now (making the BU that much easier), and she had VERY long hair that I didn't want her to cut (I loved it) that she cut shortly after our relationship. Aside from that, I don't know ish. The mutual friend I've mentioned before has been my friend for 4 years. She's 18 years old, my ex is 19. My ex has known her for about 3 months now, and they are best friends now (I introduced them to each other). I've LC'ed this friend b/c being 18 and an immature girl, she was an extension of my ex's BS games and would always tell me things I really didn't need to hear (i.e. 'she really likes him and is ready to commit to him, something she couldn't do with you, so you need to just get over her.') I don't have time for immaturity and BS, so LC it is (I don't go completely NC b/c I'm friends with her older sister and, when at college, her parents are like my parents and they feed me regularly. A luxury that any college student would kill for). Hope I did a good job explaining myself Uhmmm... I would say, you did a waaaaaaaaay to good a job with your "not monitoring" her and your explanations And, lets just say also, that we have a very, very different understanding and way of going about "NC" as your post title had suggested. But hey, to each his own, whatever works for you.
Author lakerman34 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Uhmmm... I would say, you did a waaaaaaaaay to good a job with your "not monitoring" her and your explanations And, lets just say also, that we have a very, very different understanding and way of going about "NC" as your post title had suggested. But hey, to each his own, whatever works for you. I'm curious to know, how is your NC different than mine? When I saw her with the other guy, I TRIPLED my effort to stay away from her. Hell, I stopped going out to parties and started staying in with my completely introverted friends. I deactivated my Facebook and deleted my Twitter accounts and blacklisted them so I couldn't even access them. (Just opened a new Twitter account, will stay away from Facebook for a while longer. Possibly forever.) I stopped talking to ALL her friends (except the one). Some of them even came up to me and asked me if we were still friends and if I was mad at them. I usually would be polite, smile, say 'yeah, we cool,' and move on. I stayed away from her favorite coffee shop, stopped studying in the library, and avoided her favorite study spots (most of which I showed her). I even changed the times I eat so I wouldn't run into her during a meal. IDK about you, but I'd say that's PRETTY solid NC.
YorickBrown Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I'm curious to know, how is your NC different than mine? When I saw her with the other guy, I TRIPLED my effort to stay away from her. Hell, I stopped going out to parties and started staying in with my completely introverted friends. I deactivated my Facebook and deleted my Twitter accounts and blacklisted them so I couldn't even access them. (Just opened a new Twitter account, will stay away from Facebook for a while longer. Possibly forever.) I stopped talking to ALL her friends (except the one). Some of them even came up to me and asked me if we were still friends and if I was mad at them. I usually would be polite, smile, say 'yeah, we cool,' and move on. I stayed away from her favorite coffee shop, stopped studying in the library, and avoided her favorite study spots (most of which I showed her). I even changed the times I eat so I wouldn't run into her during a meal. IDK about you, but I'd say that's PRETTY solid NC. Ahhhhh...now that you wrote about it that way... I stand (er, sit) corrected. That is Pretty Solid NC. Sorry, the first & second ones..when I "sped-read" it just seemed like you were still pretty much into her (what with the mention of weight, haircut, and the smoking etc). Mine's pretty much the same actually, of course, I do have the added luxury of moving away anytime I want to from the ex. (which is really quite a bummer now when I have to go back there with this paternity thing rattling inside my brain). Maybe IF I didn't move away, I could have caught her "pregnant" and save myself the trip back....such a waste of time and money and effort. See, that's one of the perils of NC that should be appended: "Make sure when you do NC, not to leave DNA behind with the ex"
Author lakerman34 Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Ahhhhh...now that you wrote about it that way... I stand (er, sit) corrected. That is Pretty Solid NC. Sorry, the first & second ones..when I "sped-read" it just seemed like you were still pretty much into her (what with the mention of weight, haircut, and the smoking etc). Mine's pretty much the same actually, of course, I do have the added luxury of moving away anytime I want to from the ex. (which is really quite a bummer now when I have to go back there with this paternity thing rattling inside my brain). Maybe IF I didn't move away, I could have caught her "pregnant" and save myself the trip back....such a waste of time and money and effort. See, that's one of the perils of NC that should be appended: "Make sure when you do NC, not to leave DNA behind with the ex" YIKES! Well I wish you luck, my dude!
Author lakerman34 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) I would like to upgrade to 100% over her. I thought I was going to be a little stressed this weekend. Last night was my ex's sorority formal, something I was looking forward to when we were together. I thought she was going to go with my friend (guy she is currently dating). Well, all signs point to they aren't dating. I have no idea who she went with, nor if she even went! So my friend let me dive in at Facebook. Did some creeping, and found nothing BUT I did find a video (I know, I know, I preach 'ignorance is bliss,' but I am fully aware of the fact that I'm over her, and I was genuinely curious. Even if I'm to act indifferent, which I have been, someone ALWAYS brings her name up, so she is still living in my memory a little bit). On the night of my ex's birthday (the night I played that stupid game where I was cross-faded and walked into her sorority event on campus holding hands with a black girl -- a joke I always used to have with my ex how I'd someday date a black girl), she was at a dance marathon (her sorority event). Her sorority planned out a dance routine that she was a part of. It was 8 minutes long, and I decided to watch it. She looked like she was having a blast, but she looked so unattractive to me. I'm a guy who LOVES girls that know how to dance, she clearly did not. She kind of thudded around instead of being light on her feet. Her best friend, also Latina, a little chunky, and in the sorority, was moving rather sexy. There was NONE of that from my ex. Now, I am 6', have a tattoo across my back, have a chiseled body, and am a pretty good dancer (also half Latino). I couldn't even watch the whole 8 minutes because I thought the entire thing was STUPID, I was laughing so hard. She looked terrible to me. I always knew that she wasn't very sexy (I date girls for their minds first, looks second), but she is a special grade of unsexy. To put it in perspective, if her best friend was Chris Paul dribbling a basketball, she was Shaq dribbling a yoga ball. It looked awful to me. I'm over this one, fellas. If she were to call me right now to apologize or whatever, I think I'd have to hold in the laughter. If you guys read Dr. Love's book from Men's Health, he says that EVERYTHING is cute at the beginning of the relationship. Man, had I still had my rosy glasses on, I probably would have thought her thudding around WAS cute. Damn, she looked so stupid hahahahaha. I'm 100% over this one, ladies and gents. I used to say 'if she wants to contact me and 4 or 5 years, she can do that and we can see where we both are at,' but I'm not even there anymore. I have no desire to ever contact or see this one again. I'm in a GREAT place right now LMAO Moral of the story: Stay NC. STRICT NC, no half-ass. Then one day, you'll look back at all those 'cute' things and see them as annoying and flat-out stupid. Edited December 9, 2012 by lakerman34
Recommended Posts